Читать книгу Lesbian Pulp Fiction - Katherine V. Forrest - Страница 14

“Peggy, I wish I could. But I—I just can’t. If I speak that name, all of us will be destroyed.”

“Is it Mike? It must be. It’s Mike, isn’t it? It can’t be Pam or Lilian or anybody like that. Dorothy and Ruth have a crush on each other—surely neither would be interested in me. So it has to be Mike. Mike made a play for me. She—”

“Watch your mouth! Lots of girls get crushes on each other, but that doesn’t make them gay.”

“Gay? What’s gay?”

“Oh, skip it. Peggy, I simply can’t mention names. I refuse to discuss Mike or anybody else.” Beth gazed down at Peggy, huddled at her feet. Suddenly the nurse kneeled, lifted the girl’s chin with a finger, forcing Peggy to look at her. In a kindlier tone, she said, “You’re afraid, aren’t you? You’ve been afraid all this time.”

Beth’s voice was calm now, natural, not insinuating. “You’re afraid of this girl who violated you—and you’re afraid of yourself.”

Peggy’s eyes flashed to the nurse.

“You’re afraid that you liked it too much,” Beth said.

“Yes!” In that instant a tumult of confusion rushed over Peggy. She wanted to throw herself into those compassionate arms and cry on the golden shoulder as she had not done since she was a child; she wanted to unburden herself as never before. “Beth, whether I’m afraid or not, I’ve got to know. I’ve got to discover what I am.”

“You’re a nice, perfectly healthy girl. You have nothing to worry about.” The nurse edged nearer. One hand fell to Peggy’s arm. “All right, so you had an episode with a woman. But it meant nothing. Happens every day. Often young girls like you come into bodily contact with other girls, feel some sort of physical sensation, and immediately begin to have doubts about themselves. They are afraid of their reactions—and ashamed—but that doesn’t make them one of my kind—”

“Your kind?”

“That’s right. I’m a genuine lesbian, truly twisted, and I know it.”

“But what if I am, too?” Peggy said, thinking of her aversion to the male sex. “How am I to find out?”

For an instant she was sure she saw a different expression in Beth’s eyes. The kind of expression Ted used to get when Peggy would pull away from him in order to take off her clothes.

But Beth had control of herself again. She smiled, and tried to answer Peggy’s question. “You’ll find out in time. Try not to let it bother you now. You’re much too young to become enmeshed in this sort of thing—no matter what you are.”

“Beth, I’ve got to know.” And with more resolution than she would have thought possible, Peggy said, “I want you to kiss me.”

The nurse looked away. “No.”

Peggy scrambled to her knees. “Please, Beth,” she pleaded. “You mean so much to me. Help me.”

“Peggy, I—”

Peggy lifted her face. “Please.” She moved a little closer. Her mouth was almost touching Beth’s.

With a cry that was like a sob, Beth clutched Peggy to her. Beth’s lips, soft and warm, touched Peggy’s.

At last they broke away. Peggy’s heart was pounding. Fever seemed to have possessed her blood. Strange hot prickles assailed her nerves. She looked at Beth—soft and warm and alluring. The nurse was not in uniform now, but in blue stretch slacks donned against the rain and damp. Her womanly hips were faithfully outlined. Her breasts strained against the blue of the button-down man’s oxford shirt she wore. Her hair fell in soft waves to her shoulders. How beautiful, thought Peggy. How utterly beautiful. She put an arm around the nurse’s waist.

“Oh, Beth—”

“No, Peggy, no more.” She started to rise, but the younger girl, stronger, held her down.

Peggy said once again, “I have to know.”

“You don’t make love to find something out, Peggy.”

The girl tossed her head, yellow ponytail flicking like a banner. “I’m not attractive to you? You don’t want me?”

“Want has little to do with it.”

Peggy forced Beth’s hand to touch her full young breast. “Tell me you want me.”

“Don’t do this to us,” Beth begged. “Don’t do it to yourself.”

“I have to know,” Peggy insisted.

“God help us,” moaned Beth. Her arms went around Peggy.

The two fell back upon the soft, damp grass, their eager lips clinging. For the first time Peggy knew the sensation of another woman’s tongue darting and circling against her own. So acute was the thrill that her bones seemed to turn to water.

Then Beth came up for air. Pulling away, she slowly opened Peggy’s simple camp blouse. Loosening the bra, she exclaimed with delight as Peggy’s breasts tumbled forth. At first Beth was gentle as she kissed and fondled the trembling, youthful bosom. Peggy’s heart jumped as the woman’s lips touched each rosy nipple, hands stroking all the while, searching sweetly, trailing fire from the fingertips.

For a while Peggy lay still, basking in every touch, every tender kiss, every deliberately inciting stroke. But as Beth’s hands and lips roamed, Peggy began to writhe on the ground. She burrowed closer to the older woman, sent her hand up under the oxford shirt. When her hand touched the soft roundness of Beth’s quivering breasts, a glorious burst of white-hot bliss lashed Peggy’s body. With reckless lust she loosened Beth’s slacks, touched the nylon beneath. At the same time she felt Beth’s clever fingers at her shorts. The fingers cunningly slid and stroked. “Oh, sweet Beth,” groaned Peggy.

No longer could she concentrate on every touch and kiss. Her whole being seemed engulfed by wave upon wave of fiery pleasure. Then, in a burst of purest ecstasy, she crested. The whole world seemed to explode inside of her. Slowly Peggy drifted down to earth. For long minutes she lay quietly, her head on Beth’s lap, a hand still on Beth’s bare breast.

A sense of utter peace, of profoundest fulfillment, possessed Peggy.

“We’d better pull ourselves together,” Beth said softly. “We have to be on our way. They’ll be wondering what happened to us.”

Peggy sat up, buttoned her blouse, then followed Beth across the bridge. In the station wagon, they both repaired faces and hair.

As the car rolled onto the road, Peggy slouched against the door, wishing she could cuddle against Beth.

Neither spoke during the ride back to camp. Skillfully Beth swung into the parking lot, cut the motor. She turned toward Peggy and was about to say something when she saw Miss Duncan approaching.

The older woman told them that the most recent weather forecast had reported an end to local thundershowers. The staff had decided to chance a swimming session so the hikers could rinse off some sweat.

“You join them, Peggy. I think you deserve a refresher. We can take care of these things later.”

Peggy thanked the director, then sat unmoving, hoping for a chance to be alone with Beth. But one glance at Miss Duncan told her that she was excused.

To Beth, she murmured, “See you later.” Then Peggy left the two women.

Life took on a whole new color for Peggy. During the following twenty-four hours, her mind was filled with visions of Beth—sweet, kind Beth, lovely Beth with her fragrant brown hair and dark-blue eyes and gentle hands. No longer did she fear or reject lesbian love. How could anything so good, Peggy argued, not be right? At least for Beth and herself.

Now that she was not obsessed with doubts about herself and about the lesbian existence, she was free to enjoy all the more her wonderful relationship with Beth. The prospect intoxicated Peggy. She did not weigh consequences.

She looked forward with deep excitement to their next meeting but forced herself to avoid the nurse still one more day. She did not want to become a pest or presume on Beth. But by noon, Peggy knew she could no longer contain herself.

She was standing at her table while the campers filed in for lunch. A cool breeze blew into the screened lodge porch. Peggy took a deep breath of pine-scented air, flavored by aromas rising from tureens of hearty soup in place on each table.

Peggy went through her serving duties mechanically, filling plates, passing them down the line, saying, “You have to eat at least three spoonsful,” when the girls objected to the vegetable. She answered questions automatically, and somehow got through the main course. Then dessert was brought out. The jello and cookies lasted longer than she thought they should but it was mail call afterward that seemed unbearable.

And then a song or two. …

At last, if was over, the whole ordeal. Beth, thought Peggy. Beth…

The girls scrambled from their seats, running every which way. Most of the counselors drifted toward the lounge for a quick smoke before rest period. Peggy started quietly toward the door, but was stopped by a voice calling her name.

“Phone for you,” a junior counselor yelled.

With a sigh of distaste, Peggy followed the girl, sure it would be Ted on the line.

Gingerly, she picked up the receiver.

“Hi, Peggy. This is Kirby. How are you doing?”

Peggy was stunned into silence. What colossal brass!

“I want to apologize for the other night,” he said. “I mean—well, I guess I shouldn’t have done what I did. I’m sorry.”

Peggy’s mind darted back to the quick kiss, the slap. “Oh,” she said nonchalantly, “I had forgotten all about it.” Which was no lie, she thought.

“Is that a compliment or a slam?”

“Just a remark.”

“Meant to put me in my place, I presume.” He seemed hesitant to continue. “Uh—there was one other thing,” he said. “I was wondering if you would reconsider getting together some time.”

“I told you the other night, Kirby—”

“I know what you told me the other night. I just hoped maybe you would have a change of heart.”

“No. In fact, I’m more certain now than before,” she said, thinking of Beth.

“Is it me personally you object to?” he asked.

Again Peggy was taken aback by his brass. “You’ve got a nerve! Of course it’s you personally. That was a hell of a thing to do—grabbing me, kissing me—”

“Peggy, we hardly know each other, but please listen,” he said. “I never saw a girl so attractive as you. You’re the most beautiful thing alive. Sure I lost my head—what guy wouldn’t? I’m not sorry, if you want to know the truth. I’ll carry that kiss for the rest of my life. I would have risked a hell of a lot more than a slap for it—”

Peggy could not help being a bit moved. “Look, Kirby,” she said in a less chilly tone, “I’ve got to run now. I don’t want to go out with you, so let’s just drop it, okay?”

“I’d better warn you—I don’t give up easily.”

“And I don’t give in easily,” she retorted.

Peggy hung up, amused and a little touched by his compliments and his ardent wooing. However, when she glanced at her watch she cursed him under her breath.

Kirby’s phone call had deprived her of a chance to see Beth. This put a damper on Peggy’s high spirits. She sulked through the rest period but afterward, on the basketball court, as the minutes slipped by, her anticipation began to mount once more. At last the whistle blew, signaling the end of the period.

Peggy bounded from the court. Quickly she changed into a fresh outfit.

She brushed her hair while her young cabin mates, most of them already in swim suits, dawdled away the last few minutes before swim period.

“Miss Peggy, aren’t you coming with us?”

“I don’t have waterfront duty today,” Peggy answered brightly.

Another girl said, “You look so pretty!”

Peggy glowed inwardly. “Thanks, honey,” she said, inspecting herself in the mirror. A mint-green blouse topped rich brown Bermudas that were cinched at the waist by a wide dark belt. A green band held her corn-blond hair away from her face.

Peggy fluffed the blondness and left the cabin, calling, “I’ll see you at dinner.”

She sauntered downhill, past the lodge and into the Pillbox. There she slouched in the clinic’s one large chair while Beth finished with her patients.

The nurse was carefully inspecting a little girl’s foot. At last she straightened and said, “I guess you can go swimming today. But keep putting the salve on before you go to bed.” She walked to her desk, scribbled something on a piece of paper and said, “Give this to Miss Mike. Then go up and change into your suit.”

The girl was radiant as she bounced off the stool. She took the note from Beth. “Thank you,” she said. “Thanks, Miss Beth.”

“And make sure to dry your feet,” Beth called, as the child ran out the door.

Beth turned back to her desk, glanced at some papers, then up at Peggy. She smiled brightly. “Hi. What brings you—business or pleasure?”

“Strictly a social call,” Peggy told her.

“Well, step into my social department, said the spider to the fly.” She led the way into her room. “Have a seat. I want to get into my suit.”

“Are you going swimming?”

“I thought I’d soak up some sun.”

Peggy’s face fell.

“Is anything wrong? Did you have something you wanted to talk about?”

“No. I—I just wanted to see you.”

Beth stood planted in the middle of the room, watching Peggy. “Does this have anything to do with that business the other day?”

“That business!” flared Peggy. “Is that all it meant to you?”

“Listen, Peggy—” The nurse walked over to where the girl was sitting. “I’m sorry about that. I was hoping you had already forgotten it.”

“Forgotten?” Peggy was incredulous. “How could I forget it, ever? Why, since it happened, all I’ve been thinking about is the next time. I could hardly sleep last night. I—”

“There’s not going to be a next time, Peggy.” Beth spoke slowly, deliberately. Her voice was calm, her tone low.

Peggy sat with her mouth open. “What did you say?” she asked finally.

“I said there is not going to be a next time.”

“But why not?” Peggy cried despairingly.

Beth lowered herself to the arm of Peggy’s chair. Her eyes rested on Peggy’s tortured face. She took the girl’s trembling hand in her own. “Peggy,” she said carefully, trying hard to choose the right words, “Peggy, you mean too much to me—I can’t let you lead a twisted, miserable life. And lesbians are miserable.”

“Then why—”

Beth put her finger to the girl’s lips. “No questions. If I knew all the answers, maybe I wouldn’t have given in to you. Just because I did, and you found kicks in it, doesn’t mean you’re abnormal. It was a new experience for you, that’s all. The fun would wear off with the novelty. And I’m certain that some day you’ll find a man who can do as well for you, and probably a lot better.”

Peggy glared at the nurse. “How can you say that? I dug it to the limit, Beth. Every minute of it. You know that. I remember everything you did. I—”

“Liking it doesn’t make it right, Peggy.”

Something burst inside of Peggy. “Right or not,” she exploded, “you like it, too! Don’t deny it, Beth. I may be a kid, but I know you want me as much as I want you, and maybe more. Do you think I’m blind to the way you’re always watching me? Your eyes are on me all the time—in the lounge, at the lake, here. Every time I glanced up, you used to be looking at me. At first I didn’t realize why, but now I know. And right this minute—even if you won’t admit it—your eyes tell me that you’re hungry for me, crazy to have me. Why fight it?”

Beth’s stony gaze met her. “You’d better leave, Peggy.”

Peggy’s spirit wilted. Her idol was displeased with her. “I’m sorry, Beth.” Her voice was barely audible. “I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just—” she hesitated—“I want you so much, Beth. I want to do all those things again…look at you, touch you, kiss you.” She seized Beth’s hand. “Please, Beth,” she begged. “Let me.”

Pulling away her hand, Beth snapped, “Just leave.”

“Don’t be angry,” Peggy pleaded.

“You know, you can’t make a habit of coming over here every free minute you have. People may begin to get ideas.”

Everything strong and hard within Peggy seemed to melt. She felt her insides slouching. She started for the door, but paused and over her shoulder threw a pleading glance at Beth.

The nurse was watching her.

Peggy turned.” I’m sorry, Beth. I didn’t want to make you angry. I don’t know what got into me. Our love was so wonderful—I’ve never felt like that before—I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I’ve been thinking about you every minute. I couldn’t wait to be with you.”

Beth unbent a little. She took a couple of steps toward Peggy.

“I need you,” Peggy whispered. “Really need you.”

“Hush.” Beth patted the girl’s cheek. “I know how you feel, Peggy. I’ll always be here. I’m your friend. Come back in a day or two, after you’ve cooled off. You will, you know. It’s all in your mind. Ninety percent of all sexual desire is in the mind,” she finished.

Beth kissed her on the forehead.

Peggy walked out, her shoulders slumping.

Peggy wrestled with her conscience for the next couple of days, longing all the while for Beth’s company, yet conceding it would be best not to court temptation by returning to the nurse’s quarters. She wavered between periods of extreme moodiness during which she was ashamed of the commotion she had caused, and long hours of utter bliss because, in the end, Beth had said that she would always be there, that she was Peggy’s friend.

Peggy spoke casually on occasion to both Mike and Lilian, but only in connection with their work. Even in the counselors’ lounge, Peggy indulged in only enough conversation to preserve the amenities.

Then Kirby Davis telephoned.

Peggy was sitting in the lounge after free swim. She went to the phone reluctantly, heard Kirby plead again for a date, and again refused him.

“Don’t you think you’ll ever give in?” he asked.

“Look, Kirby—”

“You don’t have to hang up already, do you?”

“No,” she said. “I’m not busy at the moment. I don’t have to hang up.”

“Good. You know, what I’d like to do is take you for a nice long walk among the open fields.”

“I get my share of walking. Hikes every week.”

“But they’re not at all the same. To begin with, hikes are part of your job. In the second place, walking on dirt roads or through woods can’t compare with tramping over open fields and nice soft grass.”

“And where would you find open fields to roam around in? Most of them are planted with corn, or have cows all over them.”

“When you get curious enough, let me know.”

“I’ll do that.”

They talked a few minutes longer, Peggy keeping an eye on the clock.

Finally, when she told him her time was up, Kirby said: “Maybe I shouldn’t mention it, but I made some progress—at least you talked to me a while.”

Peggy could not help smiling.

She thought about Kirby’s call again that evening after she had left the throng at the lodge. You couldn’t fault a guy for trying, she thought, as she strolled the camp grounds, savoring the quiet.

At the bottom of the hill, Peggy turned, her eyes raised to the mammoth lodge, looming dark and somber except for the yellow light bursting through all the windows. Snatches of song and of laughter came rolling down the hillside. Peggy smiled inwardly, thinking of the youngsters in the big building, each one absorbed in the night’s activities, her little mind filled with nothing else.

Suddenly a wave of loneliness surged through her poignantly. She turned toward the lake, a limitless pool of ink bathed in white moonlight.

Walking along the lake fence, kicking at an occasional stone, Peggy thought again of Kirby, of their telephone conversation that day. She wondered why she would not date him. Was she so far gone that a man could not appeal to her at all? Were her feelings, all of them, wholly directed elsewhere? Raising her eyes from the ground, she saw her answer. Standing at the gate was a womanly figure in white.

Peggy’s heart hammered.

The nurse turned. “Hello, there,” she called, glimpsing Peggy but uncertain of her identity.

Peggy moved closer, her loneliness replaced by wild excitement.

“Peggy!” the nurse exclaimed, recognizing the girl. “How are you? Want to walk along the shore?” she asked, unlatching the gate.

Peggy passed through, brushing against Beth’s arm. The touch sent an electric current charging through the girl. Beth seemed not to notice.

“I’ve been expecting you at the Pillbox,” she said.

Chills crawled up Peggy’s spine. But inside her, heat was gathering.

They stood at the edge of the water, where wavelets washed upon the sand, darkening it, then rolling back again.

“I’ve missed our talks,” Beth said, her eyes following the broad path of the moon upon the lake.

Peggy kicked at a pebble. It rolled into the water noiselessly.

The night air was warm and humid. There was no breeze. All was still save for the lapping of the water; leaves did not rustle, no laughter floated from the lodge anymore, even the crickets were not singing.

Peggy fought down the turmoil in her mind. She did not think; she waited.

Beth sauntered along the beach. She stopped when she reached the dock, turned, waited for Peggy.

Peggy joined her. “Let’s talk, shall we?” Beth said, her voice cool in the hot night, cool as a breeze.

Peggy nodded dumbly. They sat down on the foot of the dock, a girl and a woman silhouetted against the moon-glow.

Peggy pulled off her shoes, dangled her feet in the wavelets.

“I regret that I had to be so short with you the other night,” Beth said. “But the way you were carrying on was unbearable. It wasn’t like you at all.” Beth paused. “I realize,” she said, “that you’re under a tremendous strain, Peggy, and I know I’ve had a part in causing it.”

Peggy dragged a toe through the water, concentrating on the ripples it left.

“Do we have to discuss it, Beth?”

“I think we should, don’t you?”

Peggy shrugged.

“Peggy, your age is a trying one for most girls. But you’ve been exposed to more than the run-of-the-mill problems. You’re riding the horns of a most serious dilemma.” As Beth spoke, the moon hid behind a cloud.

In the thickened dark, Peggy began to swing her legs, feet splashing lightly.

“I can sympathize with you probably better than anyone else you know,” Beth said sadly. “I want to help you, Peggy. I—”

Peggy jumped erect on the dock. “I don’t want your sympathy. I don’t want your help—or your pity or anything else…” She grabbed her shoes. “Just leave me alone,” she sobbed hurrying away.

“Peggy!” The nurse scrambled to her feet. “Peggy, wait a minute.”

As Beth tore after her, Peggy broke into a run. She was rounding the far end of the bathhouse, planning on a cut through the woods to the seclusion of her cabin.

The sand was cool and damp on her bare feet. She stopped crying, took a deep breath, clutched her shoes to her chest and sprinted across the beach. She could hear Beth running across the wooden planks of the bathhouse float, taking a shortcut in hopes of catching up.

Peggy stumbled, dropped a shoe. She backtracked, picked it up, started on her way. Beth, right behind her now, caught her by the arm, knocking her off balance. Peggy sprawled on the ground.

“I wasn’t finished,” Beth said breathlessly.

Peggy sat up. She glanced at the nurse, then away. She contemplated the beach in front of her. The moon emerged from the masking cloud, rendering the sand a silvery gray.

“Don’t you see?” Beth asked, dropping down next to Peggy. “It won’t do you any good to run away. Face things squarely. Get yourself under control.”

Peggy said sullenly, “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, that’s all.” She pulled on her shoes. “You said it’s partly your fault. Well, it’s not Beth. You can’t help the way I am, any more than you can help the way you are. It’s not your fault at all. Besides, you’ve done me a lot of good. Really, you have.” She was looking at the nurse now, talking to her rather than some spot on the ground. “You were doing lots of good even before—before anything happened between us, before I told you I heard you that night down here. Just being with you has always made me feel better.”

Beth waited until she was certain Peggy had finished. “I understand,” she said. “And I’m glad. But now that I know what’s bugging you, I can do you even more good. I can open your eyes to what lesbianism is, Peggy. It’s not a game, or a habit you fall into or out of at will. A lesbian is something you are—or aren’t. If—”

“How do you know I’m not?” Peggy demanded.

Beth’s gaze did not waver. “How do you know you are?”

“Because I’ve had a taste of being one. Because I want it more than I want love with boys.”

“Peggy, try to understand. You were here, one day, at a strange place, with strange people—strange girls. You learned another girl wanted to seduce you. You were terrified by the prospect, but at the same time excited. After that, a row with your boy friend. Tensions mounted. And then—” Beth hesitated—“then you found out what it is like to make love with another woman. That served as both an emotional and a physical release, and a powerful one. So you decided you were a lesbian.”

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. I only know that a few minutes ago, when I saw you, I was bursting with want of you. I wanted you to kiss me, thrill me—and instead, you pitied me.” Peggy paused. “Beth, you said yourself I’d find out eventually whether I were a true lesbian. So what difference does it make if I find out here, now, this summer with you—or if I wait till next year or some other time?”

Beth looked at the girl steadily. “Because if you wait only six months, that will be six months’ less torment for you.”

Peggy frowned. “Is it really that bad?”

Beth nodded emphatically in the moon’s platinum glare.

“What I can’t understand,” Peggy said, “is your concern. Someone must have initiated you, and I’m sure you didn’t hate her.”

“It’s not that I’m worried about your hating me some day, Peggy.”

“Yet it means something to you that I don’t succumb.”

“Of course it means something.”

“But why?” Peggy demanded. “Why should you care? You enjoyed our sex together as much as I did. You must still want me. And you certainly know that I want you. So why can’t we please each other? Why can’t we act the way we want to when we’re alone? What difference does it make, as long as we both know what we’re doing—as long as we both want to? Why should you care what I am, what I become, if we can be happy together even for a little time? Why should it bother you if I become a confirmed lesbian because of this summer?” Peggy gazed up into the nurse’s eyes. “Why, Beth?”

“Because I love you.”

Beth sucked in her breath, completely startled by her own words. Obviously, she had not meant to go so far.

Her eyes locked with Peggy’s. Then the nurse recovered herself and broke the trance.

Forcing a smile, she said, “Yes. I mean in my own peculiar way, I feel affection for you. A kind of motherly love, you might call it. A protective instinct.”

“You’re not old enough to be my mother,” Peggy said quietly.

“Well, I sort of feel that way toward all the girls at camp. I love them all—you know?”

Peggy shifted position so her body was closer to the nurse’s. “Beth, you don’t have to hide it. Don’t you know that I love you, too?”

Peggy had not considered it before, but now she was certain of her feelings for this woman who had befriended her, stood up for her, guided her in a strange, new kind of consummation.

Before coming to this camp, never in her wildest imaginings would Peggy have conceived of two women making declarations of love to each other. Yet it did not now strike her in the least strange that Beth and she were speaking to each other as if one of them were of the opposite sex. The only thing strange, as far as Peggy was concerned, was that she had not realized before that she was truly, gloriously, irrevocably in love with Beth.

Yes—she was wholly certain of her feelings for this woman who had befriended her, defended her, and guided her to the most profound physical fulfillment.

“Oh, I do love you,” Peggy swore. “I need you. Why can’t we make each other happy? Why must we fight ourselves? Why can’t I touch you—” Peggy’s hand reached out, her fingers trailing over Beth’s cheek—“feel how soft and delightful you are, whenever I want to? That’s not wrong, is it, Beth—to want someone, want to touch her? It’s not wrong when you love somebody, is it?”

Beth brushed a wisp of hair from Peggy’s face. “No, Peggy, it’s not wrong. But we must be sensible and draw the line. There’s no reason we can’t see each other often, have our usual talks, go—”

“Everything but make love, right? Well, I’m sorry, Beth. Sex is a part of love. Everyone knows that. I can’t be with you and not want you—and I won’t fight it anymore. So make up your mind. Either we must part entirely—or you must be mine entirely.” Peggy rose.

Beth reached out, pulled the girl down. “Why do we always have to argue?”

“We don’t have to.” There were tears in Peggy’s eyes.

“Peggy—” It was barely a whisper.

In the silence that followed, the two hearts were pounding as one. Bathed in moonlight, the women stared hotly. Then the air stirred. The gentle breeze seemed to be all that was needed to move them together. Their lips met.

With that kiss, the floodgates burst open. The pent-up passions of the young counselor and the mature nurse emerged in a hot, rushing tide that flooded them both. Tensions were washed away. Fears and hesitations were drowned by surging lust.

Yet both knew that this was not the time or the place. They might be seen. They might be overheard.

As if the thought had struck the two simultaneously, they drew apart sharply. Beth threw a cautious glance over her shoulder. Peggy’s eyes warily searched the shadows on every side. Reassured, they turned back to each other, smiling fondly, tenderly.

“No more arguments?”

“No more arguments,” Beth promised. “I may as well enjoy you while I can.”

Peggy sat up straight. “I wish you wouldn’t talk like that.”

“Why not? I think of you as a butterfly—liable to take wing at any moment. Young people do tend to be flighty.”

“But this is different. We love each other!”

Beth laughed. “Don’t start that again, or I’ll be ravishing you right here on the beach. You’re a terribly tempting little hussy, you know.”

“Your hussy.”

Beth rose reluctantly. “I think we’d better get back,” she said.

Peggy nodded, slipped on her shoes.

Together they left the lake, careful to latch the gate behind them.

Halfway up the flagstoned path that led to the lodge, Beth said, “I think I’ll stop at the Pillbox a minute. I’ll be in the lounge later. If we run into each other there, be careful. Let’s not act particularly interested in each other.”

The pair halted. In the ghostly lunar glow, their eyes met and held. Beth’s look was a caress, Peggy’s an embrace. It was their only farewell.

Peggy watched until the figure in white disappeared into the night, then continued on toward the lodge. Strange, she mused. Her body no longer ached with passion. The flood of desire had waned. Instead, she felt satisfaction, content, a welling of affection and tenderness.

A joyful shout ahead of her broke into Peggy’s thoughts. Pushing the past minutes with Beth into a secret place in her heart, she hurried up the lodge steps. She collected her kids, herded them to the cabin and into bed. She decided to stretch out on her cot in the dark, and think over the events of the day.

She was asleep before her campers were.

The following day passed swiftly, but too slowly for Peggy. After dinner she was making her way up the lodge steps once more, when she was stopped by Ruth, the petite blonde.

Involuntarily, Peggy looked around for Dorothy. This time, the tall riding mistress was not in evidence.

“Say, Peggy,” said Ruth, “my girls are planning a masquerade ball for their program night, and we wondered if your cabin would like to help out.”

Peggy considered. “We haven’t decided on anything for our night yet, and that sounds like fun. I’ll ask them.”

“Good. Let me know as soon as you can.”

“Will do,” Peggy promised, continuing on her way.

That evening’s activity was being organized on the basketball court, leaving the lodge quiet and desolate. The silence permeating the big structure seemed to jar more profoundly than noise ever had. Peggy’s footfalls echoed hollowly as she walked into the lounge, a book and writing tablet under her arm. She wondered if she were the only one in the building.

It was not yet dark, but a stillness had settled over the grounds, broken only by cricket calls.

Peggy sat down at the conference table and contemplated the paper in front of her. Then she jotted a quick note to her parents, telling them all was well.

Finished, she folded the letter, stuffed it into an envelope which she addressed and stamped, then gathered her belongings and left.

It should be time, she thought. It was too late for any more kids to visit the infirmary, unless some emergency developed. She fervently hoped there were no patients staying overnight.

At the door of the Pillbox, she rapped soundly and called, “Anybody home?”

Beth came to greet her, bright and even more cheerful than usual. “For you, always,” she said pushing open the screen door. “But aren’t you supposed to be other places?”

“It’s my night off,” Peggy answered, walking toward Beth’s room. “Those of my colleagues who are unassigned, like me, are driving in to a movie that I’ve already seen. I told them I was going to stay behind to do some letter writing and catch up on my reading.”

She lowered herself into one of the chairs, dropping her book and pad to the floor.

“So why aren’t you?”

“Writing and reading? Because I’d rather be with you.”

“I’m flattered.” Beth curled up in the other large chair, asked, “What are you reading?”

“A book of short stories. I just finished that famous one by Somerset Maugham about a missionary and a prostitute. He—”

“I saw the movie they made from it,” Beth said. “It just proves how weak the flesh is.”

Peggy glanced away. “How weak men are, you mean.” She was suddenly compelled to tell Beth about Kirby Davis, about the time the big goof had had the effrontery to kiss her. But no sooner had she mentioned Kirby’s name than Beth interrupted.

“Oh, you mean Lelia’s nephew. I know him. He comes around every summer. A nice boy.”

“Nice?” Peggy laughingly told of the stolen kiss and mentioned his attempts to wheedle her into going out with him.

Beth said, “I think you should.”

Peggy stopped laughing. “Should what? Go out with him?”

“You should make it a point to meet people.”

There was a pause.

“Especially fellows, you mean,” Peggy said.

“Not necessarily. Just people who can broaden your outlook, widen your horizons. People can be an education, you know.”

“Hm. You’re right,” Peggy said, rising. “Take, for example, what I’ve learned from you.” She perched on the arm of Beth’s chair.

“Be serious,” Beth said, her breath coming a little faster.

“But I am.” Peggy bent to kiss the nurse on the mouth. When she pulled away, she looked at Beth with wide eyes. “Serious enough?”

“Too serious,” Beth answered tensely.

“That’s just a taste. Go over there,” she said, waving toward the bed, “and I’ll show you how really serious I can be.” Beth hesitated, not smiling now. “Come on,” Peggy said, taking the nurse by the hand. “No more arguments, remember?”

She pulled the nurse to her feet, drew her to the covered bed.

They fell to the bed together. “Undress me,” Peggy begged. “Take my clothes off and kiss me.”

Beth yielded, eagerly peeled off the sweatshirt Peggy wore. There was no bra under the baggy garment. Peggy’s girlish yet copiously developed breasts, vibrant with life, crowned by pink, virginal nipples, drew an agonized cry from the nurse. She buried her face in the soft, lovely mounds. “Oh, Peggy, my darling,” Beth whispered against the delicate flesh.

At the touch of Beth’s cheek upon her bosom, Peggy felt heat leap in her veins. Then Beth’s hands were drawing off Peggy’s slacks, at the same time fondling the girl’s lithe thighs, the long legs so adorably molded and curved.

Peggy’s impatience gathered. She sat up, seized Beth by the hips, kissed her on the lips with ferocious hunger. Why, the woman drove her wild! Now it was she, in her turn, who tore at clothing. She pulled off Beth’s shoes, drew down her white stockings. She loosened the white uniform at the sides, jerked it from Beth’s body. The nurse stretched out on the bed, a fine figure of a woman, clad only in pale bra from which spilled rich creamy mounds, and in silky white briefs that clung to her milky thighs, her rounded and velvety hips. Even these garments annoyed Peggy. She fussed with them until they were off. Beth lay unclad at last—breathtakingly seductive, her voluptuous charms wholly revealed, wholly accessible.

“Beth?”

“Yes, honey.”

“Which am I, the aggressive partner, or the passive?”

Beth laughed. “Where did you hear of such things?”

“Read about ’em in a book, once,” Peggy said.

“Well, don’t you know which you are?”

“Guess I’m both,” Peggy confided mischievously, blushing.

“Little minx. In that case—let’s take turns. You make love to me—then, well, I’ll do the honors.”

Peggy joyously threw herself into the nurse’s arms. But passion was so strong upon her that she quickly withdrew her mouth from Beth’s, filled her hands with Beth’s heavy, delicately textured bosom. In her palms Peggy felt the nipples, in rosy glory, swell and stir. Beth squirmed with delight. Peggy boldly probed lower. Her fingers, with a timeless knowledge of their own, seemed to home unerringly on the unutterably secret nerve clusters that bestowed on Beth the sharpest bliss.

The effect was to evoke in Peggy a feeling of power, of mastery. She controlled Beth. Beth was her slave. She pushed buttons, and Beth danced. Lust came down on Peggy like a red cloud, and in her new wild power, she viciously pinched Beth’s soft thigh. “Oh!” groaned Beth. Peggy gritted her teeth and with one heave turned Beth over on the bed. She sent a stinging slap to Beth’s quaking buttocks. “Oh!” gasped Beth.

“Please. Please, Peggy?”

“You pretty bitch. Tell me you love me. Tell me, or—”

“No! Don’t hit me again. I love you, Peggy. I love you.”

Peggy thrust her forearms under Beth’s armpits, cupped the big breasts. She wrestled the nurse into a supine position, then threw herself upon her.

Wildly, the girls locked to each other. Their bodies were gleaming now with sweat. Lip to lip, breast to breast, thigh to slippery thigh, they heaved and gyrated, ecstasy rising like a lava wave. Eyes rolled, fingers clutched, light hair mingled with darker. Skin slithered slickly and long legs kicked. Murmuring endearments, panting like beasts, the counselor and the nurse felt the white-hot wave engulf them, drown them in fiery exaltation while their very guts shook and convulsed.

“God!” intoned Peggy, limply falling back on the bed.

“Leave God out of it,” whispered Beth. “This is devil’s work, pure and simple.”

“Pure and simple?”

They both laughed. But Beth, perhaps because of exhaustion, nevertheless seemed somber, even sad.

For many minutes they lay side by side, Peggy curled up, her hand resting affectionately on Beth’s breast. After a time, she felt Beth’s nipple alive again in her palm.

“Oh, Beth, you do want me don’t you? You didn’t mind my being a little rough—”

“No, dear. I understand about that.” She drew Peggy’s hand away from her breast, raised it to her lips and kissed the fingers.

“Beth,” whispered Peggy, eyes shining, “it’s your turn now. Do everything. Teach me all about what lesbians do.”

The nurse could not help smiling at Peggy’s ingenuous eagerness. She sat up. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You’re a hussy. A shameless hussy.”

“A delicious hussy! Try me.”

Beth bent breathlessly to minister to Peggy, who now was the one lying supinely on the bed.

But unlike the prior wooing of the younger girl, the attentions of Beth seemed deliberately void of fondling, of stroking, of any bodily contact at all, save that established by the nurse’s fragrant, tender kisses. First they were devoted to Peggy’s mouth, sucked and savored like a crushed red berry under Beth’s lips, probed and wickedly eased by Beth’s flicking tongue.

Then the lips nibbled delicately at Peggy’s earlobe, sending the softest of sensations coursing through the girl, sensations building and broadening as the nurse kissed her neck, her shoulders—and then, as Peggy stiffened in taut response, her passion-swollen breasts. Each nipple was moistly enfolded, wetly warmed. Beth’s lips artfully tormented. The tip of her tongue rasped and tweaked. Then when Peggy thought she could stand this cruel titillation no longer, when she thought her bosom was about to burst with bliss and she pleaded for mercy, for respite, Beth’s mouth moved on.

Peggy felt the brush of Beth’s cheek on her navel. She flamed as Beth’s hair trailed a prickling caress along the sensitive skin of the torso. “Damn it, Beth. Please,” she pleaded, as Beth had pleaded before. “Oh, please, Beth!” Beth kissed on. Her lips were wet and lined with silk. Her tongue fluttered like a butterfly…

Later—much later—when the heavy breathing of the two unclad forms on the bed had quieted to normal, when only the sounds of the night were to be heard in the room—the crickets’ chirping, the rustling of the warm night breeze, the trees, the soft lapping from the lakeshore—Peggy spoke up. “People are an education, all right.” Beth shifted, propped herself on an elbow.

“I hope by the end of the summer you’ll have learned more than that from me,” she said.

Peggy lay against the coolness of the fluffy pillow, her blond hair rumpled, her eyes closed. A look of complete satisfaction etched her face.

“I’ve learned enough for two summers,” she murmured, but on opening her eyes to look at Beth, she noted the gravity of the woman’s expression. She said, “I hope you know what I mean, Beth. I’ve learned what happiness is.”

Beth said nothing, nor did her face become less grave. Her eyes bored into Peggy, studying her, weighing her, and—so Peggy felt—accusing her.

“Look,” Peggy burst out, “none of this is anyone’s fault. And we—we enjoyed it, didn’t we”?

“Too much, maybe. Peggy, don’t you realize you may be marking yourself for life? Don’t you think you should make some effort to fight it?”

“Oh, if it will make you feel any better,” Peggy retorted, “I’ll go with Kirby the next time he asks.”

“Promise?”

Exasperated, Peggy said, “I promise.” And then, with a grin: “Always worrying about me, aren’t you?”

“Always,” Beth answered.

“Well, don’t. This is my off time. I don’t have to show up at my bunk until morning.”

Beth moved closer. Kirby and everything else were forgotten for the remainder of the night.