Читать книгу Her Perfect Man - Jillian Hart - Страница 10

Rebecca couldn’t believe her eyes. Chad Lawson strode through the gray sheets of rain in the parking lot like a hero through the mist. He seemed untouched by the downpour and unruffled by the wind. Something about him made him appear extraordinary. Simply from seeing him, from having him near, the stress of the morning slid from her shoulders like rain from the roof.

No one, except her family members, had ever made her feel so calm.

Marin, the church’s youth pastor, leaned close, so her voice wouldn’t carry. “Here’s someone I want you to meet, now that you’re a free and single woman.”

Uh-oh. “Why does everyone think I need to start dating?”

“Because you deserve a great guy to love you, that’s why. And speaking of one—”

Rebecca rolled her eyes. Good grief. Marin’s newlywed happiness had sadly affected her brain. She loved her pastor, but Marin was looking at relationships through rose-colored glasses. And why wouldn’t she? She was blissfully happy. All it took was one look to see it.

Good for her, right? Rebecca firmly denied any wistful feelings. Some people were just especially blessed in the love department. How could they understand someone who wasn’t?

Visions of Marin’s future matchmaking efforts flashed before Rebecca’s eyes. Time to do damage control before that could possibly happen. She had to be clear, firm and assertive. “I’m not interested.”

“That sounds like a snap decision to me. Maybe you want to think about it.” Marin looked so sure about that.

And why wouldn’t she be? Any single woman in her right mind would want to think about Chad Lawson. And wasn’t that just the problem? She had a No Man policy. It was safer. It was smarter. “I refuse to think about it.”

“You never know, he could be the right man for you.”

“Yeah, but more likely he isn’t. No matter how great he is, because that’s my luck.” Rebecca rolled her eyes. Just what she needed, her pastor, who was also one of her sister’s best friends trying to set her up. “I’m on a vacation from romance of any kind.”

“A vacation? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“Like you didn’t date for a long time?”

“Yeah, well it was different for me. I wasn’t on vacation as much as I couldn’t catch anyone. Until my Jeremy came along, of course. Just because you split up with Chris and it didn’t end well, that doesn’t mean you should rule out dating forever and ever—”

“And this coming from the woman who dubbed the different phases of dating, one of them being, the doom phase.”

“That was before I met Jeremy.”

“Excuses, excuses. Believe me, I’m sure about this. Now he’s coming closer, so—” Rebecca didn’t know how to say it kindly. “No more romance talk. We’ve got kids coming in a few minutes.”

“Sure. Fine. I can take a hint.” Marin was smiling a little too widely to be believable.

What was she going to do with everyone? What did she have to do to convince them that she really was fine? Well, as fine as she could be?

Rebecca focused on her clipboard, aware of the slight slap of Chad’s steps coming closer. Marin meant well, sure, but she had forgotten what it was like to be single and wish things were different. To wish you, yourself, were different.

She managed what she hoped was a bright welcome. “Chad. I’m pretty shocked to see you bright and early on a Monday morning. You’re not a member, are you?”

“I’ve been here a couple of times when I was visiting my aunt and uncle. They attend the earliest service. I could barely hold my eyes open.”

“I try to avoid that one if I can or I’m constantly yawning, no matter how hard I try not to.” There she went, yakking on with him again. He was incredibly easy to talk to. “If you’re looking for Pastor Michaels, you’ve just missed him. He left for a meeting.”

“No, I’m where I’m supposed to be. Hi, Marin. I’m here on time, reporting for duty.”

For duty? The clipboard slipped from her hands and hit the concrete with a stunned clatter. How embarrassing. She knelt to retrieve it but Chad was already there, rescuing it with capable-looking hands. Now, why did she notice something like that?

“Here you go.” His smile was genuine. There was that sense of calm again, a steady light in his dark blue eyes. “Are you one of the volunteers, too?”

“No, they actually pay me to have fun with the kids all day.” She took the clipboard he offered her. “Thanks. Again.”

“No problem.”

Why were her knees shaky when she rose? That was a good question. Rebecca straightened the pen, still clipped to the board, needing to look at something other than Chad. She could feel his gaze on her like damp on the wind. Surely he was just surprised to see her, that was all.

Marin was grinning ear to ear. “Since it seems that you two know each other, Chad, take this clipboard and help check in the kids when they start arriving. I’m going to leave you in Rebecca’s able hands.”

“I don’t know about able.” Rebecca shook her head. That Marin, she was always so optimistic and complimentary. Chad was so going to get the wrong idea. “I’m lucky you guys put up with me.”

Marin chuckled as she walked away. “Don’t listen to her, Chad. She’s invaluable around here.”

Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Marin is the invaluable one. I’m just hard to get rid of.”

“So, have they tried and you just wouldn’t leave?” Chad winked at her.

Charming, absolutely charming and she really should not be noticing that. “I’ve been here every summer since I was fifteen. I started volunteering in the church’s day care and it worked into this.”

“You’ve been here ever since? That’s some serious commitment. They must really like you.”

“I’m the one who really likes it here. The kids are great.” She really was surprised how she was just herself around him. It was refreshing. Oh, the dowel. She’d forgotten to thank him. “I found the dowel on my porch. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. I had to stop by the hardware store anyway to pick up a few things.” He gave a humble shoulder shrug. “It was no trouble.”

“It was still very thoughtful.” Rebecca couldn’t believe it. Chad Lawson just kept seeming nicer and nicer. “How about you? Why are you here?”

“Why not? My aunt told me about all the programs here and I thought I would get involved. I’m planning on going to seminary after I finish at the university.”

“Montana State? I go there. What are you studying?”

“I’m transferring there. I’m majoring in both religion and psychology. I hope to have a job like Marin’s one day. What’s your major?”

Here’s where it got tough. It was the big question everyone wanted to know. She glanced up to see if any kids were running up to interrupt—and rescue her—yet, but no, there was nothing but the steady patter of the rain. “I just finished my master’s degree in English and I’m currently debating going back for my Ph.D.”

“Wow. That’s great. What kind of job are you going to get with that?”

Yep, there it was. The million-dollar question. “No idea. I just like going to school.”

At least that made him smile, and she got to see his friendly, handsome grin again. The sight was enough to make her smile. While talking with him, it was easy to forget how the big plans she had for her life weren’t working out the way she thought. God seemed to be leading her in another direction entirely, but where, exactly? “I’ve never been interested in having a big career.”

“You never wanted to grow up and be anything?”

She studied him. It wasn’t as if there was anything to lose by telling him the stark truth. “I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Maybe that’s not politically correct these days, or easy in this economy, but I just loved growing up the way I did. I wanted to be like my mom. To just be happy spending my time taking care of the people I love.”

And before he could panic, thinking she was looking for a man to marry and support her, as Chris had finally accused her, she went right on with the truth. “I’m starting to see that’s not going to happen for me. That’s why I might keep going on with school. I have to believe the good Lord knows where I’m going. Although that sounds easier than it is.”

“I know, believe me.” Chad resonated kindness. Still masculine and strong, calm and reassuring, but there was a goodness to him. He was more than nice; he was empathetic and mature. “That’s faith. To keep putting one foot in front of the other when it feels like you’re in the pitch dark, trusting the Lord to guide you in the right direction.”

That was it exactly. “You sound as if you’re speaking from personal experience.”

“I am.”

“I don’t mean to pry, but did it work out all right for you, walking in the dark and trusting?”

“So far so good. I’ll let you know when I get where God is leading me.”

“It’s to a very good place, I’m sure.”

“I am, too.” He smiled. He was seeing more in her by the minute. She was grounded and faithful and real.

Before he could ask her anything more, a red minivan pulled to a stop at the curb. The side door slid open and two grade-school-aged kids leaped out, backpacks in hand. They shouted goodbye to their mom behind the wheel, who waited, windshield wipers flapping as the girl and boy splashed their way up the walkway.

Looked as though the workday had started.

Talk about a busy day. With so many kids split up into age-appropriate activities, it was a mystery to him how he kept seeing Rebecca all through the morning.

Not that either of them had a single second to do more than say hi—he was with the older boys and she was with the older girls—but it was nice seeing a friendly face. Other than Ephraim and his aunt and uncle, he didn’t know anyone else in all of Bozeman, unless it was Marin, whom he’d met when he’d signed up as a volunteer. So at noontime, when he spotted Rebecca sitting at a table in the dining area with her lunch spread before her, he headed straight for her, tray and all.

“Mind if I sit with you?”

She startled, turning to look at him over her shoulder with her wide honest eyes. The morning of activities had tangled her long locks of brown hair and she seemed glad to see him. “Are you run ragged yet?”

“Yep. I’m beat and the day’s half-over.” He plopped his plate on the table, keeping an eye on the tableful of twelve-year-olds he was in charge of. The boys were snarfing up pizza and slurping down lemonade as if they were refilling their tanks, recharging for the rest of the afternoon.

Joy. He slid onto the bench near to her and took the time to bow his head for a quick grace. He looked up to find her watching him and waiting for him to finish what he’d been saying. “I’m not sure I can make it through the rest of the day. I’m short on stamina.”

“You? Hardly. You look like the type who is in great cardiovascular health, unlike me who avoids the gym with a passion.”

He blinked. Wow. He had just discovered that it was impossible to think and look into her pretty eyes at the same time. He did his best to keep his thoughts from scrambling. “You don’t like sports?”

“Sure. It’s exercising I don’t like. Treadmills. Weight machines and reps.”

“I like the discipline of it.”

“Oh, you’re one of those.” She studied him over the rim of her cup. “I’m surprised you’re eating pizza and not soybeans or something.”

He caught the amused sparkle in her eyes. “I’m not a total health nut. I used to be, but I missed the pizza. And Popsicle treats. Maybe I should have stuck with the health food and I would have more stamina. Those kids have worn me out.”

“Marin should have warned you. You’ll get used to it. You look like you’re enjoying your first day here.”

“I’m having a blast, but I’m feeling my age.”

That made her chuckle. “You can’t be any older than I am.”

“Sure, but those kids are putting me to shame. I’m twenty-four, by the way.”

“You’re a year older than I am.”

Here it came. He might as well say it before she—who had completed a master’s program—did. “You’re doing the math, aren’t you, and wondering why I’m still working for my bachelor’s.”

“Maybe a little.”

“I was a slow starter.”

“I doubt that. I saw you playing basketball with the kids. You moved pretty fast.”

She saw that? Cool. He took that as a sign. “Sure, when it comes to b-ball. But other things have taken me a little longer to get right.”

“I know how that is.” She smiled again, and the sweetness just beamed around her like sunlight. She leaned a little closer to him, as if interested in his answer. “Did you have a hard time deciding what to do with your life, too?”

“For a long time.” Now would be the right time to be totally honest, to just come clean. He opened his mouth to tell the truth, but the words lodged somewhere deep in his chest, near his heart.

If she knew what he’d done and who he used to be, what would she think? Would she scoot away from him? Try to avoid him the next time she saw him? Would the friendliness in her luminous eyes fade forever, because she saw him differently?

He couldn’t say the words. He didn’t know if he was afraid to, or if they were just stuck between his ribs and wouldn’t budge.

“What’s so hard,” she said quietly, “is when you think you know where you’re going, but life throws you a serious roadblock.”

“Been there.” Again, he thought about his life before he’d been saved. About the path he’d been on. Thank God for roadblocks. He took a bite of pizza. “I used to have things all figured out. When I was fifteen, thought I knew it all and believe me, that wasn’t a good thing. I was making tons of poor choices.”

“Who doesn’t when we’re teenagers?” She took another sip of lemonade and put the cup down thoughtfully.

“You? Make mistakes? I don’t believe it.”

“Now you’re being too kind.” She couldn’t look at him, but glanced at the table of twelve-year-old girls chattering together or talking on their phones. “I’ve made so many mistakes, mostly because I couldn’t see with my own eyes what was wrong. Even when I was warned.”

Chad wondered about what Ephraim said this morning, about Rebecca’s former boyfriend. Sympathy tugged at his heart. “That was my problem, too. I had friends telling me that what I was doing was going to catch up with me. That I was hanging with some other kids I didn’t think were so bad. I didn’t listen.”

“I understand. I’ve been there. I just couldn’t see.” She shrugged, jostling her long locks of hair, looking sad.

So sad. He couldn’t help but be affected. He wished he knew her well enough to know what to do to comfort her. It wasn’t right that she’d been hurt by a bad relationship, although he knew, too, what that was like. “Been there. I was seeing this girl, I thought she was fun and different from the kind of sheltered life I led.”

“It was a bad relationship for you?” Her hand stilled, her piece of cheese pizza an inch above the plate. “Did you know it at the time?”

“Maybe there was that little voice inside me—you know the one—it was telling me to listen. It’s tough to admit, but I just didn’t want to.”

“Did she break your heart?”

“No, she bruised it pretty bad, though. It was my life she broke.” Again, there was the truth right there, but it wouldn’t roll off his tongue. Maybe talking about the past just hurt too much. “Nothing was the same after that, and not in a good way.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Empathy made her more beautiful. It was easy to see that Rebecca McKaslin had a good heart. She set her half-finished piece of pizza back on her plate. “After you two had broken up, did you take time off from dating for a while?”

“You might say that. It was a long time until I had my life in order before I even tried dating again. That didn’t go well.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. See, it was different for me. I didn’t know the Chris everyone else did.” If only she was able to forget the year she’d met him. They’d been high school sweethearts. She’d gotten numb about a lot of things concerning the breakup, but it hurt to remember. It hurt to look back.

She’d made too many mistakes. Mistakes she regretted. “I was seventeen when the coolest guy in high school asked me to accompany him to one of his church functions. He went to a church across town, and when I learned he was a Christian, too, I was so thrilled. He was the captain of both the football and the baseball teams. He went to state three times.”

“Sounds like a guy who had everything going for him.”

She nodded. Chris had been just everything wonderful in her eyes. “He was fun and funny and he just seemed to take over my quiet life. It was like the sun came out one day when it had never shone before.”

Chad watched her, nodding slowly, as if he were starting to see.

Why she went on, she couldn’t say. She was a private person. She didn’t even talk about this stuff with her sisters. Maybe it was Chad’s dependable goodness. Maybe it was because she’d kept this bottled up for so long. “Sure, Chris had problems, but who doesn’t? Nobody’s perfect. He swept me off my feet and fell in love with me, and that was an answered prayer. It was all I ever dreamed of.”

“Sounds like you still care about this guy.”

“No. Yes. Not in the way that you think. Things didn’t go…well in the end. And that pretty much ended it for me. But that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. The hurt is all tangled up with the good stuff and the bad stuff.” She squeezed her eyes shut, as if looking in instead of out. “Love is complicated. When it ends, it’s even more so.”

She was a soft touch with a marshmallow center. He could just see how she must have felt. It would be easy to judge, easy to measure out what had happened in black-and-white. But he’d learned the hard way that life wasn’t like that, that she was right. Everyone had problems, most people did their best, and when relationships didn’t work out, the ending of them hurt like nothing else.

He could see how affable she was. Hers was a goodness that he would guess didn’t come and go, but remained even when the going got tough. She was no holiday Christian, and she was no fair-weather friend, either. It was his guess that she had a big, forgiving heart.

When she opened her eyes, she gave another shoulder shrug. “My sisters tell me that’s part of healing and moving on. But this love thing is painful when it ends.”

“It can be. I think that depends on the two people involved.”

She nodded, as if thinking that over. “I guess.”

“So this guy, he’s the one you were hoping to marry.” When she nodded once, he could see more of what she wasn’t saying. She had been deeply in love with him. She had wanted a future with him. That had to really have hurt her, especially remembering what Ephraim had said. “There went your dreams and life plan with him.”

“Not exactly. That makes me sound as if everything hinged on him. I was just hoping, is all.” It wasn’t sadness on her face so much as regret. She squared her shoulders, and that regret vanished. “And now I’m on a path I didn’t expect to have to turn onto.”

“Maybe it’s a better one.”

“Maybe.” She smiled at him, truly smiled.

Just at that second his heart clicked, and he was in like with her. How about that?