Читать книгу An Exquisite Stranger's Tales - Justin Mainhart - Страница 4

Exquisite Stranger

He steps before you.

Cool character….

seems to be straight out of a gangster flick.

Smooth and slow like a mountain stream,…

he walks down the corridor.

The shadows cloak his face, but not his eyes.

Black and narrow, they plunge straight into your soul.

Your entire being shudders with anticipation.

He walks straight towards you now,

never losing stride.

The shadows still cover his face,

And the sweat has begun forming beads on your brow.

His presence has made you a reborn Christian.

He moves closer,

you can’t breathe,

you’re frightened beyond all belief, yet…

Yet you’re still enchanted with this being,

your eyes never leave him.

He steps right in front of you,

You can breathe in his scent,

an aura sweeps over you,

he’s like nothing you’ve ever encountered.

His eyes turn to you.

You’re frozen stiff,

you’re at his mercy,

you can see the fire in his eyes.

He has the eyes of both predator and prey,

sleek and lean like a hawk.

You’re mystified…

You want to reach out and see if he’s real.

Yet you can not move,

entranced with this enigmatic creature.

He’s staring straight at you,

straight through you,

and then he moves.

He pulls his long locks back for you,…

he’s like nothing you’ve ever seen in your life.

You realize how fragile you are,

and he’s everything.

He smiles like an angel,

let’s his hair fall back in his visage,

turns and walks away,

leaving you dazed and hazed.

You finally exhale,

he stops and looks back,

and you’re frozen again.

He turns and walks off,

never to turn back again,

and you’re left to dwell in the moment.

Angel of Torment

I’m an addict.

You’re my poison.

You’re my habit of disease.

You intoxicate me,

To the point of insanity.

I thought you were my angel,

A delusionary angel at that.

You were there,

but you were never present.

I shook from withdrawal with your absence.

You made my mind boggle and my guts go gooey.

Yeah, you gut me and strip me down,

to the point of delirium.

And with your every return,

I fell off the wagon.

I was almost over this pointless addiction,

but then you came,

gave me false hopes.

Then you turn your back again.

What the fuck are you?

You’re no angel,

you’re no guiding light,

I’ll pay the price for my habit,

Every time you turn away.

You know what you do,

but don’t even care?

If you do, why do you do it?

Do enjoy me when I’m enraged,

enflamed,

enraptured with you?

Do you really deserve me?

Why do I desire you so?

Oh just do it,

I don’t care what just do it.

pull me,

tie me down,

just do it.

I don’t care what just do it!

Take me as you can,

my precious angel of torment.

Forever Broken

I’m so scared to say,

“I don’t think I think…

I’ll ever be fixed.”

I’m seem to be forever broken.

There is no cure for this.

I carry it deep inside,

Where no one can ever see.

It’s the only place for it to hide.

So what if I can’t stop it?

What if I can never change?

Will I be left to be forgotten?

Simply left,

Forever broken.

I’ve been infected by a disease of more.

I never ever asked for this…

That’s for fuckin sure.

Will I ever be me again?

Can I ever be pure?

Or am I cursed forever more?

To be left and forgotten,

Simply left,

Forever broken.

Been screamed at for hours,

I can only shake my head.

I don’t know if I have the power.

Filled with doubts and all this fear,

I just want you to hold me,

But you don’t want me anywhere near.

Overtaken by guilt and shame,

I know it’ll go back together the same.

Can I ever be the same as I was?

Have I destroyed it all just because…

It’s all I’ve ever known how to do?

I don’t want this,

And you know that’s true.

I know you should leave,

Leave me to be forgotten.

Simply left,

Forever broken.

Lost & Never Found

Empty handed with nothing to show,

Down a dark and winding road is where I go.

What have I become?

A silent voice that no can hear,

A lonely man who’s full of fear.

What have I done?

Just a man made of flesh and bone,

Gone and thrown away all that was once my own.

What do I do now?

There’s no one left who seems to care,

I don’t know if they were really ever there.

Where do I go from here?

Blind and lost I drift through my days,

It’s hard to find my way through all of this haze.

Why is this anger burning in me?

It’s made me drive away all those I held dear.

The boy that they loved is now the man that they fear.

Human Safari

Sometimes,

we can fool ourselves the best.

Throwing a veil over reality to take the edge off.

Until the moths of time start chewing holes through it.

Only then,

as the ugliness of the real world seeps through those jagged holes

do you realize how sorry it really all is.

Then you’re left there,

jilted and jaded,

cold and distant.

Then you see how people really are.

They’ll take your money,

break your heart,

rape your soul.

And thats when you grow hard.

Fox holes are dug in your mind,

barbed wire wraps around your heart,

and your soul …it darkens and crisps.

Then the rest of the masses know,

they can feel it emanate from your pores.

With just a glance,

they know,

you’ll kill them back.

The world runs like one big safari,

all of us are like animals circling the water hole,

constantly on guard for the first sign of trouble.

Our homes are now the watering holes.

People who’ve paid their dues,

done well for themselves,

got their slice of the Great American Lie.

But like any safari,

there’s always scavengers,

ready to swoop down in and fight for scraps.

All like predators,

circling the water hole,

and then closing in for the kill.

The Genius of the Hole

The genius of the hole,

no matter how long you spend climbing out it,

you can still fall back down in an instant.

Crashing down you wake up from the Great American Dream,

the Great American Lie.

The whole reason they call it the American Dream,

you must be asleep to believe in it anymore.

Then to your horror,

you realize that life itself is the hole,

and you were never meant to reach the summit.

So many obstacles,

so many shattered lives,

so many broken dreams,

all lay at the base of the hole.

All the things in life you cannot choose.

How you feel about certain people,

How you think about certain things,

And above all else, who you love.

You lay at the bottom of the hole long enough,

and you’ll begin to see what’s led you there.

All your mistakes,

all your misgivings,

all your missed opportunities,

all your lost loves and chances at happiness.

Everything you love and hold dear will one day,

somehow, some way,

they’ll all lie at the bottom of the hole.

All of it,

Swallowed up by its genius.

Going Home

It’s the oddest feeling,

visiting my old house.

It’s where I called home for 6 long years.

As I walk through the door,

this feeling sweeps over me,

engulfing me utterly, entirely.

It’s a place that looks so unfamiliar,

but yet I know it all too well.

I think it’s because I used to belong here,

But the only way I can tell,

is that my children still call it home.

As I look around,

the memories and ghosts of this place,

they all come charging at me.

I feel the panic,

starting to climb up my back,

taking hold of me altogether.

I close my eyes,

but that only forces me to look,

to look deep into the darkness inside me.

The darkness is the hole,

the hole that was made when I left this place.

It hasn’t changed in so many ways,

and yet it is still not the same as I knew.

The biggest change,

is the one no one can see.

It’s the fact that no matter where you look,

there’s no place left here for me.

As the panic begins strangling me,

and I force back the tears,

I’m driven away and thrown outside,

from this place that was my home for years.

Standing back,

taking it all in,

I’ll never come back here,

I’ll never come home again.

From Here to There

The time of innocence is gone.

Childhood ends the day you realize you’ll die someday.

From here to there,

it’s all about trying to be happy.

Life keeps rolling along,

choices are made,

dreams are dreamt,

and sometimes shattered.

Most of the time,

we know exactly how we got to here.

Other times,

we look around and wonder what went wrong.

Sometimes,

we lose sight of our desires so bad,

there seems no end to the chaos and struggles.

Colors fade,

buildings fall,

lives are lost,

but we still all long for the same thing,

To be happy from here to there.

Behind this Man

Behind this smile,

Is a completely broken heart.

Behind this laugh,

Is the fact I’m falling apart.

Behind this act,

You ‘ll see it really isn’t me.

Behind this mask,

Is a living lie is all you’ll see.

Vengeance

We have our tears,

The sky has its rain.

Death is beautiful,

As is your unbearable pain.

Lost and confused,

You wandered astray.

Waiting and watching,

Till the life you took came.

And now you’re trapped and death is near.

You’re overcome with a fervent fear.

You’re frantic desperation has appeared,

And sweet relief is nowhere here.

Intoxicated by poisons,

Broken down by time.

Prayers cannot save you,

There’s no exemption for your crime.

I have no pity.

I have no remorse.

I will show no kindness,

But my torment will run its course.

Cause you’re gonna reach hell with flaming screams.

You gotta pay for what you’ve done.

This is such harsh justice or so it seems,

But when you looked at her it was all in fun.

You acted like you were the king,

You acted like you were the man.

We both know you’re weak and pathetic,

And I’ve seen all that I can.

Cause now is my time,

Now is my way.

You’re going nowhere slow,

Until I come with your judgment day.

I know nothing of compassion,

I know nothing of remorse.

Mercy died long ago,

And kindness fled of course.

You created your own fate.

Now walk with me my friend,

And I’ll walk you to the Gate.

Don’t Go Near the Windows

What’s happening?

Where are we?

What is this strange place?

Got a cigarette?

Why don’t you take your clothes off and crawl all over me?

But don’t go near the windows.

The wolves are out.

They hunt in packs and kill for pleasure.

Don’t go near the windows.

What’s your name?

Why don’t you sit down and have a smoke?

Why don’t we take a bath and clean ourselves from our impurities?

Don’t go near the windows.

The wolves are out.

They hunt in packs and kill for pleasure.

How bout that smoke?

How bout that bath?

How bout a nice fuck in the corner?

How bout we go down and kiss every inch or our bodies?

But don’t go near the windows.

Addicts

We are the aborted children of the masses.

We are the forgotten offspring of the machine.

We are the rejects of a flawed, malicious regime.

We are the unwanted misfits of society.

Look at what the system have done to us!!!

Amongst the Night

Death is but a door,

time is but a window.

I will soon leave this life,

but these words will be left to show.

This is how it is for us all,

who really wants to live forever?

I’m just a vessel that stands before you,

It’s with these words that we’ll always be together.

Look into the stars,

These little rebels who suck up the light.

When you follow your fantasies,

You’ll find yourself amongst them in the night.

As Usual

It all loses its meaning,

Eventually anyways.

The excitement dies,

Colors fade,

Buildings crumble and fall.

There’s only fleeting moments caught in sweet repose.

Moments when we glimpse the magic,

The essence of life,

Addicted to the lust of the hunt for more.

There are only the rare times of bliss to look back at and smile upon,

Unsure if there are more to follow.

As usual.

See,

When Murphy’s Law rears its ugly face,

And the alignment of the cosmos fall out of place,

Our desires must be set aside.

And what we long for lies just out of reach.

Once again,

Elusive euphoria slips away.

The waiting game is a lonely road.

After you sip from that cup,

where your heart remains,

your thirst can never be quenched again.

Days and nights spent lusting for just a one last glimpse of magic.

To just hold that precious light once more.

You carry its knowledge with you,

As it courses through your being,

And you covet the warmth.

As usual.

For never in a million years would you think things would be the way they are.

Never dreamt things that have transpired,

And are still in motion, would ever occur.

Never could’ve conceived of the depths sorrow can reach,

Or how cold the wind can feel.

That’s what you carry in what’s left of your heart;

Sparse bits of joy sprinkled along the path of the melancholy.

Elusive euphoria slips away once more.

As usual.

50/50 Chance

After any tragedy,

You will most certainly hear,

“…and now, the healing can begin.”

Anytime you hear that,

Just know,

It’s only a short wait before the next one.

The stage is being cleaned off,

The props are being set,

It’s just a matter of time.

There is no time for healing…

The odds are stacked against it all.

Life is like a big card game…

Fingers crossed you flop a pair,

Hoping for something on the turn,

Then praying for trips on the river.

But,

you can’t buck the house.

God is the dealer,

And you may never win.

It’s all simply chance.

Like picking change up off the concrete,

You may just pick up the coin,

But you may also cut yourself on the concrete.

It’s all a 50/50 chance.

It’s a flip of the coin.

It’s a roll of the dice.

But everyone should know by now,

The coin is doubled headed.

The dice are loaded.

The table’s tilted.

The playing field isn’t even.

The dealer isn’t on the level.

The game is rigged.

It leaves everything on you.

Makes you wonder about your choices,

About freewill.

Looking back,

It’s all laid out in front of you,

Like forked lightning in the darkest of night.

All your choices,

All your decisions,

All your mistakes, heartaches and sorrows.

You see it all.

And it’s all,

just a 50/50 chance.