Читать книгу The World of Karl Pilkington - Karl Pilkington - Страница 11

Ricky: Jilly Goolden – now she …

Steve: What’s she been up to?

Ricky: Well you saw her in I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here?

Steve: I haven’t been watching it.

Ricky: She popped a little kangaroo knob in her mouth, chewed it up.

Steve: What, it was just lying around?

Ricky: No, it was just one of the things she had to eat. Carol Thatcher, the daughter of one of our leaders, she popped a couple of bollocks in her mouth, chewed them up, swallowed them – and Jilly Goolden had to eat a dried kangaroo penis. It was so tough she couldn’t even get through it.

Steve: What, it was like a Peperami?

Ricky: Yes. What do you think of that Karl?

Karl: What, eating that sort of stuff?

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: I mean I watch it, I like those little trial bits, right, but what I don’t think people realise is, right, it is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.

Steve: Really, how do you know?

Karl: No, it’s just, you think about it and you go, ‘Oh I couldn’t do that,’ but what they never mention on the TV programme – which I think takes it to the next level, right – is that they’re eating that stuff at, like, half past seven in the morning – which is worse, innit? If I was there and Ant and Dec said, ‘Right Karl, eat the knob’ I’d go, ‘Hang on a minute. Give us a few hours. Let me get some rice and that in me belly and just sort of fill myself up a little bit more. I’ll pop back at about half six this evening – have it ready.’ And I’d be happier then.

Steve: You don’t want to eat animals’ private parts on an empty stomach?

Ricky: So what are you saying?

Karl: I’m saying I could eat a knob at night.

Ricky: Just cut that there. We’ll loop that. If any DJs are listening, just take that quote ‘I could eat a knob at night’ by Karl Pilkington and maybe do a dance remix.

Steve: Yes, maybe you are a house music producer and you could maybe get some high energy beat going and then we could send that out to some of the gay clubs. I’m sure it would be really popular.

Karl: No, but d’you know what I mean though?

Ricky: I could not do it. I couldn’t pop a kangaroo testicle in my mouth and chew it. It was disgusting to watch. Good on them because they were doing it but then again I think, ‘Well, they wanted to go in there.’ On the one hand I think, ‘Is that admirable? Is that showing good British mettle or is it “I’ll do anything to get on telly for a week?”’ Where does it stop? I thought Rebecca Loos went too far when she gave the little pig a tug, but at least she knew where to stop.

Steve: I think it’s obvious when you have to stop – the pig tells you that.

Ricky: Where is there a kangaroo hopping around without a cock?

Karl: Here’s another question right – a bit of a spin off with animals and that. Have you ever, Steve, killed a fly?

Steve: Probably, yes.

Karl: Right. Well I was watching David Attenborough, right. He makes his money out of flies and that, don’t he. D’you think he’s ever killed one, or does he go, ‘Well I can’t kill that fly or that spider ’cos that’s how I make my money’?

Ricky: I don’t know what the question is.

Karl: Right, me mam, right, she said, if a fly is knocking about the house, she never kills it. She always catches it and puts it out and that. She said she’d never kill one.

Ricky: Who is she, Mr Miyagi? What do you mean, ‘she catches it’? How does she catch it?

Steve: With a pair of chopsticks.