Читать книгу The Office Jungle - Judi James, Judi James - Страница 20

For a big production like a business presentation you may be able to surf your stress, enjoying and employing the adrenalin buzz to make your speech sparkier and wittier.

For everyday use, though, you need to cut free. To do this takes time and application. It also needs trust in the cures, which isn’t easy because many of the options appear barmy.

Stressed-out executives walk a high-wire of jittery mirth. Yoga, mood-music and chanting can induce paroxysms of cynical, ill-concealed laughter. Lying, stretched out, on the floor rediscovering your aura can lead to convulsive attacks of the giggles that can make the stress symptoms seem almost preferable.

If you are addicted to the adrenalin of stress you will find relaxation techniques difficult. In a busy job you will suffer from the ‘four-second’ syndrome, the instant-gratification, instant-results disease that makes you impatient when you aren’t making constructive use of your time, even for four seconds.

Lying on floors listening to whale noises or womb sounds is not for the cynical. Some of the following may be, as they are easy, fast-working and practical.

Loony Tunes

• Sit still. You are achieving nothing by your impression of a whirlwind.

• Find any slow, mediocre ditty you think relaxing and listen to it. Nothing stimulating can pass muster for this, though it’s important it’s stuff you quite like, too. If rain-forest sounds make you jittery, try Mahler or Burt Bacharach. Avoid the Blues or you may slide from stressed to depressed. Play this stuff when you feel stressed-out. Take a Walkman to work, if you feel it would help.

Facial Scrubs

• Sit still.

• Place your elbows on the desk and start massaging your face. Nothing with a psycho-spin to startle your colleagues, just a little eyebrow- or earlobe-rubbing here and there. Maybe a gentle pinch to the bridge of the nose. Or a cool caress along the temples. Slacken the jaw muscles an inch or two along the way.

Pulse Out

• Sit still.

• Place your fingers lightly on your pulse and close your eyes. Listen to your heartbeat. Then do everything you can to slow it down – relax your body. Empty your mind. Breathe deep and slow. The buzz of satisfaction you’ll receive when you realize you have regained control over your own bodily functions will be enormous.

Age in Context

• Sit still.

• Relax your body and close your eyes.

• Visualize. You are a very old person, now retired. There is no office any more, no work – just the annual nursing-home outing to Blackpool to look forward to. Look back on your life. Then think – does this problem I’m stressed about really matter that much? Will it matter to me when I’m reading the Peoples’ Friend and smelling of TCP? Will it? Will it really?

Comfort Zones

• Sit still.

• Do something silly that you enjoyed as a child. Children are expert at formulating their own stress-busting. Cartoons are good. So are lollipops. Find a book you used to enjoy as a kid and drag it out of your bag and read it when the going gets tough. Do this in private if you have a low embarrassment threshold.

Or, do it with enough élan at work and you may even find colleagues will treat you with renewed respect, believing they’re working for a true eccentric genius. Or, at the very least they’ll give you a wide berth in future, which could solve all your stress problems in one fell swoop.