Читать книгу Tripping Over - John Hickman - Страница 9

‘Who is John Hickman?’ asked the ticket clerk at Ealing Broadway Tube Station.

‘I am, sir,’ I replied nervously.

There was a long pause while he compared the name I’d given him with my proof of age document. He sighed, as if his day had just become more complicated. ‘That’s not what this birth certificate states, Son.’ He held it up facing me, as if I was unaware of its content. ‘Here,’ he pointed at my name, ‘it clearly states your name’s John Honey.’

The ticket clerk had seized my money and application for my train season ticket together with my birth certificate as proof of age. But he neglected to take the additional document from my hand. Knowing that he needed to sight the other document, as without it I would be treated like a criminal, I edged it across his counter towards him.

‘What’s this?’

I took a deep breath. I knew exactly what to say because I’d been taught. ‘That’s my dad’s change of name by deed poll certificate, sir. It shows that my dad changed his name from Honey to Hickman in 1946. That’s why I’m now John Hickman instead of John Honey.’

The ticket clerk scratched his head while he examined my dad’s deed poll. ‘You’d better wait here a minute.’

I waited while he took my certificates to another office. He knocked as it had Manager on the door. He went in. After a while another older man came out with him. The ticket clerk made a big show of pointing across at me, while stabbing his finger at my papers with his other hand. I took deep breaths and tried to look relaxed. A queue had formed up behind me. They were becoming impatient as this was usually a straight-forward procedure. After a while the ticket clerk returned to his nondescript seat and stamped my ticket. ‘Here you go then, John Hickman.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

This was the process I went through whenever I had to show proof of age. Whether it was buying a new train or bus season ticket, joining the Cubs, or even a church choir, I always went through the same routine.

Back at home Mum asked, ‘How’d you go? Did you get your ticket?’

‘Yes, but it took a while. It would be a lot easier if my name was John Honey.’

Mum stopped what she was doing at the kitchen sink. She turned slowly to face me and then dried her hands on her apron. She let out a long sigh. ‘We’ve been through this before.’ Mum was hesitant. She thought for a moment while choosing her words with care. ‘You know your dad changed his name by deed poll. That’s why you’re John Hickman.’

I shuffled my feet. ‘Yes, but if he had to change his name, why couldn’t he do it before I was born?’ I started to cry. ‘I’m different but not in a good way, Mum.’

‘Oh, dear,’ Mum reached out and pulled me close with a cuddle. I liked it when she did that. It was as if suddenly all of my problems disappeared. Trouble was this one hadn’t, it never did.

Mum held me tight. ‘You know you’ve always been called John Hickman.’

I stayed in her arms. I liked it there. I began to whimper. ‘But that’s not the name on my birth certificate, Mum.’ I felt my bottom lip tremble. ‘My friends say that means my name is false.’

Mum pushed me back. She held me by my shoulders and away at arms length. And then she tried to fix my eyes with hers. ‘Look at me,’ she said.

I kept my head down.

Mum became firm. I felt a light shake. The cuddle was over. She repeated firmly. ‘I said look at me.’

I disobeyed. I didn’t look up. Mum manoeuvred her head to try and get me to look at her. I said nothing. I refused to look at her. I kept my eyes fixed on the floor in front of me.

I won. Mum softened. ‘It’s not as if you’ve done something wrong, John.’

I didn’t think I had either. I also felt that this problem of mine was not about to go away, not ever, but then again, I wasn’t about to give up on it either. ‘When we have to trot out our birth certificates it’s upsetting for me, Mum.’

Mum’s tone changed. It had an edge to it. ‘Tell me. Why are you’re so upset, John?’

‘Because I always have to show Dad’s deed poll certificate with my birth certificate and explain why. No-one else has to do that. Sometimes they make fun of me.’

‘Did the man at the railway station make fun of you?’

I thought about it. ‘In a way he did.’

‘Maybe you’re a little too sensitive about it for your own good?’

I sulked again. ‘But without Dad’s deed poll my name’s wrong.’

‘So you mean you’re afraid of being ridiculed for using an incorrect name. And that unsettles you. Is that what you mean?’

I did the nod thing again. I had to admit she’d explained it pretty well, better than I had in fact.

Mum smiled. ‘You could always look at it another way.’

‘What way?’

‘Well, your dad had a major issue with his name and now as it turns out, so do you.’

After Dad arrived home from work he always read his newspaper. I was forbidden to interrupt him usually but this was different. I was on a mission. I entered the living room eating a banana, which in hindsight may have been a bad move. ‘Why did you change your name, Dad?’

He sighed deeply then put his newspaper down. Momentarily he stared disapprovingly at the banana. Maybe I should have put a plate under it, I thought.

Dad cupped his hands like a man holding an empty cup. ‘Because I didn’t like the name I had, Son. People kept making fun of Honey so I changed it.’

I shuffled awkwardly. ‘What sort of fun?’

Dad thought for a moment. ‘Nothing in particular but lots of silly plays on my name.’

I sat back and took the last bite of my banana. I was feeling a bit rebellious. ‘What plays?’

Dad was thoughtful. ‘They called me names like Honeybun, or come here sweet thing. No money no honey were some of them. Over a period of time it got me down, so I did something about it.’

Dad’s smile faded to a frown. ‘Have you spoken with your mother about this?’

I nodded.

Dad continued. ‘Far more important to me than any name change issues young man is how you’re progressing at school.’

Maybe I should have kept quiet?

Dad often threatened he’d visit my headmaster if I misbehaved. Mum came into the room as if on cue. It was as if she’d been listening from the kitchen. ‘That’s unnecessarily harsh, Bill. Masters and teachers are strict. The female teachers shout a lot, which unsettles him. Male masters cane, which frightens him. His sports master uses a cricket bat.’ Mum drew me close, and gave me a cuddle. I felt in that moment that I had an ally. But deep down I knew that even together, we were no match for Dad.

‘They don’t cane for fun, Alice. Spare the rod and spoil the child is an accepted maxim. If he behaves then he won’t get smacked. That’s partly why he’s at Eaton House School.’

Dad locked eyes with me to make sure there would be no misunderstanding. ‘Punishment for minor offences, young man, is writing out lines in Latin while you’re in detention. For more serious mischief like rowdy behaviour they cane. Right?’

‘Yes, Dad,’ I mumbled.

Being sent to the headmaster’s study usually involved a lecture across his aircraft carrier sized desk. It was often followed by up to six of the best with his bamboo cane. But our sports master provided the additional indignity of bending us over the back of his chair after we’d dropped our trousers and undies around our ankles.

Other masters never caned like that. Those bare arse canings left more than the ghosts of summers past. They left long, sore red welts, which I tried to avoid.

Dad prepared to light his pipe. I noticed his hands were shaking. He glared at me. ‘You have absolutely no idea, do you?’

Unsure what he meant, I shook my head.

‘I left school at 14 to get a job and contribute to the home. I put food on the table. I became a combat pilot at 19. It’s a bloody miracle I survived the war and that I’m here at all. I’m telling you, Son. Men I knew died so you can sleep soundly at night. There’s times I can’t sleep, especially when I have bad dreams.’

Mum interrupted. ‘Bill, please be gentle. He’s too young.’

Dad took a deep breath. He continued slowly. ‘On top of everything the RAF threw at me, I had to put up with people making fun of my name, too! That’s another reason I changed my name. To save you going through all that.’

Mum placed her hand gently on Dad’s arm. He calmed further, while I cried.