Читать книгу At Her Service: His Baby! / Major Attraction - Julie Miller - Страница 8

And that was a word he’d never thought to use in a sentence.

Married.

He scraped one hand across his jaw and looked down into Kelly’s sea-green eyes. Jeff had never once in his entire life considered the idea of marriage. Hell, why should he? He’d spend most of his growing-up years in a too-crowded county home. And when he’d finally been placed in a foster home, he’d seen up close and personal just how miserable a bad marriage could be on everyone.

He’d escaped that home as soon as he turned eighteen and enlisted in the Corps. There, he’d found his niche in the world. The one place he belonged. The notion of honor and duty had struck a chord with him, giving Jeff the firm footing he’d always craved. He’d excelled in marksmanship and handling explosives, eventually earning himself a spot in Recon Forces, the Marine Corps’s answer to the Navy SEALs—only better. It was an important job and a dangerous life. One that didn’t lend itself to home-and-hearth type relationships. Which had never bothered him any, since until Kelly he’d never really had anyone to care about.

And as to being a father? Well, that went along with marriage in his mind. He’d been the unwanted child of an unwed mother and wasn’t about to foist that burden on some unsuspecting kid of his own.

Nope. Emily was his daughter. And he was going to do right by her.

“We are not getting married,” Kelly told him with a shake of her head.

“Oh, yes, we are,” Jeff told her. “As soon as I can arrange it.”

“Listen, Jeff,” she said.

“No,” he interrupted her quickly. He knew what his duty was here. He’d left Kelly holding the proverbial bag eighteen months ago. Okay, sure, he hadn’t known about it. But now that he did, he was going to make up for not being around when she’d needed him.

He’d thought of Kelly so often during the past year and a half. Every dream was filled with her image. Every spare moment, his thoughts turned to her. He’d mailed postcards from every port, enjoying for the first time actually having someone at home to write to. It hadn’t mattered that there’d been no way to receive mail from her. It had been enough just knowing she was there. At home. Safe. He’d enjoyed the thought that she might actually miss him. And how many times had he wondered if she thought of him as much as he had her?

Well, now he knew that she couldn’t have helped thinking of him. She had a living, breathing reminder of him right there with her, twenty-four hours a day.

And something inside him was so damn grateful that she hadn’t ended the pregnancy. That she hadn’t given his child away. Emotion coiled in his gut, and he fought it down. The only way to win a battle was to stay clearheaded, and judging by the look in Kelly’s eyes, they were about to go to war.

“Jeff, getting married isn’t the answer here.”

“What is?” he asked, and from the corner of his eye, he saw little Emily pulling herself up in the crib again. Strong, he thought. And healthy. And damn pretty, he told himself.

Kelly opened her mouth, then snapped it closed again. Lifting both hands high, she let them fall back to her sides and then shrugged. “I don’t even know if there is an answer. I just wanted you to know about Emily. I want you to be a part of her life, if you want to.”

“If I want to?” he asked. Could she really believe that he’d turn and run when confronted with a child he’d created? Did she think so little of him?

“Wrong choice of words,” she said, lifting one hand, palm out in a peaceful gesture. “Of course you want to. All I meant was that Emily deserves to know her father.”

Yeah, he thought. She did. But what would she think of a man who didn’t have the slightest idea of just how to be the father she deserved? Would he let her down? Would he not be good enough?

The baby slapped at his hands, still curled around the top rail of the crib. Jeff’s gaze shifted to the little girl, and he found himself staring into eyes so much like his own, it was eerie. An unseen fist tightened around his heart and squeezed until the sensation was damn near painful.

Then Emily grabbed hold of a fistful of his shirt and lifted one small foot as though trying to climb the bars enclosing her. She wanted up and she wanted him to lift her. Just why that hit him so hard was a mystery to Jeff, but giving in to the child and his own temptation to hold her, he cupped his hands beneath her arms and picked her up. Her feet bounced and kicked and she threw herself at him, trusting him to hold on to her. To keep her safe.

And as easily as that, she fell into his heart. And that heart, the one he’d thought was so insulated against love, stirred with feelings so deep and so thick, he wasn’t sure what to do about them. Just as he didn’t have a clue what to do about Kelly.

Granted, his proposal wasn’t the most romantic one in the world. But hey, he’d never done this before.

One arm cradling her well-padded behind, Jeff kept his free hand on Emily’s back to make sure she wouldn’t take a dive backward. And while he held her, inhaled the now recognizable scent of baby powder, he turned to look at Kelly again.

Late-afternoon sunlight streamed through the window and set the fiery colors of her hair aflame. A half smile curved her lips, and the unmistakable sheen of tears clouded her eyes as she looked at him with their daughter. “She likes you already.”

He hoped so. “Kelly …”

She shook her head before he could get started. “Don’t start the marriage thing again, Jeff. Please.”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t want to get married?”

She laughed shortly and scooped a handful of her hair back from her forehead. “I didn’t know what to think. Jeff, we hardly knew each other.”

He didn’t believe that. In the two weeks he’d spent with Kelly, he’d felt closer to her than he had to anyone else in his life. And he knew she’d felt the same connection. What other reason was there for two perfect strangers to meet and then spend every waking minute together?

Okay, sure, there was the physical side of it. The sex had been amazing. But there was more there than just the lovemaking. They’d talked, and taken long walks on the beach. She’d told him about her job as a kindergarten teacher, and he’d told her all about the Corps and what it meant to him to belong. Maybe they hadn’t learned everything about each other then—he certainly didn’t remember hearing about four brothers—but it hadn’t been a casual fling. He’d had enough of those to know the difference.

“You knew, Kelly,” he said softly, daring her to deny it. “You knew I’d want to marry you.”

She sighed heavily and admitted, “Yes. I guess I did.” After all, her brother Kevin was a Marine, and that was exactly what he would have done in this position. And precisely what he’d insisted all along that Jeff do as soon as he returned. The Marines must drill honor and duty into these guys day and night, she told herself.

But even as that thought entered her mind, she discounted it. It wasn’t the Corps talking here. It was Jeff. She’d known from the first moment she met him that he was a decent, responsible man. It was only natural that he would propose. Just as natural as it was for her to refuse him. “Then what’s the problem?” Jeff asked. “The problem,” she said, tipping her head back so she could meet his gaze squarely, “is that a baby is not reason enough to get married.”

He snorted a choked-off laugh. “I don’t know why not.”

“Because we’d be getting married for all the wrong reasons.”

“To protect Emily is the wrong reason?” “Of course not,” she snapped, and then lowered her voice when the baby’s eyes went wide and confused. “But we don’t have to be married to protect our daughter.”

“To protect her from some things we do.” “Like?”

He ground his teeth together for a long minute, then blurted, “Like to keep her from being called a bastard, for instance.”

Kelly drew her head back and stared at him. Was he serious? “For heaven’s sake, Jeff. This isn’t the fifties. There’s no stigma attached to a child anymore.”

He shifted his gaze from her to their daughter. “Maybe not to adults, but other kids know just how to hurt each other. And trust me when I tell you that sticks and stones aren’t the only things that can hurt a child.”

Old pain flashed across his features and was gone again so quickly, Kelly couldn’t be sure she’d seen it at all. But listening to the sound of his voice convinced her that he’d had some experience with nasty children.

“We can love her enough that it won’t matter to her,” she said, laying one hand on his arm.

“It’ll matter,” Jeff said quietly. “She won’t say so, but it’ll matter.”

Her heart ached for the boy he’d once been, but because he’d suffered didn’t mean the same thing would happen to Emily. She would keep her daughter safe. She would go on providing a warm, loving home for her. And she didn’t need a husband to do it.

All her life, Kelly had been surrounded by men trying to tell her what to do and how to do it. She’d learned young how to stand up for herself, how to withstand well-meant bullying, and she wasn’t about to back up now. The one thing she didn’t need in her life was one more male issuing orders.

“Then I’ll just have to teach her to ignore them.”

“Damn it, Kelly,” he said, tearing his gaze from the baby still clutched tightly to his chest, “we made this baby. It’s our responsibility to take care of her.”

She sighed inwardly. It was a hard thing to fight against a man’s sense of honor. But she wouldn’t be the pill he had to swallow. The medicine he had to take. The bed he had to lie in simply because he’d made it.

“Jeff,” she said, “you don’t owe me anything. I’m perfectly capable of raising Emily on my own.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t.”

“I know, but you’re not listening to me. I didn’t want anything from you. I just wanted you to be able to know your daughter.”

“Kelly …”

She shook her head, and hoped he would quit arguing. That he would accept her decision and let it be. But she had a feeling there was as much chance of that as seeing snow on an Easter Sunday at the beach.

A part of her wished things could be different. Those two weeks with Jeff had been almost … magical. She’d never felt such an instant oneness with anyone before. It was as if from the moment he’d plucked her unconscious from the ocean and breathed life back into her, they’d been bound together. He touched her in so many ways. Her heart ached when he left, and she’d looked back on every minute of their time together, wondering if she’d somehow imagined it all.

Until, of course, the stick turned blue and she’d discovered she was pregnant. Then it was all too real. Then she was left to wonder about Jeff, worrying about where he was, what he was doing—while at the same time dealing with her own changing life. And four irate brothers.

And now that Jeff was back, the magic between them was still there. She’d felt it the moment he’d kissed her out on the front lawn. But it wasn’t just the two of them anymore. Now there was Emily to consider.

And how could she agree to marry Jeff, knowing that he’d only proposed because of their daughter? She didn’t want a husband who felt as though he’d been pushed into a marriage. Heck, she’d never really wanted a husband at all. She didn’t need one more man in her life, even if it was the man who could set her body on fire with no more than a glance.

A quick flush of heat stole over her body, and in an effort to conceal it, she snatched the baby from Jeff’s arms and held her tight. She ought to be ashamed, hiding behind her daughter. But at the moment, she was too desperate to argue the point.

“Emily deserves a mother and a father,” he said, his gaze moving over his child’s features as if he just couldn’t look at her enough.

Kelly fought back a thread of temper. She’d give him a little leeway here. After all, he’d only just found out about Emily. “She has a mother and a father,” she said, proud of her quiet self-control.

“Together, Kelly,” he said, in a tone that reminded her far too much of her brothers when they were on a “we-know-best” kick.

Instinctively, Kelly’s spine went ramrod straight.

“She deserves to have two parents. Together.” Jeff threw his hands wide. “Hell, every kid deserves that!”

That last sentence came a little loud for Emily’s tastes, and the little girl screwed up her face and let out a wail that had Jeff’s face blanching.

“What is it?” he asked. “What’s wrong with her?”

“What’s wrong,” Kelly snapped, feeling the last of her patience unravel, “is that her father shouted and scared her.”

Shame swept across his features, and he ducked his head and winced when Emily kept crying. “I didn’t mean to scare her.”

“I know that,” Kelly said. “She, unfortunately, doesn’t.”

Jiggling the baby in her arms, she cooed and whispered to her, inhaling the sweet, soft scent that was Emily’s alone. And as the baby quieted again, Kelly felt her heart swell to bursting with love for this tiny person who was so much a part of her world now, she couldn’t imagine life without her. Looking up at Jeff, she saw regret shining in his eyes and took pity on him. “It’s okay, Jeff. She’s fine.” “She’s got a great set of lungs,” he muttered, and winced again when the baby turned a tearstained face toward him. He reached out one hand to her, but before he could touch her, he curled his fingers into a tight fist and let his hand drop to his side. “Look, Kelly,” he said, “maybe I said this all wrong. And I know that wasn’t the most romantic proposal in the world. But I just want to do the right thing here.”

“I know that, Jeff,” she said. “I really do. But getting married just isn’t it.”

Kelly noticed his jaw muscle twitch and she knew she hadn’t heard the last of this conversation. He had thirty days’ leave, and knowing Jeff, he would be there every day of it. He would slide back into her life. Into Emily’s life.

And she didn’t know if she could stand that, knowing that he’d only be leaving again.