Читать книгу It’s a Wonderful Life: The Christmas bestseller is back with an unforgettable holiday romance - Julia Williams - Страница 22

It occurs to me as I get home with Mum and start unpacking the shopping that I should take my own advice. In the month since Jo ditched me and I got made redundant, I have been utterly miserable. I’m missing Jo badly, and resisting the urge to call her as I know that it won’t do any good. I have no money, and have been feeling so emotionally battered I can’t even think about work.

I can’t do anything about my relationship status, but getting a new job would go some way to restoring my low self-esteem. I’ve been feeling so unhappy, I haven’t bothered up till now. So when we get in, the first thing I do is sign up for some job agencies, and start looking for credit control opportunities. I wasn’t too long in my last job so my CV is up to date, and I know they’ll give me a good reference. It wasn’t as though they were unhappy with my work. It was just bad timing that I came into the company when things were starting to go badly. An unfortunate example of last in, first out.

I stare out of the window at the grey January day. It’s such a bleak month, especially when you’re unhappy. All that hope and expectation of Christmas gone, and nothing to look forward to. Maybe I should go away somewhere, get some winter sun, just to cheer myself up. In fact, maybe I should make Mum go with me. I can’t remember the last time she and Dad went away properly. It would give us both a chance to clear our heads. I have a little money saved up, and besides, what else are credit cards for?

I’ve just clicked on a website offering winter breaks when my phone buzzes. Jo. Oh fuck, I’m not ready for this. She’s sent me a couple of texts since the New Year, but I’ve ignored them. I’m not strong enough to cope with her yet.

How are you doing? Worried about you xxx

Really? Really? Why would she even care? She was the one who broke my heart. I’m so angry with her for saying this that I break my no contact rule and before I can stop myself I’m furiously typing out a reply.

You could have fooled me, I text back.

Don’t be like that, Lou Lou, is the response. Can’t we be friends?

Of course we can’t. I’m far too raw. What is she thinking? I want to text something angry back, but I know from bitter experience (oh, I have so much bitter experience!) that it won’t help, so I content myself with: Sorry, not ready for that yet. Maybe one day.

The phone beeps again. It seems such a shame. Didn’t we have some good times?

Yes, we did, I think, and then some not so good times. I had hoped that she was the real deal, that finally I’d found someone to share my life with, but for her I was clearly a little interlude. I can’t say any of that though, without sounding appallingly needy, and I won’t give her the satisfaction.

Sorry, Jo, that’s the way it is. Please don’t text me.

Not unless you want me back, I’d like to add, but I know that’s not going to happen.

I switch my phone off, and return to the website. A week in Tenerife looks like the best thing ever. Life’s too short to be miserable. I click on the link before I can change my mind, and quickly book our flights. Mum will probably think I’m interfering, but I reckon we both deserve the break.