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Chapter 4

Solo Sex

You don’t need a partner to receive an orgasm. If you’ve got fingers and/or a well-chosen sex toy, you can do it for yourself.

I know, you may long for human contact, the warmth of another body, the shiver of excitement from the unpredictability of a person’s touch, the cuddling after sex. But we don’t always have control over whether we have a desirable and willing partner to give us those sensations and pleasures. The special challenges of grief are that we may not feel ready for a partner, despite desiring sex, or that we may not have an available partner if we do feel ready.

The best insurance for later-life quality of sex is to stay sexually active with our own hands and sex toys, especially when we’re unpartnered, even when we’re grieving.

A Griever Shares

“During the final three sexless years of my wife’s life while I was her full-time caregiver, had it not been for solo sex, I’d have gone stark raving bonkers and would’ve been wrapped up in a straitjacket and stuck in an institution. Masturbation kept me going.”