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Introduction

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Abraham Lincoln

“WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Undoubtedly, this is the most cited line in the Declaration of Independence and one of the best known sentences in American history.

Most of us have grown accustomed to the belief that happiness is something which we need to pursue or strive to obtain. The truth is that the “pursuit of happiness” is quite the paradox. You don't have to go very far to find true happiness as it lies within you. Happiness is your actual state of being, true self, or true nature. Unhappiness, therefore, is ignorance of one's true nature; it is our ego self at work. So, until we realize who we truly are, we will never obtain the happiness that we seek.

Our Founding Fathers knew this. During their era, the word “pursue” meant not to chase after but to practice regularly. Jefferson and the other members of the Continental Congress believed happiness is what God intended for all of us because it is our natural state of being.

Consider what was going on at the time the Declaration of Independence was written: the British were closing in on the American colonies, and we were in the midst of war. Yet, despite everything that was taking place on the outside, happiness was clearly on Jefferson's mind. Happiness is not external but internal. Studies have shown that as Westerners have grown richer over the years, they are no happier. Why?

To answer this question, we need look no further than our children. They live in the moment, never worrying about the things that consume adults. They focus on one thing at a time and do not distress about future events.

Yes, children do get upset, but they don't hang on to that anger or negative emotion. They may be upset about not being able to play with their toys or whatever the case may be, but they are able to let the emotion go as soon as something else grabs their attention. They don't worry about what they are going to do next. The only thing that occupies their minds is being happy in the moment. It is their true nature and it is our true nature.

As we grow older, however, we bury this awareness within because our minds become cluttered with what I like to call “mind chatter.” We worry about the bills, the kids, work, etc. The list goes on and on. We are consumed with negative thoughts of fear and desire to the point where we can no longer experience the joy within us. Eventually, these thoughts become our reality.

If we can learn to silence this mind chatter, we can discover happiness once again. Notice here that I didn't say “find happiness.” Mystics have long told us that “happiness is inherent in our souls.” It is independent of what is going on around us and independent of emotions. This sounds like a contradiction. I mean how can happiness be independent of our emotions? But the truth is when we remove all the negative emotions within, we are left with nothing but happiness. These emotions include: stress, hatred, sadness, depression, envy, jealousy, guilt, doubt, worry, fear, and so many more.

We are not born unhappy; we choose to be unhappy. We are born with an inner peace absent of any negative thoughts. We knew only compassion, joy, and love. There was no judgment, only acceptance. And this acceptance is what allowed that inner peace to grow. As Gandhi once said, “Be the peace you wish to see in the world.”

True happiness is possible at all times, no matter what the circumstances in your life. It doesn't matter how much money you have or how many material things you own. The fact is research has shown that the wealthy are not necessarily happier than the poor. On the contrary, many people have become unhappy once they struck it rich. If you look for happiness, you will never be happy. Ironically, the more you chase after it, the further you are from it.

Material things don't make us happy. They bring us only pleasure. There is a difference. Pleasure is an enjoyment brought on by outside incentives. There are many things that can bring us pleasure like buying a new house, getting a college degree, meeting with friends, making love, etc. Pleasure requires something to happen in order for you to experience it. This is not the case with happiness. While pleasure is external, happiness is internal. Something that brings us pleasure will not necessarily make us happy.

You might be saying, “Well, that is easy for you to say; you've probably lived a trouble-free and comfortable life.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Allow me to tell you a little about myself.

My father and his four siblings grew up poor on a farm in Italy, escaping to the United States in search of the American Dream. Although my mother, who was born in Partinico, Sicily, did not grow up on a farm, bread and meat were a special treat in her house as they were provided only on special occasions. My parents married and had three children of which I was the youngest and was named after my maternal grandmother Josephine Oliveri.

My family was surprised by my premature arrival at 7½ months with reddish hair and big blue eyes, looking nothing like my dark-haired, brown-eyed brother and sister. But even more surprising was the realization that their little girl had a disability. I was born with cerebral palsy (CP), which is a non-progressive condition caused by brain damage characterized by muscular or motor impairment. CP is often accompanied by problems with sensation, perception, and speech.

No two cases of CP are exactly alike, and cases range from extremely severe to relatively mild. I am very fortunate as my case is very mild. However, I still spent time in a wheelchair, grew up wearing leg braces, and still suffer from a speech impediment as well as severe bilateral hearing loss.

As a little girl, I can remember watching the neighborhood kids playing in the street and wondering if I were ever going to be one of them. Would they ever accept me or would they continue to poke fun at me and the way I walked? Something told me that I was going to be subjected to their mockery for a long time, and I was. Through it all, the one thing that I craved more than anything else in the world was happiness. I craved it with a passion. But how could I be happy when I was not accepted by the outside world? How could I be happy when I struggled to get by with my level of hearing and fell down almost daily from the lack of balance in my legs?

My teenage years were especially difficult as kids continued to make fun of me and even physically abused me. Again, I was absolutely miserable. If it weren't for the support of my family and friends, I don't know what I would have done. But if you were to ask my parents how I was as a baby, they would tell you that I was the happiest thing on the face of this earth, always smiling, always content and happy. So what happened?

Somewhere along the line, I let people dictate my feelings. I believed, like many others, that people determine our happiness. We can all attest to this when we make comments like “he makes me so happy.” The fact is you make yourself happy. No one else can do that for you. Yet many of us have been unhappy for so long that we have no clue how to get back to our original state of happiness—our true self. We get so caught up in everything that is going on around us that we develop a form of amnesia and have no idea who or what we are anymore. The good news is your true inherent state is still there and will always be there. It's who you are. You need only to take the time to uncover it once again.

It is finding this inner peace that supersedes anything physical on this earth and brings all of us to a state of joy and contentment where we can once again meet with true understanding. This is a gradual process that takes time and cannot happen overnight. I didn't wake up one morning and suddenly decide to be happy. I came to many realizations in life which eventually changed my view of this precious world and the people around me. For one thing, I realized just how rich I am. There's a Buddhist proverb that states, “He who is satisfied with what he has is rich.” I couldn't agree more.

I changed my thoughts and hence, my life. As I said before, our thoughts create our reality. Think of it this way: everything that you do, you've thought of first. Well, then, what exactly is reality? Do you believe that everything you see is real? If it's real, it's only because you've made it real. Everything that we see is a manifestation of the way we think. 50 percent of our attitudes and beliefs are said to be learned by the time we are four-years-old. Over the next ten years by the age of fourteen, psychologists believe we learn another 40 percent of our beliefs.

This explains why we forget our inherent true nature and thus lose touch with our state of happiness within. Consider the fact that the human brain is estimated to be capable of processing one hundred trillion instructions per second. The fastest super computer in the world, known as the Roadrunner, is only about ten times faster than the human brain. But the actual computational power of the human brain is hard to pinpoint because it is also controlling the sensory, aural, and visual input of millions of nerve cells throughout the body. Let's not forget, too, that the brain is also monitoring oxygen, the heart, breathing, etc.

Nerve cells constantly send messages to your brain telling you, for instance, whether your coffee is hot or cold or whether you feel happy or sad. The good news is we choose which of these messages we want to focus on at any given time.

So, then, can we change our reality? Absolutely, we can by simply changing the way we think and what we choose to focus on. These choices then precede action and reaction. For example, say I choose to focus on the fact that one of my friends lied to me in the past, I may then become upset and opt not to speak to this person again. Let's try this from another angle.

Now, say this same friend lied to me, but I choose to instead focus on his good traits. I may then laugh his action off and continue on with the friendship for many years to come. How we respond to the past will continue to control what happens in the future unless we learn to take control of the present by changing the way we think.

This book was born not out of my desire to be happy but out of the realization that I am already and will always be. Please don't misunderstand me here. I am not saying that I don't experience times of unhappiness and distress. Being happy does not mean you are never unhappy. I have been there many times and will be there time and time again. After the birth of my daughter Erica, I was diagnosed with melanoma, the worst form of skin cancer. Since then, I've had so many moles surgically removed from my body that I've often felt like a piece of Swiss cheese. I've also feared that I would not be around to see my children grow up.

So again, I am by no means saying that I don't experience negative emotions such as anger, doubt, or unhappiness. My ego self still often comes to the surface. What I am saying is that I have totally accepted myself and who I am.

This is the most crucial step on the road to happiness. Without total acceptance, there can be no happiness. In my case, it took me a long time to accept myself with all my so-called “imperfections.” Growing up with a disability was not easy and continues to be difficult today. But I would never change anything about my life. I accept myself and love myself as I am.

It is difficult for many people to love themselves. It seems almost egotistical or conceited. Yet, you will never know your true nature unless you know love. You will never know love unless you give love. It goes full circle because, once again, love and happiness are our true nature.

Total acceptance is so important that I'd like you to try an exercise before we get further into this book. Put this book down and go look yourself in the mirror. I mean really, truly look in the mirror and please be honest with yourself.

The following are the 10 W's of happiness. Please answer the following:

1. Who am I?

2. What do I need?

3. What are my desires?

4. What and who makes me happy?

5. What makes me unhappy?

6. What do I have?

7. What do I want?

8. What am I grateful for?

9. What could I do to be happy right now?

10. What does happiness mean to me?

Your answers to these questions will dictate what you get out of this book. So, again, please take the time to reflect on your answers. If you were to ask me who am I, I would tell you first and foremost that I am the mother of two beautiful girls. This is what is most important to me in my life.

Question four is another significant one. What and who makes me happy? If your grandchildren make you happy, then spend more time with them even if it means getting on a plane and flying across the country. If dancing brings out the happiness within, then don't walk, dance. Do more of whatever makes you happy NOW!

How about what do I need? Well, I used to think that I needed a bigger house. Truthfully, my family and I are pretty cramped in our home. But the fact is I don't need a bigger house, I want a bigger house. There is a big difference between our wants and needs. Too often people don't understand the difference because they are too busy concentrating on what they don't have rather than what they do have. You get the picture. It really helps to put things into perspective.

Look at it this way, going back to the need for a bigger house above, what happens when you get the bigger house? People are constantly falling into the “I'll be happy when” scenario only to realize that they are no happier when they reach their goal. Until you realize that happiness is your true self, you will forever be searching for more. And I guarantee you that you will always come up short.

Once you can appreciate what you already have in your life, you will attract more of it into your life. As Marci Shimoff, best-selling author and featured teacher in The Secret, explains later in this book, “Like attracts like. What you appreciate, appreciates. Whenever you appreciate the happiness that already exists in your life, you attract more of it into your life.”

If your appreciation expands, you will continue to bring happiness to others and hence bring it back to yourself. As the great American psychic Edgar Cayce noted, “Happiness is a state of mind by giving to others.”

This book is not about teaching you how to be happy. It's about what your soul already knows to be true. The following Spirit Boosters are simple tips that can help you choose happiness by changing your thoughts and helping you to focus on the positive. Studies have shown that doing so actually changes the chemistry of your brain. In one such experiment, patients suffering from depression either were treated with drugs or cognitive-behavior therapy. The results revealed that each set of patients experienced completely different changes in the same area of the brain. In other words, positive thinking will actually bring about changes to the makeup of your brain the same way medication can.

I encourage you to use the PT (positive thoughts) Journal in the back of this book. Keeping such a journal will help you develop an attitude about gratitude. How you feel about happiness affects everything else in your life (all of your relationships, decisions, goals, desires…everything!).

Continually emphasizing the things you are grateful for trains your brain to concentrate on the positives in your life rather than the negative. So, while individually some of the Spirit Boosters in this book may seem almost trivial, together and over time these steps are transformative as they can work to bring our true nature to the surface once again.

The Happiness PPF Pre-Test

Happiness means different things to different people, but overall how we think about ourselves, our place in this world and how we act is what differentiates happy people from the less happy people.

Below is what I call the PPF Test. There is, of course, no right or wrong answer. This questionnaire is meant to help you gauge your happiness level by testing your PPF which refers to being:

• Accepting of the PAST

• Actively Happy in the PRESENT and

• Optimistic about the FUTURE

Think each question through and be honest. You will have the opportunity to take this again later to determine whether or not your attitude has changed.