Читать книгу Barry Loser and the birthday billions - Jim Smith - Страница 12

‘Barry Garry Larry Loser, what DO you think you are doing?’ said my mum, swinging my bedroom door open.

‘I’m having a bday nap,’ I said.

‘Don’t act clever with me, young man. I mean downstairs,’ said my mum, her eyebrows tilting into their angry positions.

‘Ooh, now let me think,’ I said. ‘I believe I was ripping Clowny Wowny’s head off and dunking it in his owner’s wee.’

Saying it out loud like that made me sound like a bit of a weirdo. I grabbed a pillow and squodged it over my head, wishing it was a SHNOZINATOR 9000 that’d zap me straight to Shnozville.

‘I know you’re upset about your Shnozi-whatsitcalled, but that doesn’t mean you can go around breaking other people’s things!’ shouted my mum.

‘But he broke my thing first!’ I screamed.

‘I don’t care,’ said my mum, grabbing my arm and marching me down the stairs again. ‘Desmond’s a baby – he doesn’t know what he’s doing. You’re a big boy, Barry – you should know better!’

‘It’s my birthday! I don’t HAVE to know better!’ I cried. ‘Can we go to Feeko’s, Mum? Pleeease can we get me another SHNOZINATOR 9000?’

‘We most certainly cannot – I’m not made of money, you know!’ said my mum. ‘Now apologise to your little brother.’

‘Sorry I ripped Clowny Wowny’s head off, even though you weed into my SHNOZINATOR 9000,’ I grumbled.

Desmond, who’d comperleeterly forgotten about Clowny Wowny, remembered Clowny Wowny and started to scream again.

‘And you’ll be sewing that head back on as soon as it comes out of the washing machine!’ my mum said to me.

‘Ooh, what a brillikeels bday I’m having!’ I said, flomping down on the sofa.

My dad did one of his funny faces to try and make me laugh.

‘Why don’t you play with your other presents?’ he said, stuffing one of Desmond’s nappies into my SHNOZINATOR 9000 to soak up the wee.

‘Oh what, like my boring old Wolf Tizzler book?’ I mumbled. My mum looked sad for a billisecond, and I felt a bit bad.

‘You could at least have a look,’ she said. ‘Wolf Tizzler’s a very clever young man – you might learn something!’

‘Oh I’m SO sorry your loserish, big-nosed son isn’t all perfect like your darling Wolf Tizzler!’ I cried.

‘Don’t be silly Barry, you know you’ll always be my number one Snookyflumps!’ cooed my mum. ‘Anyway, it’s not like your Shnozi-whatsit’s working so you may as well give it a go.’

She passed me the book and plodded off into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. ‘Stupid rectangular cuboid,’ I said, opening it up and starting to read.

And to my surpriseypoos it immedikeely gave me one of my brilliant and amazekeel ideas.