Читать книгу The Office Jungle - Judi James, Judi James - Страница 12

Many of your perceived barriers will include human blockers, such as your boss, colleagues, other staff – and even clients. People are difficult to deal with, and even more difficult to change, because – quite simply – they all think they’re right and believe that their chosen behaviour – however bizarre or repulsive – is justified.

Sometimes spotting the culprits and recognizing their negative behaviour can be the first step to solving the problem.

Here are a few human career-blockers that may benefit from the ministrations of Dyno-Rod:

The Arsonist

Fire-fighters tackle all the urgent, but relatively short-term, chores in the office while losing sight of longer-term goals.

The Arsonist could keep Swan Vesta in business with his or her poor sense of prioritizing, and consequent loud demands for relatively unimportant jobs to be treated as crucial.

The Red-Tape Retentive

These people trust no one and so insist that every job, even the smallest, be stamped, counter-stamped, signed and filed, thereby wasting man-hours and tree forests in their never-ending quest to wrap simple chores with a welter of red tape.

The Cheerful Chatterer

Time them – see how many of your precious hours they waste per week bending your ear and stretching your patience with their cheery banter. We all like a laugh but these people are the Bernard Mannings of the open-plan office. Leave enough space on your desk for them to rest as much as half a buttock and they’ll be with you for so long you’ll lose the will to live.

The Whinger

These are the doom and gloom merchants employed by every responsible firm to spread depression and paranoia among its workforce. They never unfold their arms because their hands have been stapled under their armpits and they can tut quicker than Skippy the Bush Kangaroo. Their yawns are reminiscent of a hippopotamus’s death throes.

Life is pure monochrome for these people – no job will enthuse them or pay-rise impress them. Point out that the sun is shining and they’ll tell you there’s rain forecast for the weekend. Celebrate a promotion and they’ll be the first to inform you that you weren’t first choice for the job. Their pessimism is so contagious they will drain you of enthusiasm faster than liposuction drains fat. Their only pleasure in life comes from making others as miserable and sour-faced as themselves.

The Office Nark

These people will grass you up to the boss and claim they were doing you a favour. They have mouths as wide as the Blackwall Tunnel and will repeat even the most innocuous remark out of context, making it sound inflammatory and mutinous.

The Quicksand

Working in a pack, the Quicksand are there to ensure you sink and then stay at their level. Seemingly friendly they can turn feral at the sight of anyone trying to better themselves.

Like schoolkids, their favourite weapons are sarcasm and silence. Work late or arrive early and they’ll send you to Coventry. Dress smarter than usual and they’ll ask if you’re going for an interview. Fail to slag off the boss and they’ll accuse you of having an affair. They are the peck of salt on your shrivelling slug of ambition.

The Beta-Blocker

The Beta-Blocker constitutes a tangible threat to your career because he or she will block it deliberately – and unfortunately they are often the boss.

With a chip on his or her shoulder so great it should be called a plank they will do everything in their power to prevent you getting on or doing well.

This is called paranoia and is caused by their own insecurity. Beta-Blockers only delegate menial tasks or ones they know are impossible to deal with. If they make a cock-up they will blame it on subordinates. Their communication skills are poor and they will hold back information – which makes working for them like doing a jigsaw with half the pieces missing.

SOLUTIONS

Meeting these characters head-butt-on is guaranteed to cause trouble. Hurdles and barriers are better jumped over than rammed and flattened. Leaping is graceful and takes less energy than stomping, which looks ugly. Always remember:

• These people think they are right and are either unaware of their negative behaviour, or believe it is justified.

• You could well be a Blocker yourself. Did any of those descriptions sound familiar or make you blush?

• Aggression breeds aggression. Handle these people clumsily and you win only a Pyrrhic victory. Don’t forget there is an odd quirk in the British psyche that makes us stand up for the underdog; and Blockers are often adept at feigning wounded innocence when they feel they’re under attack.

• Whenever possible, nip bad behaviour in the bud. The sooner you deal with such people the better. Otherwise their behaviour becomes habitual and they will be shocked and offended if you attempt to modify it, however much tact is employed.

• Be assertive. Get them out of your path – but, where possible, without upsetting or belittling them. Tell them what you want, but at the same time empathize with their problems and needs. Treat them with respect – but be firm and honest, too.