Читать книгу At Her Service: His Baby! / Major Attraction - Julie Miller - Страница 11

A warning bell went off in the back of her mind, and Kelly knew that sooner or later she and Jeff were going to have to settle this marriage business once and for all. But now, she told herself, wasn’t the time. Now she only wanted to find him. Hold him. Feel his arms go around her and pretend that this was all just a repeat of their first two weeks together.

Her gaze swept the dark room and noted instantly the billowing curtains fluttering at the open sliding glass doors. Moonlight was dim now, as morning looked to be just an hour or so away. She moved closer to the tiny balcony and noticed the stars fading in a slowly lightening sky. Then her gaze locked on Jeff’s broad, bare back.

Worn, faded blue jeans were his one concession to clothing and they clung to his rear and long legs so closely that he looked even sexier than he would have naked. He stood, one hip cocked, hands on the rail, staring out at the smooth-as-glass ocean. The scent of the sea wafted through the doors at her, and she lifted her chin into the soft breeze, feeling damp, cool fingers draw her hair back from her face.

Taking a deep, fortifying breath, she stepped out onto the balcony and took up a spot beside him.

He wasn’t startled by her presence, and Kelly had the eerie feeling that he’d known all along that she’d been there behind him. Must be some sort of sixth sense a man acquired after spending years fighting for his life. That thought flitted through her mind, and she quailed from it. She didn’t want to think about Jeff in danger. Jeff, hiding in jungles, dodging bullets from an unseen enemy. She’d managed to avoid imagining such scenarios during the year and a half they were apart and she sure as heck didn’t want to think about them now.

“You’re up early,” she said, keeping her gaze fixed on the horizon and the sweep of pale pink color just beginning to reach across the sky from the east.

“Used to it, I guess,” he said, keeping his voice as soft as the morning. He glanced at her briefly, then looked back at the ever changing ocean. “My T-shirt looks good on you.”

“Thanks. I, uh, couldn’t find my clothes,” she said on a chuckle.

He smiled and Kelly’s gaze locked on his profile. High cheekbones, a strong jaw and a nose that looked as if it had been broken more than once, all combined to make a face so ruggedly chiseled, Jeff was a poster boy for God’s best work. He turned to look at her, and the look in his eyes sent a pang of emotion shooting straight into her heart.

“What?” she asked, reaching over to cover one of his hands with hers. “What is it?”

“I’ve been thinking,” he admitted. “It’s a good time for it. Quiet. Just before the day’s born.”

“And?” she asked hesitantly, hoping to heaven he wasn’t going to start on the whole marriage thing again so soon.

“And,” he repeated on a sigh, “I was wondering. What did you look like pregnant?”

The question was so not what she was expecting, Kelly only stared at him for a long minute. Then when it fully registered, she gave a short, rueful laugh and shook her head. “Like a beach ball,” she said. “Short and round.”

In fact, through most of her pregnancy, she’d been seriously grateful that Jeff couldn’t see her. Short women and pregnancy were not a good match, she thought and remembered how she used to stare at the taller moms-to-be at her doctor’s office with such envy. Even at their biggest, those women had somehow managed to look … aglow. While Kelly, on the other hand, had looked like a barrel with legs.

She’d often wondered if Jeff would have been appalled or entranced by the changes in her body, but the coward in her was simply pleased she’d never have to find out.

“I bet you looked beautiful.” She laughed then, a loud, short burst of sound that had her clapping one hand over her mouth. After all, it was a little early to be waking everyone else at the hotel.

“Not even close,” she said. “My brothers insisted that if there was just some way to rig the lights, they’d hire me out as a blimp.”

He scowled at that, and Kelly was instantly sorry she’d mentioned her brothers. “They were just teasing me,” she said quickly.

“Yeah, right,” he muttered, more to himself than to her, and added, “at least they were here for you,” so softly she almost missed it. “Jeff …”

“Did you hate me?” he asked bluntly, and this time kept his gaze fixed on the water below them. “For leaving you pregnant and alone?”

“No,” she said, pulling him around until he was forced to look at her. She had to convince him of this, if nothing else. “Of course not. First,” she reminded him, “I wasn’t alone. My family was here.”

“Yeah, and they were thrilled with me.” “This isn’t about them.” “You’re right,” he said. “This is about you and me, and I need to know. Did you hate me?”

She looked directly into his eyes, willing him to read the truth in hers. Then she said very slowly, “No. I never hated you for making me pregnant.” Some of the tension seeped out of his body, and she went on quickly, hoping to ease away the rest. “It’s not as if I had nothing to do with it, you know.”

A small, too brief smile quirked his mouth and was gone again. “Yeah, I remember.”

“It wasn’t either of our faults that the condom failed.”

“I’m still thinking about suing the company,” he growled.

“Pointless,” she told him. “It says right on the box that they’re ninety-eight percent effective. They gave themselves an out clause.”

“Hmm … clever and ineffective.”

Stewing about how and why a condom failed was useless. She’d learned that herself eighteen months ago. Better to just deal with the reality and accept it. “Jeff, what happened, happened for a reason.”

“You believe that?”

“I do,” she said, and put every ounce of her conviction into the words. She meant it. Every time she looked into Emily’s little face, that feeling grew. There was a reason for that baby. A reason she’d been conceived against all odds. A reason she’d come into the world at all.

Just because Kelly didn’t know what that reason was, didn’t negate it.

“Wish I knew what it was,” he murmured.

“Does it really matter?” she asked, and hoped he’d say no. For Emily’s sake, she didn’t want her baby’s father to be regretting the child’s existence.

A long minute passed before he answered her, and Kelly didn’t realize she was holding her breath until it whooshed out of her chest when he spoke.

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Good,” she said, feeling relief sweep through her. For Emily’s sake, she told herself. It was only Emily’s feelings she was concerned with here.

Turning her around in his grasp, Jeff faced the ocean again and drew her close, her back to his front. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly and said, “Tell me about it.”

“It?” she asked, reaching up to lay her hands on his crossed forearms.

“Your pregnancy. Labor. Delivery.” He shrugged and she felt the motion ripple through her. “I want to know everything. Everything I missed.”

His voice carried a silent plea that arrowed into her heart in a swift, sure thrust. He had missed so much, she thought. He’d come home from a series of dangerous missions to discover a daughter he’d known nothing about. And now he was trying, the only way he could, to become a part of that little girl’s life. To know her as her mother did. To be more than the man who’d created her.

To be her father.

Kelly’s heart ached sweetly, and she caressed his arms with gentle, soothing strokes.

Somewhere off to the east, the sun was rising, reaching out with warm hands to caress the night sky and draw pale, soft colors onto its surface. Five stories below them, a handful of surfers in wet suits were already in the cold water, paddling out on the glassy ocean, waiting, hoping for waves to begin a slow curl toward shore.

And while the world woke up, Kelly talked.

Jeff listened and as she spoke, his mind created images to go along with the words. In his imagination, he saw Kelly, round with his child. Going to work, playing with the kindergartners she so clearly adored. Unwrapping clumsily wrapped presents for the baby. Hearing the baby names twenty five-year-olds had come up with.

He saw her in the doctor’s office. Felt her excitement at her first ultrasound when she actually saw Emily inside her. And he also felt a flash of regret that he hadn’t been there, holding her hand, staring at that screen and trying to make out the features of his child on a fuzzed-out screen. He listened to her talk about her brothers and tried not to resent the fact that it had been the Rogan brothers who’d been there to help her, not him. They’d mowed her grass, taken her grocery shopping, set up Emily’s crib and painted the nursery. They’d been there for their little sister at the most important time of her life, while Jeff hadn’t even had a clue as to what was going on.

A flash of useless, directionless anger shot through him with the force of mortar fire, lighting up his insides. Even knowing that it wasn’t his fault … that he hadn’t known … didn’t seem to help.

When she described her labor, though, Jeff was torn between being grateful he’d missed the opportunity to see her in pain and more regret that his hadn’t been the hand she’d clung to. No, that job had fallen to Kevin Rogan. The oldest brother. The man who’d taken his first opportunity to punch Jeff dead in the face.

And damn if Jeff could find it in him to blame the guy.

“Then,” Kelly was saying, and he gave his attention back to her, “Emily was there and the doctor was holding her up like a bowling trophy.” She laughed and Jeff smiled to hear it. “And Emily, she opened her eyes and I swear, Jeff, she looked right at me. The doctor swore that she couldn’t see anything, but I know different. Emily looked at me as if asking, ‘What the heck is going on around here, Mom? What’s all the noise about?”’

He chuckled and rested his chin atop her head, seeing it all through her eyes, wishing he’d been there to see it all for himself.

“Then he laid her across my chest,” she said, her voice so soft he had to strain to hear it. “And she stared into my eyes, took hold of my finger in the tightest grip you could imagine and in that instant, she slipped right into my soul.”

Tears stung his eyes and Jeff was so surprised, he blinked frantically to keep them at bay.

A long minute passed before she sighed and told him fondly, “Kevin was crying like a baby.”

Jeff scowled at the thought of the man who clearly hated the sight of him, being the one to witness the miracle of Emily’s birth.

“He pretended he wasn’t, of course,” she was saying. “No Marine, on pain of death, would ever admit to that, but then you know that, don’t you?” “Damn right,” he agreed, and blinked more quickly.

“I wish you could have been there,” she murmured.

A cold, tight fist squeezed his heart until it felt as though it were being wrung from his chest. “So do I, baby,” he said softly, and kissed the top of her head. In fact, he knew that for the rest of his days, he would be sorry he’d missed out on so much. It was a time that could never be recaptured. The magic couldn’t be revisited.

No. There was nothing he could do about the past.

But the present and the future were up for grabs.

His mind raced, going first in one direction, then another, trying to find places, spots where he could infiltrate Kelly’s and his daughter’s lives. He wanted—no, needed—to be involved in what was happening now.

God knew, he didn’t know anything about family life. And even less about children. But that little girl was his baby. A part of him. And he wouldn’t be denied the chance to be in her life. To have her know him. To be something more than he ever had been before.

And then it hit him.

Keeping his voice even, he asked, “Who watches Emily when you’re at work?”

She stiffened slightly in his arms, and Jeff knew she was all set to get defensive. Well, he’d just have to disarm her. Shouldn’t be any more hazardous than dealing with a land mine.

“Don’t you start, too,” she warned, her voice as stiff as her posture.

“Start what?”

“Kevin is forever giving me grief about Emily being in day care for half a day. I don’t need the two of you double-teaming me.”

“Hey, hey. Don’t shoot!”

“What?”

“Take your finger off the trigger, baby,” he said quietly, turning her in his arms again until he could look down into her eyes. No way was he going to be set alongside Kevin Rogan in her eyes as though they were a team or something. “I’m not in a position to give you grief over any decision you’ve made for Emily.”

She relaxed just a bit, but not by much. “Okay,” she said, and ducked her head briefly before looking up at him again. “But you do have more right to an opinion than Kevin.”

Damn straight, he wanted to say, but wisely, didn’t.

“I was just asking,” he said.

She nodded. “You know I teach at St. Matthew’s.”

“Yeah …” He remembered her telling him all about her class at the local Catholic school.

“Well,” she continued, “the teachers there also run a day care for the parents of students, and Emily spends her mornings there while I’m at class.” Then, as if he was going to attack, she hurried on. “It’s a wonderful setup. I can visit her at recess and naptime. The nun in charge is a lovely woman and she really loves the kids. Gives them plenty of attention.”

While she described the school and day-care center, Jeff’s mind wandered. Hell, he’d been raised mostly in a Catholic orphanage in St. Louis, so he figured he had more firsthand knowledge of how well nuns looked after children than she did. But then, Kelly wasn’t aware of most of his childhood circumstances and now wasn’t the time to give her more details.

“I’m convinced,” he said, only to slow down the rush of words. “Besides, I only wanted to know because—” Did he really want to do this? Yes, he thought. He did. “I was thinking. Maybe while I’m home on leave, I could take care of Emily while you’re at work. Give me a chance to get to know her and for her to know me.”

Kelly looked at him for a long, thoughtful minute, and he would have given plenty to know what exactly she was thinking. Then she spoke and the mystery was solved.

“You want to take care of her? Alone? By yourself?”

“Yeah,” he said, unconsciously straightening up under her steady regard. What?

“But, Jeff, you’ve told me yourself that you’ve never had much to do with kids.”

“I was one once—doesn’t that count?” She smiled. “Do you even know anything about babies?”

“I know they can’t breathe underwater,” he said, keeping a straight face. “Very funny.”

“I know they need to eat. They need to be changed. And they sleep a lot.”

“Uh-huh.”

She didn’t look convinced. “Look, Kel,” he said, “how hard can it be? I’m a Marine, for God’s sake. The U.S. government trusts me with million-dollar machinery. Surely I can be trusted to spoon mashed-up bananas into my daughter’s mouth.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, of course I want you to spend time with Emily. I want her to know you. I want you to be able to see just how special she is.” Kelly laid both open palms on his chest, and he wondered if she could feel the thundering beat of his heart. “It’s just—” “You’re worried.” “A little.”

“I can do this, Kelly,” he said, needing to prove to both her and himself that he was right. “Trust me.”

“I do trust you—”

“Then it’s settled?”

She chewed nervously at her bottom lip, and his gaze followed the motion. His body stirred into life as he planned on biting that lip himself. Once he had her answer.

“I guess so,” she said, forcing a smile she clearly didn’t feel.

“Excellent,” Jeff said. It didn’t matter that “I guess so” wasn’t exactly a glowing approval. He’d take what he could get. Gripping her tightly about the waist, he lifted her off her feet long enough to plant a long, satisfying kiss on the mouth that drove him to distraction. When he set her back down, she blinked up at him.

“Tomorrow morning, you’ll come over to my place, then?”

That was one way of handling the situation, he thought, but he had another way in mind. They had a long, lazy Sunday ahead of them. And if he worked this just right, he’d spend the night lying in Kelly’s bed at her house. Then he’d be there, ready to step in and care for their daughter first thing in the morning.

Still, probably a good idea if he didn’t throw his plan at her all at once.

“You bet, baby,” he said, pulling her close enough that she couldn’t help but feel the rock-solid proof of how much he needed her again.

Her eyes widened, then went smoky dark, and he knew she was feeling everything he was. Good. He wanted to make himself indispensable to her over the next thirty days. He wanted to prove to her that he could be everything she and his daughter needed.

“But for now,” he pointed out, bending his head and stopping just a breath away from kissing her, “we’ve got a long Sunday with lots of hours to kill.” He leaned closer, his lips tasting, tugging at hers. “Got any ideas?”

“Oh,” she whispered, lifting her arms to encircle his neck. “A few.”