Читать книгу Classic After-Dinner Sports Tales - Jonathan Rice - Страница 18

D

DICKIE DAVIES

The one-time face of ITV Sport, and long-serving presenter of World Of Sport, Dickie Davies is a legend in sporting journalism.

Some years ago, Welsh rugby was going through some very bad times, and the team was beaten by the likes of Romania and Canada. The result was that the Welsh RFU just couldn’t sell any tickets for the games. So they tried new outlets, like a chemist’s shop in Llanelli. Gwyn and Gareth passed by and saw the ad in the window for tickets for the next Wales game. Because of their desire to support their country, Gwyn went into the chemist’s to buy two tickets, while Gareth waited outside on the pavement to check that nobody they recognised came by.

Eventually, Gwyn came out again, carrying two packets of condoms.

‘What do you want those for, Gwyn?’ asked Gareth. ‘You don’t know any women.’

‘No, but I was too embarrassed to ask for the tickets.’

GARETH Y DAVIES

Head of Sport at S4C.

Clive Rowlands captained Wales in all of his 14 appearances. He then became national coach, President of WRU, and was manager of the successful British Lions tour to Australia in 1989.

He is often remembered as the scrum-half who ‘kicked the leather off the ball’, and was largely responsible for 111, yes 111 line-outs in the Scotland v Wales match at Murrayfield in 1963 which Wales won 6-3. As a result of this, the laws were changed within a short time, to prevent a player kicking the ball directly into touch outside the respective 22-metre areas.

Six years or so ago, whilst Clive and I were on broadcasting duties in Edinburgh, The Scotsman newspaper carried a full page on famous Scotland v Wales matches, with photographs of Gerald Davies, Andy Irvine and John Taylor, who had all played key roles in some of the memorable clashes between both nations.

At the foot of the page there was also a photo of Clive, and he was quite pleased despite the heading being ‘the man who nearly killed the game’!

As we later entered Murrayfield a very enthusiastic steward – we’ve all met them – approached Clive in a very officious manner and said, ‘Pass please’, to which Clive instantly responded, ‘Don’t you read the papers? I never give a pass at Murrayfield!’

KEVIN DEVINE

Scots broadcaster and former member of the BBC TV That’s Life team.

Celtic supporters are known throughout the world for their friendliness and enthusiasm for the game of football, whenever and wherever they follow their team.

Witness – Seville 2003, UEFA Cup final, Celtic 2-3 Porto.

UEFA decided to give the ‘fair play’ award for that year to the supporters of Glasgow Celtic Football Club, for their impeccable behaviour and attitude, after 80,000 of them descended on Seville for the final. This is the first time the award has ever been presented to a set of fans rather than a team!

Right from their first forays into Europe and beyond, the supporters have been there in their thousands, to witness the ups and downs of their team, being magnanimous in victory and retaining a sense of humour in defeat.

During the 1990s Rangers were dominant in Scotland, and Celtic were not the force they had been during the Jock Stein era. In the 1996/97 season they faced another early exit from Europe, this time at the hands of Hamburg. After a first-leg defeat at Parkhead, 0-2, Celtic were trailing 2-0 in Hamburg and there was no way back.

The 4,000 supporters who had travelled with them were hopelessly outnumbered and trying to make as much noise as possible in support of their team, but it was the masses of jubilant Hamburg supporters who were raising the roof with the chants of their team’s victory.

Then from the middle of the Celtic support came a call asking for the crowd to hush.

‘Sssshhhh! Sssshhhhh! Ssssshhhhhh!’

The cry spread throughout the Celtic support and soon they were all putting their fingers to their lips and urgently ‘shushing’ those around them. Before you knew it the whole of the Celtic support were silent. This was noticed by the surrounding Hamburg fans, who, wondering what the urgency was for the call for hush, very quickly shushed themselves and the whole ground into silence. What had been a raging torrent of triumphalism just moments before, was suddenly as quiet as the grave and you could clearly hear the calls from the players on the park, shouting to each other, as the game went on. Silently everyone waited.

After about twenty seconds of this unnatural, eerie silence the original group of Celtic supporters who had started the call for hush, jumped to their feet and started singing at the top of their voices

‘Can you hear the Hamburg sing, No-o, No-o!

Can you hear the Hamburg sing, No-o, No-o.’

Who ever said that we never had a sense of humour, even in defeat!

PAT DEWES

Successful South African businessman and sports entrepreneur, whose first-class cricket career went by in a flash in the 1970s.

This was told by D.H. Robins in an after-dinner speech at the Wanderers, Johannesburg during his team’s tour of South Africa in 1974/75.

The Duke of Norfolk was invited to be a guest steward during Royal Week at Ascot. In the parade ring he spied a trainer slip something from his pocket and feed it to a horse.

The Duke strode importantly across the ring and confronted the trainer. ‘I say my good man, what was that you fed to the horse just now?’

‘Nuffink but sugar Guv’nor,’ replied the trainer.

‘Let me see,’ demanded the Duke, and the trainer produced two more lumps of sugar from the pocket of his coat. He popped one into his own mouth and offered the other to the Duke. Now feeling a little foolish, the Duke swallowed the sugar, turned and left.

The trainer then turned to his jockey to give him his riding instructions.

‘From the off, I want you to settle her down against the rail and five or six off the pace. When you get into the straight, move her to the outside and give her a couple of reminders with the whip. If anyone passes you after that it will either be me or the Duke of Norfolk.’

It was a typical stifling February day in Durban. I was in the slips for my club, Zingari, during a club game against Durban High School Old Boys. Despite the fact that we had pretty much an all-Provincial attack, including the world-class Vince van der Bijl, we were being put to the sword by the DHSOB opening bat, one Barry Anderson Richards.

As yet another awesomely elegant Richards cover drive clattered into the pickets to bring up his 150, Bruce Groves, Barry’s former opening partner for Natal, left his position next to me, walked up to Richards and said, ‘Give us a kiss Barry.’

‘What?’ responded Richards. ‘Whatever for?’ ‘Because,’ said Bruce, ‘I like a bit of intimacy when I’m getting a good f***!’

JASON DODD

Long-serving captain of Southampton FC, who played over fifteen seasons with Southampton, having been signed from Bath in 1989.

The Art of Football Management

Coming into the dressing room after a defeat is not a nice feeling. After one game, Chris Nicholl the manager was going mental at us when somebody outside leant on the light switch, plunging us into darkness. Seconds later, the light came back on, to reveal the Boss in boxing pose, hands up and ready to jab. His words were, ‘Well, you had your chance and I was ready.’ He thought the boys had planned to turn off the light and were going to jump him! Being a big chap, he wouldn’t have had any problems with that, especially from me!

NEIL DURDEN SMITH

‘Durders Of Course’ (so named as the answer to the question ‘Who was at the party/reception/dinner/premiere last night?’) was a member of the Test March Special team in the 1960s and 1970s, and was involved in the conception and establishment of the Rugby World Cup. He is a former chairman of the Lord’s Taverners.

I have to admit to feeling partly responsible for the West Indies being bowled out for by far the lowest score in their history, at least until England got hold of them in Jamaica in early 2004. Let me explain.

In my days as a broadcaster I was quite often invited to go to Ireland to be the commentator for BBC’s outside broadcasts, on both television and radio. In the summer of 1969 I was asked to cover the historic televised inaugural one-day cricket match between Ireland and the West Indies at Sion Mills, a tiny Ulster town in Co. Derry. How historic it turned out to be!

Tuesday 1st July was the last day of the Lord’s Test and England batted all day, Boycott scoring 106 and Sharpe 86. I was in the Test Match Special team in those days, alongside John Arlott and Brian Johnston, and that evening I went to Heathrow with the West Indies party from St John’s Wood to catch the flight to Belfast. We were met at Aldergrove by a fleet of cars and driven to a hotel in Londonderry where we were to spend the night. After dropping off our bags, we all went out to dinner at a Chinese restaurant. I remember thinking then that it was slightly incongruous being with a collection of cricketers from the Caribbean tucking into sweet and sour pork and fried rice in a Chinese restaurant in the Emerald Isle, having completed a Test Match at Lord’s that very afternoon!

The following morning, Wednesday 2nd July, dawned cloudless and sunny. Gary Sobers, captain of the touring side, had decided in his wisdom to take a few days off to go racing and Lance Gibbs, the vice-captain, had bowled 41 overs in England’s second innings at Lord’s, so his spinning finger resembled a piece of raw steak and there was no way he could play. Basil Butcher, the next senior player, was appointed captain for the match and Clyde Walcott, the manager, was pressed into service (not a bad former player to have in your side!). I travelled to the ground in the same car as Butcher, Gibbs and Walcott. Basil asked me en route what he should do if he won the toss. ‘You must bat,’ said I, ‘because if you field first and bowl Ireland out before lunch there won’t be a match worth watching.’ I was not to know my pearls of wisdom were to lead to utter disaster for the West Indies!

The beautiful Sion Mills ground, with a river running down one side of it, was absolutely packed. The outfield looked immaculate and, due to some overnight rain, the wicket was fittingly emerald green and slightly damp to boot. That didn’t stop Butcher electing to bat after he had won the toss, and at 11.30 Steve Camacho and Joey Carew walked out to open the innings. In Dougie Goodwin, the captain, and Alex O’Riordan, Ireland had a pair of opening bowlers good enough to have played first-class cricket, had they been interested. They bowled brilliantly, so brilliantly that after 40 minutes the West Indies – Butcher, Lloyd, Foster, Walcott, Shepherd et al. – were 12 for 9. At that point a little-known fast bowler (then as now) called Blair came in at number 11 to join Shillingford. Together they scythed at every ball and somehow they managed to score another 13 between them, Shillingford finishing with 9 not out, by far the highest score of the innings. So the mighty West Indies had been humbled for 25, Goodwin taking 5 for 6 and O’Riordan 4 for 18, with one bye and one run out. It could so easily have been 12 all out. Ireland duly won by nine wickets and the West Indies sportingly agreed to carry on and play a beer match for the benefit of the huge crowd crammed into the idyllic little ground. They made many friends by doing so and they took their defeat with great charm and good humour. How it must have hurt, though!

On a personal note I will never forget my day at Sion Mills. The commentary box was just that: a box perched dangerously high up on top of a Heath Robinson contraption, laughingly described as scaffolding. The only way up was via a flimsy ladder – rather like going up the north face of the Eiger, I imagine. There was just room in the box for one other person, the producer. The scorer was a lady sitting in a deck-chair at ground level and the bowling figures (thereweren’t many runs) had to be hauled up to me at the end of each over in a bucket on the end of a rope. I thanked my lucky stars for a strong bladder, because I was stuck in that box for hours doing pieces into seemingly endless radio and television programmes. It was even the lead story on the one o’clock news bulletins!

My days of proffering advice to touring teams on how to proceed when winning the toss are definitely over!