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Chores: not Bores

Chore noun. A small piece of domestic work (freq. in pl.); an odd job; a recurrent, routine or tedious task.

Whether we love or loathe chores, it’s impossible to deny the fact that they are an ever-present aspect of domestic life. Anywhere along the sliding scale between house-proud neat freak and firmly in the chores-are-for-bores camp, our own relationship with, and attitude towards, chores becomes crystallised some time between the age of three and thirty-three. Once established, it’s pretty hard to alter, until, that is, we have children. Most parents would agree that as soon as a baby arrives on the scene, chores not only multiply but they also swell and mutate, unearthing a brand-new set of domestic tasks just when our time to carry out such jobs has been totally eradicated by the newly arrived bundle of joy.

‘Suddenly you have to do the washing up or the laundry, or whatever, as soon as you get a spare minute. There’s no choice. There’s no “I can’t be bothered”. There’s no later. And if you don’t do the basics when you can it can all quickly unravel – from a stinky, overflowing nappy bin and no clean bottles, to no clean mugs for that much-needed tea. It was a learning curve and a half.’

Dad of two, remembering the early days

During the baby years we, as loving, responsible parents, accept and maybe even relish the realisation that we must carry out chores for, and because of, our children; there is usually a tacit acceptance of our fate. But at some point, perhaps as our children turn from tots to preschoolers, or from preschoolers to school-age children, or even from school-age children to teenagers (it hits every parent at a different time), there comes a day, or a moment in a day, when we suddenly feel like the maid. This is neither a positive nor pleasant feeling to experience and it can soon lead to feelings of resentment towards those chores caused directly by children, which, let’s face it, feels like all of them, doesn’t it?

However, it seems that in the UK and the US, parents are more reluctant than their predecessors to ask children to carry out household tasks. Recent studies have shown that children are increasingly not expected to contribute in any real way to the domestic chores of everyday family life, and older children often receive bribes or payment for completing their chores. At what age and exactly how children might become involved in domestic chores is, of course, a parental prerogative, but according to this poll many parents believe that they should involve their children in chores, even if they don’t.

Apart from avoiding that feeling-like-the-maid moment, there are many other good reasons for introducing age-appropriate chores to children at some point in their childhood. For example, by carrying out chores children can:

learn to be confident and responsible

feel an important part of the family

learn to care for themselves

learn to care for others

increase their self-esteem (for a job well done)

develop specific skills like hand–eye coordination and problem-solving

It seems children are perhaps even predisposed to wanting to help with chores; they certainly develop a natural inclination to be kind, even selfless, at a younger age than we might suppose. German psychology researcher Felix Warneken, PhD, showed that at 18 months old toddlers are capable of exhibiting altruistic behaviour. In one experiment, Dr Warneken had an adult, laden with books to put away, pretend to be unable to open the doors to a cupboard. More often than not – without being asked or offered a reward – the toddlers helped.

But here’s the rub: how do you get children to continue to develop those altruistic flashes of behaviour and carry out chores happily as they grow into preschoolers and beyond? How do we avoid the nagging (ours) and the rolling eyes (theirs)?

Certainly our own personal relationship with chores has a bearing on how we present them to our children; if we consider them to be boring and tedious, it’s hard not to transfer this message. I’ll never forget coming in from school – I must have been about twelve years of age – to my little sister, then three years old, playing with her toy iron and board next to my mother who was doing the real thing – the family’s ironing. My sister caught my eye as she wielded her toy iron menacingly and muttered, frowning, ‘Bloody ironing.’ Fortunately, my mum saw the funny side!

However, the same point is relevant to personal chores too. As Steve Biddulph points out in his recent book, Raising Girls, our children definitely take in and will eventually make our attitudes their own – whether we sing while we shower or enjoy putting on our clothes, or whether we frown, stress, grump and hurry our way through life.

Many parents find that older children can be encouraged to complete chores through rewards, praise and recognising the feeling of satisfaction of knowing they’ve completed a task well. My husband, to this day, will be first to offer to put clean covers on the duvets. He puts this enthusiasm down to the fact that when he was about ten years old his mum told him how good and quick he was at it; we are still reaping the rewards of this great, and possibly honest, note of encouragement.

Younger children have different motivational drives though. If we can tap into their intrinsic desire to be kind, busy, productive and playful we really can make chores more than bearable, and actually – wait for it – fun. This is how chores have become my first way to play for toddlers and preschoolers.

Chores aren’t bores; they’re a way to play

By changing the way we present household tasks – not as mundane, boring jobs that need to be done, but as opportunities for playful activity – they can instead be seen as a way to spend quality time with our children. This is especially useful for busy working parents for whom chores and playtime with their children have to exist in the same concentrated period of time.

The key to integrating chores into playtime is to stop thinking that household tasks have to be isolated, parental tasks.

Ways to play and chores for preschoolers

Here are some points to keep in mind when trying to get preschoolers involved in chores:

Make the chore irresistible and fun with a game, a song or a challenge.

Keep it playful.

Change the nature of the chore-play regularly to keep it fresh.

Don’t feel you have to involve your child in every chore.

Don’t expect perfection.

Always supervise.

Use green (and safe) cleaning products around children.

Be encouraging.

Show how pleased you are every time a chore is completed (even if it is not done perfectly).

Always say thank you for helping.

The most common question that parents ask is what exactly is the appropriate age to a) introduce chores, and b) what kinds of chores should children actually be able to complete at specific ages.

If you think of chores as a way to play then you can introduce them from as early an age as you like. As for the actual complexity of the chore, well, of course that will depend on the age of your child, their specific abilities, their dexterity, their maturity and the set up of your home. But by making a job a game, in fact all areas of chore-work can be happily accessed by children as young as two. In some cases they will, of course, simply be playing alongside you while you complete the task, but on occasion they may be able to contribute to the actual outcome in some way. The point is, by making chores fun the domestic tasks get done, your child is happily involved, they don’t learn that chores are tedious and something to avoid at all costs, they practise important life skills and numerous other skills with you through playful activity and you get some quality time together.

Below, I’ve listed the main household chores. I’ve grouped them according to how frequently they might need to be carried out, but, of course, this varies in every home.

Everyday – or most frequent – chores:

Laundry Dusting Vacuuming Sweeping Washing up Dishwasher loading/unloading Setting and clearing the table Making beds Changing sheets Cleaning the bathroom Tidying up Putting rubbish in the bin Picking up after oneself Putting groceries away Cooking

Less-frequent chores:

Cleaning the car Defrosting the freezer Washing windows Garden upkeep Sorting out clothes – outgrown and worn-out

The Mary Poppins Approach

What better way to explain chores as a way to play than to refer to the wonderful cleaning queen and playful governess, Mary Poppins. Her take on how to get the chores done is brilliantly illustrated in the song ‘A Spoonful of Sugar’ in which she tells us, ‘In every job that must be done, there’s an element of fun. You find the fun and – SNAP – the job’s a game. And every task you undertake becomes a piece of cake, a lark and a spree.’

So here are some adult-led spoonfuls of sugar – or rather, playful ideas – to help any household chore become a way to play for you and your little one. Remember to change the nature of the game or challenge every so often to keep it fresh for you and irresistible to your child. Of course, this is not a finite list – I hope these ideas will inspire you to think up your own playful ways to make chores less of a bore.

Laundry

Complete the laundry chores, with your child helping as best they can alongside, in the manner of robots or fairies, magicians or spies.

Make a game of dividing the laundry into piles of different types – colourful, whites and pales – ready for the machine.

Play the colour game – as you sort the laundry, give your child one particular colour to search for and collect.

Set playful challenges for you and your child – how fast can we sort the washing or load the machine? Can we do it faster than last time?

Play ‘What am I?’ – a great describing game as you sort, hang out or fold the clean laundry. ‘I am blue. I have buttons. I have long sleeves. I have cuffs. I belong to Daddy. What am I?’

Try the match the socks game. You could add to the challenge by seeing how quickly your child can complete the task, or by playing a song from a favourite CD or listening to a song on the radio to see how many clean and dry socks they can match before it finishes.

Sing a laundry-themed song to ‘move the job along’ like Mary Poppins does. You could sing ‘A Spoonful of Sugar’, but here are a couple of other suggestions to get you started and add some variety!

On a cold and frosty morning

(To the tune of Here we go round the Mulberry Bush)

This is the way we sort the clothes, sort the clothes, sort the clothes*

This is the way we sort the clothes

On a cold and frosty morning.

See them go round in the washing machine, the washing machine, the washing machine

See them go round in the washing machine

On a cold and frosty morning.

To be washed

Mummy’s found some blue trousers, blue trousers, blue trousers

Mummy’s found some blue trousers – to be washed.

Daisy’s found a white towel, white towel, white towel

Daisy’s found a white towel – to be washed

Set up a mini laundrette in the kitchen while the washing machine does its thing. Most small children will love to handwash dolls’ clothes in a bowl of warm soapy water. Put an old towel down underneath to prevent slips.

Let them have fun folding things – small towels, pillowcases and tea towels are great items with which to practise. Just don’t expect precision corners.

Secure a length of string at each end, to two chairs perhaps, at your child’s shoulder height and let them peg out the socks.

Get to know some laundry-themed stories to recount to each other while doing the laundry. Or your little one could ‘read’ you the story from the book itself.

Laundry-themed picture books

Here are a few of our favourites:

Mrs Mopple’s Washing Line – Anita Hewett

Bare Bear – Miriam Moss and Mary McQuillan

Pants – Giles Andreae and Nick Sharratt

The Queen’s Knickers – Nicholas Allan

The Smartest Giant in Town – Julia Donaldson

Paddington: Trouble at the Laundrette – Michael Bond

Mrs Lather’s Laundry – Allan Ahlberg

Dusting

Children, armed with their own cloth or feather duster, will love following you around, copying you while you dust. Best not to put any cleaning product on their cloth though.

Pop on a motivational tune and see if you can finish the room by the end of the song. Here are a few of our favourites:

‘Heroes’ – David Bowie

‘Take on Me’ – a-ha

‘Jump Around’ – House of Pain

‘Give it Up’ – KC and the Sunshine Band

‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ – Queen

Try singing this song while dusting a room; it’s adapted from the Disney film Peter Pan:

We’re following the leader

We’re following the leader, the leader, the leader

We’re following the leader wherever (s)he may be

We’re gonna dust the table, the table, the table*

We’re gonna dust the table wherever it may be

Vacuuming

When they were very young, my own children were scared of our vacuum cleaner – so much so that one of us used to vacuum while the other took them out for a walk! But some children like the noise and some babies are even soothed by it so much that they fall asleep to it, apparently.

To make the vacuum cleaner more appealing, why not turn it into a hungry, crumb-eating creature by giving it a face. Just add some googly eyes, paper or craft foam brows, ears and nose with some double-sided sticky tape (or Blu-tack for less permanence) just where your little one thinks they should go.

Every time the vacuum cleaner needs to come out, say it’s time for another ‘Adventure with the Crumb-Eating Creature’. The children will love helping with the story (shouting it out above the noise) about where it needs to go to today, what it will eat, and how it has to go to bed when the cleaning is finished.

You can buy a range of toy vacuum cleaners (these are very popular with most preschoolers), but if you don’t want that expense you could simply raid the recycling box for tubes and boxes and, sticking them together with some heavy duty gaffer tape, help your child make their own mini vacuum cleaner. Your children will love copying you with their own scaled-down, lightweight model. I have also seen some children as young as four using a hand-held dust-buster most effectively. If you feel your child is up to this, let them have a go (closely supervising them, of course) and enjoy the fact that they will actually be effectively contributing to getting the carpet clean. (For other details of junk modelling using recycled materials, see here.)

Sweeping the floor

Sweeping is actually quite a complex task that requires a great deal of dexterity and coordination. It’s unlikely that a child under five will be able to achieve what we might call effective sweeping but this doesn’t mean it can’t be a way to play. Usually, soon after the sweeping action is explored, young children drift to playing with the broom in an altogether different way; I am of course talking about using it like a horse, or a balance beam, or if they’ve had any exposure to witches in stories such as Julia Donaldson’s brilliant Room on the Broom – they’ll be flying round the room on it. Or maybe they’ve just seen you being particularly playful with your broom at some point, and are just copying what they’ve seen.

Invest in a miniature (but effective) broom and dustpan set – otherwise you’ll end up tussling over ownership far more than sweeping or playing. Recently I read that just a few years ago, Montessori teachers in the US – who promote sweeping as an important developmental play opportunity for young children – had great difficulty in finding miniature, non-gendered brooms in natural materials – in fact they worked with a manufacturer to enable the making of such ‘specialist’ brooms to be continued. It’s amazing how many good-quality miniature sets are available now, and it means that if your child insists on using the grown-up version, you can still carry out the task effectively while your child is copying you, albeit with equipment on a scale that makes you feel like a giant.

You can have fun mixing up the order of the three parts of the sweeping process by using a song to help you do it right while you and your little one sweep:

Sweep the dirt (sung to the tune of ‘Head, shoulders, knees and toes’)

Sweep the dirt into a pile, to a pile (repeat)

Sweep and sweep and sweep and sweep

Sweep the dirt into a pile, into a pile.

Push the pile into the pan, into the pan (repeat)

Push and push and push and push

Push the pile into the pan, into the pan.

Tip the dirt into the bin, into the bin (repeat)

Tip and tip and tip and tip

Tip the dirt into the bin, into the bin.

Remember to give praise and tell your child what a good helper they are – even though you may well have to re-do the sweeping they attempted after they’ve scooted off to do something else. They’ll definitely be back for more, and gradually their sweeping (and broom-flying) skills will improve.

Washing up

Washing up is often seen as one of the more tedious chores for grown ups. Despite this, young children seem to find it a real treat. When I asked via social media which chores are children’s favourites, washing up came out on top. Of course we can’t get our under-fives to scour pans, safely wash cutlery or clean the best china, but they will easily and enthusiastically manage plastic plates, bowls, cups and wooden utensils.

Invest in an extra washing-up bowl, washing-up brush and a sponge or cloth so that they can sometimes wash up as you do. Just set it all up nearby – either on the floor (with an old towel underneath to prevent slips) or on a low table that they can stand at. You won’t be able to rely on their skill at cleaning, but you can rely on their skill at playing. To them, washing up means a sensory play opportunity; they’ll splish-and-splash in the warm, bubbly water for ages – pouring and swirling, scooping and wiping. And if some of the lunch things get clean in the process – that’s a bonus! They’ll still think they’re washing up whether the items are spotless or not. Young children are more likely to stay interested in washing up if you keep it as an occasional activity that’s different to other water-based play. Offering it as a grown-up job, to help you, is all part of its irresistible charm, it seems.

Dishwasher

If your household has a dishwasher, you can still get your little one to help with the dishes; they’ll happily help load it with the dirty stuff or empty it of its sparkly clean contents as long as you make the process fun.

Set yourselves a challenge – can the dishwasher be emptied before a certain song on the radio finishes? Your toddler could help by collecting the non-breakables.

Play a spotting game where all of the dirty or clean cups, then forks, then bowls and so on are identified by the children and put away by the grown up. Do this against the clock and you’ll have a really fun game on your hands.

Setting and clearing the table

Setting the table can be a fun activity for young children. When my daughter turned four, she went through a phase of turning our dining table into a restaurant every time I asked if anyone would like to do the job. She would make a central flower arrangement, menus, place cards – the lot! This became quite time-consuming in the end, so I had to make sure I asked at least twenty minutes before the meal was actually ready, but it did mean that she happily, and creatively, took on the task.

Make a ‘let’s pretend’ cafe:

Make some personalised placemats; trace around the shapes of where the plate, cup and cutlery should go if your children find it hard to remember. Decorate large paper doilies or A4 paper for temporary mats (or if you have access to a laminator, cover them and they will last longer and be wipeable) with drawings, stickers or pictures cut from magazines.

It’s fun and useful for young children to remember where everybody sits and to think about what the family needs to use during the meal. If they’re feeling particularly creative, let them make place cards, or a menu, or whatever they wish, to create the desired ambiance.

Mealtime rituals and routines differ vastly from family to family, but quite commonly the end of the meal is often the time when children seem to magically disappear and the grown ups are left with the devastation that is the post-dinner dining table. You can occasionally involve the little ones in clearing up the mess with some fun and games, however. For example:

Clear the table with your children helping as best they can alongside, in the manner of robots or fairies, magicians or monsters.

Make some attractive and tactile ‘job stones’ to pick out of a cloth bag to allocate tasks. These are easy to make by painting, drawing or sticking pictures from magazines onto smallish pebbles with PVA glue. Each stone’s picture should represent one of the jobs required to clear the table, for example: collect cups, cutlery, plates and bowls, wipe the table and sweep the floor. The aim is to empty the bag of stones – and complete the jobs – before going off to play something else.

Offer an incentive of a game or some other playful activity at the table once it has been cleared. This can be a real motivator for children of all ages; it’s an example of the When/Then technique (see here).

Making beds

Making the beds is a daily chore that usually takes us grown ups mere seconds in the modern world of duvets, however, small children can find bedding incredibly cumbersome and heavy to manoeuvre. You can still include them, though, by allocating them aspects of the job that they can manage.

Start by making it a job you do together – you could shake and straighten the duvet while your little one plumps and places the pillow.

Young children love to arrange bedtime soft toys. This can be made even more fun with a song:

There was one in the bed

There was one in the bed

And the little one said, ‘Roll over, roll over.’

So he rolled over and another popped in,

Cuddled up tight, and gave a grin

‘Please remember to tie a knot in your pyjamas,

Single beds are only made for one, two. . .’

Continue with ‘three . . . four . . . in the bed’ until all the toys are in position.

Changing the sheets

This is not usually a daily chore, but it still fills some parents with dread – especially if their children have reached the bunk-bed or cabin-bed phase; I know how difficult it is to get the sheets into those bed corners. However, try these playful activities and include your children when you can, and you may even look forward to sheet-changing day.

Have a game of ‘pile-up’. See how quickly you can strip the beds – your child does the pillowcases, you do everything else. The person who finishes their job first gets to ‘flomp’ into the big pile of discarded linen.

‘Monkeys on the bed.’ We have a rule in our house that this game is only allowed when there are no sheets on the beds and when the grown up is close at hand, putting the covers on duvets and pillows; it definitely requires supervision. It’s a fun game that gets them burning off lots of energy. Your little monkeys simply jump up and down on the bed singing the following song (other actions optional):

Monkeys on the bed

Three little monkeys jumping on the bed

One fell off and bumped his head.

Mummy called the doctor, and the doctor said,

‘No more monkeys jumping on the bed.’

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said,

‘No more monkeys jumping on the bed.’

One little monkey jumping on the bed,

He fell off and bumped his head.

Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said,

‘No more monkeys jumping on the bed.’

‘Wonderful wafting.’ When my two children were very small, they loved nothing better than to lie on the floor while we wafted the clean, fresh-smelling sheets and covers over them again and again – and occasionally we covered them up, pretending they’d disappeared. It made them giggle and wriggle so much. If you try this, but need a way out of the game (it is rather open-ended), you might try starting to waft a pillowcase at a doll or teddy. Your child may well take the bait and join in, then take over, that game instead – leaving you free to complete the job in hand.

Cleaning the bathroom

This job often requires the use of cleaning products, so it’s not ideal for young children to get too involved, even if you are using green products. Instead:

Try cleaning the bathroom during bath-time when your child is playing in the tub. You can get a lot done then, whilst being able to supervise the children; you’ll just need to clean the bath at another time. You do, of course, need to keep a close eye on your little one in the bath, so this activity is only suitable for your nearly-five-year-old or an older child.

Make it dolls’ bath-time by setting up a washing-up bowl or a baby bath of warm bubbly water on the floor in the bathroom (with an old towel underneath to prevent slips) to occupy your little one while you clean around them.

Tidy-up time, putting rubbish in the bin and picking up after themselves

I’ve put these chores together because they are all about learning how to live tidily – it’s a journey we all have to make and, let’s face it, often we never get far. When children are babies and toddlers, most parents accept that their little wonders are going to make a mess; they’re going to play with things, sort things, unpack things, throw things, leave things, forget things. They leave a kind of trail-of-play in their wake, or in other words – they make a big ol’ mess. It’s up to us to reset the rooms and put things away after bedtime so it’s ready for the next day of mess-making (otherwise known as playful exploration and discovery). Do bear in mind that it’s definitely worthwhile doing this daily reset; children’s interest soon wanes in anything left out for too long, and it’s amazing how old toys and playthings suddenly become the bee’s knees again after a day or two of absence.

Toddlers can begin their learning to live tidily journey by helping with this end-of-day tidy-up. It really helps if you have lots of tubs, boxes and baskets for their toys and playthings – and shelves at a suitable height. However, don’t expect them to clear away with any great efficiency to begin with. It’s merely the idea and concept of a ‘time to tidy up’ that we’re trying to introduce here.

Have some sort of signal to indicate the start of tidy-up time – perhaps a little bell, shaker or tambourine. Give your child the opportunity to announce it every once in a while, as they’ll love the feeling of power it gives them. The sound signal can be used during tidy-up time too, should anyone forget and start playing again – and that includes the grown ups.

Give your child a choice as to what they’d like to tidy away; for example, cars or books.

‘Gimme five.’ This game works well for preschoolers as they only have to put away five things – but they all have to be different things, so not five Lego bricks, for example.

‘Colour code.’ This is a fun and challenging game for preschoolers who are confident with their colours. Everyone chooses a colour and only puts things away that have that colour somewhere on it. The challenge for slightly older children is that at the end of the game they must guess what colour code the others chose.

Race against each other, the clock, or the length of a song. Most children cannot resist a challenge like this – just decide the race conditions and they’ll be off in a tidying frenzy. Remember that small items scattered all over the floor, such as toy cars and Duplo blocks, can be swept into one place with a broom or dustpan brush before being put away. This can make a job much less daunting, and cut down on the back-and-forth-with-one-item scenario.

Keep spirits high with a favourite song. We’ve enjoyed a hearty rendition of ‘Whistle While You Work’ many a tidy-up time.

Tidy up in the manner of various animals or book characters. Say ‘freeze’ every minute or so and choose a new style of tidying. Ask your children for suggestions – you’ll be amazed at what they’ll come up with and how well they’ll embody the spirit of the craziest things. We’ve tidied up like cupcakes before now. Yes . . . cupcakes.

You’ve probably seen the basketball-hoop bin that is loved by teenagers the world over. Who can resist the challenge of a slam-dunk, even if it is only rubbish being thrown away? Young children won’t have the skills for this kind of precision challenge, of course, but preschoolers love a race against the clock – to the bin and back – to dispose of a handful of rubbish.

For children, picking up after themselves is perhaps the hardest of the tidying-up lessons to learn. It’s the one from which parents often feel their children are deliberately shirking as they approach or reach school age. It’s the moment when the trail of discarded coats, shoes, bags, tissues, jumpers on return from nursery or a day out, or the mess of a day’s worth of play suddenly smacks of our children having no respect for us, their things or their home – although it is important to remember that children are not deliberately trying to make us feel this way. Pave the way for their future independence with playful tidying techniques when they’re little; it’ll definitely help them learn to look after their things themselves as they grow up.

We can get a lot of tips from Montessori educational practice here – which promotes independence and responsibility for one’s self – by ensuring our learning and living spaces reflect this philosophy. We can easily replicate some of their practical ideas in our homes without too much fuss, or expense:

Have hooks for coats and shoe storage close to the entrance of your home – and at an accessible height. As your children master the art of de-coating, make it an automatic next step for them to try to remember to hang it up. Putting up special pegs at their height could be a reward for being so big and grown up. Offer an incentive, a playful activity, once the arriving home jobs have been done. This can be a real motivator for children of all ages; it’s a playful example of the When/Then technique: when they’ve put away their shoes, then they can play with some play dough.

As your child approaches school age, or when you feel they are ready, introduce a few more tidy-up times throughout the day; for example, just before lunch and teatime perhaps, as well as a big one at the end of the day. During these the children can tell you what they’ve finished playing with so just a few things can be put away.

‘Points make prizes.’ This is a game to kick-start, or reinvigorate, interest in picking up after yourself. Make a score chart, however you like, to record every time you or your children notice that they or someone else has picked up after themselves. When you’ve reached a certain score there should be a family treat, like watching a movie or something similar.

Putting groceries away

Grocery shopping with young children in tow is, in my book, a great achievement in itself. It seems most unfair that when we get back home there’s a whole new challenge to undertake. Where is that fairy godmother when you need her? Putting away the groceries is a time-consuming chore which, if left unchecked, can last all day and lead to the unscheduled and unofficial distribution of edible treats to one and all.

The following ideas might help to distract your little one from the ‘I spot, I want’ nightmare as you unpack and get them counting, sorting, stacking and playing alongside you as those treats and special things-for-another-time can be discreetly secreted onto high shelves and into cupboards.

Put your child in charge of the more robust fruit and vegetables – hand them over with the storage utensil of your choice and get them to put them away. Of course, they’ll be playing with them more than actually carrying out the official task, but they’ll love doing it and there’ll be lots of opportunity to find out how many apples or potatoes you bought, or which is the biggest potato or the longest leek.

Give your child a fun, manageable mission and get them to take some non-kitchen items – perhaps things for the bathroom – to the right place. If you time them there and back I bet they’ll not be able to resist trying to carry out the task as quickly as they can, again and again.

‘Pass the packets.’ This game is a fun spotting-and-sorting challenge. Choose one type of grocery item to put away at a time, i.e. packets, tins, boxes or bottles. Work together to spot them all and put them away before moving on to the next category.

Cooking

I’m not talking about baking biscuits and cupcakes here, I mean the daily task of making breakfast, lunch and dinner for the masses. Some people love to cook, they find it relaxing and creatively rewarding, but having to prepare toddler-friendly morsels – every day – whilst simultaneously being in charge of small children, can break even the most dedicated foodie. There are lots of clever things people do to avoid this repetitive chore, such as cook in bulk and freeze in portions, or have weekly menus, but here I’m hoping to break the relentless monotony by making cooking a way to play for you and your little one.

Involve your child in one or more of the cooking tasks once in a while, perhaps even making it their speciality. For example, they could wash the vegetables, break the eggs, grate the cheese, snip the ham, squish the tomatoes, slice the mushrooms or banana with a blunt knife, juice the lemon, choose the herbs by smell – that kind of thing.

Toddlers will also be very happy to occasionally play along with cooking in the kitchen. Hand over a selection of safe kitchen utensils and equipment, for example a real saucepan with a wooden spoon – which is often more tempting than a toy version – and some dried pasta (you can re-use this for play cooking over and over again) and they’ll be ‘cooking’ up a storm in no time.

‘Play along with play dough.’ This activity has got me out of a tight spot many a time when my two children were toddlers. At the kitchen table or equivalent, give your child a ball of herb-infused play dough (recipe), a few toy kitchen utensils, a couple of plastic plates and an empty shoe box (which makes a great oven) and they’ll be happily occupied while you get on with the real deal. Play dough is so versatile; your little one will be able to make anything from peas and pasta, to potatoes and pizza.

Less-frequent chores

Cleaning the car

I only ever contemplate cleaning the car if there are children involved. I’ve yet to meet a child who doesn’t love it, and this makes the whole thing seem much more of an attractive proposition in my book. The car may not get a thorough clean by child alone, but there’ll be fun and laughter in bucket loads to accompany what might otherwise be a rather arduous task. Make sure everyone is in appropriate clothing and footwear so that getting wet isn’t a problem – because they will definitely get wet.

Set up your carwash together before you start: assemble buckets and bowls full of warm soapy water, sponges, brushes and cloths and drinking-water bottles for rinsing. Chamois-leathers and soft cloths need to be kept out of reach until step 4.

Use a sand-timer or equivalent to help move smoothly from one stage of the job to the next. There are five steps:

1 A first rinse: everyone can help rinse the whole car with clean water to remove the scratchy surface dust and dirt. Flinging water from drinking-water bottles is great fun, and easy for little ones to master.

2 Soaping and scrubbing: the grown up should clean the wheels (using a heavy-duty scrubbing brush if possible) as these are likely to be the dirtiest part of the car. The children can soap-up wherever they can reach.

3 Rinsing off the soap: as step 1, but the aim of the game is to rid the car of bubbles rather than to just wet it. Start from as high as possible and work down the car, for efficient de-soaping.

4 Drying: use a chamois to dry the bodywork – wring it out frequently while your little one uses a piece of newspaper to get the windows smear-free. They may need to stand on their sink-step to do this.

5 Cleaning inside the car: you could vacuum while your child cleans the dust off the dashboard and so on. Soft paintbrushes can often get into the hard-to-reach dusty and crumby nooks and crannies. I swear by baby wipes for a thorough de-stickying of door handles, gear stick and steering wheel. Young children will find being allowed to sit in the front of the car very exciting – do allow time for their imaginative play, as they will undoubtedly ‘drive’ you to the beach or the zoo.

Defrosting the freezer

This is a relatively infrequent job, but sometimes it’s imperative. You know that moment? It’s when it becomes impossible to open or close the freezer drawers without using the force of ten men, and there’s only the freezer’s own ice in there anyway. Sometimes, you have no choice but to carry out this chore while in charge of little ones – so here are a few ways to manage that eventuality:

While you’re emptying the frozen stuff into cool bags to preserve what you can, empty your ice-cube tray onto a large flat metal or plastic tray for your little ones to play with. Ice cubes glide, skid and crash brilliantly – a bit like bumper-cars. Add a little silver glitter, plastic toy animals and figures and you’ll have a brilliant small-world Polar landscape for your little one to enjoy. (See here and here for more ideas for small world play.)

If you have one of those no-mess Aquamats, let your child draw with the melting ice cubes instead of the water-filled pens it comes with; it’s a very satisfying experience.

If the ice cream is simply not going to stay frozen enough to make it back into the freezer, why not treat yourselves to a home-made sundae while your freezer is defrosting? Let your little one help with scooping the ice cream, adding any sprinkles, fruit and sauce that you have to hand. These extras could be presented to the children in your empty ice-cube tray (if there’s a few of you) so there’s just enough of everything displayed and ready for self-service.

Cleaning windows

Some people recommend cleaning the windows twice a year, but I know that we wash some of our windows more often than that – and others (those we can’t easily reach) about . . . never. If you use your windows in play (which I really hope you might consider, if you don’t already) – you will need to wash them more frequently, of course, but at least it’ll be because they’ve been dirtied through use and not just accumulated grub. I don’t know why that makes me feel better, but it does. My mum said she loved it when her grandchildren came to visit her because she would see their little hand marks on the glass doors out to the garden and note them getting just a little higher up the pane each time. Apparently, she sometimes didn’t wipe them off, just to remind her of our last visit. I suspect that’s a grandmother-love-thing, but remembering this means I’m never miffed at finger marks on our windows.

Allocate an accessible windowpane for your child to clean while you clean others nearby. Of course you will have to go back and properly wash their window later, but this chore is much more fun if you have a little help-mate close by.

Hand over some neoprene (craft) foam shapes or those foam shapes or letters for use in the bath, plus a little water in a plastic pot or cup and small paintbrush. Your child could then decorate one of the windows.

Sorting out outgrown and worn-out clothes

There’s nothing like the simultaneous change of season and a growth spurt to suddenly render 70 per cent of a child’s wardrobe useless. If your children’s clothes need a bit of a sort out, try this three-pile sorting game. My children loved playing this when they were under five, and although it would often lead to some sudden sentimentality about clothes that had been fiercely refused before, it worked as a fun way to get the job done, with the children conveniently there to check what fitted and what didn’t. Tumble the contents of their wardrobes and drawers onto their bedroom floor and let the Goldilocks Three-pile Sort begin. The three piles could be:

Clothes that are too small (or too worn out) to keep – to give or throw away

Clothes that are too big (perhaps inherited from older siblings or cousins, and the like) – to store away

Clothes that are just right and fit your child now

The third pile will inevitably, and annoyingly, always be the smallest pile, but at least you’ll have had fun finding out, and got a handy reminder about some of your children’s clothes that may have got lost in the mix.

Gardening

Whether you have a huge garden or just a windowbox and front porch, the general maintenance and upkeep of your outside space can be a way to play for young children. Of course, for many, gardening is an activity that is not a chore, but rather is a hobby – a passion even – and green-fingered parents happily and naturally want to pass on to their children their love of gardening.

The benefits of gardening with little ones are numerous and well documented; learning through outside play, growing things, looking after plants, finding mini-beasts and getting muddy, allowing children to connect with nature and develop an understanding about the world around them. There are numerous concerns for safety when gardening, though, so children should always be supervised when outdoors, and hands should always be washed after any gardening activity. We will discover more ways to play in the garden later in this book, but starting with the basics, here are a few ways in which you can begin to include young children in some very gentle, general gardening jobs:

Get them to collect up litter or debris like fallen branches and twigs. This can be made fun by putting a time limit on it – challenge yourselves to see how fast you can clear the garden together. The best twigs and sticks can be kept for playing with at a later date, and this promise could be used as a motivational carrot, to find for example, the best stick to become their new wand. We’ve painted sticks and twigs with poster paint before; they look marvellous. If you gather enough you could also make a tepee for toys. Just tie the tops of the twigs with twine and splay out the other ends.

Sweep or rake up stray leaves on lawns, walkways and paths. You can buy miniature versions of good-quality garden brooms and rakes for your little one to try to help; this will need careful supervision, though, as rakes can be a bit pointy and pokey if not used correctly. Or you could sweep up the leaves yourself, making it playful by piling them up into artful shapes or maze-like pathways for your little ones to enjoy. Hand over to your children the most beautiful of the leaves as if they’re treasure – they’ll soon be collecting their own. These can be played with there and then, or saved to use in an art activity later. Or set them a challenge to find the biggest/smallest/brightest/pointiest leaf.

Clear moss from stone or brick walkways which could become slippery. How satisfying for little ones to be allowed to prise away the green stuff. Let them use a small trowel or teaspoon for this. Save the moss for making a miniature garden later.

Children love helping with watering. This job is best done in the early morning or late evening, when you will lose the least amount of water to evaporation. There are some great lightweight mini watering cans available for little gardeners. This is a good time to teach children about where water comes from, and how we use it. Make your own rain collectors by using large, empty water or soft-drink bottles. Simply cut off their tops (where the neck of the bottle begins) and rest the offcuts on top, upturned, to prevent large bits of unwanted debris (or animals) getting stuck inside.

Weeding is a job that requires supervision; although many weeds can be easily pulled up, roots and all, by small children, you need to make sure they check with you before pulling anything up, in case it’s a plant! Rather than composting the weeds, many smallish weeds make fabulous shrubs and trees for miniature gardens. If the roots are intact as you pull them up, pass the best-looking weeds to your little one to plant up in a flowerpot, planter or small wooden container.

Give the children a mucky job that won’t cause damage to your plants! Discovering mini-beasts and worms is all part of the gardening experience, and collecting such creatures for investigation will keep them busy while you work. You need a suitable container (with air-holes) as a temporary base for the mini-beasts, some damp soil and a few stones. Add magnifying glasses and torches for the budding biologist. If your children find snails, slugs or caterpillars (or their eggs) on the underside of the leaves, make sure they tell you, so you can decide how to deal with them. My daughter adores snails and insists on making little habitats for them, but none of us are that keen on slugs (a huge pest in our garden), so I always get a call to come and remove the wee beastie if she discovers one. Above all, lead by example: show the children how to hold the creepy crawlies without hurting them, and that you respect them by always putting the little creatures back when you have finished with them.

Pruning and trimming is a job for the grown up, but depending on their length and number, the offcuts are great for play. Smallish, tender offcuts can be handed over for some imaginative garden ‘cooking’ – to be ripped up and stirred into old pots and pans along with grass cuttings, mud and water. Larger and more numerous branches and trimmings can make outside dens, or as the scenery of a small world setting for vehicles, animals or fairies.

Planting may well be a seasonal or infrequent job, depending on the size and type of your outside space, as well as your interest in gardening. You may have no flowerbeds whatsoever, so any planting will be constricted to containers. If you have a large mature garden with well-established plants, shrubs and trees you may wish to allocate a small flowerbed for easy-to-grow plants to be cultivated by yourself and your little one.

Quick and easy plants to grow with the kids

Here are some of the easiest plants to grow and look after:

Sweet peas: You don’t need a big garden to grow these beautifully scented flowers, they are ideal for a large pot or a windowbox.

Sunflowers: One of the best plants to get children started on. They are easy to grow and the seeds are cheap to buy. Children of all ages love them, and because they are quick-growing they keep them interested over several months.

Lamb’s ears: Children love stroking this plant’s soft velvety leaves, and the spikes of purplish-pink small flowers are attractive to bees, so ideal for a bug watch.

Snapdragons: These flowers are pretty and easy to grow. If you gently pinch their blooms they look like roaring dragons.

Marigolds: The blooms are vibrant yellows and oranges, and the plants are pretty forgiving if you forget to water them. The kids can plant them in pots or, if they are prone to forgetting to water them, they will find their own way in a sunny flowerbed.

Nasturtiums: Sow the seeds in pots in spring and the foliage then large orange and yellow blooms will quickly appear. Great for playing food games with, as the flowers are edible.

Tomatoes: Every gardening beginner’s favourite. You can grow them from seedlings planted straight into a compost bag or large pot. They need a sunny spot and a fair bit of watering, but there’s nothing like growing your own to encourage young children to try eating tomatoes.

Herbs: These plants are a wonderful source of scent. Lavender and rosemary are pretty tough, and both have purple-ish small flowers that attract bees. Rosemary can be used in cooking, and the petals of lavender can be dried and then used to make sweet-scented pocket-pillows or pot pourri.

Get your children interested in nature while they are out in the garden with you, and make their job the one of feeding the birds. You can very simply make a birdbath by using a terracotta flowerpot saucer or an old ceramic plate placed on top of an upturned flowerpot. Make sure it is kept clean and is filled with fresh water often – young children love to help with this. Providing birds with food, especially in the winter when the ground is frozen, is very important. Most garden centres sell seasonally-appropriate food to scatter on the ground, or on a bird table. You can also make bird-feeders with your children to hang from trees. Our favourite are apple- and seed-feeders which seem to attract most birds to our garden. (See for how to make this garden bird-feeder with your children.) The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has further tips for looking out for garden birds. Visit: www.rspca.org.uk/allaboutanimals/wildlife/inthewild/feedinggardenbirds/birdfeedingguide

Brilliant books for budding gardeners

There are some funny and beautifully illustrated picture books about gardens and gardening to pique interest and entertain you and your little ones. Here are a few of our favourites:

The Enormous Turnip – a classic folk tale retold by many and available worldwide in various editions

The Carrot Seed by Ruth Krauss

Monkey and Robot in the Garden by Felix Hayes and Hannah Broadway

Ben’s Butterfly Garden by Kate Petty and Axel Scheffler

Flora’s Flowers by Debi Gliori

Eddie’s Garden: and How to Make Things Grow by Sarah Garland

How about singing while you do your garden chores? Here are a few of our favourites:

D’you know the parts of a plant? (Sing to the tune of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes)

D’you know the parts of a plant, of a plant?

D’you know the parts of a plant, of a plant?

Flower and leaf

And stem and root

D’you know the parts of a plant, of a plant?

Lavender’s blue and Roses are red medley

Lavender’s blue, dilly dilly

Lavender’s green

When I am king, dilly dilly

You shall be queen.

Roses are red, dilly dilly

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet, dilly dilly

And so are you.

For more information and seasonal suggestions for gardening with children, visit the Royal Horticultural Society website at www.rhs.org.uk/Children/For-families

*change the action to sing about different types of laundry jobs like ‘hang out the clothes’, or ‘fold the clothes’.

*Change to other areas or pieces of furniture such as the banister, the bookshelf, the TV, the windowsill or the picture frame