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ОглавлениеThis strategy is about raising yourself up your priority list. Where do you figure on your list of priorities? Ask yourself the following series of questions and write the answers down. Who is the most important person in your life? After that, who is the next most important person in your life? Ask yourself this question seven times. Next, take a piece of paper and play hangman, adding a new piece to the gallows for each name that appears on your list. If you get to six or seven before you reach your name, you’re done for! Why? Because if you are that low down on your priority list, then your weight loss attempts will fail – they’ll fail because your needs are not important enough for you to give them the time and energy they require. Quite simply, you do not value yourself enough.
Now ask yourself who is responsible for keeping all those other important people or things going and working in your life – chances are it’s you. Let’s get one thing straight: if you feel low about yourself, your health suffers through a lack of quality sleep and too little physical activity and this in turn makes sensible eating and other lifestyle choices harder. However, it’s not only you who suffers as a result of this, but your family and anyone else you’ve put above you on your priority list.
Case Study: Katie and the hangman
Katie took part in one of my group weight management courses. A mother of three, she was frustrated about not being able to lose the weight she had gained since having Jessie, Amy and Matthew. She wanted to lose the weight, but kept getting sidetracked by all the other demands on her attention. She felt exasperated and upset that although she was doing so much for her family, she was also silently begrudging them for it. Playing the hangman game showed Katie how she needed to raise herself up the priority list. This is the list Katie came up with:
Michael my husband
Amy – as she was born with a heart condition
Matthew and Jessie
Mum
Sister
In-laws
Best friend Sue
Me
Seeing a visual depiction of the situation helped Katie put things into perspective. She knew she would never be number one – that was not her nature – but she knew by carving out a little time for herself and building even a small pedestal for herself would help with her weight loss efforts and help her feel less exasperated with the rest of the family.
TAKING AND MAKING TIME
Many people complain that they do not have enough time to eat healthily, take regular exercise and manage stress, but the issue is not about making time it is about taking time. Taking time is only possible when you feel you are worthy of it. Being happy to take time involves you raising yourself a few rungs up the ladder. Even if you are not at the top of the list, getting higher is important.
Step five action aims are about getting you to put yourself on a pedestal.
ACTION POINT 1: REPEAT AFTER ME – TAKING TIME FOR ME IS A WIN-WIN STRATEGY FOR EVERYONE
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Stop thinking that taking time out for you is selfish. Self-neglect is one of the most common issues I see in the women I work with – they are successful, run a happy home, excel at work, the fridge is full and family is always fed, but they end up going to bed way after everyone else, toss and turn worrying about all the things they need to do and end up even more tired the following day. Taking time out for you does not mean you are neglecting others – see it as looking after the main cog in the wheel of your family.
THE LOGIC
Saying this mantra will act as a powerful springboard to help you want to make self-care part of your schedule. It will help you make time for it, as opposed to simply finding time for it. Taking time out can help you, your family and others realize the pivotal role you play.
ACTION POINT 2: REBEL!
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Go on, do it – be a rebel. Stop loading yourself with pressure to be perfect. Go against the grain, step out of line, be edgy, say something shocking – anything that makes you feel you are being non-conformist and takes you out of the role others see you in.
THE LOGIC
Challenging others to view you in a slightly different light can help you look at yourself in a different light, too. This will illustrate how important your actions are within your world and in turn help you place yourself higher on the scale.
ACTION POINT 3: TRIM AND SWITCH
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
One of the main barriers to raising yourself up your priority list is often a lack of available time. So, each day, if you find your ‘to do’ list is longer than five items long, trim it so that you have no more than four tasks outside of work that need to be completed that day. Once you have your four, switch one of them so it is a ‘to do’ task for you! Build in self-care. Do unto yourself as you would do unto others. Also have a look back at action point 4 in step five. Learning to press the pause button works hand in hand with this action point.
THE LOGIC
Altering your ‘to do’ list in this way enables you to put into action the thoughts that accompany the notion of prioritizing and valuing yourself. The previous action points may have helped you realize that you are not addressing your own needs. Acknowledging this is the first step, but trimming and switching your daily tasks gives you the opportunity to do something about it and build in some time for you. Make it a habit.
ACTION POINT 4: STICK UP FOR YOURSELF
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Learning to stick up for yourself is an important pedestal-climbing skill. Contrary to what many people believe, this doesn’t mean you have to become aggressive or confrontational; instead, a good way to start is by expressing yourself constructively. Use ‘I’ statements instead of focusing on the other person’s failings. For example, instead of ‘You’re so critical’, try ‘I feel criticized’ – you’ll make your point without putting the other person on the defensive. If the person still explodes and makes you feel unworthy, avoid caving in and backing down; instead tell them you’ll talk when they are ready, then go for a walk, call a friend or pick up a good book. Stand by your feelings, even if it takes some time for them to come round. While talking openly may cost you false relationships it will deepen your genuine ones.
THE LOGIC
If you are low down on your priority list others may start to view you as being less important too. People perceive what you project and will project that back at you – so value yourself, your opinions and your needs and then others will, too.
ACTION POINT 5: LEARN TO SAY NO
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
It’s as simple as it sounds – learn to say no. Practise in front of the mirror; get used to the sound of the word in your mouth. ‘No’ is a word women don’t say often enough – taking on more and more tasks and responsibilities simply because they are asked or expected to. Start by saying no to small things that you don’t want to do, or don’t realistically have time for, and then build up to more important matters.
THE LOGIC
Ever heard the phrase ‘if you want a job done, ask a busy person’? The idea is that the busy person won’t turn you down, no matter how many other things they have on their plate. Don’t become that busy person that others see as a place to deposit all the stuff they need to get done. Whether it’s your boss, your husband, the kids, the in-laws or your mother, learn to say ‘no’ firmly but nicely and free yourself from chores and commitments that leave you with no space for your own needs and desires.
THE BOTTOM LINE
You don’t have to be top of your priority list; it’s about balance and developing a symbiotic relationship with yourself, your actions, your family and friends. Once you are standing on your pedestal, you are ready for step seven.
Case study
Making time for yourself is easier said than done. I have found that for many of the highly successful professional women and celebrities I see, taking that time out can be just as hard as it is for the rest of us. One particular client, who was on a board of directors, found that the only way she was able to take time out was by booking herself a weekly facial. As luxurious as this sounds, she explained to me that this was the only time when her mobile phone was turned off and she could pay some much-needed time and attention to herself.
Finding and making time for yourself can take many forms. One of my favourite strategies, especially when I am writing my books, is to factor in a duck session! What’s a duck session? There’s a route near my home that takes me past a duck pond, so as part of my walk I always pack a small bag of stale bread to feed the ducks. I find this simple act very therapeutic and grounding, as it takes me back to the simple pleasures of life. Even if I’m only there for five minutes, I feel so much better. So, whatever does it for you, do try to find that buffer, that small snippet of time when you do something just for you.
