Читать книгу A Forever Family: Their Christmas Delivery - Kate Hardy - Страница 15

CHAPTER FIVE

Boxing Day—Sunday

‘JOSH. JOSH.’

He was awake instantly, and he could hear the note of panic in Amy’s voice. ‘What’s happened?’

‘It’s Hope. She feels really hot and she hardly drank any milk just now. I think there’s something wrong.’

‘Hold on. Where’s the light? I’ll take a look at her.’

She switched on one of the lamps in the living room.

Josh took the baby from Amy’s arms and gently examined her. ‘You’re right—she does feel hot.’

‘I have one of those ear thermometers. Maybe we should take her temperature and see how bad it is?’ Amy suggested.

‘Unfortunately, those thermometers are too big for a newborn baby’s ears,’ he said. ‘We need a normal digital thermometer. I’ve got one in my bathroom—I’ll go and get it.’

Amy frowned. ‘But surely you can’t stick a thermometer in a baby’s mouth?’

‘Nope—you stick it under her armpit,’ he said.

‘Oh.’ Amy looked at him. ‘Anything I can do?’

‘Strip her down to her nappy and a vest while I get the thermometer, then hold her for me and talk to her,’ he said. ‘And if you’ve got some cooled boiled water, we’ll try and get her to drink some.’

When he checked the baby’s temperature, he wasn’t happy with the reading. ‘It’s thirty-eight degrees. It’s a bit high, but a baby’s temperature can go up and down really quickly because at this age their bodies haven’t worked out yet how to control their temperature. I’m ninety-five per cent sure this is nothing serious, because the soft spot at the top of her head isn’t sunken and she isn’t floppy,’ he reassured Amy. Though that left a five per cent chance that this was the early stages of something nasty. ‘But, given that we don’t really know the circumstances of her birth, there’s a chance she might have a bacterial infection,’ he said. And in that case she would get worse. Quickly, too, though he wasn’t going to worry Amy about that now. ‘The only way to find out is by a blood test and urine analysis, which I can’t do here.’

‘So we need to take her to hospital?’ Amy asked.

He sighed. ‘I’d rather not have to do that, with all the viruses going around, but babies this young can get very unwell quite quickly, so if it is an infection I’d want her treated for it as soon as possible. Though, at this time of the morning, the department will be relatively quiet, so we won’t have to wait too long.’

‘Just take our turn with the drunks who’ve fallen over after a party or had a punch-up?’ she asked wryly.

He smiled. Clearly she’d remembered his grumpy assessment of the seasonal waiting room. ‘Yes, but she’ll be triaged. We prioritise when we see our patients, depending on their symptoms and how old they are. Hope will get seen really quickly because she’s a newborn with a temperature.’

‘We don’t have a car seat or a pram. How are we going to get her to hospital?’ Amy asked.

‘We can’t risk taking her in the back of the car in her Moses basket,’ Josh said. ‘Apart from the fact it’s illegal and we have departmental guidelines, so we can’t let anyone take a child from hospital without an appropriate seat, I also know most accidents take place within a mile of a home. We’re going to have to call an ambulance.’

‘OK. I’ll get Hope dressed again while you call the ambulance, and then I’ll throw on some clothes. Give me two minutes.’

She was as good as her word, he noticed, taking only a couple of minutes and not bothering with make-up or anything like that. Practical. He liked that.

‘They’ll be here in another five minutes,’ he said. ‘I told them we’d wait in the lobby.’

Between them, they tucked Hope into her Moses basket; Amy grabbed the notebook so they had a record of everything the baby had drunk, and they waited in the lobby until they saw the ambulance pull up outside.

‘Josh! You’re the last person I expected to see—nobody thought you were even dating anyone, let alone had a new baby,’ the paramedic said.

Oh, help. He could really do without any gossip at work. ‘The baby’s not mine,’ he said hastily.

The paramedic looked intrigued. ‘So you’re helping your...’ she glanced at Amy ‘...friend.’

‘The baby’s not mine, either,’ Amy said. ‘We’re looking after her temporarily.’

The paramedic’s eyes rounded. ‘Together?’

‘We’re neighbours,’ Josh added. ‘And you might have seen something about the baby in the news.’

‘Oh, hang on—is this the Christmas Eve doorstep baby?’

‘Yes. Her name’s Hope,’ Amy said, ‘and she’s got a temperature.’

‘Thirty-eight degrees, axillary,’ Josh said, ‘and we stripped her off and gave her cooled boiled water, but we don’t have any liquid paracetamol. I need blood tests and urine analysis to rule out a bacterial infection. She’s not floppy or drowsy so I’m not panicking, but given her age and the fact that we don’t know the circumstances of her birth or anything about her medical history...’

The paramedic patted his arm. ‘Josh, you’re off duty. Stop worrying. We’ll handle it. Right now you count as a patient, not staff. Are you coming in with her?’

‘We both are,’ Josh said.

* * *

It was the first time Amy had ever travelled in an ambulance. And even though Josh was able to answer most of the paramedic’s questions and she had the notes about Hope’s feeds, it was still a worrying experience.

Especially when the paramedic put a tiny oxygen mask on the baby.

‘What’s wrong?’ Amy asked.

‘It’s a precaution,’ Josh said. Clearly he could tell how worried she was, because he took her hand and squeezed it to reassure her. Somehow her fingers ended up curled just as tightly round his.

The drive to hospital was short, but it felt as if it took for ever. And when Hope was whisked into cubicles the second they arrived, with the doctor acknowledging them but asking them to wait outside, Amy’s worries deepened.

‘It’s routine,’ Josh said. ‘They’ll be taking blood and urine samples to check if she’s got an infection.’

‘But why can’t we stay with her?’ Amy asked. ‘I mean, I know we’re not her actual parents, but...’

‘I know.’ His fingers tightened round hers. ‘As I said, it’s routine and we’re just going to get in the way. We need to let the team do their job.’

‘You work here. Doesn’t that make a difference?’ Amy asked.

He shook his head.

And then a really nasty thought struck her. He’d said that new babies couldn’t regulate their temperatures that well. If Hope had an infection and her temperature shot up... Could she die?

Time felt as if it had just stopped.

‘Josh. Tell me she’s not going to...’ The word stuck in her throat.

He looked at her, and she could see her own fears reflected in his blue eyes.

‘We have to wait for the test results,’ he said.

The baby wasn’t theirs—or at least was only theirs temporarily—but right then Amy felt like a real parent, anxious for news and trying not to think of the worst-case scenarios. Any tiredness she felt vanished under the onslaught of adrenaline. This was the only chance she might have to be a parent. And what if she lost something so precious—the baby she hadn’t asked for but was beginning to fall in love with, despite her promises to herself not to let herself get involved?

‘Amy,’ Josh said softly. ‘It’s going to be all right. Alison—the doctor who is looking after her—is one of my most experienced juniors. She’ll spot any problem and know how to treat it.’

‘I guess.’

He must have heard the wobble in her voice, because this time he wrapped his free arm around her and held her close. ‘It’s going to be OK.’

She leaned back and looked at him. ‘You look as worried as I feel.’

‘A bit,’ he admitted wryly. ‘My head knows it’s going to be fine. If there was anything really serious going on, Alison would’ve come out to see us by now.’

‘But?’

‘But my heart,’ he continued quietly, ‘is panicking. This must be what it’s like to be a parent. Worrying if the baby is OK, or if you’re missing something important.’

She nodded. ‘I’m glad you’re with me. Knowing I’m not the only one feeling like this makes it feel a bit less—well—scary.’

‘Agreed.’ Though she noticed he was still holding her; clearly he was taking as much comfort from her nearness as she was from his.

And then finally the curtain swished open.

‘Hey, Josh. We’ve done bloods and urine, to rule out bacterial infections,’ Alison said. ‘And I gave her a proper cord clip. How on earth did you manage to change her nappy round that thing?’

‘A mixture of necessity and practice,’ Amy said wryly.

‘Ouch,’ Alison said. ‘Well, you know the drill, Josh. We’ll have to wait for the test results before we can tell if we need to admit her—and, given all the viruses in the hospital right now, hopefully we won’t have to do that. But you can sit with the baby now while we wait for the results to come back, if you like.’

‘Yes, please. And no doubt you have potential fractures in the waiting room that need looking at,’ Josh said. ‘Sure. We won’t hold you up any longer.’

When Alison had closed the cubicle curtain behind her, Josh turned to Amy. ‘We can’t pick her up and hold her,’ Josh said, ‘because our body warmth will put her temperature up.’ Which meant they had to resort to taking turns in letting Hope hold a finger in her left hand, because Hope’s right hand was hooked up to a machine.

‘So what does this machine do?’ Amy asked.

‘It’s a pulse oximeter. It measures the oxygen levels in her blood,’ Josh explained, ‘so we know if there’s a problem and we need to give her some extra oxygen through a mask, like they did in the ambulance. It’s all done by light shining through her skin and it doesn’t hurt her.’ He was used to explaining the situation, but it felt odd to be on the other side of it, too.

‘Right. Are those figures good news or bad?’ she asked, gesturing to the screen.

He analysed them swiftly. ‘Good. I’m happy with her oxygen sats and her pulse rate.’

Amy bit her lip. ‘She’s so tiny, Josh, and we’re supposed to be looking after her. What if...?’

‘If she has an infection, she’s in the right place for us to treat it,’ Josh reassured her. ‘She’ll be fine.’

Two hours later, the baby’s temperature was down to a more normal level. The results of the blood tests had come back, and to their relief there was no sign of any bacterial infection.

‘I’m pleased to say you can take her home. Just keep an eye on her and give her some liquid paracetamol every four to six hours—you know the safe dose for a baby that age,’ Alison said to Josh. ‘How are you getting home?’

‘Ambulance, I guess,’ Josh said. ‘We don’t have a car seat for her. The social worker obviously didn’t guess we might have to rush her to hospital.’

‘So you’ve got almost nothing for her?’ Alison asked.

‘Just the very basics—this Moses basket, some clothes and formula milk,’ Amy confirmed.

‘Poor little mite. She’s lucky you found her,’ Alison said. ‘And that you could look after her.’

‘We’re neighbours,’ Josh said quickly.

Alison looked at their joined hands and smiled.

Josh prised his fingers free. ‘And friends. And worried sick about the baby.’

‘She’s going to be fine,’ Alison said. ‘I’ll let the ambulance control know that you can go whenever they’re ready.’

* * *

This time the journey wasn’t as terrifying, and Hope slept through the whole thing. Though Amy felt as if she’d never, ever sleep again when she let them back into her flat. ‘I’ll sit up with her.’

‘I’ll keep you company,’ he said.

‘But you—’ she began.

‘I’m not on duty tomorrow—well, today,’ he cut in. ‘I’m awake now, too. And we can both catch up on our sleep later when the baby sleeps.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Sure. Let’s keep the light low for her, so she can sleep and we can see her.’

His duvet was still thrown over her sofa. ‘Here—you might as well share the duvet with me,’ he said, and tucked it over her. ‘Try not to worry. We know it’s not a bacterial infection, which is the important thing. Maybe it’s the beginnings of a cold. Small babies tend to get temperature spikes when they get a cold. One minute they’re fine, the next minute they’re ill enough to worry the life out of you, and then they’re absolutely fine again.’ He took her hand. ‘She’s going to be perfectly all right, Amy. We’re here and we’re keeping an eye on her. And, before you say it, I’m used to not getting massive amounts of sleep. It comes with the job.’

‘I guess,’ she said. He was still holding her hand, and it made her feel better. She didn’t pull away.

* * *

Amy woke, feeling groggy, to the sound of Hope crying.

When had she fallen asleep? How could she have neglected Hope like that? Guilt flooded through her.

But a crying baby was a good sign, right?

‘OK?’ Josh asked next to her, sounding much more awake than she felt.

‘OK. My turn to sort her out,’ she mumbled. Why had she thought it was a good idea to sit up all night on the sofa? She had a crick in her neck and her back ached. Right now she wasn’t going to be a lot of use to the baby.

‘It ought to be my turn,’ he said, ‘because she’s due some more paracetamol.’ He paused. ‘They weighed her at hospital. Can you remember how much they said she weighed?’

‘I didn’t even register it,’ she said. ‘I was so worried that they were going to find something seriously wrong.’

‘It’s gone clean out of my head, too.’ He blew out a breath. ‘I don’t want to guess at her weight and estimate the dose of paracetamol, so we’re going to have to weigh her.’

‘I don’t actually own a pair of bathroom scales,’ Amy admitted.

‘How about kitchen scales, and a tray we can put her on for a moment?’ Josh suggested.

She snapped the light on and gave him a wry smile. ‘This has to be the strangest Boxing Day morning I’ve ever spent.’

‘Me, too,’ he said.

But at the same time it was a morning that filled her with relief—even more than the first night they’d spent with Hope, because now she knew that with Josh by her side she could face anything life threw at her.

‘Give her a cuddle and I’ll get the scales out,’ she said.

She put a soft cloth on a baking tray, then put it on her kitchen scales and set them to zero. ‘All righty.’

He set Hope on the tray and Amy peered at the display on the scales. ‘Five pounds, ten ounces—or do you need it in metric?’

‘Pounds and ounces are fine,’ he said. ‘I know how much infant paracetamol to give her now.’

He measured a dose of medicine for the baby and gave it to her through the oral syringe while Amy heated the milk.

‘Sofa?’ he asked.

She nodded and he carried Hope back to the sofa. This time, after he’d transferred the baby into Amy’s arms so she could feed the baby, he slid one arm round Amy’s shoulder.

It felt too nice for her to protest; right at that moment she felt warm, comforted and safe. After the scare that had taken them to the hospital, this was exactly what she needed. Maybe it was what he needed, too, she thought, and she tried not to overthink it. Or to start hoping that this meant Josh was starting to see her as more than just a neighbour. Yes, they could be friends. But on New Year’s Day they’d have to give Hope back to the social worker—and when that part of their lives came to an end, what would happen?

Once the baby had finished drinking her milk—all sixty millilitres of it—Amy put her back in the Moses basket. Without comment, Josh put his arm round her shoulders again. Although part of Amy knew that she ought to put some distance between them, she couldn’t help leaning into him, enjoying the feel of his muscular body against hers and his warmth.

They kept watch on the baby with the light turned down low, but finally Amy drifted back to sleep.

The next time Hope woke, it was a more reasonable time. Josh fed the baby while Amy showered and washed her hair, and then she took over baby duties while Josh went next door to shower and change.

She put cereals, yoghurt, jam and butter on the table, placed the bread next to the toaster, and while she waited for the kettle to boil she texted Jane Richards, the social worker.

Hope doing well. Had a bit of a temperature in the middle of the night but we checked her out at hospital and all OK. We have a theory about her mum: might be a girl from my class, but no proof. How do we check it out?

When she’d sent the text, she suddenly realised that she hadn’t signed it. From the context, she was pretty sure that Jane would probably be able to work out who the text was from, but she sent a second text anyway.

This is Amy Howes btw. Not enough coffee or sleep! :)

Josh was back in her flat and they’d just finished breakfast when his phone rang.

‘Do you mind if I get that?’ he asked.

She spread her hands. ‘It’s fine.’

He returned with a smile. ‘Remember Alison, the doctor who saw us last night?’

‘Yes.’

‘She’s bringing us a pram and a snowsuit. She’ll call me when she’s parked and I’ll go and let her in.’

Amy blinked. ‘A pram and a snowsuit?’

‘I’ll let her explain. She’s about twenty minutes away.’

True to her word, Alison called him to say that she’d just parked and had all the stuff with her.

‘Feel free to ask her up for coffee,’ Amy said as he headed for the door. ‘It’s the least I can do.’

‘Thanks.’

He returned with Alison, carrying a pram, and Amy sorted out the hot drinks.

‘Thank you so much for lending us the pram and snowsuit,’ Amy said.

‘No problem.’ Alison smiled at her. ‘I didn’t think about it until after you’d left, but my sister was about to put her pram on eBay—it’s one of those with a car seat that clips to the chassis to make a pram. She’s happy to lend it to you while you’re looking after Hope. And her youngest was tiny, so I’ve got some tiny baby clothes and a snowsuit as well. At least then you can take her out and all get some fresh air.’

‘That’s so kind,’ Amy said.

‘She didn’t take much persuading,’ Alison said. ‘In situations like this, you always think how easily it could have been you or someone close to you. Poor little love. How’s she doing?’

‘Her temperature’s gone down—but, when we had to give her more paracetamol this morning, I forgot how much she weighed,’ Josh admitted.

‘So poor little Hope had to lie on a towel on a baking tray, so we could weigh her on my kitchen scales,’ Amy added.

Alison laughed. ‘I can just imagine it. And, tsk, Josh, you being a consultant and forgetting something as important as a baby’s weight.’

‘I know. I’m totally hanging my head in shame,’ Josh said, looking anything but repentant.

Amy suddenly had a very clear idea of what he was like to work with—as nice as he was as a neighbour, kind and good-humoured and compassionate, yet strong when it was necessary. Given his gorgeous blue eyes and the way his hair seemed to be messy again five minutes after he’d combed it, she’d just bet that half the female staff at the hospital had a crush on him. Not that he’d notice. Josh wasn’t full of himself and aware of his good looks, the way Gavin and even Michael had been. He was genuine.

And he was off limits, she reminded herself.

Alison peered into the Moses basket. ‘She’s a little cutie.’

‘Pick her up and give her a cuddle, if you like,’ Amy said.

Alison smiled, needing no second invitation. ‘I love babies. Especially when I can give them back when it comes to nappy changes.’

‘Noted,’ Josh said dryly.

‘So she was just left in the lobby in your flats?’ Alison asked.

‘Yes.’ Amy ran through what had happened. ‘And we have a theory that her mum might be in my form group.’

‘But if the mum’s in your class, Amy, how come you didn’t recognise her handwriting?’ Alison asked.

‘Because she’s in my form group, not my class. I don’t teach her,’ Amy explained. ‘It means she’s there in the form room for five minutes in the morning for registration, and twenty minutes in the afternoon for registration and whatever other activities we’re doing in form time—giving out letters for parents, a chance for any of them to talk to me if they’re worried about something, and sometimes we do quizzes and the kind of things that help the kids bond a bit. I never see any of her written work. And it’s still only a theory. If we’re wrong, then we still have no clue who Hope’s mum is.’

‘Well, I hope they do find the poor little mite’s mum.’ Alison looked at Josh. ‘So you two are sort of living together this week?’

‘As friends,’ Josh said swiftly. ‘It makes sense, because otherwise we’d have to keep transferring the baby between flats and it’d unsettle her.’

Amy reminded herself that they weren’t a couple. Even if they had slept on the sofa together last night and fallen asleep holding hands, and when he’d put his arm round her it had simply been comfort for both of them after their worry about the baby’s health.

‘It’s really nice of you to look after her,’ Alison said.

‘What else could we do?’ Amy asked. ‘She’s a baby. She didn’t ask to be left here. The social worker couldn’t get a placement because it was Christmas Eve and nobody was about, and Josh said the hospital’s on black alert so the baby couldn’t stay there.’

‘The winter vomiting virus is everywhere,’ Alison confirmed, ‘and the children’s ward is full of babies with bronchiolitis, something you definitely don’t want a newborn to get.’ She smiled at them, then handed the baby back to Amy. ‘Here you go, cutie. Back to your Aunty Amy. Thanks for the coffee and biscuits. I’m heading home to bed now because I’m working the night shift again tonight and I need some sleep before I face the fractures and the ones who gave themselves food poisoning with the leftovers.’

‘Thanks for bringing all this,’ Josh said, ‘and I owe your sister flowers and some decent chocolate. And you, too.’

Alison waved away the thanks. ‘It’s good to be able to do something nice for someone at Christmas. It feels as if it’s putting the balance back a bit, after all the greed and rampant consumerism.’

When she’d gone, Josh turned to Amy. ‘The only time you’ve been out of the flat since Christmas Eve morning is our middle-of-the-night trip to hospital. Do you want to go and get some fresh air?’

‘That’d be good. And I could probably do with picking up something for dinner,’ she said. ‘I forgot to get something out of the freezer earlier.’

‘I ought to be the one buying dinner,’ he said. ‘You’ve fed me two days running as it is.’

‘It really doesn’t matter.’ Unable to resist teasing him, she added, ‘But if you really want to cook for me...’

‘Then you get a choice of spaghetti Bolognese or a cheese toastie,’ he said promptly.

‘Or maybe I should teach you how to cook something else.’ She grabbed her coat and her handbag. ‘I’ll see you in a bit. I’ve got my phone with me in case you need me.’

‘Great.’

* * *

It felt odd, being alone in Amy’s flat, Josh thought when she’d gone. Weirdly, it felt like home; yet, at the same time, it wasn’t. Everything was neat and tidy and she’d done the washing up while he was seeing Alison out of the flat, so he couldn’t do anything practical to help; all he could really do was watch the baby.

He’d texted his parents and his siblings during his break at work on Christmas Day, and hadn’t corrected their assumption that he was working today. Not that he really wanted to speak to any of them. If he told them how his Christmas had panned out, he knew they’d try to manage it—which drove him crazy. He was perfectly capable of managing his own life, even if he was the baby of the family and had messed up, in their eyes.

He held the baby and looked at the framed photographs on Amy’s mantelpiece. The older couple were clearly her parents, and the man in one of the younger couples looked enough like her to be her brother in Canada. The other couple, he assumed, must be the friends she’d talked about staying with in Edinburgh.

‘She really loves her family,’ he said to the baby, ‘and they clearly love her to bits, too.’ He sighed. ‘Maybe I should make more of an effort with mine.’

The baby gurgled, as if agreeing.

‘They’re not bad people. Just they have set views on what I ought to be doing with my life, and right now they feel I’m letting them down. I’m the only one in our family to get divorced. But Kelly didn’t love me any more, and I couldn’t expect her to stay with me just to keep my family happy. It would have made both of us really miserable, and that’s not fair.’

The baby gurgled again.

‘Tell you a secret,’ he said. ‘I think I could like Amy. More than like her.’

The baby cooed, as if to say that she liked Amy, too.

‘And I would never have got to know her like this if it wasn’t for you, Munchkin. We’d still just be doing the nod-and-smile thing if we saw each other in the corridor or the lobby. But this last couple of days, I’ve spent more time with her than I have with anyone else in a long, long time.’ He paused. ‘The question is, what does she think about me?’

The baby was silent.

‘I’m not going to risk making things awkward while we’re looking after you,’ he said. ‘But in the New Year I’m going to ask her out properly. Because I’m ready to move on, and I think she might be, too.’

* * *

It felt odd being out of the flat, Amy thought. It was nice to get some fresh air, but at the same time she found she couldn’t stop thinking about Hope.

Or about Josh.

But what did she have to offer him?

If he wanted to settle down and have a family, then it couldn’t be with her. She knew that there were other ways of having a child as well as biologically, but Michael had refused flat-out even to consider fostering or adoption. She wondered how he would’ve reacted to Hope; she had a nasty feeling that he would’ve decided it wasn’t his problem and would’ve left it to the authorities.

Josh, on the other hand, had real compassion. He’d been instantly supportive. Even though he didn’t know her well, he’d offered help when it was needed most.

She shook herself. She and Josh were neighbours, making their way towards becoming good friends. Their relationship couldn’t be any more than that, so she would have to be sensible about this and damp down her burgeoning feelings towards him.

The supermarket was crowded with people looking for post-Christmas bargains. Amy avoided the clearance shelves and headed for the chiller cabinet. A few minutes later, she paid for her groceries at the checkout, and went back to the flat.

‘You’re back early,’ he said.

‘The shops were heaving.’ And it hadn’t felt right to go to the park without the baby. Which she knew was crazy, because Hope wasn’t hers and would only be here for a couple more days. ‘I thought we’d have French bread, cheese and chutney for lunch.’

‘Sounds perfect. I’ll prepare it, if you like, while you give our girl a cuddle.’

Her gaze met his and her heart felt as if it had just done a somersault.

‘Temporary girl,’ he corrected himself swiftly.

‘I know what you meant.’ Being with Josh and Hope felt like being part of a new family. It was so tempting, but she mustn’t let herself forget that it was only temporary. Clearly Josh felt the same way. If only things were a little different. If only she’d never met Gavin, or had at least been a bit less clueless, so she’d been able to get the chlamydia treated in time...

But things were as they were, and she’d have to make the best of it instead of whining for something she knew wasn’t going to happen.

‘Did Jane reply to your text?’ he asked.

‘Not yet. And it wasn’t an emergency, so I’m not expecting her to pick it up until at least tomorrow.’

‘You’re probably right,’ he said. ‘Hope’s temperature has come down a lot, but it’s probably too much for her to go out for a stroll in the park.’ There was a definite wistfulness in his expression as he glanced at the pram.

‘Maybe tomorrow,’ she said.

After lunch, they spent the afternoon playing board games. ‘I haven’t done this for a while, either,’ she admitted ruefully. ‘I’d forgotten how much fun it is.’

‘Remember what you said to me,’ he said. ‘Make the time for stuff you enjoy.’

* * *

Josh sketched Hope again in the back of the notebook after her next feed, and couldn’t resist making a sneaky sketch of Amy. Though in a way that was a bad idea, because it made him really aware of the curve of her mouth and the way her hair fell—and it made him want to touch her.

He still couldn’t shake how it had felt this morning to draw her into his arms and hold her close. OK, so they’d both been dog-tired and in need of comfort after their worry about Hope and a very broken night—but it had felt so right to hold her like that and fall asleep with her on the sofa.

For Hope’s sake, he needed to rein himself back a bit.

‘While Madam’s asleep,’ Amy said, thankfully oblivious to what he’d been thinking, ‘maybe I can teach you how to cook something really simple and really impressive.’

‘Which is?’ he asked.

‘Baked salmon with sweet chilli sauce, served with mangetout and crushed new potatoes.’

It sounded complicated. But clearly Amy was good at her day job, because she gave him really clear instructions and talked him through making dinner.

‘I can’t believe I made this,’ he said, looking at the plates. After the first mouthful, he amended that to, ‘I really can’t believe I made this.’

‘Healthy and impressive,’ she said. ‘And it’s easy. Josh, what you do at work every day is way harder than cooking dinner.’

‘Maybe.’ But cooking for one was no fun. Which was the main reason why he lived on toasted sandwiches and takeaways.

They spent the evening curled up on the sofa, watching films. Josh was careful this time not to give in to the temptation of holding Amy’s hand or drawing her into his arms.

But, after Hope’s last feed of the evening, he could see the worry on Amy’s face.

‘Maybe we should both sleep on the sofa again tonight,’ he said. ‘We can still take turns at getting up for her, but it also means if you’re worried you can wake me more quickly.’

She took a deep breath. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way,’ she said, ‘but I was thinking along the same lines. My bed’s a double and it’ll be a lot more comfortable than the sofa. We’re adults and we can share a bed without...’

His mouth went dry as he finished the sentence mentally. Without making love.

Which was what he really wanted to do with Amy. Kiss her, discover where she liked being touched and what made her eyes go dark with pleasure.

‘Fully dressed,’ he said. Because lying in bed with her, with them both wearing pyjamas, might be a little too much temptation for him to resist. And he hoped she couldn’t hear the slight huskiness in his voice.

‘Of course.’

Her bedroom was exactly as he’d expected, all soft creams and feminine, yet without being frilly or fussy and over the top. There was a framed picture of a seascape on the wall, the curtains were floral chintz, and the whole room was restful and peaceful.

Though when he lay next to her in bed with the light off—with both of them fully dressed—he was far from feeling restful and peaceful. He was too aware of the last time he’d shared a bed with someone, just over a year ago. OK, so he’d finally got to the stage where he could move on with his life... But could it be with Amy? He definitely had feelings for her, and he was fairly sure that it was mutual; but was it because they’d had this intense sharing of space over the last few days, while they’d been looking after Hope, or was it something real? Would he be enough for her, the way he hadn’t been for Kelly? Or would everything between them change again at New Year, once the baby had gone?

* * *

When Hope cried, Amy got out of bed on autopilot and scooped the baby from the Moses basket. As she padded into the kitchen with the baby in her arms, she woke up fully. Was it her imagination, or did Hope feel hot again?

And then Hope only took half her usual amount of milk.

Panic welled through her, and she switched on her bedside light on its lowest setting. ‘Josh.’

He woke immediately and sat up. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I might be being paranoid, but she didn’t take that much milk just now, and I think she’s hot again.’

He checked the baby over, then grabbed the thermometer and took her temperature. ‘Her temperature’s normal.’

‘So I’m just being ridiculous.’

He settled the baby back into the Moses basket. ‘No. You’re being completely normal. I’d worry, too.’ He wrapped his arms round her. ‘You’re doing just fine, Amy.’

For someone who was never going to be a mum?

She wasn’t sure what made her lean into him—the worry that had made her knees sag, or just the fact that he was there, holding her and seeming to infuse his strength into her as he kept his arms round her.

And was that his mouth against her cheek, in a reassuring kiss?

Something made her tip her head back.

The next thing she knew, his mouth was against hers. Soft, reassuring, gentle.

And then it wasn’t like that any more, because somehow her mouth had opened beneath his and her arms were wrapped round his neck, and he was holding her much more tightly. And the warmth turned to heat, to sheer molten desire.

Then he pulled back.

Oh, God. How embarrassing was she? Throwing herself at her neighbour. Pathetic.

‘Sorry,’ she mumbled, hanging her head and unable to meet his eyes. Hot shame bubbled through her. What the hell had she just done?

‘I should be the one apologising to you.’

Because he’d been kind? Because he’d stopped before she’d really made a fool of herself?

‘No,’ she muttered, still not wanting to look at him and see the pity in his face.

‘Maybe I should sleep on your sofa again,’ he said.

And then things would be even more awkward between them in the morning. ‘No, it’s fine. We’re neighbours—friends—and we’re adults; and we both need to be here for Hope.’ She took a deep breath. ‘We can both pretend that just now didn’t happen.’

‘Good idea,’ he said.

But she still couldn’t face him when she climbed into bed and switched off the light. And she noticed that there was a very large gap in the bed between them, as if he felt as uncomfortable and embarrassed about the situation as she did.

If only she’d kept that iron control she’d prided herself on so much before today. If only she hadn’t kissed him. If only she hadn’t given in to temptation.

She’d just have to hope that the broken night would affect his memory and he’d forget everything about what had just happened.

And she’d really have to put out of her mind how good it had felt in those moments when he’d kissed her back.