Читать книгу Her Perfect Man - Jillian Hart - Страница 9

“Rebba?”

Madison wobbled into the TV’s glare. The little girl was pure sweetness with her light brown curls, big wide eyes and pixie’s face. Tonight she wore her pink-and-purple Cinderella pajamas and a sleepy frown.

Rebecca was out of the chair in a second, scooping up the warm, sleep-snuggly toddler into her arms. “What is it, princess?”

“Thirsty.” A huge yawn, and then both little arms wrapped around Rebecca’s neck. “Where’s Mommy?”

“She’s still out with your daddy.” Rebecca started for the kitchen. “Let’s get you that water and put you right back to bed.”

“I want Daddy.”

“I know you do, princess.” She opened the cupboard door with one hand, found the pink cup with the princesses on it and turned on the tap. The water was nice and cold and she filled the cup partway. “He’ll be home before you know it.”

“Ye-ah.” Madison sighed, clearly missing her parents. Hers was a loving and secure world. Heaven knew that Danielle and her husband, Jonas, did everything they could to ensure that for their kids.

As she held the cup to her niece’s lips and tipped it so she could drink in dainty little sips, Rebecca had to wonder. Would her life have turned out differently if her biological dad had been a good man? She had been wondering this a lot lately. The breakup and the man Chris turned out to be was still troubling her.

She’d been younger than Madison was now when her real dad had walked out on the family after beating her mom so badly that she’d been in the hospital for weeks.

Poor Mom. That time was nothing but a scary, hazy blur to Rebecca. She had been too young to understand, but she could see her big sister Danielle standing between her and their rage-filled father. Nearly a lifetime later, she could still hear her mom’s broken sobs and the wounded sound she made, lying so still in the corner.

A year later, Mom had married John McKaslin, changing their lives for the better forever. John—who she thought of as her real dad—was a great blessing. Since the day she’d stepped foot in his house, she’d been as safe and secure as Madison was now. She hadn’t gained just a great dad, but also a big brother and loving older sisters who couldn’t have been more wonderful to her.

“Done?” she asked when the sleepy toddler pushed the cup away.

“I want Minnie.” She rubbed her eyes with both little fists.

“She’s probably in bed waiting for you.” Rebecca set the cup on the counter and gave her niece a smacking kiss on her plump cheek. “Want to go see?”

“O-o-o-kaay.” Madison yawned again.

What a cutie. Rebecca held her little niece snug, weaving through the dark house by memory. As she passed by her nephew’s bedroom door, she caught sight of him asleep in his bed. He and his dog were faintly graced by the glow of his night-light. He was a cutie, too. She padded down the hall.

Madison gave a tired whine at the sight of her bunny tucked neatly under the covers. Minnie’s head and ears were dark against the pale pillowcase.

“See?” Rebecca lowered the child into her bed. “I told you Minnie was waiting for you.”

Eyes drooping, head bobbing, Madison reached out to gather her favorite stuffed animal into her chubby arms, snuggled close and was half-asleep before her head touched the pillow. Rebecca smoothed the girl’s flyaway curls, and Madison sort of smiled through her sleepiness, slipping away to sweeter dreams.

Yep, Rebecca thought as her heart filled. A total cutie.

It was a pleasure to tuck the little girl’s covers around her and tiptoe to the door. The throbbing blue light from the distant TV made the hallway feel surreal, as if this was but a dream, a vision of what she’d always wanted for herself.

Those things were so far away now. Okay, it was her decision to institute a No Man policy and that was great because it kept her heart safe. But at the same time it felt as if time were slipping by. She’d been so busy racing to grow up, enjoying her college years and then hoping her relationship with Chris would lead her to a life like this.

It hadn’t, and now she felt empty in the pit of her stomach and in the chambers of her heart. Even in her soul, she felt alone.

She wasn’t alone. She knew that as surely as she knew there was a floor at her feet. Her faith was rock solid, her family an unbreakable support and yet she felt hollow, as if she were missing a great part of herself.

No, she corrected, she was missing these dreams of children and marriage, of home and a future.

She checked again on Tyler, who slept on his side facing the wall so all she could see of him was tufts of brown hair and his Dalmatian asleep on the foot of his bed. Lucky lifted his head a few inches and his tail thumped against the blankets as if to say, “No worries. I’m keeping watch.”

She wandered back to the TV, hardly noticing the hospital drama flashing across the screen. The sound was low so as not to disturb the kids, and she could barely hear the dialogue. She settled onto the couch as her mind drifted back over the day. She resisted the urge to go dig in her bag to check her cell phone, with the ringer off. She guessed that Chris had probably called a half-dozen times. Should she deal with it now, or wait until later?

Later, she thought as she grabbed the remote and hit the off button. Definitely later. What was really calling her name was the triple-chocolate cream pie Danielle had left for dessert. Whatever the trouble, didn’t chocolate always make it better?

She was plating a nice creamy piece when she heard the garage door crank open. It sounded as though Danielle and Jonas were home. Sure enough, a few minutes later the two of them came through the door. The security system chimed their arrival. It was simple to tell by the happiness on her sister’s face that they’d had a good time. Jonas, leaning tiredly on his cane, gave her a nod of thanks, a kind “good-night” and headed down the hall, no doubt to check on the kids.

Danielle set her purse on the end of the counter. “Would you mind cutting me one of those?”

“I’ve got a plate right here.” She knew her sister well and her weakness for chocolate. “You didn’t have dessert tonight?”

“Dinner was so good, I didn’t save any room.” Dani headed to the fridge and took out a gallon of milk. “The movie was great, though. It was about a pair of cops. Jonas really enjoyed all the action.”

“He misses his old job.” In an instant, things could change in a person’s life. Life happened and sometimes it was never the same. Take Jonas for example. Over a year ago, he’d been doing his job as a state trooper and got shot on a routine traffic stop. His life and Dani’s had taken a new direction they never expected.

“Yes,” Danielle answered sadly. “He loves staying home with the kids and being a full-time dad, but he misses being a trooper, too.”

God had been gracious. Jonas was doing fine and their family was stronger than ever, but it hadn’t been easy. Life gave a person a certain amount of battle scars. Although she hadn’t gone through anything nearly as traumatic as Jonas had, she had her own emotional scars.

What she’d gone through with Chris and his final battle, as she thought of it, had been life changing for her. And if her big brother, Spence, hadn’t come to her rescue, she hated to think what would have happened. She wondered where she would be right now if she hadn’t met Chris.

“You seem a million miles away.” Danielle took two glasses down from the cupboard and began filling them. “You get that troubled look when Chris has been bothering you. Has he been calling?”

“He’s started up again. You know how he does.”

“I do. Have you answered?”

“No, and I’m avoiding his calls because I know he wants to start things up again.”

“And you don’t want that, right?”

“Right. Don’t worry. I’m through with Chris. I’m through with men. I’m going to be just fine.” She gave a generous piece of pie to her sister. “Does Jonas want any?”

“No. He’s pretty tired and besides, he’s a gem about leaving us girls to talk.”

“He’s pretty great to you.” Rebecca took two forks from the drawer.

“I know. I thank God for him every day.” Warm and loving and totally devoted to her husband—that was Danielle. “You didn’t answer my question, you know.”

“Sorry. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” And there it was, what she’d been trying not to think about all evening: her mess of a life.

“We can talk about it. Maybe I can help. Or maybe we can try to brainstorm. There have got to be some great single men out there that you can date.” Danielle carried the milk back to the fridge, and in the wan light from inside the door she looked exceptionally pale and tired.

There had been a lot on her shoulders when Jonas had first been hurt, but now that he was much better, Danielle was back to her old self. Except for tonight.

“Forget my problems,” she said. “I should be asking you if you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” Danielle closed the fridge door and waved away her concern.

“You don’t look like you’re getting enough sleep or something. I work until four tomorrow, but I can come by after and help out. Maybe make dinner for you?”

“That’s great of you, Becca, but it’s not necessary.” She took both glasses to the table. “I’m just a little tired. I’m still adjusting to working full-time is all.”

“Are you sure?” She followed her sister, plates in hand.

“Positive.” Danielle had taken a management job at their family’s bookstore. Finances were thin with Jonas on long-term disability. “Do me a favor and don’t tell anyone, okay? You know how the family is. No one needs to get all worried about me. It’s nothing a little chocolate won’t cure.”

She knew how that felt. She slipped the plates on the table and took one of the chairs across from her sister. It was nice; she loved Danielle’s home. There were pictures on the walls and toys clustered in the corners and love that filled each room as unmistakable as air.

This is what she’d always wanted for herself. A stable marriage. A warm, loving home. A couple of kids to look after. She’d always just wanted to be a mom. Nothing else. She’d gone to college because her parents had expected it and her grandmother had been so proud of her.

But she’d had a hard time deciding on what to really do with her life. All of her friends seemed to know—they were biology majors, business majors, psych majors. It seemed everyone was so focused, except for her. Now she was through with a graduate degree and she still felt as if she were wandering through life.

Letting Chris go had meant letting go of her dreams. It had been the right thing to do. Absolutely. But just because she’d given her worries and her wishes up to God didn’t mean she now knew what to do with her life in the meantime. Her future was one blank slate. She was afraid that she would spend too many years alone, wishing for what she did not have. Worse, she didn’t know what to do with her life now, without those dreams.

“You look pretty serious,” Danielle said around a bite of pie. “Want to talk about it?”

Yes. No. Too personal. Rebecca took a bit of creamy pie so she didn’t have to answer. She wanted to tell Dani about meeting Chad, but if she did, then her sister would so get the wrong idea. Best to keep quiet. It was strange how just thinking about him, about how calm and steady he seemed and how kind his eyes, made her feel better.

Well, maybe he was one of the good guys, she thought, and how nice would that be? It was always helpful to have a decent, nice guy living next door. He’d been a definite knight in shining armor. You never know, she might need that again sometime. Or, better yet, she might be able to return the favor.

She took a sip of milk. “I so don’t want to talk about my problems. Tell me how your evening went.”

“It was wonderful.” Danielle lit up. “Jonas and I had the best time. We went to the museum and looked at dinosaurs.”

“Didn’t you two take the kids there about a month ago?”

“Yes. And the kids got to see everything while Jonas and I were watching the kids.” Dani laughed happily. “Jonas remembered that every time I wanted to stop and look at something, Madison had a tantrum, bless her. She was simply so excited by the displays and the people. Oh, and she had been wearing her newest mermaid princess outfit. I had my hands full trying to keep up with her and keeping her in a good mood.”

“So Jonas took you back on a date night.” Rebecca couldn’t help sighing. Jonas was definitely one of the good guys, too. See, in the long run, the women in her family had a good history of finding the right kind of men, the kind you could count on. Maybe she wouldn’t always have to have a No Man policy. Maybe one day far down the road, when her heart was ready to trust again, God would find someone for her. She had to hope that she wasn’t marked by her early years, or the painful, bad relationship with Chris.

Have faith, she told herself and took another bite of pie. The chocolate had helped. By the time she pulled into her driveway, she was totally feeling better.

There was a small shadow sitting on her lit front porch. She squinted into the twilight shadows and stopped the car. Why, it looked as if someone had laid a stick in front of her door. No, not a stick. She left the engine idling and stepped into the warm evening winds. A dowel.

A handwritten note was taped to it, bold script on a ripped piece of notebook paper. To keep you safe and sound.

She grimaced inwardly. How was she going to keep from liking him now? Chad Lawson was definitely one of the good guys.

It was morning, and Chad had a long list of things to get done for the day. He pondered that list as he folded the top of the cereal box and stuck it in the cupboard. Sure, he had practical things to get done, like showing up for the first day of his new job on time. Run a few errands on the way home from work. But he had one less-than-practical item on that list, and that was to find out more about his lovely neighbor, Rebecca McKaslin.

Ephraim would know. Chad grabbed the carton out of the fridge. Whatever he did, he had to bring her up casually, otherwise his esteemed roommate would leap to conclusions—premature ones. He poured milk over his breakfast cereal. He had learned to be cautious in relationships. It was best to start off slow. Whatever he did, he had to act as though gorgeous, nice-looking Rebecca was no big deal.

He was just curious. That was all. Nothing wrong with that, right? He closed the milk’s top and returned it to the refrigerator, not quite sure what he was feeling. Definite curiosity, he decided as he shut the door and went digging through the nearest drawer for a spoon—he was in luck. There was one clean one left.

He shoveled cereal into his mouth, leaning with his back against the counter. Rebecca. What would she think about him if she knew his truths? Would she be understanding? Or would she do her best to avoid him?

The shame of his past mistakes still stung, and it was a harsh sting. There was nothing he could do about that. The past couldn’t be changed—not even God could manage that. All Chad could do was his best with today. To keep making the right choices, which he’d been doing just fine for a long time, now. Living the right way was a lifelong commitment, one he took seriously.

What were the chances that a nice, great girl would see that?

He feared he already knew. Probably close to zilch. He had to try anyway. Asking a few questions wouldn’t hurt, right? And he was only curious, that was all. At least, that was his story and he was sticking to it. “Hey, Ephraim.”

“Yo.” Ephraim looked up from his morning newspaper. Sunlight streamed through the window onto the secondhand dinette set and winked off his nearly empty glass of orange juice. “You need directions to the church?”

“Nope. I swung by there last night.” This morning was the start of his new job—volunteer all the way—and that’s what he ought to be thinking about. But was he?

Nope. Not a chance. Chad chewed and swallowed. How did he best go about sounding casual? “I met the girl next door.”

“Oh, Elle?”

Whoever Elle was, she made Ephraim jerk up from his paper. Interesting. “Nope. Must be the neighbor on the other side.”

“Oh, sure. Rebecca.” Ephraim’s attention went back to the business section. “She moved in a few months ago. I think she’s renting the place from her sister. That’s about all I know. She’s a graduate student, in, ah…can’t remember what she told me. English, maybe?

“Why, you interested?” Ephraim turned the page with a newspapery crinkle.

Chad shrugged. Since he valued honesty, silence was the best policy. He polished off his cereal, slurped the dregs of the milk and loaded the bowl and spoon into the dishwasher. Just in time, too, judging by the clock. “I’m outta here.”

“Want to swing by for tacos tonight?” Ephraim’s attention hadn’t returned to his paper. “I highly recommend Mr. Paco’s Tacos for their nachos.”

“See you there around five?” Chad grabbed his keys from the counter. His sneakers squeaked on the linoleum as he headed to the door.

“She’s got a boyfriend.” Ephraim’s words brought him to a screeching halt.

“A boyfriend?” Chad pounded back into the kitchen. Hadn’t Rebecca said she didn’t have one? He distinctly remembered it.

“Or, at least she had one.”

Yep, that was it. He had to remind himself to act casual. “She might have mentioned that.”

“The guy wasn’t so nice. Now I remember.” Ephraim folded up his newspaper, as if he were planning to take it to work with him. “There was an incident a while back. Her big brother—and I’m talking this guy is big—came and hauled the boyfriend out into the parking lot and held him until the cops came.”

“You mean, like he tried to hurt her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. It was a bad scene. It’s too bad, too, because she’s a nice girl. A great neighbor. Quiet, and I hardly ever see her.”

All bonuses to quiet, bookish Ephraim. Chad’s guts tightened up. He got a bad feeling, and he didn’t like it. He loathed guys who thought it was okay to control women. Sure, he knew what it was like to make a mistake, but he’d been fifteen at the time and he had been hurt the most. Not that that was justification—he’d learned his lesson, he’d paid for his crime and he was a different man now. “She wasn’t hurt, was she?”

“No, I would have remembered that.” Ephraim stood and lifted his briefcase from the floor, where it leaned against the wall already packed for the workday. “She didn’t deserve that. No one is nicer. My car was in the shop a while back and she let me ride with her to church and even dropped me off at work and school for a few days.”

That sounded like his impression of her. Chad juggled the keys in his hand, considering. He didn’t dare say more. It was best to go slow on this, get to know her more, figure out if he had a chance at all with her first. He’d had a few hard rejections over the past three years, so it wasn’t as if he were going to ask her out or anything. Maybe it was worth getting up his courage to get to know her. He’d pray on it.

Not that he wanted Ephraim, or anyone to know how he felt about things. He headed to the door. “I’ll see ya tonight.”

“Sure.”

When the garage door chugged open, he was greeted with rain falling from a slate sky. Not the best weather for day camp. As he navigated the short distance to the gray stone church on a pleasant tree-lined street, he sure hoped Pastor Marin had a lot of indoor activities planned or his first day as a counselor would be a challenge. Not that he minded challenges, he thought as he pulled into the lot and into the first available space he came to.

Well, this was it. Rain dappled him as he locked up. The doors to one of the auxiliary buildings behind the church were opened wide to welcome the day campers in out of the weather. He caught sight of two women standing beneath the awning, with clipboards in hand.

One of them, squinting at him in surprise, was his gorgeous next-door neighbor, Rebecca McKaslin.