Читать книгу Barry Loser and the birthday billions - Jim Smith - Страница 13

‘Happy birthkeels to you!’ sang my best friends Bunky and Nancy Verkenwerken two hours, eighteen minutes and thirty-six seconds later, when I opened the front door and saw them standing there.

‘Did you get a SHNOZINATOR 9000?’ grinned Bunky. ‘Is it the keelest thing in the whole wide world amen? Why aren’t you wearing it right now? If I had a SHNOZINATOR 9000 I’d put it on and never take it off again for the rest of my life!’

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.

‘Desmond Loser the Second used it as a potty so I ripped Clowny Wowny’s head off and dunked it in the wee,’ I said. ‘I just sewed his head back on. Back to front.’

Nancy and Bunky gasped.

‘I am SO sorry, Barry,’ said Bunky, leaning forwards and giving me a hug, which was weird. I don’t think Bunky’s ever given me a hug before.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said, wriggling out of his weirdo hug. ‘I’m comperleeterly over it.’

‘That’s good,’ said Nancy, giving me a funny look because the last time something bad like that happened to me, it took about nine years for me to recover.

‘Nice polo neck, by the way!’ she smiled. ‘You look like Wolf Tizzler!’

Bunky looked at my polo neck and scratched his bum. ‘Erm, what’re you doing with your yellow hoodie?’ he said.

‘I’ll put it back on later,’ I said. ‘I’m only wearing this because it’s my bday jumper.’

‘Can I wear it then?’ said Bunky. ‘Your yellow hoodie, I mean?’

I’ve always had the feeling Bunky secretly wanted my yellow hoodie, just from the way he looked at it. Now I knew I’d been right all along.

‘Er, no-o?’ I said. ‘Get your OWN yellow hoodie!’

‘I would if I could,’ said Bunky. ‘But my mum keeps on buying these stupid stripy ones!’ He pointed down at his stripy jumper. It was true, I’d never seen him wearing anything else.

‘Tough luck, Stripy,’ I said. ‘Nobody wears Barry Loserkeel’s yellow hoodie – apart from Barry Loserkeel!’

Bunky stomped his foot on the ground. ‘My name isn’t Stripy!’ he cried, as Nancy pointed at my book.

‘Er, what are you doing with that?’ she said.