Читать книгу One More Kiss - Katherine Garbera - Страница 8

ALYSSE DIDN’T THINK as highly of Jay’s idea now that she realized she was the woman in question. There wasn’t any dessert in the world that would make a woman forgive being left on the last day of her honeymoon by her husband. Especially not if the woman in question was her. A cake couldn’t fix the way he’d abandoned her.

Last night she’d had a good time hanging out with her brother and his friends, who were all extreme athletes. Two of them were pro surfers, another two pro skateboarders and Toby was a semi-pro beach volleyball player. She understood that men could let something other than a woman dominate their lives—for Jay it was service to his country. But all of the men she knew had learned how to balance their careers with a relationship. Something that Jay seemed not to have done.

A part of her still wanted him, though. He was dressed in a skintight black T-shirt that showed off his muscles, he was cleanly shaven and she noticed a new scar along the left side of his jaw. How had he gotten that?

He was a Marine who had been in a combat zone; she knew that from trying to track him down to get their divorce finalized. He held himself tensely. His eyes were narrowed and, though he kept his attention on her, she knew he was aware of their surroundings.

“Why are you looking at me?” he asked as he held the chair out for her to sit down. “Do you want to curse at me again?”

She felt a little embarrassed at what she’d done but mostly she felt justified. It was better than her other impulse which had been to start screaming at him. Or worse, to start crying. She doubted that he’d believe how deeply he’d hurt her. After all, as her mom had pointed out, they’d only known each other for a week. But that week had changed her life.

“Maybe,” she said. But she knew she wouldn’t do it. She wanted answers from him. And if she got nothing else out of this dinner, she promised herself at least she’d leave with a better understanding of why she’d been attracted to him and why even a divorce didn’t seem final enough for her to forget him.

He set the bakery box on the table between them. She looked at the bottle of wine chilling in the ice bucket and realized he’d remembered what she drank—Santa Margherita pinot grigio. Good for him, she thought, trying not to let it matter.

“I really am sorry about the way I left,” he said. “It was a cowardly thing to do.”

“I’d have thought your Marine code would have a rule about that.”

“Not a rule exactly,” he said wryly.

She didn’t want to flirt with him and talk about the Corps. That easy charm was part of what had attracted her to him in the first place, but she knew now that there was nothing easy about Jay Michener.

“Why did you do it?” she asked. She couldn’t figure out why he’d asked her to marry him. She’d accepted because it had fitted into her plans. She’d just finished cooking school and the next thing on her to-do list was to start a family. She’d always wanted one and when she’d met Jay in Vegas it had seemed as if fate had stepped in.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“Honestly? You must have some clue,” she said. She wasn’t going to let him get away with lying to her. Not now. He’d broken her heart. That wasn’t right.

“No. That’s not true. I left because you tempted me to stay,” he said. “And I had a job to do. And in the end the job won.”

Brutal.

But what else had she expected? That was another little nugget for her to tuck away and make sure she never let this man’s charm win her over again.

“Why am I here now? Are you on leave again and thought we could hook up?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m on leave, and as you pointed out I owe you some explanations.”

She leaned back in her chair and took in the scene. The table had been set up with a pretty white damask tablecloth. With the setting sun and private beach, he’d gotten the romance of this moment perfect. But she no longer believed that Jay was the right man for this kind of special moment.

“I’m not sure I’m following you—you came back to explain?”

“No. I came back to see if you would listen to me. Maybe give me a second chance.”

“At what?”

He arched one eyebrow at her. “At us.”

She shook her head. “You want to get married again?”

He shrugged. And her heart fell. He wasn’t here for her. He was here to bring closure to his past. And if she was honest with herself, she’d already let Jay use her enough for this lifetime.

“No thanks.”

She honestly believed that Jay was a warrior. A man more at home with his unit on a mission. Having been a soldier his entire adult life he had no idea how to share himself with others.

“I asked around, you’re still single.”

“I own my own business, which takes up a lot of my time,” she said, not sure how she felt about him asking about her.

“Granted.”

“What do you want me to say, Jay?”

“That you’ll give us a second chance.”

“But you’re making no promises? I’m not an idiot,” she said.

“I know that. Neither am I. And I’ll tell you this, I’ve never been able to forget you, Aly. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. I know I hurt you and don’t really deserve a second chance, but I’m asking you to give me one.”

He was sincere; she could read that easily enough in his eyes. But she didn’t want to trust him again. For some reason she’d fallen for him—the quiet loner with the easy charm instead of the outgoing athletic guys she usually hung out with.

“I’m sorry. But I don’t think I should be here. You enjoy the dessert and have a great life, Jay.”

She grabbed her purse and started to walk away and he followed her again, this time when he grabbed her arm he wouldn’t let her shake him off.

“No, don’t leave. I’m sorry. I’m not handling this right, but I don’t know what else to do. I need to figure out things that have nothing to do with the Corps.”

“I don’t see how that affects me,” she said. She tried not to let it bother her that he thought about her.

“I guess I want you to give me a second chance, not to leave you again but to love you.”

“I don’t think I can do that, Jay,” she said. “You broke my heart and didn’t have the guts to stay and tell me you were leaving.”

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that,” he said. “But I can show you that I’ve changed.”

“Have you?” she asked. Because so far she wasn’t seeing any big differences.

He started to nod, but then stopped. “I hope so. But I really don’t know. I’ve been on back-to-back deployments so I haven’t had a chance even to breathe since the last time I saw you.”

She tugged her arm from his grip and stood staring at him in the fading light. She could use some closure herself. Maybe then she’d be able to really move on from Jay.

For too long he’d been the reason she’d stayed single, afraid to risk herself again. He’d changed her from the girl who’d always said yes to life to someone who’d started living in the shadows. That was it, she thought as she stood staring at him in the fading twilight.

She’d given him her heart after a whirlwind courtship and gotten burned and now … now she wanted a chance to reclaim her heart and her faith in men. Because her short marriage was the reason why she was too afraid to let anyone in.

Maybe this would heal her.

“If I give you this chance, it might not work out for you,” she said. “I’m not sure I can ever trust you again.”

“I understand. It’s my mission to make you trust me,” he said.

She had to think this through. On the surface it seemed the perfect way for her to get on with her life. She had poured her heart and soul into Sweet Dreams and now the bakery was doing better than she or Staci had ever hoped it would. But what was next? They had been talking about opening a second location, but that was more work. She used work as the excuse to her family and friends as the reason why she didn’t date. Now Jay was back and until she resolved her past with him she’d never be able to move on. He was offering her a lot more than he probably realized.

“There was something powerful between us or we wouldn’t have been attracted to each other the first time.”

“We can try to get to know each other again, Jay, but I’m going to use this time to get over you.”

Jay crossed his big-muscled arms over his chest. It would help her to get over him if he’d let himself go physically in the four years since she’d last seen him. But no, he was still in top form. His thick brown hair was still military short and his eyes had a few more sun lines around them than he had before.

And he looked older, but not in a bad way. He had more experience and he wore it with an ease that she hoped she did, as well. She still wanted him. She had wished she wouldn’t.

The thought of those big arms wrapping around her and holding her made her close her eyes. She remembered the way his legs had tangled with hers and how they’d fitted together perfectly.

“Fair enough,” he said, holding up his hands. “If I can’t convince myself we deserve a second chance then how the hell am I going to convince you?”

He was asking her to trust him, though he didn’t recognize it. She had to believe she was strong enough to protect her heart this time. She had to believe that she was strong enough to resist the lust and emotions he drew effortlessly from her.

And yet, she wanted him. It had been four long years since she’d been in the same space as this man. She’d never admit it out loud, but she had sort of feared he’d die on deployment and she’d never know. That she’d spend the rest of her life wondering what had happened to him.

And though she still wasn’t sure this was the wisest course of action, she found that that one thing hadn’t changed in four years.

It was her intent that this time she’d walk away the winner. She was intrigued enough by Jay to want to stay, and having a plan made her feel that much better about it. But the truth was he was her fatal weakness and something she was determined to change.

JAY KNEW HOW FRAGILE his control over Alysse was. He had thought an apology would be enough at least to get them back to a nice place to start over. But now he was admitting that wouldn’t do it. How out of touch he was struck him.

How could he convince her to trust him when he wasn’t too sure that leaving the Corps and starting over was what he truly wanted? He should have dinner with her and then send her on her way. She deserved a new start without him possibly dragging her down.

And that was the rub. In the field he was confident of his abilities. All the training and missions he’d had ensured that when he took aim he hit his target. But alone on the beach with Alysse, now that was something he wasn’t as confident of.

“Will you come back and have a glass of wine with me?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “But I don’t think I should stay for dinner.”

He escorted Alysse back to the table and for the first time understood how hard this mission was going to be. He wanted a second chance to make things right with her. He’d never meant for her to get hurt the way she had.

He poured them each a glass of wine. Their two-day affair had led to marriage and one week of red-hot sex in the honeymoon suite. He still couldn’t believe that he’d married her. When he’d been with her, he’d felt young—though he was only a year older than her. He’d always felt older, but not during that week. He’d felt young and a little bit carefree. That had all changed on the last night.

But he didn’t want to think about that now. Instead he looked at the way her pretty red hair blew around her shoulders. That attraction hadn’t dulled at all. She was dressed casually and had clearly been working all day but she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to him.

“Tell me about your job. Are you a baker or what at Sweet Dreams?” he asked. He’d found her the old-fashioned way. Followed his lawyer’s address that she’d used to send him the divorce papers. He’d been surprised she’d used a business address but really shouldn’t have been. She’d been very clear in her letter to him that every conversation between them go through their lawyers.

“I own the bakery with a partner. We’ve been open almost three years,” she said as she took a sip of her wine. There was a faint smile on her face and she traced the raised lettering on the dessert box she’d brought.

“From what I hear on base and around town, you’re very successful.”

He’d asked about the bakery and had heard tales of the sexy redhead who worked behind the counter. He’d been jealous of the admiration that the other men had for her. She was his, but he knew he’d given up any claims to her when he’d walked away. And that hadn’t sat well with him.

“We are,” she said. “But then we put everything we have into it. Staci and I have to be at the shop every morning by four to start baking. Usually we try to have a seasonal cupcake so we brainstorm ideas for our next one and then once a week do a sample in the store to judge its success.”

“That makes for a very long day.” She would have to be pretty tired come evening.

“But I love what I do,” she said, then flushed.

There was passion in her voice and something that sounded like joy. She’d found her calling and clearly loved her life. But it seemed as one-sided as his was. “It really gave me something to focus on.”

“I’m sorry for the way I left you. Why did you marry me?” he asked. “I’ve always wondered. You didn’t seem like the kind of woman to fall so quickly.”

She shrugged and looked away. “You know. I was excited about finishing cooking school and celebrating in Vegas.”

“Vegas was a riot, wasn’t it?” he asked.

“Definitely. I guess I forgot that it wasn’t real, you know. The lights and the people, and you were so good with the grand gestures. I don’t even remember you asking me to marry you but I do remember standing in that chapel.”

“Me, too.”

“Why did you marry me?”

“You made me feel like I was a part of the world and not just an observer,” he said.

He’d known from a very early age that he was bound for the military. He’d always had an affinity for weapons and had gone hunting with his dad and uncles from the time he was eight. A certain sense had enabled him to sight his target and make his shot.

“I know you’re in the Marines, Jay, but I know so little else about you.”

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and tipped her head to the side to study him. He wondered what she saw when she looked at him. He knew he was in top physical form thanks to the rigorous requirements of the Corps, but beyond that what did she see?

“I’m a sniper. And have been just about my entire career.”

He didn’t talk about his work and wouldn’t do it now except to give an overview of what he did. This was one part of his life that he never wanted Alysse to be too familiar with.

“Oh. And you like it?” she asked.

“I guess,” he said. He wasn’t about to reveal his near miss in Afghanistan or how it had hit him hard that he might die and no one would even care. That changed a man, but not in a way he wanted anyone else to know. Especially a woman he was hoping to woo back into his arms. It had made him return to the past and acknowledge he needed to make amends for how he’d left her.

“I don’t know, Jay. If you want me to trust you, you have to open up a little more than that,” she said.

“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Nope. I know that it’s not very nice but we did easy the first time and look how that turned out.”

He doubted that she didn’t really care. He’d hurt her and he wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to wound him the same way. He deserved that for running out on his marriage to her.

He was relieved when he heard the sound of footsteps behind them and glanced over to see the waiter from the hotel delivering their salads. Food was the distraction they needed so he didn’t have to continue to answer uncomfortable questions about himself.

He wasn’t sure that this plan of his was being executed to its best advantage. He needed to regroup. But he didn’t want just to approach Alysse as though she was a mission. He kept getting distracted by the scent of her perfume and the way her hair blew in the wind.

After the waiter left, he lifted his glass toward her. “To second chances.”

“To earned second chances,” she said, taking a sip of her wine. “I’m sorry if I sounded mean before …”

He had to laugh. It was not Alysse’s nature to speak harshly to anyone. He’d learned that during their week together. “You didn’t. Don’t apologize for your anger at me. I feel incredibly lucky that you agreed to stay for dinner.”

“I’m not sure I agreed, but I do have a lot of questions about the way our marriage ended and about you,” she said.

“You deserve to have them answered and much more. But not tonight,” he said.

She gave him a hard-level stare and he knew she was searching for answers in his eyes. He didn’t know what the future held so he tried to convey the only thing he was certain of, which was his sincerity.

They ate dinner and talked about things that didn’t really matter to him. Books and movies that he hadn’t seen or read; he was behind on his popular culture. And there was a little awkwardness to the evening. But that was to be expected. What he hadn’t anticipated was how much he wanted her still. And that that was the only thing he could think about.

“HOW LONG ARE you on leave?” Alysse asked after the waiters had left.

“Two weeks. I’m actually due to sign my reenlistment papers soon,” he said.

“And what?” she asked. “You want to spend them with me?”

“I’d like to.”

“I’m not changing my life for you, Jay.”

“I don’t expect you to,” he said. “I know that I’m very lucky that you agreed to have dinner with me.”

She gave him a half smile. “You are lucky. Are you thinking about getting out of the Corps?” she asked.

“I really don’t know. When we’re done eating I’ll take you on a ride on my Ducati, so you can let the wind clear your mind.”

“Um … a ride on a motorcycle will likely make me feel like I’m going to die,” she said.

“Ah, I won’t drive like a maniac, you’ll be safe with me. I promise.”

She didn’t want to believe him, but she did. She wanted to hold on to her anger and just stew in it for as long as she could, because being angry was insulation against starting to feel again.

“I’ll think about it. If you don’t go back in the Corps what will you do?” she asked.

“A lot of that depends on you.”

“It can’t. You have to want to get out for yourself.”

“I don’t really know,” he said, then pushed his hands through his hair. “I hate being indecisive but my future isn’t as set in stone as it once was.”

“Why?” she asked. “Did something happen? Our marriage wasn’t enough to change your mind?”

“Nothing happened,” he said. Nothing he wanted to talk about at least, she thought. He’d been raised to be strong and he wasn’t going to admit to her that he was a little scared of the future. “I’m just getting older,” he told her.

She knew there was more to it than that but he was still not ready to really talk to her. She put her napkin on her plate and stood up.

“It’s been nice but I think I’ll be going,” she said.

“Why? What did I say?”

“It’s what you’re not saying. You ask me to give you a second chance. Telling me nice-sounding platitudes and then when I ask you for something real, it’s back to the smoke and mirrors.”

She stared down at him. And then, when he kept silent, she shook her head. “Good luck, Jay.”

“Wait. Let’s go for a walk … I’ll tell you what’s going on,” he said.

“Okay, but you asked me to trust you, and I’m not sure I can but I’m at least trying. I need to know that you’re doing the same,” she said.

“I’ll try, I’m not any good at this sort of thing, which is why I probably should have just stayed out of your life.”

“If you believe that, why are you back here?” she asked. “Why did you call Sweet Dreams and order dessert for a woman—me—to try to win her back?”

“I want something more,” he said. “I had a close call on my last deployment and I realized that I really don’t want to live the rest of my life alone—without you.”

She didn’t either, which was why she’d always been … waiting for the right guy.

For honesty, that was pretty much on the mark. And his words made her admit that she didn’t want him to be alone, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to be the woman at his side. Jay was difficult to get to know and it was only tonight that she was coming to understand how difficult. That week together had been almost a fairy tale and she’d seen in Jay only what she’d wanted to. A man who was enamored with her and as caught up in the whirlwind romance as she had been.

“What do you want?” she asked.

“I have two weeks to figure it out,” he said. “I’m having lunch with some buddies who got out last year,” Jay said. “Something might come of that. If I can’t find work do you think you could use another cake-froster?”

“Cake-frosting is a delicate art. It requires a skill set you might not have.” He’d given her a little nugget of truth and then turned the topic to something safer and she let him do it. She wasn’t sure how much “truth” she could take tonight. Seeing him was enough of a shock, learning that he’d almost died before he could come back to her … Well, that was something she didn’t want to dwell on.

“What skills exactly?” he asked. “I have steady hands.”

He held his big hands out to her. They were tanned and had blunt-trimmed nails. They were the hands of a man who took care of himself. No metrosexual manicure, but looked after all the same.

“That’s only part of it. I’d have to see how good you are using them,” she said, flirting just a little because she wanted him. And to be honest, flirting was safe. She flirted with uniformed Marines every day and nothing came of it.

“I thought that would be the one thing you’d know I could do,” he said.

She shivered as she remembered his hands on her body. He was very good at using them. He was a thorough lover who had taken his time with her, every time. The attention he’d lavished on her had made her feel like the most fascinating woman in the world.

“That’s a different type of hand work,” she said.

“Really?” he asked in a teasing smile.

“I didn’t mean it that way!”

“Of course you didn’t,” he said with a laugh. It sounded rusty.

“You’d be bored,” she said. “It’s quiet and repetitive. Most of the stuff we do for decoration is simple flowers or candies. Staci and I do all the work ourselves because it’s our favorite part of the job.”

“I get your passion. You both have a stake in making sure the business is successful, I’m sure it shows in your work,” he said.

“Yes, it does. You’ll be able to tell when we have dessert,” she said.

“What did you make for my mystery woman?” he asked.

“Wait and see.”

“About working at the bakery, I don’t think I’d get bored. Plus, you’d be there … we’d have some frosting.”

“Okay, enough with that. This is a first date not—”

“Not what? Our last first date ended pretty well.”

“The date did, but what happened afterward is something I’m not looking to repeating.”

“Me, neither,” he said.

He took her hand, cradling it in his own. He ran his finger over her knuckles. She felt an electric charge go up her arm and then shivers across her shoulders and chest. Her nipples tightened and her breasts felt fuller.

She remembered how one simple touch could lead to much more. She pushed her fingers through his and held his hand in hers. He tightened his grasp on her fingers and lifted her hand to his mouth.

The warmth of his breath brushed over the back of her hand. He looked up at her as he kissed her hand and then her wrist.

She pulled her hand from his grasp and put it in her lap. She wasn’t ready to rekindle the sexual flame that had always been between them. Not at this instant. But to reclaim herself she knew that she was going to have to. And she was afraid that when she did she’d lose a little bit more of herself.