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If you are thinking of coming to Germany and conversing with Germans (and you’ll have to at some point), remember this: be formal when addressing people who are older than you. And since pretty much everyone in Germany is older than you, because the old refuse to die, and the young refuse to procreate, it’s best to keep it formal!

But what exactly do I mean by this? Excellent question. Let’s say you’re renting a room from Heinz and Helga Schmidt. Keeping things formal means that you’re not living with Heinz and Helga per se, but rather with Herr Schmidt and Frau Schmidt. See what I mean here? Throw in a “Herr” or a “Frau” and you’re showing respect. Call them Heinz and Helga, and they’re likely to hit you over the head with a frying pan!

Continue to keep it formal until either Heinz or Helga tells you:

“Hallo, ich bin die Helga.”

Or “Guten Tag, ich bin der Heinz.”

If you hear a first name mixed in there, this is your opportunity to become a bit less formal with them. Reply by saying: “Und ich bin der Tom”, (and I’m Tom. If of course your name happens to be Tom. If it’s Jim use Jim.)

When Germans introduce themselves using their first names, after having previously introduced themselves with their surnames, they are indicating that they would like to get to know you a bit better, and no longer think you’re a potential axe murderer living under their roof! Embrace this reality and make the best of it!

You can also tell that you’re in the middle of a “formal” situation if the person you’re talking with constantly uses the word “Sie” when addressing you (“Sie” is the German formal for “you”).

Essentially anything with a “Sie” in it means you should keep things formal:

“Haben Sie Zeit für mich?“ (Do you have time for me?)

“Gehen Sie ins Kino heute Abend?“ (Are you going to the movies tonight?)

“Möchten Sie mit mir schlafen?“ (Would you like to have sex with me?)

On the other hand, anything with a “du” (another form of “you”) in it is informal.

When you get to the “du” level, you can ask the same person the same questions in a more informal way:

“Hast du Zeit für mich?” (Do you have time for me?)

“Gehst du ins Kino heute Abend?” (Are you going to the movies tonight?)

“Möchtest du mit mir schlafen?” (Would you like to have sex with me?)