Читать книгу The Midwife's Christmas Baby - Kate Hardy - Страница 15

THE NEXT MORNING, Ella woke with butterflies in her stomach. The pregnancy test she’d taken had been positive; but as a midwife she knew that there were all manner of things that could go wrong over the next few weeks. One in four pregnancies ended in a miscarriage. And would the scarring in her Fallopian tubes have caused a problem with the baby?

She managed to force down a slice of toast and was sitting in the waiting room outside the ultrasound suite at five minutes to eleven, having drunk the requested one litre of water. There were Christmas cards pinned on the cork board in the reception area, and some of the tables had been moved to make way for a tree. All the couples sitting in the waiting room now were clearly looking forward to the following Christmas: the first Christmas with their new baby. Right now, Ella didn’t know if she and the baby would still be here in Cheltenham with Oliver, or whether they’d be back in Ireland with her family, and it made her feel slightly melancholy.

Would Oliver be on time for the appointment? Or would he need to be in with a patient and have to miss the scan?

She reminded herself that it didn’t matter if he couldn’t be there; she could manage this perfectly well on her own. She tried to flick through one of the magazines left on the table to distract people who were waiting, but the paper was too shiny for her to be able to read the words easily.

And that was another worry: would her baby inherit her dyslexia? Ella knew that a daughter would have a one in four chance of inheriting the condition, and a son would have a three in four chance. She hated the idea that she could’ve passed on something that would cause her child difficulties in the future; though at least she was aware of what to look out for, so if necessary she’d be able to get help for her child much earlier than she’d received help, and her child wouldn’t go through most of his or her education feeling as clumsy and stupid as Ella had.

She’d just put the magazine back on the table when she heard Oliver say, ‘Good morning.’

She looked up and her heart skipped a beat. He really was beautiful: the walking definition of tall, dark and handsome. And she’d never reacted to someone as strongly as she reacted to Oliver.

‘Good morning,’ she said, trying to sound cool and collected and hoping that he didn’t pick up how flustered he made her feel.

‘Are you all right? Is there anything I can get you?’

‘Thanks, but I’m fine. And, before you ask, yes, I’ve drunk all the water they asked me to.’

‘Let’s hope they’re running on time so you’re not uncomfortable for too long. May I?’ He gestured to the chair next to her.

‘Of course.’ And how ridiculous it was that she longed for him to take her hand, the way that the partners of the other pregnant women in the waiting room seemed to have done. She had to remember that their relationship was limited to an unplanned and inconvenient shared status as a parent: they weren’t a proper couple. They probably never would be. The best she could hope for was that Oliver would be there for the baby as he or she grew up. It would be stupid to dream that the man who’d held her yesterday afternoon when she’d cried, the man she was falling for just a little more each day, felt the same way about her. Yesterday he’d been kind, that was all.

A few minutes later, they were called into the ultrasound suite. As they walked into the dimly lit room, the sonographer said, ‘Oh, Mr Darrington! I didn’t expect to see you.’ She looked speculatively at Ella. ‘I didn’t realise—’

‘I’m supporting Ella,’ Oliver cut in, ‘as I’d support any member of my team whose family lives a long way away.’

‘Oh, of course.’ The sonographer blushed. ‘I’m sorry for—well, making assumptions.’

Ella had wanted to keep everything just between the two of them, but at the same time she felt a prickle of hurt that Oliver hadn’t acknowledged the fact that this was his baby, and had fudged it in a way so that he hadn’t lied directly but had definitely misdirected the sonographer. She knew it was contrary and ridiculous of her to feel that way, and it was probably due to all the pregnancy hormones rushing round her system. How many times had she had to comfort a pregnant woman in their department who was upset for a totally irrational reason?

Following instructions, she lay on the couch and bared her stomach. The sonographer tucked tissue paper round Ella’s clothes to stop them being covered in gel, then put radio-conductive gel on her stomach.

‘It’s warm,’ Ella said in surprise. ‘The gel is always cold if we do a scan on the ward.’

The sonographer smiled. ‘It always is warm down here because of all the machinery heating up the room. I think it makes things a bit more comfortable for the mums.’

‘I agree. We’ll have to think of a way of doing that on the ward,’ Ella said to Oliver.

The sonographer ran the head of the transceiver over Ella’s stomach. ‘Good. I can confirm there’s just one baby here.’

Ella hadn’t even considered that she might be having twins. She had no idea if twins ran in Oliver’s family, but she could hardly ask him right then—not without adding to the hospital rumour mill.

‘The baby’s growing nicely,’ the sonographer said, and took some measurements on the screen. ‘It’s about thirteen millimetres long, so I’d say you’re about seven and a half weeks.’

‘That ties in with my dates,’ Ella said.

‘You can see the baby’s head and body very clearly.’ The sonographer turned the screen round to show them a bean-shaped blob; there was a flicker which Ella knew was the baby’s heartbeat. And she was shocked by the rush of sheer emotion that burst through her at the very first sight of her baby.

‘The baby’s heart rate is one hundred and fifty beats per minute—which you’ll know as a midwife is absolutely fine. It’s too early to measure the fluid behind the neck for a Nuchal test, as we’d usually do that at about eleven weeks, but we can do a combined screening test for Down’s then,’ the sonographer said.

Ella only realised then that she’d been holding her breath, waiting to know that everything was all right and her fertility problems hadn’t also caused a problem for the baby. ‘Thank you. It’s really good to know all’s well.’

There was a knock on the door and another member of the ultrasound team put her head round the door. ‘Sorry to interrupt—can I have a quick word?’

The sonographer went over for a brief discussion. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I just need to pop next door for a moment. I’ll be back very soon.’

‘Not a problem,’ Ella said, feeling a tug of sympathy for whoever was in the other ultrasound room. For the senior sonographer to be called in, it meant the team needed a second opinion on a potential complication.

As the door closed, Oliver took her hand. ‘Our baby,’ he said in wonder, looking at the screen. ‘I’ve seen so many of these scans since I started working as an ob-gyn, and even performed a few of them myself, but this... This is special.’ His voice sounded thick with emotion.

‘I know.’ It had affected Ella in the same way, and she was amazed by how strongly she felt. She’d only known about this baby for three days and it had turned her world upside down; but at the same time it was the most precious gift anyone could’ve given her and she was already bonding with the tiny being growing in her womb. She couldn’t help tightening her fingers round his.

‘Our baby, Ella,’ he said again, his voice hoarse, and cupped her face with his free hand.

His touch sent a tingle through her. ‘Oliver,’ she whispered.

He dipped his head to kiss her; it was soft and sweet and full of longing.

When he broke the kiss, he pulled back just far enough so they could look into each other’s eyes. Ella noticed that his pupils were huge. Was it because of the low light in the ultrasound room, or was it because he felt as emotional as she did right at that moment? Did he feel this same pull towards her that she felt towards him? Did they have a chance to make it as a couple—as a family?

‘Ella,’ he said softly, and kissed her again.

Her heart felt as if it had just done a somersault.

But then they heard the click of the door starting to open, and pulled apart again. Ella felt her cheeks burning, and really hoped that the sonographer hadn’t seen anything—or, worse still, that she looked as if she’d just been thoroughly kissed.

Oliver looked both shocked and horrified. Ella could tell instantly that he was regretting the kiss and shrivelled a little inside. How stupid of her to hope that the kiss meant he felt something for her. Clearly he’d just got carried away by the rush of the moment.

‘Sorry about that,’ the sonographer said brightly. ‘I guess as you work in Teddy’s, Ella, you already know the answers to the kind of questions my mums normally ask, but is there anything you’d like to ask?’

Ella smiled. ‘I’m not going to ask to know whether the baby’s a girl or a boy, because apart from the fact I know it’s way too early for you to be able to tell, it doesn’t matter either way to me.’ Though, she wondered, did it make a difference to Oliver? ‘But would it be possible to have a photograph, please?’

‘Sure. Let’s see if we can get you a slightly less blurry picture,’ the sonographer said with a smile. Once she’d got a picture she was happy with, she asked, ‘How many copies do you need?’

‘Two,’ Ella said. ‘How much are they?’

Before Oliver could embarrass them both by trying to pay, she took out her purse and handed over the money.

The photographs were printed while she wiped her abdomen free of gel and restored order to her clothes.

‘Thank you for your support, Oliver,’ she said. ‘I know you’re really busy, so you don’t have to hang around and wait for me.’

It was practically a dismissal. So Ella was obviously regretting their kiss, Oliver thought. And she was probably right. They could do with some space. He’d got carried away in the heat of the moment, overwhelmed by seeing the baby on the screen. Right now he needed to take a step back from Ella, metaphorically as well as literally.

‘Thanks. I’ll see you later on the ward,’ he said.

But before he had a chance to leave the sonographer was called next door again.

‘Ella,’ he said, his voice low and urgent. ‘What happened just now—it shouldn’t have done. I apologise.’

‘Uh-huh.’ Her voice was very cool.

And he deserved that coolness. It was all his fault. ‘I guess I lost my head a bit. It was the excitement of seeing the baby on the screen and hearing the positive news.’

‘We both got carried away,’ Ella agreed. ‘It won’t happen again.’ She gestured to the prints. ‘I assume you’d like one of these?’

‘I would.’ It shocked him how very much he wanted the picture. Their baby. ‘Thank you,’ he said when she handed one to him.

‘It’s the least I could do.’

‘I owe you—’ he began.

‘It’s fine. A print of a scan isn’t going to bankrupt me.’

That wasn’t what he’d meant at all. ‘Ella...’ He sighed, seeing the determined set of her jaw. ‘OK. I’ll see you later. And thank you for the photograph.’ He wasn’t ready to share the news with anyone yet, but having the picture made everything so much more real. He tucked it into his wallet and left the room.

And he’d really have to get his head together.

He’d had no right to kiss her. The reason her fingers had tightened round his was purely because she was emotional about the baby. Seeing the little life they’d created, the strength of the baby’s beating heart. That was all.

She wasn’t in love with him.

And he wasn’t in love with her, he told himself firmly. The attraction he felt towards her was because of the baby, rooted in responsibility rather than passion. He needed to be fair to her and leave her free to find someone else. Someone who hadn’t put their heart in permafrost and would be able to give her the love she deserved.

But he’d meet every single one of his responsibilities towards the baby, and he needed to find a good working relationship with Ella, so their child never felt unwanted or a burden. They definitely needed to talk. Later—he really needed to gather his thoughts first.

Annabelle beckoned Ella into her office as she walked past. ‘So how did it go?’

Ella beamed and took the scan picture from her purse. ‘Look at this! I know, I know, it’s too soon to see anything more than a bean-shaped blob.’

‘It’s gorgeous,’ Annabelle said, looking slightly wistful.

Ella bit her lip. ‘Oh, Annabelle, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to open up old wounds.’ But she’d so wanted to share the picture with someone who’d understand how excited she was.

‘You haven’t upset me in the slightest.’ Annabelle hugged her. ‘I’m thrilled for you. Really, truly and honestly.’

‘Thank you.’ Ella tucked the picture back into her purse.

‘So what’s the situation between you and Oliver?’ Annabelle asked.

‘Complicated,’ Ella admitted. Even though Annabelle was her best friend, Ella wasn’t going to tell her about that kiss today. Oliver had apologised for it and said he’d got carried away in the heat of the moment and it was a mistake, so it’d be pointless for her to wish that it had meant anything more.

‘Are you a couple, or not?’

‘Not,’ Ella said.

‘Do you want to be?’ Annabelle asked.

That was the crunch question. And the worst part was that Ella couldn’t really answer it. ‘I don’t know. I like him, Annabelle—I like him a lot—but I don’t want to lose my independence. I worked so hard to qualify as a midwife, and I hate the way Oliver just expects me to cut back on my shifts and do whatever he says. He obviously hasn’t even thought about what it’s going to do to my career.’

‘I think,’ Annabelle said, ‘you need to talk to him.’

‘You’re right. I know,’ Ella agreed.

‘But, before that,’ Annabelle said gently, ‘you need to work out what you really want.’

And that was going to be the really hard part. Because right at that moment Ella wanted everything—and she knew that was way too much to ask.

That evening, when she got home, Ella video-called her parents.

‘Is everything all right, darling?’ Roisin O’Brien asked. ‘You always call us on a Thursday, and today’s only Tuesday.’

‘I know. Mam, I have some news.’

Roisin beamed and asked hopefully, ‘You’re coming back to Ireland and going to work in the hospital in Limerick?’

Ella smiled. ‘Mam, you know I love it here at Teddy’s. No, it’s not to do with work. Is Da there? Because I need to talk to you both together.’

‘Is everything all right?’ Roisin asked again.

‘Yes.’ And no, but she wasn’t going to say that.

‘Joe! Joe, our Ella’s on the computer to talk to us,’ Roisin called.

Joe appeared on Ella’s screen, next to his wife. ‘And how’s my beautiful girl, then?’

Ella felt the tears well up. ‘Oh, Da.’

Joe looked horrified. ‘Ella? Whatever’s the matter? I’ll hop on the plane and be right over. You just say th—’

‘No, Da, it’s fine,’ she cut in. She swallowed hard. ‘Mam, Da—there isn’t an easy way to say this, so I’ll do what you always say and tell it to you straight. You’re going to be grandparents.’

There was a stunned silence for a moment, and then Roisin said, ‘But, Ella, the doctors in London said...’ Her voice trailed off, and Ella knew what her mother didn’t want to voice. The doctors in London had said Ella would never be able to have a child of her own.

‘They got it wrong.’ Ella picked up the scan photo and held it so her parents could see it. ‘I had the scan today—I’m seven and a half weeks. You can’t see a lot, just a bean shape, but the sonographer said everything looked fine and the baby’s heart was beating just right.’

‘We’re going to be grandparents.’ Joe and Roisin hugged each other.

‘You’re not angry with me?’ Ella asked. ‘Because—well, this wasn’t supposed to happen?’

‘So the baby wasn’t planned. It doesn’t mean he or she won’t be loved to bits,’ Roisin said. ‘Lots of babies aren’t planned. It’s grand news, Ella. What about the baby’s da? When do we get to meet him?’

Ella hadn’t even considered that. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said carefully. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Do I need to come and talk to the lad and remind him of his responsibilities?’ Joe asked, folding his arms.

‘No, Da, and that’s not why I called. I just wanted you both to know about the baby. It’s early days and a lot of things could still go wrong—but I love you so much and I couldn’t keep the news to myself any longer. Please don’t say anything to anyone else in the family, not yet—not till I’m twelve weeks, OK?’

‘All right. And we love you, too, Ella,’ Roisin said. ‘If you want us to move over to England to help you with the baby, you just say the word. Or if you want to come home, you’ve always got a home with us and so has the baby.’

‘Oh, Mam.’ Ella swallowed back the tears.

‘So what does the young man in question have to say for himself?’ Joe asked.

‘He was at the scan with me today. He’s very responsible,’ Ella said, guessing what her father was worrying about. She smiled. ‘He’s trying to wrap me up in cotton wool as much as you do.’

‘With about as much success, I’ll bet,’ Roisin said. ‘You get your independent streak from your Granny O’Connor.’

‘And your Granny O’Brien,’ Joe added, not to be outdone.

Ella laughed. ‘Oh, I miss you both so much.’

‘You’ll be home in a couple of weeks for Christmas,’ Roisin said, ‘and we can give you a proper hug then. Are you keeping well in yourself?’

‘Just a bit of morning sickness.’

‘You need crackers by your bedside,’ Roisin began, then laughed. ‘Hark at me trying to give a midwife advice on pregnancy.’

‘You’re my Mam,’ Ella said. ‘Of course you’ll tell me, and when I get home you know I want to know everything about when you were pregnant with me.’

‘She’ll talk the hind leg off a donkey,’ Joe said.

‘As if you won’t, too, Joe O’Brien,’ Roisin teased back.

‘You sort things out with your young man,’ Joe said, ‘and you bring him home with you for Christmas so we can give him a proper welcome to the family.’

‘I’ll try,’ Ella said. And she knew her parents meant it. They’d definitely welcome Oliver. Her ‘young man’. She couldn’t help smiling. If only. ‘I love you, Da. And you, Mam.’

‘We love you, too,’ Roisin said. ‘Can we have a copy of that photo—our first picture of our grandbaby?’

‘I’ll scan it in and send it tonight,’ Ella promised. ‘As soon as we’ve finished our video call.’

‘Good night, darling,’ Roisin said. ‘And you call us any time, you hear?’

‘I hear. Love you,’ Ella said, and ended the call.

It had made her homesick, and she was tearful again by the time she scanned in the photograph and emailed it over to her parents. Part of her wanted to call Oliver and ask him to come with her to Ireland for Christmas; but he probably already had plans. Plans that wouldn’t include her. She’d just have to take this whole thing day by day, and hope that things would get easier between them.

Oliver brooded about the situation with Ella and the baby for the rest of Tuesday. It didn’t help when he had a text from his mother, asking him if he could please confirm whether he was going to come to the drinks party at Darrington Hall on Thursday night.

He hadn’t been to his parents’ annual pre-Christmas drinks party for years. But maybe it was time he tried to thaw out his relationship with his family. Particularly as he was about to become a father.

How would his family react to the news? He had no idea. Would they expect him to settle down? Would they try to use the baby as an excuse to make him leave the hospital and spend his time working with his brother, instead of doing the job he’d trained for years and years to do? Would it be the thing that brought them back together again? Or would their awkward relationship be like a marriage under strain and crack even further under the extra pressure of a baby?

It was all such a mess.

It would help if he knew what Ella wanted. Did she regret what had happened between them? Or would she be prepared to try and make a life together?

He didn’t have a clue.

And he didn’t even know how to begin to ask.