Читать книгу A Whirlwind Engagement - Jessica Hart - Страница 9

BELLA wished she had Phoebe’s confidence. She was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with her. It wasn’t that she was particularly vain, but she knew she was pretty, and there was never any shortage of men wanting to go out with her. Somehow, though, it never came to anything. She fell headlong into love and just as quickly out of it.

She might never find that special man, Bella thought glumly as she helped herself to a canapé, and now she might not even have Josh to fall back on. They had once agreed that if they both reached forty without finding anyone they would marry each other.

Bella actually remembered laughing at the time. The truth was that it had never occurred to her then that Josh might marry someone else. He was so self-contained that it was hard to imagine him sharing his life with anyone. None of his girlfriends had ever moved in with him.

Looking for him now, her eyes found him instinctively in the crowded marquee. There he was, Aisling clinging as usual to his arm, and no matter how much she wanted to think that he looked irritated by her possessiveness, she just couldn’t do it.

Bella drifted around the edge of the marquee to get a better view. That was better. Now she could see Josh quite clearly, talking to Gib. He was wearing a morning suit, and the crisp white shirt made his skin, weathered from so much time spent in the tropics, look even browner than usual.

He looked surprisingly good in formal clothes, she thought. Even now, dressed identically to most of the other men in the marquee, he had the tough, competent air of a man who should be hacking his way through a jungle or bumping along a dusty track in faded khakis, not sipping champagne and eating canapés in an English garden.

Bella’s gaze rested on him. Really, it was amazing that it had taken her so many years to realise what a great body he had, lean and hard and tautly muscled in an intriguingly restrained way. If she had walked into the marquee as a stranger, she would definitely have clocked him.

His face wasn’t that bad either. Not jaw-droppingly handsome like Will, of course, but still, there was nothing actually wrong with it. He had nice eyes, creased around the edges from too much squinting at the sun, and they held a lurking smile sometimes that might be really quite disturbing if you weren’t used to it, the way she was.

Nice mouth too, Bella thought judiciously. Not the kind of mouth you noticed at first, maybe—it was too quiet and cool for that—but if you looked at it for too long, something about it made you squirm suddenly.

Like that. A strange feeling shuddered down Bella’s spine, and she jerked her eyes away.

It felt all wrong to be thinking about Josh like this. He was her friend, the one person she could talk to about anything at all.

Except this.

Bella imagined herself strolling over and saying, ‘Hey, Josh, I was just thinking what a great body you have and wondering what it would be like to kiss you,’ and she winced, picturing already his appalled expression. She couldn’t do that to Josh.

More to the point, she couldn’t do it to herself! Honesty was one thing, humiliation quite another.

Gib’s attention had been claimed by another guest and, as Bella watched, Josh tightened his arm around Aisling and gave her a quick private kiss. The pain that sliced through her at the sight was so unexpected that it took Bella’s breath away, and the champagne spilt from her glass as she flinched instinctively.

Bella turned abruptly away. This wouldn’t do! She was the life and soul of a party, not someone who mooned around on the edges feeling left out. It was time to circulate and exert some of that charm she was so famous for.

She succeeded so well that one of Kate’s young brothers informed her owlishly at the end of the reception that he had been in love with her since he was fourteen, and asked her to marry him. Touched and amused, Bella let him down kindly but secretly she couldn’t help feeling a bit better. She might be tottering on the verge of thirty-three and she wasn’t a camping queen like Aisling, but some men wanted her, even if they were only twenty-one and had been imbibing freely of their father’s champagne.

She seemed to have developed a sudden attraction for very young men. At the ceilidh in the marquee that evening Bella found herself the centre of a group of besotted boys. Their undisguised admiration was very flattering of course, but she wasn’t entirely sure that it was a good sign. Did she really look old enough to be in the market for a toy boy? Bella wondered.

Still, it was nice to feel wanted for a change, and she glanced across the marquee to where Josh had Aisling entwined around him as usual.

Determined to show Josh, should he happen to look in her direction, that she was having a wonderful time, Bella let one of her admirers after another swing her eagerly on the dance floor. Her partners appeared deaf to the bellowed instructions of the member of the band who was desperately trying to tell everyone the moves to the Scottish dances, but what they lacked in skill, they more than made up for in enthusiasm. More than once Bella found herself being spun out of control so that she ended up cannoning breathlessly into other couples. Fortunately few of them seemed to have a clue what they were doing either.

Bella told herself she was having a fantastic time, and laughed as she shook back her hair over her shoulders.

From another set, Josh watched her dazzle the boy she was dancing with. He couldn’t be more than sixteen and obviously could hardly believe his luck, Josh thought indulgently. He had seen how effortlessly Bella had cast her spell over every man she came across. Even Kate’s famously grumpy great-uncle had not been immune to the old Stevenson charm.

It had been the same ever since he had met her. Josh remembered the first time he had seen her. She had walked into the seminar room, blonde, beautiful and impossibly glamorous amongst all the other scruffy students, and when she smiled and sat down next to him, he had gulped like the schoolboy she was dancing with now.

There had been a starry quality about Bella, even then, he thought. For the first few weeks, he had gawked at her from a distance. She was so clearly out of his league, that it never occurred to him that they could ever be friends, but when he did get to know her properly, he was bowled over by the charm that made him feel as if she had been waiting all this time just to meet him, plain Josh Kingston. He had been amazed to discover how friendly and natural she was, and how funny. She might look like a princess, but she had an infectiously dirty laugh.

Not that Josh ever tried to take advantage of the closeness that grew up between them. His role was as a friend, the one constant male in the dizzying ups and downs of her romantic life.

And Josh didn’t mind, or he told himself he didn’t, anyway. At least that way he saw Bella, and he kept on seeing her in a way the men she fell in and out of love with didn’t. None of them ever lasted very long. Bella might look sophisticated, but beneath her glossy veneer beat the heart of a true romantic, determined not to settle for anyone less than Mr Perfect.

Maybe she had found him in Will. He seemed an unlikely Mr Perfect to Josh, but he had never understood Bella’s taste in men. He had wondered if things had run their course with Will earlier, when she had seemed tense and unhappy, but there was no sign of that now.

Josh’s mouth curled affectionately as he watched Bella dancing up and down the line in the other set, laughing that laugh of hers. She was being swung around and around between each couple, her hair shimmering as it flew around her vivid face and her skirt swirling around those spectacular legs.

‘Josh!’ Aisling hissed at him, and he started as he realised that he was supposed to be joining hands and going down the set with her, not watching what was going on elsewhere.

He didn’t get a chance to dance with Bella herself until much later in the evening.

‘I’m tired,’ she said when he held out his hand to pull her onto the dance floor.

‘Tired? You? Never!’

‘I am,’ she protested. ‘I’ve been dancing all night.’

She fanned her hot face, unwilling to let him know reluctant she was to take his hand. ‘Ask Aisling.’

‘She’s dancing with Gib.’

‘Honestly, Josh, I’m exhausted,’ Bella tried, but Josh was determined.

‘This isn’t going to require any energy,’ he said as the band struck up a slow tune to give everyone a chance to cool down. ‘We just need to stand there and sway a bit, I’m no good at doing anything else anyway.’

He put out his hand again. ‘Come on, Bella, you can manage that, and it’s only me!’

That’s right, it was only Josh. Bella clung to the thought as she relented and took his hand. Following him onto the floor, she told herself that she could hardly refuse to dance with him. He really would think something was wrong then, and there wasn’t. It was only Josh.

Only Josh’s arms around her. Only Josh’s broad chest tantalisingly close. Only Josh’s cheek resting comfortably against her hair. They had danced like this countless times before, so why was it different now? Why this sudden longing to tighten her arms around his back, to lean against him and press her face into his throat?

Bella swallowed. ‘Great wedding.’

‘You certainly seem to have been having a good time.’ Josh sounded amused rather than jealous. ‘What’s with this new interest in toy boys, Bella? I’ve lost count of the callow youths I’ve seen you reduce to stammering incoherence tonight! You realise you’ve spoilt them for life,’ he went on cheerfully. ‘They’re going to be dreaming about finding a woman like you for years to come, and most of them are going to end up disappointed. You ought to come with a health warning for young men!’

‘It never bothered you,’ said Bella, more sharply than she had intended, and Josh pulled away slightly to look at her with puzzled frown.

‘It was different for me.’

‘I know,’ she said.

Why? she wondered. Why didn’t he desire her like other men? He had never so much as hinted that he wanted her as anything more than a friend. And she would have been appalled if he had, Bella reminded herself honestly.

So why was it suddenly so hard to dance with him like this? It was if something was unravelling uncontrollably inside her, and she didn’t know what it was or how to stop it. She was agonisingly conscious of him as he held her against him, not too close, but close enough to be aware of the solid strength of his body, of the warmth of his hand on her back, and the feel of his fingers curled around hers.

Terrified that she was pressing herself against him, Bella held herself stiffly. Her tongue seemed to be stuck to roof of mouth, and she felt absurdly shy of him. As the silence lengthened, she was even reduced to asking how work was going.

‘Very well,’ said Josh, almost as if he too was relieved at her attempt to break the increasingly tense silence. ‘Things have really taken off since Aisling joined us. With her background at C.B.C.—they’re our major client—she’s been incredibly useful, as she knows how both organisations work.’

‘Really?’ said Bella, trying to force some interest into her voice.

‘There’s a possibility of a big contract coming up. It could be the one that changes everything for us.’

‘Why is it so important?’

‘It would mean expanding internationally,’ Josh told her. ‘C.B.C. are based in Paris, but they’ve got subsidiary offices around the world. We did some work for head office recently, and now they want us to implement the same training system globally.’

Bella perked up a bit, impressed in spite of herself. ‘That sounds cool.’

‘It might be “cool”, but every national office has a lot of independence, and most are very resistant to the idea of trainers being parachuted in from head office. In some countries it’s vital to establish a personal relationship with the senior executives before you start doing business.’

‘You can hardly go around the world introducing yourself to every office!’

‘Quite,’ he agreed in a dry voice, ‘but once a year C.B.C. invite the most successful executives and partners on an all-expenses-paid holiday. It’s mainly intended as a social occasion and a reward for high-achievers, but it also ensures they all share in the same company ethic.’

‘I’d share the ethics of any company that sent me on an all-expenses-paid holiday,’ said Bella, glad that the conversation seemed to be distracting her somewhat from the pulse that beat in Josh’s throat, right where she would most like to rest her face.

‘That’s my Bella, ever the moralist!’

Bella tore her eyes from his pulse. ‘So where do they do all this bonding?’

‘It’s in the Seychelles this year. They’re taking over a hotel on one of the small islands, and C.B.C. suggested that I go along. They think it would be a good opportunity to meet a lot of those people I may have to deal with on a social basis.’

Only Josh could sound glum about being offered a free trip to the Seychelles!

‘Are you going to go?’

He lifted his shoulders as well as he could given that he had one arm round her waist and the other was holding her hand. ‘Those kinds of corporate jaunts aren’t really my thing,’ he said, ‘but Aisling thinks I should go.’

Surprise, surprise, was Bella’s first jaundiced thought. ‘I suppose she’ll be going as well?’

‘Yes.’ If Josh noticed the acid tinge to her voice, he gave no sign of it. ‘She’s the one with all the contacts and she says it’s important for me to meet people and talk about what we can do for them.’

‘Really?’ said Bella again, this time with a distinct layer of frost. For years now, she had been telling him that he needed to network if he wanted his company to take off, but he had never listened to her when she suggested that he needed to go out and meet people.

At least that unsettling urge to turn her face into his and press her lips against his jaw was receding, which was something of a relief. Getting cross seemed to be an excellent cure for that, anyway.

‘I’m sure Aisling’s right,’ she said coolly, ‘but I’m not sure I can see you on a beach holiday.’

‘God, no.’ Josh shuddered at the thought. ‘I’d go mad if I had nothing to do but sit in the sun all day, but Aisling says these events are always activity-based.’

‘Oh?’ Bella was getting a bit sick of hearing what Aisling said.

‘It’s not dissimilar from the way we work with people on expeditions to build up teamwork and trust,’ he said. ‘Activities like diving or climbing or bush-walking are an excellent way for staff from different offices to get to know each other and bond at a more than superficial level. When you’re all being challenged, you’ve got to be able to communicate.’

‘So you’re always saying,’ said Bella, who had never had any trouble communicating from a sofa with a phone in her hand.

Josh grinned. ‘I know your idea of the great outdoors doesn’t extend beyond a veranda, but other people get a lot out of being pushed to do things they’ve never done before.’

‘That’ll be schmoozing a room for you,’ said Bella tartly. ‘What else is on offer?’

‘I’m not sure. Aisling’s keen to go scuba-diving, and there’ll probably be sailing as well, so I might not be too bored.’

She sighed. It all sounded a bit too hearty for her. ‘What’s wrong with lying on warm white sand?’ she asked. ‘You can network just as effectively at a beach bar, you know.’

‘We don’t all have your ability to forge intimate bonds over a pina colada,’ said Josh.

‘It’s a lot more useful than being able to dive. How much networking can you do underwater? It’s just a lot of pointing and blowing bubbles.’

‘You being such an expert on diving!’

‘I’ve seen it on telly,’ said Bella a little sulkily.

Josh laughed. ‘You just don’t like the idea of getting your hair wet. Luckily, Aisling isn’t quite such a princess in these matters!’

Of course not. Aisling would tie her hair up sensibly, wear practical clothes and leave her high heels behind.

Good luck to her, thought Bella sourly. If she wanted to spend a week underwater in a rubber suit with a tank on her back when she could have a soft tropical beach and a warm lagoon and a long, cool drink brought to her lounger on a tray, that was her problem!

‘By the way,’ said Josh, swinging Bella round in what was for him a nifty bit of footwork, ‘did you get a chance to talk to Phoebe?’

He had tightened his arm around her so that she didn’t lose her balance as she swung, and it was enough to make every nerve in Bella’s body jump to attention. Her heart did an odd sort of flip-flop and then settled with a thud that left her momentarily breathless.

‘Talk to Phoebe?’ she echoed, struggling to sound normal.

‘About Aisling moving in to the house.’

‘Oh, yes. Yes, I did.’ Bella took a steadying breath.

She wished the music would stop and that Josh would let her go. It might be easier to concentrate then.

‘What did she say?’

For a treacherous moment Bella wondered if she could throw the blame onto Phoebe, but she knew that wouldn’t be fair. ‘She left it up to me,’ she told Josh the truth instead. ‘But to be honest I think I’d like to keep the house to myself for a while.’

There, that sounded reasonable enough, didn’t it? More tactful anyway than ‘I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than share a house with Aisling,’ which was the alternative.

‘Fair enough,’ said Josh. ‘Aisling will be disappointed, though. She thought you would get on really well together.’

‘Did she?’

‘Yes, she likes you a lot.’

Bella didn’t believe that for a minute. Aisling might smile sweetly, but her green eyes had always held a distinctly cool look. Bella had a fair idea it was a pretty accurate reflection of her own expression when the two of them met.

‘Really?’ she said in what she hoped was a suitably neutral tone.

‘Oh, yes.’ Josh nodded. ‘She’s told me so several times.’

Oh, well, if he was going to believe everything Aisling said…!

How naı¨ve could you get? Bella wondered. She would have expected Josh to be more perceptive. He must be really besotted with Aisling if he believed every word she said. The thought was profoundly depressing somehow.

To Bella’s intense relief, the music ended just then, and Josh let her go. ‘I hope she’ll find somewhere else soon,’ she said, feeling more in control of herself and thinking she had better make the effort to be pleasant. ‘I’m sure there are more convenient places than Tooting, in any case.’

‘Perhaps you’re right.’ Josh didn’t seem unduly perturbed. ‘She can move in with me in the meantime anyway. You couldn’t get more convenient than that!’

‘What?’ Bella stopped dead in dismay.

‘Well, she’s got to live somewhere,’ he pointed out reasonably. ‘She has to move out of her current flat at the end of next week, and she won’t have anywhere else to go.’

‘But you never wanted anyone living with you before!’ Josh was famously solitary.

He shrugged. ‘Aisling’s different. She’s a very special lady. We get on really well, and we’ve got a lot in common.’

Bella felt sick. Now look what she had done! ‘You don’t think it’ll be a bit much, living and working together?’

‘We won’t know until we try, will we? It hasn’t been a problem keeping our professional and private relationships separate so far. I think it’ll work out fine.’

So that was that.

Bella couldn’t believe how disastrously her refusal to share the house with Aisling had backfired. She had never dreamt that Josh was serious enough to ask Aisling to move in with him! He had always guarded his privacy so carefully. Previous girlfriends might spend the weekend with him, but he had never asked them if they wanted to leave so much as a toothbrush.

And now here he was, sharing his flat and his life with Aisling, of all people!

Bella didn’t like it. Before, she had always known when she could find Josh on his own, but now he was with Aisling all the time. As the weeks after Kate’s wedding passed, she saw him less and less often. When she did, she looked for signs that he was feeling crowded, or to hear that Aisling was moving into her own place, but she had to admit that they both seemed perfectly happy.

And she had no one to blame but herself. Bella could see that quite clearly. She had pushed them into living together, and now she was just going to have to accept the situation.

She didn’t have to like it, though. And she missed Josh. She missed him terribly. Just his friendship, of course, she reassured herself, but still, it was a big gap in her life.

For a while she pinned her hopes on Will. She convinced herself that everything would be different when he came back from Hong Kong. Absence would work its usual miracle and the moment she saw him again she would realise just how much he meant to her.

Only it wasn’t like that. She was pleased to see him, and they got on well, but something had changed. Will could see it as clearly as she did.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said miserably. ‘It’s not you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’

‘Hey, don’t worry about it,’ said Will, who was turning out to be a real sweetie. Bella had never appreciated him properly before. ‘We can still be friends.’

In some ways, Will took over Josh’s role, although he could never know her as well as Josh did. Bella knew it wouldn’t be long before he found someone else—he was too good-looking to stay single for long—but in the meantime they got on much better than when they had been a couple.

Her life was much quieter than it had been before…before what? All Bella knew was that she didn’t feel like going to parties any more for some reason, and that now she preferred meeting friends for a quiet drink or going to see a film.

The theatre had never held any interest for her before either, but when Will said that he had managed to get a couple of tickets for the newest and most spectacular show in town, she actually found herself looking forward to it instead of rolling her eyes and wishing they were going to the hottest new club.

She met Will in the foyer of the theatre and together they climbed the sweeping staircases to the main bar. The room was crowded with theatre-goers anxious to get a drink before the curtain went up. Together they pushed their way through to the bar, only to come face to face with Josh and Aisling, who had managed to get their drinks and were heading out of the throng.

Bella’s heart jerked horribly when she saw Josh, and she plucked frantically at Will’s sleeve to catch his attention.

Josh, on the other hand, was unaffectedly pleased to see her. ‘Bella! Where have you been hiding yourself?’

Clearly his heart wasn’t somersaulting sickeningly around in his chest at the sight of her, and it cost him nothing to lean forward, still grasping both drinks, to kiss her cheek.

‘I haven’t seen you for ages!’ he said, and then his eyes fell on Will and his face hardened. ‘Oh,’ he said flatly. ‘You’re back, are you?’

Will was rather taken aback by his tone. ‘Back?’

‘According to Bella, you were single-handedly saving the global economy in Hong Kong while the rest of us mere mortals were at Kate’s wedding.’

‘I wouldn’t say that,’ said Will modestly, ‘but we did manage to brush through that particular crisis.’

‘When did you get back?’ Josh’s tone was unfriendly, and he was eyeing Will like a dog with its hackles up.

‘Some time ago—’

‘I’m sorry we haven’t been in touch—’ Bella interrupted, putting her arm around Will’s waist and leaning winsomely into him ‘—but you know what it’s like when one of you has been away.’ She gave him a meaningful squeeze. ‘We haven’t seen anybody really, have we, darling?’

Will’s expression flickered, but he rose to the occasion wonderfully and put his arm around her and agreed that they hadn’t felt like being very social.

‘I’m glad everything’s going well for you,’ said Josh, not looking in the slightest bit glad, and not sounding it either.

‘Oh, yes, everything’s perfect,’ cooed Bella. ‘Isn’t it, Will?’

‘Perfect,’ he echoed, somewhat woodenly.

‘Anyway, enough about us! How are things with you two?’ Bella asked brightly.

Josh handed Aisling her drink so that he could put his free arm around her in imitation of the way Will and Bella were standing. ‘We’re great,’ he said.

Did Bella imagine it, or was that a defensive edge to his voice?

‘It’s not like you to come to the theatre, Bella,’ Aisling put in. ‘Josh was just saying that you’ve always been too much of a drama queen yourself to ever want to watch anyone else getting all the attention on stage!’

Bella could imagine Josh saying that, but not in the way Aisling made it sound. ‘No, well, I’m rather surprised to see you two here as well,’ she countered sweetly. ‘I thought you preferred being outdoors, competing as to who has the muddiest boots or the dirtiest towel.’

‘We like being active,’ Aisling agreed, her smile every bit as fixed as Bella’s. ‘But we enjoy culture too.’

Josh didn’t look as if he was enjoying himself. Bella raised her brows, but before she could retort, Will had tugged at her. ‘If you want that drink, Bella, we’d better get going.’

‘Of course.’ Bella smiled sweetly at Josh and Aisling. ‘See you later!’

‘Culture!’ she exploded the moment they were out of earshot. ‘It’s only a musical! And Josh will hate it!’

‘So, do you want to tell me what that was all about?’ said Will when he had caught the barmaid’s attention and could hand Bella a gin and tonic.

Bella didn’t pretend not to know what he was talking about. ‘I didn’t want Josh to know that we’ve split up.’

‘I gathered that,’ he said dryly.

‘Thanks for playing along,’ she told him.

Will looked at her curiously. ‘I thought Josh was your big buddy?’ he said. ‘I assumed he’d be the first person you would tell if you split up.’

‘Normally he would be,’ admitted Bella, ‘but he was so unpleasant about you at Kate’s wedding that it made me cross, and besides—’

‘Besides what?’ asked Will when she stopped.

‘Nothing.’ She couldn’t explain why it had seemed such a good idea at the time to let Josh believe that she was still madly in love with Will.

Will raised his brows. ‘It must be six weeks since Kate got married. Do you mean to say that he still doesn’t know?’

‘I just haven’t had an opportunity to tell him,’ said Bella, swirling her gin defensively.

‘You did more than not tell him just now,’ he pointed out. ‘You went out of your way to make him think that we were still very much together!’

‘I know,’ she said guiltily. ‘I just can’t stand the thought of Aisling feeling sorry for me. You saw what she was like. She’d be all warm and sympathetic and oh-so-slightly smug because she and Josh are so cosy together.’ Bella grimaced at the thought and took a slug of gin. ‘You know they’re living together now?’

‘Ah,’ said Will.

Bella lowered her glass suspiciously. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘It explains why you’re so upset.’

‘I’m not upset,’ she said with something of a snap. ‘I just don’t like Aisling. Josh and I were fine until she came along.’

‘But it’s not Aisling who’s the problem, is it? It’s you.’

‘Me?’

‘You’re in love with Josh.’

Bella opened her mouth to deny it vehemently. She was fully intending to tell Will that he didn’t know what he was talking about, and that there was no question of being in love with Josh, who was just her dear friend and absolutely nothing else.

But somehow the words wouldn’t come out. Instead she felt a peculiar sinking sensation, as if she were teetering at edge of a cliff, not daring to look down at what lay in the abyss below. Closing her mouth, she swallowed hard.

‘I’m right, aren’t I?’ said Will, as the bell warning the audience to take their seats sounded.

Smiling ruefully, he took Bella’s glass from her nerveless hand and set it on a nearby table. Then he took her arm and propelled her towards the stairs. ‘Poor Bella. You look like you’ve been hit by a truck!’

That was exactly how Bella felt. Numbly, she let Will guide her up the stairs and into her seat. Having resisted it for so long, now the truth was staring her in the face, she couldn’t avoid it and she felt suddenly, horribly afraid.

How could it have happened? She had never loved Josh before, or at least not in this new, scary way, and there was no reason for her to start falling in love with him now.

Bella didn’t want to be in love with him. She wanted to go back to the way they had been before, but the certainty that she could never do that now was cold around her heart. As long as she had refused to acknowledge it, things were OK, but Will’s careless words had been all that were needed to let the genie out of the bottle, and now she could never get it back.

The truth was out there now, implacable, undeniable. After all these years, she was in love with Josh.