Читать книгу The Midwife's Christmas Baby - Kate Hardy - Страница 13

ON SUNDAY MORNING, Oliver drove over to the pretty little square where Ella’s flat was and rang her doorbell.

She opened the door wearing pyjamas, sleepy-eyed and with her hair all mussed. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,’ he said.

‘It’s almost half-past nine, so it’s my bad,’ she said wryly. ‘What do you want?’

He held up the recyclable shopping bag. ‘I brought breakfast. I thought maybe we could talk.’

‘Breakfast?’

‘And these.’ He handed her the gerbera. ‘I hope you like them.’

Unexpectedly, her beautiful green eyes filled with tears. ‘Oliver, they’re gorgeous. I love yellow flowers. Thank you. Though you really didn’t have to do that.’

‘I wanted to,’ he admitted. And right now, seeing her all warm and sleepy, he really wanted to take her in his arms and hold her close and tell her that he’d protect her from the world.

Except he wasn’t sure how she’d react, and he knew he needed to take this slowly and carefully until he had a better idea of what was going on in her head. He wasn’t going to end up in the same place he’d been after Justine, where he’d been in love with her but she hadn’t loved him back.

‘Come in. I’ll put the kettle on.’ She ushered him through to her living room. ‘I’ll go and have a quick shower and get dressed, and then I’ll put those lovely flowers in water.’

‘You don’t have to change on my behalf.’

She gave him a speaking glance. ‘I can’t be sitting here at my kitchen table in pyjamas, with you all dressed up like a magazine model.’

‘Apart from the fact that I’m not all dressed up, I don’t mind if you stay in your pyjamas.’

‘Well, I do.’

He really didn’t want to sit around doing nothing. It wasn’t his style. He’d always preferred keeping busy. ‘Shall I make breakfast, then, while you’re showering?’

He could see that she was torn between insisting that it was her flat so it was her job to make breakfast, and letting him do something. ‘All right,’ she said finally. ‘I normally eat in the kitchen, if that’s all right with you.’

‘OK. I’ll see you when you’re ready.’

By the time Ella had showered and changed into jeans and a cute Christmassy sweater with a reindeer in a bow tie on the front, Oliver had laid two places at the tiny bistro table in her kitchen and had arranged everything on the table: freshly squeezed orange juice, granola, yoghurt and a bowl of hulled and washed strawberries. It looked amazing. And she couldn’t remember the last time anyone apart from her parents had made this kind of fuss over her. Right now she felt cherished—special—and it was a good feeling.

‘No coffee,’ he said.

‘Thanks. I really can’t bear the smell of it.’

‘And that’s why I held off on the croissants. Just in case they affected you, too.’ He gestured to the teapot. ‘The tea’s decaf—I thought it might be easier for you to manage.’

‘That’s so sweet.’ He’d made all this effort just for her, and her heart melted. ‘This all looks so nice. Thank you.’

‘I had to guess because I didn’t really know what kind of thing you like for breakfast.’

She blushed. ‘You didn’t stay for breakfast when... Well, you know.’

‘Uh-huh.’

Right at that moment, he looked just as embarrassed and awkward as she felt. She’d been stupid to bring up the issue.

‘I just wanted to do something nice for you,’ he said.

‘And I appreciate it,’ she said meaning it.

He poured her a mug of tea. ‘No sugar, right?’

She loved the fact that he’d actually noticed how she took her tea. ‘Right.’

‘So how are you feeling?’ he asked.

‘Mostly fine. Just as long as I avoid strong smells.’ She smiled. ‘And that should get better in about six weeks, or so I always tell my mums.’

‘It’s usually better by the second trimester,’ he agreed.

‘I thought Sienna was teasing me when she told me that tin cans actually smell when you’re pregnant,’ Ella said, ‘but she’s right. They do.’ She shuddered, and took a sip of the orange juice. ‘This is lovely. Thank you so much. I feel totally spoiled.’

‘It’s the least I could do.’ Again, Oliver could imagine having breakfast with Ella on Sunday mornings. A lazy breakfast, with toast and tea and the Sunday papers, and then taking the baby out together for a late-morning walk in the park... It shocked him to discover how much he actually wanted that.

A real relationship.

With Ella and their baby.

Thankfully she hadn’t noticed him mooning about, because she asked, ‘So is everything OK with you?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you’re settling in well to your new job?’

‘Just about,’ he said, smiling back at her. Maybe this was going to work out. They could at least make polite conversation. And they’d been friends before the masked ball. They respected each other as colleagues. He really believed they could salvage something from this now.

He kept the conversation going until they’d finished breakfast and he started clearing the table; then he noticed that there was still something left in the bag he’d brought with him. ‘Oh, I meant to give you this earlier.’ He took the box of vitamins from the bag and handed them to her.

She frowned. ‘What’s this?’

‘Folic acid—obviously now you know about the baby, you need to start taking it.’

‘Uh-huh.’ Her face shuttered. ‘Did it occur to you that I might already have bought a pregnancy vitamin supplement with folic acid?’

‘I—’ He stared at her. No. He hadn’t given it a second thought.

‘Oliver, I’m a midwife. It’d be a bit stupid of me to ignore my years of training about the best way for pregnant women to look after themselves and their babies, wouldn’t it?’

She sounded really put out, though he couldn’t for the life of him understand why. All he’d done was buy her some vitamins. ‘I was just trying to help. To look after you.’

‘To take over, more like,’ she said.

‘But—’

‘Do you think I’m suffering from “pregnancy brain” and I’m completely flaky?’ she asked. She shook her head, narrowing her eyes at him. ‘And, for your information, “pregnancy brain” is a total myth. I came across a piece on the news the other day that said actually women’s brains are sharper when they’re pregnant.’

What? Where was all this coming from? He didn’t understand. ‘Ella, I didn’t accuse you of anything of the sort.’

‘No, but you bought me folic acid without even thinking that I might already have some. There’s a huge difference between asking me if you can pick something up for me, and just presenting me with it as if I’m too stupid to have thought of it for myself.’

‘You’re overreacting.’

‘Am I?’ She folded her arms. ‘If this is how it’s going to be for the next seven and a half months, with you looking over my shoulder all the time and making decisions for me without even bothering to discuss things with me first...’ Again, she shook her head. ‘That’s really overbearing and that’s not what I want, Oliver. Actually, right now I think I’d like you to leave and give me some space.’

He stared at her in disbelief. ‘All I want to do is to protect you and the baby, and provide for you. How’s that being overbearing?’

Could he really not see it? Ella wondered. ‘It’s overbearing because you’re not discussing anything with me. You’ve made the decision already and you’re expecting me to just shut up and go along with it.’ She’d been there before: when everyone thought that little Ella wasn’t bright enough to train as a midwife. She hated the way Oliver seemed to be falling into those same attitudes and thinking he knew what was best for her. She’d had years of feeling undermined and useless, and she wasn’t going to let it happen again. ‘And if you dare say that’s just pregnancy hormones making me grumpy, I’ll...I’ll...’ She was too angry to think of what she’d do next. So much for thinking he wanted to cherish her. What an idiot she was, letting herself fall a little more in love with a control freak who wanted to boss her around.

‘Ella, this is—’

‘I need some space. Thank you for the flowers and breakfast, because that was very nice of you, but I’d really like you to leave now. Please.’

‘What about the washing up?’

‘I think I might just about be capable of sorting that out for myself.’ She stood up and gestured to the doorway. ‘Would you give me some space, please?’

Maybe making a tactical retreat would be the best thing to do right now, Oliver thought. ‘All right.’

He wasn’t sure whether her reaction had made him more hurt or angry. He’d tried to do the right thing, but Ella was being totally unreasonable. He’d never called her intelligence into question. Why on earth would she think he had?

Despite her protests, he was pretty sure that pregnancy hormones were affecting her mood.

He’d try to talk to her again later and hope that she’d be in a better frame of mind. More receptive.

Going to the gym and pounding the treadmill didn’t help. Neither did going to his office and spending a couple of hours catching up on paperwork.

Was he really being overbearing and making decisions without asking her? Oliver wondered.

A simple box of vitamins really shouldn’t cause this much trouble.

Justine had been more than happy for him to make a fuss of her and buy things for her while she was pregnant. Then again, she’d had her reasons. But Ella was seriously independent. Brave enough to travel to London at the age of eighteen to study midwifery, so far from her family home in Ireland that she wouldn’t be able to just pop home for the weekend like most of the other students could. And she’d be brave enough to bring up this baby on her own.

Except she didn’t have to.

He wanted to be there. For her and for the baby.

He didn’t want to tell her about Justine—not just yet—but he could try to build a bridge. Try to see things from Ella’s point of view.

It didn’t take him long to drive back to her flat.

This time, when she answered the doorbell, she didn’t smile.

‘Hear me out?’ he asked. ‘Please?’

She said nothing, but at least she didn’t slam the door in his face. ‘I was going to get you flowers as an apology, but I already bought you flowers this morning and I don’t want you to think I’m going over the top—especially as you already think I’m being overbearing. I had no idea what to get you. I don’t know what you like, so I just...’ Oliver hated feeling so clueless and awkward. Normally he was in charge and he knew everything would go smoothly. This was way out of his comfort zone.

‘It doesn’t matter. I don’t need you to buy me things.’

Another difference between Ella and the women he usually dated: they expected presents. Expensive presents.

‘The most important thing is that I’m sorry for being bossy. I don’t mean to be and I’ll try not to be. But,’ he said, ‘old habits die hard, and I can’t promise that I won’t mess up in the future.’

Her face softened, then, as if she understood the jumble of thoughts filling his head, and she stepped back from the doorway. ‘Come in and I’ll make some tea—and, for the record, I’m perfectly capable of filling a kettle with water and boiling it.’

‘I know,’ he said. He’d got the message that Ella liked her independence. ‘But is there anything I can do to help?’

‘Just sit down and let me do it myself.’

He waited on the sofa in the living room, feeling more and more antsy as the seconds passed.

Finally, she came in with two mugs of tea.

‘Thank you,’ he said, accepting one of the mugs.

She inclined her head in acknowledgement and sat down at her desk rather than next to him on the sofa. Making a point, he supposed.

‘It must be difficult for you, being in this situation,’ she said.

That was an understatement. She didn’t know anything about the memories it was bringing back, and right at the moment it wasn’t something he wanted to share. ‘It’s not exactly a picnic for you, either,’ he said, trying to see it from her point of view. ‘All I need to do is to get my head round this properly.’ All. He was struggling enough with that. ‘But it’s worse for you because you get all the morning sickness and what have you as well.’

‘Thanks for reminding me,’ she said dryly.

‘Ella, I want to be there for you and the baby.’

‘I understand that. But it doesn’t give you the right to push me around.’

He hadn’t been trying to push her around, but he didn’t want to argue. Now was probably not the right time to ask difficult questions about the contraception issue, either. He wanted to get their relationship on a less rocky footing, first. Instead, he asked carefully, ‘So have you thought about what kind of care you want, and whether you want to book in at Teddy’s or if you’d rather go somewhere else?’

‘I know all the staff at Teddy’s and I know I’ll get the best care there, so it makes sense to book in to our department,’ she said. ‘Though it does mean everyone’s going to know. And at a really early stage.’

‘Is that a problem?’

She looked thoughtful. ‘I guess not—I mean, everyone’s been great about Sienna. After the initial gossip, wondering who the baby’s father is.’

‘Would you prefer people not to know I’m the baby’s father?’

‘I don’t want people thinking I slept with you to get an advantage at work.’

He smiled. ‘Ella, nobody would ever think that of you. You work hard enough for two people as it is.’ He paused. ‘What about a scan?’

‘I already know I’m about seven weeks.’

‘Which is about the right time for a dating scan—not that I disbelieve you on the dates, just...’

She nodded. ‘Though it’ll mean people will know now, not later on.’

‘Yes, and they’ll cut you a bit of slack—this is the stage where you’re likely to feel really tired and need a break.’

‘I’ll still be part of the team, and being pregnant doesn’t alter that.’

Why was she being so difficult about this? ‘I’m not saying that you’re not part of the team—just that maybe you could cut back a bit on your shifts for a while.’

Her face darkened. ‘No.’

‘Ella—’

‘I said before, please don’t push me around. You’re not my keeper, Oliver.’

‘I know. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you.’

‘Because I’m not bright enough to know what’s best for me?’

‘No, of course not.’ He didn’t get why she was being so prickly. ‘Ella, is there something you’re not telling me?’

‘How do you mean?’

‘You and me—we’ve always got on well. Until—well.’ He didn’t want to embarrass her by putting it into words.

But she clearly wanted to face it head-on. ‘Until we slept together.’

‘I feel guilty about that. You’re not the sort who does one-night stands—and I took your virginity.’

‘Which isn’t an issue.’

‘It is for me.’

She looked confused. ‘Why?’

‘Because it makes me feel dishonourable.’

She scoffed. ‘Oh, get over yourself, Oliver. What are you, the Lord of the Manor?’

Not far off it. But he needed to get back on reasonable terms with her before he dropped that particular bombshell. ‘I’m sorry. I did warn you I’d mess up on the control freakery stuff.’

‘I guess. And maybe I need to cut you some slack, too—but how would you feel if I suggested you cut back on your shifts, just because you’ll have a baby in seven months’ time?’

He nodded. ‘I get it.’

She rubbed her stomach reflectively. ‘So is there a new girlfriend who might not be very happy to hear the news?’

‘No, there isn’t.’ And the question stung. ‘Do you really think I’m that shallow?’

‘No, but you never seem to date anyone for long.’

‘Strictly speaking, I didn’t actually date you,’ he pointed out. ‘We both got carried away, that night.’

‘I guess.’ She paused. ‘So why do you avoid proper relationships?’

Something else he didn’t want to discuss. ‘Let’s just say I’ve been a bit burned in the past.’

‘And you’re still brooding over it enough not to give someone else a chance? She must’ve hurt you a lot.’

‘Yes. She did,’ he admitted.

‘I’m sorry that you got hurt. But I’m nothing like the usual women you date.’

‘Usual?’

She grimaced. ‘I haven’t been gossiping about you. But the hospital grapevine says you pick women who look like models, women from a much posher background than mine.’

He stared at her. ‘You think I’m a snob?’

‘No. You treat all our mums the same, whether they’re ordinary women or royalty or celebs,’ she said. ‘I guess what I’m saying is I’m me, so don’t go thinking I’ll be like her.’

‘You’re not like her.’ He trusted Ella, for a start. Professionally. But letting her into his heart would take a lot longer. Justine had left him with a lot of baggage.

Though he really didn’t want to talk to Ella about Justine right now. Especially given their circumstances. How did you tell someone who was expecting your baby that you’d been here before—but the baby hadn’t been yours? She’d start reading all kinds of things into that and what he might be thinking now, and he was having a hard time explaining it to himself; he certainly couldn’t explain his feelings to her. Wanting to change the subject, he asked, ‘What about you?’

Her eyes widened. ‘You seriously think I’d date someone else when I’m pregnant with your baby?’

He winced. ‘That sounds bad. I mean... You only just found out about the baby. You might’ve met someone between Hallowe’en and now.’

‘No. There isn’t anyone.’

‘OK.’

And actually the hospital grapevine said she didn’t date. Ella was dedicated to her work. Oliver assumed that someone had hurt her badly in the past and she didn’t trust love any more, the same way that he didn’t trust love. But he could hardly grill her about it. That would be intrusive; besides, right now their relationship was so fragile he didn’t want to risk saying the wrong thing and making it worse. ‘Have you told your parents?’ he asked.

‘Not yet. I think I’d prefer to do that face to face—video-calling isn’t good enough for news like this,’ she said. ‘I’m going home for two days at Christmas. I’ll tell them then.’

‘How do you think they’ll take it?’

With sheer disbelief, Ella thought. Her parents knew the situation with her endometriosis and the ruptured cyst. They’d resigned themselves to never having grandchildren, though she’d seen the wistfulness in her mum’s eyes every time one of her sisters became a grandmother again. Not that she wanted to discuss any of that with Oliver. Not right now. Because if he knew about her medical issues from the past, he’d try even harder to wrap her in cotton wool and it would drive her crazy.

‘They’ll be supportive,’ she said. She knew that without having to ask. They might be shocked, but they’d definitely be supportive. ‘How about yours?’

‘It’s complicated,’ he said.

Another stonewall. Oliver had been hurt by someone in the past and his family situation was complicated. Did that mean maybe his ex had dumped him for his brother, or something? Did he even have a brother or a sister? But, even if she asked him straight out, she knew he’d evade the subject. ‘You don’t give anything away, do you?’

‘I...’ He blew out a breath. ‘I’m making a mess of this.’

‘Yes, you are,’ she said. ‘It’s always better to be honest.’ Which was pretty hypocritical of her, considering what she was keeping from him.

He raked a hand through his hair. ‘Ella, right now all that matters to me is you and the baby.’

Why couldn’t she let herself believe him?

When she didn’t say anything, he sighed. ‘I’d really like to be there at the scan. But it’s your call.’

That was quite a capitulation—and one that clearly hadn’t come easily to him. He was used to being in charge at work, so of course he was going to be bossy outside work as well. And maybe she had overreacted a bit. Maybe he really had meant to be helpful and trying to look after her, rather than making her feel stupid. But she didn’t want to whine about her dyslexia. Plenty of people had more to deal with than she did.

Maybe she should capitulate a bit, too. ‘I’ll let you know when I’ve seen my doctor and got a date through,’ she said.

‘Thank you.’ He finished his tea. ‘I guess I should let you have the rest of your afternoon in peace. But call me if you need anything, OK? And I’m not trying to be bossy. I’m trying to be supportive.’

‘Uh-huh.’

When she’d shown him out, she tidied up and washed up the mugs. She had absolutely no idea how this was going to work out. Oliver was clearly intending to do the right thing and stand by her—but she didn’t want him to be with her out of duty. She wanted him there because he wanted to be there.

He hadn’t said a word about his feelings. He hadn’t asked her about hers, either. Which was just as well, because she was all mixed up. The attraction she’d felt towards him hadn’t gone away, but she was pretty sure it was one-sided. She didn’t want him to pity her for mooning about over him, so she’d been sharper towards him than normal. But then again, if it was that easy to push him away, he clearly didn’t want to be with her in the first place.

‘It’ll work out,’ she said quietly, cradling her abdomen protectively with one hand. ‘If the worst comes to the worst, I’ll go back home to my family in Ireland. But one thing I promise you, baby: even though you weren’t planned, you’ll always, always be loved. And if you’re a girl I’m going to call you Joy, because that’s what you are to me.’