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CHAPTER FOUR

When Mr. Probe had departed, I had a rumination with myself on what had passed, and I could not but think of his expression, ‘my client’. It was very clear to me that Mr. Curry was the gentleman himself, and therefore I resolved to be on my guard towards him, and to take care not to let him know my suspicion: I also thought, it was very probable, if he were the client spoken of, that he would let his man of business know that I was the true Simon Pure; all which put me on my mettle; and thus it happened, that when he called in the morning, I was prepared; indeed, his calling was to me as a proof from Holy Writ that he was the man himself, for he had no particular occasion to call, nor were we on a footing of such intimacy as to make the civility at all necessary.

But Mr. Curry was a pawkie man, and had a reason ready; for he said,

‘I just met in the street, as I was coming along, with Mr. Probe, and he told me that he had been with you last night.’

‘He was,’ replied I, ‘and seems to be a civil and purpose-like character; but I doubt, Mr. Curry, if his client and my friend, you understand, will be able to close.’

‘Indeed! why so?’

‘Because he expects a greater price than I have made up my mind to give.’

‘Oh, there may be some modification. He told me that you had offered only a thousand pounds per session: now, Mr. Jobbry, that is rather too little; but you will hear from him what his client says.’

I saw by this that there was a desire on the part of Mr. Curry to let me have the seat for what he called a fair price; but having some knowledge of his repute as a man of business, I said briskly, ‘I believe, Mr. Curry, after all, that this is a very foolish notion of mine. What have I to do with Parliament? it’s just an idle longing – the green sickness of idleness. Really, my conversation with Mr. Probe has changed my mind in a material degree. What am I to get for a thousand pounds, but two or three franks for letters, and be under an obligation to hear as much nonsense talked across a drinkless table, in the small hours of the night, as ever honest man heard over a jolly bowl? Besides, Mr. Curry, if I am to pay money, I have got an inkling that a much better bargain may be had elsewhere.’

I saw that Mr. Curry was inoculated with the apprehensions when I said this, for he looked bamboozled; so I followed up the blow with another masterly stroke, adding: ‘Indeed, Mr. Curry, it would be very foolish extravagance for me to give any such sum as a thousand pounds per session for the vain bauble of a seat; and when ye consider that a whole Parliament can be got, as ye said yourself, for about five thousand pounds, divide that by seven sessions, and ye’ll then come nearer what the mark should be.’

‘There may be some truth in that, Mr. Jobbry,’ was the reply; ‘but I understood from Mr. Probe that you had offered a thousand pounds.’

‘Oh! that was in words of course.’

‘In parliamentary affairs,’ said he, very seriously, ‘the strictest honour is to be observed.’

‘No doubt; but an agent, you know, cannot pledge himself for his principal, – all is subject to approbation.’

‘Yes; but, Mr. Jobbry, you are yourself the principal.’

‘In a sense, I’ll never deny that to you; but Mr. Probe only knows me as the friend of a gentleman who has a turn for public speaking, which I have not, and who may turn a penny out of his talent: in short, Mr. Curry, something between five hundred and seven hundred is more like a rational price, – I’ll give no more.’

‘But you have made an offer, sir.’

‘Oh! that was in a preliminary way.’

‘Mr. Probe, however, may insist upon the offer being fulfilled.’

‘You must not speak that way to me, or maybe I may, by petition, accuse him to the Honourable House of trafficking in seats, and call you by name as a witness. What would either he or his client say to that?’

I saw that he changed colour, and that his nether lip quivered; so I said to him,

‘Between ourselves, Mr. Curry, I cannot see the use of shilly-shallying about this, – I’ll only give five hundred guineas per session, which, you will allow, is very liberal for a man of honour, who has it in his power, if not well used, to make his complaint to the House.’

‘I can only say, Mr. Jobbry, that from all I know of the subject, Mr. Probe’s client will never accept your offer.’

‘Very well, that’s in his option; but I have an option likewise.’

‘What is that?’

‘Didn’t I hint about petitioning?’

‘Mr. Jobbry, such a proceeding would be most unparliamentary.’

‘No, no, my friend, – don’t let us put our heads in the grass, like the foolish ostriches, and think, because we do so, that our hinder ends are not seen: the matter in hand is contrary to law, and therefore we must not apply the rules of law to any thing so nefarious; howsomever, I’ll give the five hundred guineas, as I have said.’

‘You will never get the seat for that.’

‘That may be true; but the Honourable House, like a Spartan judge, is desperate in punishing a detected delinquent: in short, Mr. Curry, if ye have anything to say anent this negotiation, ye’ll advise a compliance with my proposition.’

I could discern that Mr. Curry was in a frying condition; but he was a man of experience, and it was not in my power to draw out of him that he was at all art or part in the business; so, not to waste time with more talk, I passed into the news of the day, and Mr. Curry presently took his leave; while I very much wondered at my own instinct in acquiring the art of parliamenting so readily; and I had soon good cause, as I shall presently shew, for the address with which I was on that occasion gifted.