Читать книгу A Whirlwind Engagement - Jessica Hart - Страница 8

‘THERE’S Bella.’ Aisling nudged Josh, and he turned in the pew to see Bella and Phoebe hurrying down the aisle.

As befitted best friends of the bride, they had pulled out all the stops. Phoebe was dark and striking in an acid-yellow suit, while Bella had gone for a more romantic look in what Josh inexpertly assessed as a floaty pink number, with a spectacular hat that was clearly intended to knock all the others in the congregation into the shade.

Josh didn’t pretend to know about such things, but even he could see that she had probably succeeded. Even Aisling’s hat, which had made him raise his brows when he first saw it that morning, seemed tame in comparison. Typical Bella, he thought affectionately. She had always had the ability to turn heads, with or without a hat.

Phoebe waved as she spotted Josh and Aisling, and pointed Bella in their direction before heading up to have a word with her husband, Gib, who was best man and waiting with a very nervous Finn in the front pew.

Josh saw Bella register his presence, and an odd expression flitted over her face. It even seemed to him that she hesitated before sliding into the pew beside them, and his brows drew together slightly. Bella was his best friend, but she had been oddly distant recently.

‘Sorry I can’t kiss you,’ she said, indicating the enormous brim of her hat. ‘This isn’t designed for close contact.’

‘Yes, it is a bit awkward, isn’t it?’ Josh ducked underneath to kiss her cheek, anyway, and was sure he felt her tense at the touch of his lips.

He frowned as he drew back. ‘Is everything OK?’

‘Yes, of course,’ said Bella, but he noticed that she didn’t meet his eyes as she leant round him to greet Aisling. ‘You know what weddings are like,’ she went on, sitting back. ‘There’s always some last-minute panic when things get a bit tense.’

Just a fraught morning, then, thought Josh, telling himself that explained the unusual brittleness of her smile. ‘How is Kate?’

‘A bit jittery, but she’ll be fine. She should be here any minute.’

On his other side, Aisling leant forward to talk across him. ‘I’m surprised you’re not Kate’s bridesmaid, Bella,’ she said. ‘You are her best friend, after all.’

‘So is Phoebe.’ Bella’s tone was cool. ‘And Kate’s not very tall. She’d look ridiculous with both of us towering over her.’

‘Yes, but Phoebe’s married.’

‘So?’

‘So as the only unmarried friend left, it would have been quite natural if Kate had chosen you as her bridesmaid,’ Aisling tried to explain.

‘Oh, I think I’m a bit old for that, don’t you?’ said Bella pleasantly enough, but sitting between the two women Josh could feel a distinct undercurrent of tension.

‘I wouldn’t have thought so,’ said Aisling. ‘You can’t be much more than thirty-five, surely?’

Josh cleared his throat and shifted in the pew. Aisling was treading on dangerous ground. Bella was very sensitive about her age for some unfathomable reason.

Glancing sideways, he saw Bella’s blue eyes narrow beneath the brim of her hat. ‘Not quite,’ she said thinly. ‘As it happens, I’m only thirty-two.’

And she shot a glance at Josh which said more clearly than words ever could that he wasn’t even to think about adding ‘nearly thirty-three’.

‘Really?’ Aisling was tactlessly surprised. ‘I always thought you’d be more Josh’s age since you were students together.’

‘No, Josh was a bit older than the rest of us when he started,’ said Bella grittily, and Josh decided it was time to change the subject.

‘Is Kate not having any bridesmaids then?’ he asked hurriedly.

‘Alex is going to have the starring role all to herself. Alex is Finn’s daughter,’ Bella added for Aisling’s benefit. ‘She’s absolutely thrilled—more excited than Kate, I think! She couldn’t stand still while we were helping Kate get ready.’

She smiled at the memory. ‘It’s much more appropriate for Kate to have her stepdaughter, and anyway, if I’d been bridesmaid I wouldn’t have been able to wear this hat!’

‘And that would have been a crime,’ said Josh solemnly.

Bella adjusted the hat on her head, and sent him a speculative glance from beneath the brim. ‘What do you think of it?’ she asked him.

‘It’s…very…big,’ was the most diplomatic thing he could come up with.

She laughed and for a moment it was the old Bella beside him, her face vivid and the bright blue eyes alight with laughter. It made Josh realise how much he had missed her recently.

Not that he hadn’t seen her, but somehow she just hadn’t been herself. Their friendship had always been such an easy one, but recently Bella had been strangely constrained. Something was wrong, and Josh didn’t like it. She had lost her sparkle, and he missed it.

Of course, she might be having problems with Will but he had seen Bella through more romantic crises than he cared to remember, and it had never affected her relationship with him before.

Maybe it was different this time. Maybe Will was more important to her than all the others.

For some reason, Josh didn’t like that thought very much. Will wasn’t nearly good enough for Bella in his opinion.

‘Where’s Will?’ he asked trying not to betray his dislike of the other man. ‘I was expecting him to be keeping a pew for you.’

Bella had picked up the order of service and was studying the front, which was embossed simply with the names Kate and Finn, and the date, 6th September. ‘Will?’ she said a little too casually. ‘He’s in Hong Kong.’

‘Hong Kong!’ Josh scowled. ‘What’s he doing there?’

‘He’s got a meeting,’ said Bella, opening the order of service to look at the hymns.

Josh snorted contemptuously. ‘When did he arrange that?’

‘It came up at the last minute.’

‘Couldn’t he have arranged to go next week? He must have known about Kate’s wedding for ages.’

Bella kept her eyes on the order of service. ‘Yes, but this was important,’ she said, sounding reticent. ‘There was some kind of crisis and he had to drop everything and go.’

‘You’re important, too,’ said Josh angrily.

That was typical of Will! Swanking off to the other side of the world instead of supporting Bella. Josh had always thought him a prat of the first order, and this just confirmed it.

He couldn’t understand why Bella always went for men like Will. They were too smooth by half, in Josh’s opinion. Will was suave and handsome and drove a Porsche, but he didn’t impress Josh. When the chips were down, Will wasn’t a man you could rely on, and his attitude to Bella just proved it.

‘It’s not as if he’s a brain surgeon,’ he went on pugnaciously. ‘He doesn’t do anything. He just sits in some plush office in the City and plays around with money. What’s important about that?’

‘It’s his career,’ said Bella, tight-lipped. ‘And he doesn’t just “play around” with money. He deals with millions and millions of pounds, and when something goes wrong with that kind of money, it can affect the international money markets which affect economies around the world, which affect our jobs and our income and our quality of life. I think that’s important,’ she finished defiantly.

Josh wasn’t ready to be convinced that Will had any useful contribution to make to society. ‘If I thought the economic stability of the world rested on Will’s ability to rush off to Hong Kong at the drop of a hat, I’d be really scared,’ he said. ‘As it is, I suspect that the global economy wouldn’t so much as totter if he’d left it until Monday instead so that he could be with you today.’

Bella glared at him. ‘Look, what’s your problem? If I understand why Will can’t be here, and Kate understands, and Finn understands, I don’t see why you can’t!’

‘I just think he should be here to support you,’ said Josh stubbornly.

‘I don’t need support! I’m at the wedding of one of my dearest friends, surrounded by people who know me. Why would I need supporting?’

‘I think Josh is concerned that you might be feeling a bit left out,’ Aisling put in unwisely. ‘He’s told me how close you were to Phoebe and Kate when you all shared that house, and now they’ve both married and are moving on. I can see it might be quite a vulnerable time for you,’ she finished with a sympathetic look.

Bella shot her a glance of dislike. ‘If you’re trying to suggest that I’m jealous, you’re quite wrong,’ she said clearly. ‘I couldn’t be happier for Kate, and for Phoebe. They’ve both found the perfect man for them, but I don’t feel at all left out, as you put it, because I happen to have found the perfect man for me too. Will and I are very happy together, so I don’t feel the slightest bit vulnerable or in need of support, thank you very much!’

‘You don’t seem very happy, Bella,’ said Josh.

‘That might have something to do with fact that my best friend and his girlfriend are busy slagging off my boyfriend and making me feel that I need to be pitied in some way!’ she snapped back. ‘Would that make you happy?’

Josh opened his mouth, but before he could reply Phoebe was scrambling into the pew beside Bella. ‘Here she comes!’ she said, blowing a kiss in Josh’s direction and moving Bella along with a shove of her hip as the organ struck up the ‘Bridal March’.

Bella found herself pressed against Josh, and expressed her feelings with a vigorous shove of her own which sent him shuffling into Aisling, who ended up squeezed against a pillar.

Not very dignified behaviour for a wedding, perhaps, but it made Bella feel a whole lot better.

Turning, Bella watched Kate coming slowly up the aisle on her beaming father’s arm, and her throat tightened. It was such a cliché to describe a bride as radiant, but it really was the perfect word for Kate that day. Everything about her seemed to shine, and the brown eyes fixed on the man waiting for her at the altar were luminous with love.

Bella followed Kate’s gaze and looked at Finn, who had turned and was watching his bride walk towards him. The expression on his face made her want to cry.

Would anyone ever look at her with that kind of desire? Bella wondered. She tried to imagine herself in Kate’s place, but somehow she couldn’t picture the man who would be waiting for her.

It wasn’t going to be Will, anyway, in spite of what she had told Josh and Aisling. Aisling! What a stupid name, thought Bella. Apparently it was supposed to be pronounced Ashling, but she always made a point of saying it just as it was spelt, just to annoy. There was just something about Aisling that rubbed her up the wrong way.

Guiltily aware that she should be thinking about the fact that Kate and Finn were getting married at last, Bella hurriedly fixed her eyes on the bride and groom.

Kate had turned and was giving her bouquet to Alex, who was bursting with pride at her important role. Her tongue stuck out with concentration as she stepped back with the precious flowers, but when Finn winked at his daughter, her face lit up with a dazzling smile that brought tears to Bella’s eyes.

It was a traditional country wedding in the village church, and Bella found herself absurdly moved by the familiar ceremony. She and Phoebe were not the only ones who spent most of the service wiping their eyes, and when the earlier clouds dissolved letting Kate and Finn emerge from the rose-edged porch into brilliant sunshine, they looked so right together that Bella started to cry all over again.

‘This is awful,’ she wept to Phoebe. ‘I haven’t cried this much since Terms of Endearment!’

‘I know,’ Phoebe sniffed. ‘They just look so happy!’

‘What’s wrong with you two?’ demanded Josh. ‘Weddings are supposed to be joyful occasions!’

‘It’s a woman thing,’ Gib told him knowledgeably. ‘Apparently snivelling like this means they’re having a good time. They’ll be all right when they get some champagne inside them!’

Aisling wasn’t crying, Bella couldn’t help noticing. No fear of her mascara running! Instead she clung to Josh’s arm looking cool and pretty in a simple aquamarine shift with an annoyingly stylish hat. Bella had been so pleased with her own hat, but next to Aisling’s she was suddenly convinced that it seemed over-the-top and ridiculous.

Everything about Aisling made her feel that way. Where Aisling was quietly confident, she was loud. Aisling was elegant, she was blowsy. Aisling knew how to put up a tent and abseil down a cliff, she was city girl incarnate.

Aisling was perfect for Josh, in fact, and she was just his friend.

Bella turned quickly away and pinned on a bright smile to watch the photographs being taken. Gib had organised it well, and after the inevitable family groups, they moved rapidly onto photos of friends with the bride and groom. There was one of them with Kate’s original housemates, Caro and Phoebe and Bella, with Caro and Phoebe’s husbands, of course.

And then there was Kate and Finn with their close friends and partners, which meant Phoebe and Gib, Josh and Aisling, and Bella.

Bella was very conscious of being on her own in both photos. It was a new experience for her. She had always been the one with a boyfriend, while Phoebe and Kate moaned about the lack of men, so it was ironic that she should be the odd one out now.

Not that Bella had any intention of giving Aisling the satisfaction of thinking that it bothered her. She kept a smile fixed to her face, and laughed and chatted animatedly as the last photographs were taken and the entire party walked back through the village to where a marquee had been erected in the garden of Kate’s parents.

She thought she was putting on a pretty good show of not having a care in the world, but it didn’t seem to fool Josh. Sometimes he knew her too well, thought Bella with an inward sigh, wishing he would stop asking if something was wrong. She didn’t want to tell him that she was feeling edgy and unsettled, because then he would ask why, and she didn’t know why.

Only that wasn’t quite true, was it? She did know.

It was something to do with the way Aisling’s arrival on the scene had brought her up short. Something to do with looking across the table at that engagement dinner for Kate and realising that Josh was no longer the familiar, slightly geeky student she had known for so long.

For Bella, it had been like finding herself suddenly face to face with a stranger. There was nothing obvious about Josh. He had a quiet, ordinary face, ordinary blue-grey eyes, ordinary brown hair, she had always known that.

But she had never before noticed how he had thickened out and grown into his looks, or how the fourteen years they had known each other had given him a solid, reassuring presence and an air of calm competence that was impressive without being intimidating.

She had never noticed his mouth before or his hands or throat or that line of his jaw. Never noticed that he had a great body. He wasn’t exceptionally tall but he was lean and compactly muscled, and he moved with an easy, loose-limbed stride.

And now that she had noticed, Bella couldn’t stop noticing.

It made her uneasy. This was Josh. Her best friend, the one who had seen her through endless romantic ups and downs. She had cried on his shoulder and laughed and talked and hugged him without a thought for more than ten years now. He had seen her without her make-up, seen her tired and cross and sick and hungover, and she had taken him for granted. Being with Josh had been like being with Kate or Phoebe, as comfortable as an old pair of slippers.

But now, suddenly, she didn’t feel comfortable with him any more and she didn’t understand why. She just wanted to go back to the way things had been before.

Here he was now. Bella felt her nerves crisp as Josh came up to her in the marquee, and she took a steadying slug of champagne. He was the same old Josh he had always been. It was nonsense to think that anything had changed between them.

‘Are you OK?’ he said, eyeing her with concern.

‘Of course. Why?’

‘You seem a bit tense, that’s all. I wondered if you and Will might be having problems.’

‘I don’t know why you’re so determined that my relationship with Will is a disaster,’ said Bella, annoyed with him for hitting the nail so unerringly on the head. ‘What could be wrong? Will’s fantastic. He’s incredibly attractive, generous, clever, successful…’

And he was, she reminded herself with a kind of desperation. She had been mad about Will when she first met him. Why couldn’t she feel like that again?

‘I’m just missing him while he’s away,’ she offered, hoping that the explanation would stop Josh probing any further. ‘And the house feels very empty without Kate now.’

‘It must do.’ To her relief, Josh allowed himself to be diverted. ‘Are you going to stay there on your own?’

‘I think so. I only pay a token rent as it is. Phoebe doesn’t need the money—one of the many advantages of having a rich husband!—so I can afford to have the house to myself.’

‘I’m surprised you don’t move in with Will if he’s as perfect as you say he is,’ sniffed Josh. ‘Doesn’t he want to “commit”?’ he added, hooking sarcastic inverted commas around the word.

‘That’s good coming from you!’ said Bella, provoked out of her awkwardness. ‘You’ve never committed to anyone!’

‘I’m just waiting for the right woman,’ he said loftily.

‘No, you’re not,’ she said. ‘You’re scared to take a risk.’

Josh’s jaw dropped. ‘How can you say that, Bella?’

‘Yes, yes, I know that you’ve taken convoys through war zones and rescued people off mountains in blizzards and all that stuff,’ she said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Before he set up his own company to provide executive training a couple of years ago Josh had provided logistical support for expeditions. Most of them were providing disaster relief but sometimes he would organise fund-raising expeditions for the aid agencies he dealt with. Bella had never been able to understand why someone would want to pay good money to be tired and cold and terrified for a month, but they had always proved very popular.

‘I know you’ve been in loads of dangerous situations,’ she went on, ‘but those are physical risks. Have you ever taken any other kind of risk?’

‘It was risky setting up my own company,’ said Josh, sounding a bit huffy.

Bella was unimpressed. ‘That was a financial risk. I’m talking about emotional risks.’

Josh hunched a shoulder. ‘You have to approach all risks the same way. Look at the situation logically, not emotionally, and balance the likelihood of possible outcomes.’

When he went all logical on her like that, Bella always wondered how on earth they had come to be friends. Mentally, she raised her eyes to heaven.

‘It just so happens that as far as relationships are concerned I’ve never been convinced that the risk was worth taking,’ he was saying, ‘but it’s not a question of being scared.’

The scared thing had obviously rankled.

‘We’re not all like you,’ he accused her, ‘investing everything in a relationship five minutes after you’ve met a man. You’d think experience would have taught you to keep something back, but no! You’re barely over one disastrous affair before you plunge into another one!’

‘Better that than dithering around on the edge for ever, wondering if you might just have missed the chance of a perfect relationship,’ Bella retorted.

‘And that’s what you’ve got with Will, is it?’ Josh asked sceptically.

She lifted her chin defiantly. ‘I think so, yes.’

‘So why not live together?’

‘Because we’re both happy as we are. We’ve each got our own place to live and that means we can give each other some space. We all need that.’

Josh didn’t bother to hide his disbelief. ‘You? You’re the most sociable person I know! I can’t see you hankering after your own space.’

‘Perhaps you don’t know me as well as you think you do,’ said Bella crossly. ‘As a matter of fact, I’m looking forward to living on my own. I’ve been getting gradually used to it since Kate has been spending so much time with Finn and Alex, so it won’t be that different now. I might go back to sharing eventually,’ she conceded, ‘but it wouldn’t be the same. Where would I find someone I’d get on with as well as Phoebe and Kate?’

‘What about Aisling?’ said Josh casually.

Bella looked wary. What about Aisling?

‘She’s looking for somewhere to live at the moment,’ he explained. ‘And you’d be bound to get on. I’d have thought she’d be perfect for you.’

What planet was he living on? Bella stared at him in disbelief. He didn’t really see her and Aisling as bosom buddies, did he? Didn’t he know her at all?

‘I’m not sure we’ve got that much in common,’ she said carefully.

Josh looked surprised. ‘Don’t you? I think you’re very alike. Aisling’s in marketing and you’re in PR—they’re not that different as careers go, are they? And she’s a bit of a social butterfly, too.’

‘I thought she spent her whole time climbing mountains or knocking up rafts out of a couple of tin cans and a piece of string?’ said Bella a little sourly.

‘She’s got a lot of expedition experience,’ Josh agreed, ‘but she’s a good-time girl like you on the side as well.’

Oh, right. So Aisling swung both ways. She could hack her way through a rainforest and wear lipstick. Bully for her. Bella took another slurp of champagne.

‘She’s not quite such a princess as you, though,’ Josh was adding with something less than his usual tact. ‘She doesn’t actually require somewhere to plug in her hair-dryer when she’s camping!’

Bella eyed him with some hostility. Josh had once insisted on taking her camping in the Yorkshire Dales, and had been appalled when he discovered that not only had she taken a hair-dryer with her but she had actually used it. He had never let her forget it. Bella was quite sure that Aisling had heard that story and laughed prettily at the idea that anyone could be quite that much of a city girl.

‘I’m not sure Tooting would be very convenient for Aisling,’ she said. ‘It’s not exactly handy for your office, is it?’

‘Aisling’s been trekking across the Sahara,’ Josh pointed out. ‘I don’t think she would find changing tubes a problem!’

Well, that put her in her place, thought Bella grumpily.

‘Yes, well, I’ll talk to Phoebe,’ she said without enthusiasm. ‘It’s her house, so it’s her decision really.’

‘Great,’ said Josh. ‘I’m sure Phoebe won’t mind.’

‘Where is Aisling, anyway?’ said Bella. She had to get to Phoebe before Josh did. There was no way she was going to share a house with Aisling.

Josh looked around the marquee, and pointed. ‘Over there, talking to Finn’s sister.’

As if she had heard him, Aisling looked over, and beckoned imperatively. In spite of being anxious to get rid of him so she could go and find Phoebe, Bella couldn’t believe it when Josh just went. He ought to have more pride, she thought crossly.

Still, now was her chance to grab Phoebe.

‘So you will say no, won’t you?’ she begged when she had dragged Phoebe away from Gib and poured the whole story into her ears.

‘If you want,’ said Phoebe, ‘but I don’t know what I’m going to say to Josh. I can’t think of any reason to object to Aisling. She seems very nice.’

‘I don’t like her,’ said Bella.

‘Why not?’

‘I just don’t,’ she said a little sulkily. ‘There’s a little too much of that bubbly Irish charm if you ask me. And I don’t think she’s right for Josh.’

Phoebe looked at her narrowly. ‘Are you sure you’re not just jealous?’

‘Jealous? Jealous?’ spluttered Bella, spilling most of the champagne in her outrage. ‘Don’t be ridiculous! I have never been jealous of Josh, you know that. I’ve always got on really well with all his girlfriends.’

‘Mmnn, but then none of them were at all like you.’

‘Nor is Aisling!’

‘Yes, she is. I’m sure that’s why you don’t like her. You’ve only got to look at her!’

Bella turned to stare across the marquee to where Aisling was snuggling up to Josh. She obviously couldn’t keep her hands off him. Josh would hate that, Bella thought disapprovingly. He was definitely a behind-closed-doors sort of man.

On the other hand, he wasn’t exactly fighting Aisling off, was he?

She looked away. ‘I’m nothing like Aisling,’ she told Phoebe. ‘She’s got red hair, for a start!’

‘OK, but change the colour of her hair and eyes, and what have you got? She’s ridiculously pretty, has legs up to her armpits, and that glamorous look that is just so different from Josh’s previous girlfriends. Admit it, Bella, she’s practically a clone!’

Bella wasn’t prepared to admit anything of the kind. ‘What, apart from looking completely different and having completely different personalities? I’d say all Aisling and I had in common was our gender! Josh is always telling me how practical she is and how she likes doing hearty things like climbing and camping.’

Phoebe shrugged. ‘Have it your own way.’

‘Anyway,’ Bella went on, a defensive edge to her voice, ‘Josh and I agreed a long time ago that we would just be friends. There’s no question of jealousy.’

‘Didn’t you ever find him attractive?’ asked Phoebe curiously, and try as she might, Bella couldn’t quite make herself meet her friend’s eyes.

‘He wasn’t my type,’ she said.

‘Do you think you were ever his?’

Had she been? For the first time Bella found herself wondering.

‘He never said, and anyway, he always seemed to have some outdoorsy girl who didn’t fuss about her hair or wear make-up or mind getting up at six to go potholing or whatever it was they used to do at weekends. Josh and I used to make each other laugh, and we had a great time doing that. We didn’t want to spoil it by sleeping together.

‘Besides,’ she added honestly, ‘he wasn’t at all attractive then. He was a bit thin and nerdy.’

Phoebe glanced across the marquee. ‘He’s changed,’ she said.

‘Yes,’ said Bella, following her gaze. Through the crowds, she could just glimpse Josh. The lean, compact figure was at once alien and utterly familiar.

He was talking to someone out of sight, but as she watched he threw back his head and laughed, and her stomach abruptly disappeared, as if she had stumbled unawares off the edge of an abyss. The sensation of falling was so intense that Bella had to close her eyes against a sickening wave of vertigo, and when she opened them again she felt dizzy and hollow inside.

‘Yes,’ she said again. ‘He has.’

There was a silence. Frightened by the strength of her physical response, Bella drank her champagne shakily, and it was some time before she realised that Phoebe was watching her expectantly.

‘What?’ she demanded, and Phoebe held up her hands, one still clutching her champagne glass.

‘I didn’t say anything!’

That was the worst thing about friends who knew you really well. They didn’t need to say anything for you to know exactly what they were thinking!

‘I’m not jealous, all right?’

‘All right,’ said Phoebe equably. ‘So what is the problem?’

‘Who says there’s a problem?’

Phoebe sighed. ‘Come on, Bella, it’s obvious! Is it Will?’

‘No…. Yes…sort of,’ Bella admitted with a sigh.

‘What happened?’

‘Nothing, that’s just it.’ Bella stared miserably down into her glass. ‘It’s just that I’ve been feeling…I don’t know…restless, I suppose, for a while. We haven’t had an argument or anything. It was Will who suggested that we give each other some space, and I think that’s all I need. I mean, Will’s fantastic, isn’t he?’ She hated the doubtful note in her voice.

‘He certainly seems very nice,’ said Phoebe noncommittally.

‘And drop-dead gorgeous and intelligent and solvent and not screwed up…What more could I ask for? He would have come today if I’d asked him,’ she went on with a sigh. ‘I need my head examined to let him go off to Hong Kong! What’s wrong with me?’

‘There’s nothing wrong with you. Will just isn’t the right man for you, that’s all.’

‘But if someone like Will isn’t the right man, who is?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Phoebe, ‘but you will when you find him.’