Читать книгу Out of the Darkness: An Unexpected Path to Freedom - Karrie Boone's Wallen - Страница 4

A few years ago, I witnessed myself lying on the floor of my living room sobbing as some part of me cried out, “I just want to be the song!” At the time, I had no idea what that really meant but I definitely felt the deep, desperation-level yearning that seemed to originate in the core of my being. As I allowed myself to fall more deeply into this feeling, I was able to gain access to this song of all songs. The more I allowed myself to experience the feeling, the more I was able to experience the captivating melody that seemed to be the song of who I am. It was magical, breathtaking, deep and beyond beautiful. It was grace and love. The desire to join with this song was so intense and heart-felt that it was painful to feel a separation. I now know that I was experiencing alignment with my true Essence; my unique Self-expression of - and as - the One. All I knew at the time was that I couldn’t stand feeling separate from it. I could feel it and experience it but had no idea how to actually become it.

Even prior to the recognition of my desire to be the song, I was aware of a similar intensity of feeling in regard to freedom. When I would ask myself what it was I desired, I would hear myself say, “To be free.” As I questioned myself more intently, I realized I didn’t have an understanding of what this really meant. What is freedom? What does it feel like to be free? Though I didn’t have a real sense of what it felt like to be free, I knew that what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t it! I felt like I was wearing 10,000 jackets all zipped up such that I couldn’t move or get them off. I couldn’t stand it! I felt trapped in my body, in a job, in society, by relationship, etc., etc., etc. As intensely as I desired to be the song, I also longed to be free.

Several years later - with a deep and powerfully purifying Dark Night of the Soul under my belt - I found my way into freedom and the opportunity to unite and live as the Song of my Soul. I now know the two go “hand-in-hand” and that freedom includes surrender – which seems extremely ironic.

Out of the Darkness is based on the personal blog which memorialized what turned out to be a life-changing journey and passage; a journey and passage that catapulted me from a place where I felt enslaved by life to a place where I began the practice of living life as a creative force. What started out to be a “project” became a personal invitation and introduction to freedom followed by an understanding of life as the song, and finally, a path into a state of being I refer to as Rude Magnificence. I share this journey not only because it feels right to do so but because I sense that many of us are searching for – longing for – the same thing. Whether we can put words to it or not, most of us desire to feel peace, joy and freedom; our souls yearn for alignment with the Essence of who we are; and our unique breathtaking song awaits our surrender in order to be sung. I share my experience because I firmly believe that if I can find my way into such an amazing place so can anyone else who desires to do so.

Much love,

Karrie