Читать книгу A Parent's Guide to Substance Abuse and Addiction - Kellena Page - Страница 4

Over 20 years ago, Heather took a drag off of a friend’s cigarette. She had never smoked before and, despite the bad taste, she liked the temporary yet fun buzz that the cigarette gave her. A couple of weeks after her first drag, Heather was out with the same friend who once again lit up a cigarette. Heather asked to take a couple of drags off of her friend’s cigarette but instead, her friend just gave her a new cigarette. Heather couldn’t finish the entire cigarette and had no desire to smoke another one for the rest of the week. She felt completely in control of her smoking. This sense of control is common amongst people who have recently started using a drug, including nicotine; however, drugs have a potent effect on the brain and this sense of self-control can quickly become lost.¹³

As a result of feeling in control, Heather’s confidence was boosted and the following weekend she asked her friend for another cigarette. This time, she noticed that it no longer tasted or smelled gross so she finished it. At this time, she still felt in control of her smoking but after just a few weekends of smoking with her friends, she periodically began craving a cigarette. She continued smoking cigarettes on occasion, as they made her feel cool and she noticed they helped her control her appetite. However, smoking no longer gave her a buzz because her brain had already began to build a tolerance to the effects of nicotine. Eventually, Heather began to notice that there were times when she needed a cigarette, which was a subtle shift from occasionally wanting one. She started carving out times in her day when she could break away and have a cigarette. She also noticed that they no longer controlled her appetite.

Soon, Heather realized that she had become a smoker and that she was addicted. She spent the next couple of years trying to convince herself that her addiction wasn’t that bad because she was smoking light cigarettes and only one pack a day. Her health was fine and she was as athletic as she had always been. She started ‘making up’ for her smoking in other ways, such as concentrating on a healthier diet and exercising more. A large portion of her thoughts revolved around timing her cigarettes, finding places where she could smoke, and finding fellow smokers to hang out with. For Heather, a four hour airplane ride was a dilemma because she knew that she would really be craving a cigarette toward the end of the flight and would have no place to go and have one. She went out of her way to avoid these types of situations.

Then, Heather began to notice that her teeth were becoming yellow and she had developed a small but persistent cough, especially if she tried to take a deep breath. She attributed this to allergies and bought whitening toothpaste. She also vowed to cut back on the number of cigarettes that she was smoking, which she did. She became very aware of how much she smoked and resisted the urge to smoke more than she absolutely craved. She congratulated herself on her self-control and vowed to control her habit.

One day, Heather received news that her dad was dying. Over the course of six months, she watched as the most powerful, confident, intelligent person she had ever known lost his ability to take care of himself. He relied on Heather to help take care of him and cigarettes were a tangible and significant source of comfort for her during this time. This stressful life event threw her into smoking overdrive and she relapsed.

After about two years of smoking at will, she finally realized that her habit embarrassed her. There were men that she liked that she knew were turned off by her smoking and friends that subtly moved away from her whenever she lit up. Deep down she admitted that she wasn't thrilled with her habit so she decided to quit. She felt fine for the first couple of days and really gave it her all, but about day three or four she began feeling the awful effects of withdrawal. Not only did she feel terrible but she was also irritable and angry. She also noticed that she was coughing more, not less.

Despite the struggle, Heather managed to stay away from cigarettes for a month. She still felt the urge to smoke but felt that she was out of the danger zone, so she went out with friends and after a couple of drinks, gave in and had a cigarette. The next day, she felt guilty and also in need of another cigarette. This was the first time that she felt real fear that she was not going to be able to break her addiction. She relapsed and felt that she did not have the willpower to stop smoking. She was disgusted and disappointed with herself. She tried, failed, tried, failed, and tried again to quit the addiction. She was finally successful although she felt extreme regret and even shame that she had been stupid enough to ever start. To this day, over two decades later, she still craves cigarettes.