Читать книгу Real and Phantom Pains: An Anthology of New Russian Drama - John Freedman - Страница 7

Backyard of a four-story brick apartment building. The grass is thigh-high and a rusted-out car body rests nearby, all useful parts removed long ago. A bus stop. BOY and BOY 2 enter.

BOY: Look, they meant to do it that way, so that nobody catches on.

BOY 2: So... why can we understand them?

BOY: Because the trolls obey us and only us.

BOY 2: All of ’em?

BOY: All of ’em. Cause we don’t piss ’em off.

BOY 2: And other people do piss them off?

BOY: They piss them off a lot, and they told the fuckers that, too.

BOY 2: So... where do we get the dirt?

BOY: From underneath a dead body. That’s the best.

BOY 2: Oh.

BOY: Yeah.

BOY 2: But what about other dirt, won’t ‘not-under-a-dead-body-dirt’ work?

BOY: Not for this.

BOY 2: Shit.

BOY: Yeah.

(Pause.)

BOY 2: Well. Should we hit the cemetery?

BOY: It’s Sunday!

BOY 2: What, you think they get days off there? What if somebody dies on Christmas?

BOY: They don’t bury them the same day.

BOY 2 (Remembering): That’s right. It takes three days. (Beat.) And what if somebody kicks the bucket on a Sunday?

BOY: Good point.

BOY 2: You got the bus pass?

BOY: My folks didn’t buy it yet.

BOY 2: I’ve got my monthly. So we need six rubles.

BOY: At least. Ten’s better.

BOY 2: Go fuck yourself on a local for ten. If we take an express it’s twenty.

BOY: Well, we ain’t taking the express. We need four rubles.

BOY 2: Why?

BOY: We need cigarettes, too. Four.

BOY 2: ?

BOY: Four is the Queen’s favorite number. If we buy ’em as singles, four is exactly what we get in change too, see? What are you looking at fuck-nuts? We can both get a ride and buy cigarettes.

BOY 2 (Pause, an idea): We could bum cigarettes.

BOY: Nice. Bumming’s free. I’ll go first.

BOY 2: Right here? Are you nuckin’ futs?

BOY: What the hell?

(Acts out the following.)

We go up to the guy and I’m kinda like, “gimme a cigarette.” And he forks over a butt, the bus comes, the doors open, we jump on and – BOOM! – we look like bad-asses, waving and smoking as the bus drives away. But we never have to light the smokes!

BOY 2: Shut the fuck up. How much coin you got?

BOY: Three. One big and two small.

BOY 2: Well, I got five. You can owe me.

BOY: My mom’ll pony up tomorrow. No shit. She gives me five rubles every day.

BOY 2: What about today?

BOY: Today? Today I pissed her off.

BOY 2: Let’s shove off. At three the old bitch comes looking for me.