Читать книгу Notoriously Dapper - Kelvin Davis - Страница 12

“More poise, less noise.”

- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

There are 7.4 billion people who live in this world, and chances are we all have encountered some type of good deed from someone. It’s safe to say that if all 7 billion people were selfish and only thought about themselves, we would live in a pretty screwed-up world – a world where leaders never did anything to benefit their citizens, teachers never taught students, and so forth. We need people who have a kind spirit and want to help others. Help is what makes this world go around. As a man, asking for help or accepting help doesn’t make you weak in any way, shape, or form. If anything, it shows that you’re open-minded to the fact that someone could help you accomplish something you had trouble with. Little things like holding the door open for someone, giving up your seat on the subway, or even providing a listening ear to someone in distress can go a long way to help.

I touched on the characteristic of being aware in the first chapter. Being aware is going to help you become more selfless and kind. I was grocery shopping one day (which I rarely do) and couldn’t help but realize how many assholes there are in this world. It quickly reminded me why I don’t go grocery shopping often. People had their carts in other people’s way, no one would say excuse me, and worst of all, some entitled folks were cutting the deli line. Look, it doesn’t take much to say excuse me, please, and thank you….a damn THANK YOU! People work very hard at their jobs and deserve a “thank you” for serving you.

The most pleasant part about my grocery fiasco was checking out. This was not because I was leaving that hellhole, but because the cashier and the bagger were simply amazing. The cashier asked me how my day was going, and I said great. We had a brief conversation about the erratic behavior of the customers. He laughed during our talk and said, “We call it power hour, because for some reason, around this hour people are just powering their way through here with a purpose.” He was right. They were all in a rush and just simply forgot to be nice, I assume. As he was scanning my items, a male bagger came up and started bagging my groceries with a smile that could brighten up the darkest place in the world. His name was Cole (according to his badge), and he was full of life. He talked to me about football and what he planned on doing after he got off work. After bagging all my groceries, he offered to help load them up in my car. Although I declined, it was the thought that mattered to me. The simple act of kindness and thoughtfulness of offering a helping hand was enough.

As I was walking to my car, I saw a pregnant lady with her two toddlers who was clearly struggling to load her groceries into her car drop her keys on the ground. I was on the other side, so I figured someone closer would surely be kind enough to pick her keys up for her. I saw a guy walk by and say to her, “Ma’am – you dropped your keys there!” and then keep walking. I was thinking, “What the hell just happened?” He had just told a pregnant woman with two kids that her keys had fallen and then didn’t even think to help her pick them up. Thankfully, the (female) person right behind him picked them up for her. But I began to wonder why someone would do that. I mean, it’s a simple gesture that could have helped her a lot. Maybe no one had ever taught him to do such a thing, maybe he’d had bad experiences with helping others, especially women, or maybe he was just being an asshole. I don’t know what his reasoning was, but I do know if he had just picked up the keys for her, it would have helped her a great deal.

It got me thinking back to when I would make such gestures and people thought I was flirting with them. Yes, being nice has become so uncommon that some people mistake it for flirtation. I can name countless times that I have complimented someone and they replied, “I have a boyfriend”. Huh….okay, thanks for the memo, I have no interest in you whatsoever and I apologize for liking your floral dress. Believe it or not, ladies, a man can admire something about you without wanting to have sex with you, be with you, or even have ill intentions. When someone compliments the aesthetics of a building, no one says, “Well, the building isn’t interested in you;” it’s an irrelevant remark to something innocent and genuine. I’m simply saying, don’t take a compliment solely as someone’s way of being attracted to you. A lot of guys like myself who like art and fashion and have a creative mind don’t compliment you to hit on you. Take it as a nice thoughtful comment, say thank you, and keep it moving.

I believe that many men lack gentlemanly gestures for two reasons; one, people take it the wrong way, which causes some men to stop wanting to be a gentleman because they see no reward in being one, and two, that they were never taught how to make such gestures. Either way it goes, we need more gentlemanly gestures in this world. All in favor, say “Aye”…I can’t hear youuuuu, I SAID all in favor say “AYE!” I know we have all heard the term “pay it forward”, meaning do something nice for a random stranger and they will then hopefully feel the kindness of it and do the same for someone else. It’s a pattern that helps the world work a bit better in these rough days.

I personally grew up watching this take place in my household. I remember as a kid seeing my dad buy other people coffee, adopting families during Christmas, and always encouraging my sister and me to do likewise if we could. When I was a sophomore in high school, I remember riding with my dad to the gas station one day to get a soda and fill his tank up. There was a man there who had run out of gas and unfortunately didn’t have any money on him to get more gas. It seemed like he had been out there for a while, from the look of frustration and desperation on his face. He walked up to my dad and explained to him what had happened to his wallet; my dad replied, “Say no more, I will put ten dollars’ worth in for you.” This man’s face lit up with relief and hope. He expressed how thankful he was and how he had been dying to get home. That moment stuck with me even till this day.

Fast forward to nine years later when my wife and I had just bought our first house. We were new to the neighborhood and really didn’t know anybody. My daughter was playing out in the front yard while my wife was doing some gardening when a man with a wet shirt asked her if we had a gas canister. My wife came in and asked me if we had one. I told her no, and she asked me to go outside to talk to this gentleman. I could see why my wife would be alarmed, he looked unkempt, sloppy, and a bit unusual to say the least. He began telling me that he had lost his wallet and had run out of gas, et cetera et cetera et cetera. I didn’t believe his story enough to help him. He said thank you and continued walking to find help. As I began walking back into my house, my gut intuition started to speak to me, and reminded me of when my dad had helped out that guy at the gas station.

I went inside, grabbed my keys, got in my car, drove around the block, and told him to hop in. A part of me was thinking, “Kelvin, what in the hell are you doing? This man could be a serial killer.” But I had a good feeling about him after my intuition kicked in. I took him to the gas station, which was right around the corner; I went in and bought a gas canister to fill up with gas for him. As I was filling up the gas can, he began telling me how much he appreciated me having a change of heart. I said it was no problem and told him the story about my father. He said to me, “You learned by example to help others, that’s all right,” and he was right – I did learn from that example.

I gave him the canister and asked if he needed a ride to his car, he told me no, that it was right across the street. He gave me a side “man hug” and said thank you again. It was no problem for me to help him out. I had peace of mind knowing he was able to get where he needed to go. If he is ever confronted with the same dilemma one day, I’m sure he will help someone in need as well. That’s what paying it forward is all about; my dad did it, so I did it as well. It’s a chain reaction of positive energy that makes the world a much more loving place.

We all appreciate positive vibes, and doing nice things creates those vibes. Despite how people may react to you being nice, continue to have faith in humanity. You can’t worry about how someone will react when you’re being nice. That’s out of your control. I remember when I first visited New York City and I held the door open for someone, they said to me, “You think I can’t open the door for myself?” Instead of getting upset, I just smiled at him. See, we never know what kind of day people are having. They could be having the worst week ever, though that still does not excuse their actions. It’s never okay to be a jerk in any situation; always remain positive even when the other party isn’t.

A huge part of becoming your own man, especially a gentleman, is learning how to deal with negativity. One of the downfalls of being well-known on social media is that you often deal with “internet trolls”. Don’t know what they are? Let me explain. An internet troll is someone who usually spends much of their time on the internet behind a username saying rude, absurd, disgusting, and hateful things to other internet users. How we respond to them shows what kind of people we really are. If we attack back with the same hate and vengeance, then that defeats the purpose of us being role models. It’s when we either don’t respond or respond with care that it throws them off. They want you to get mad and fight fire with fire. I want you to think of yourself as water when fighting with fire, use the water to dilute the fire. Don’t let the negativity of others bring down your positivity, don’t let another person break you out of your composure. It’s important to remember this, because you could lose your reputation or respect from “blowing your top”, and no one wants that to happen to them.

In a world full of fuck boys, be a gentleman. Hold that door for the person behind you, buy a stranger some coffee just because it’s a beautiful day outside, pick up those keys someone dropped and hand them, and most importantly, forget those haters. You never know when you may need the favor returned – keep being positive, and when you least expect it, at the time when you’re in need, you will get that help of positive energy. It will rain on you like a summer day in Seattle (I don’t know if that’s an actual saying or not, but it sounds hella fresh). Day by day, if we continue to build each other up with love and random acts of kindness, we will make this world a more amazing place. Trust your gut, use water to fight fire, and keep your composure. Everything else will fall into place…trust me, I’m a living example.

11 Traits Every Modern Gentleman Should Have

1 1. Have a good sense of humor, laugh at things every once in a while. As the saying goes, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. People love a good sense of humor and someone who can make light of a situation to take pressure off others. Be that comic relief for someone, we all need that.

2 2. Be open-minded and a constant learner. Don’t think you know everything, because chances are you will come across someone who knows more than you, and that’s okay. Instead of being intimidated by someone’s intelligence, just simply learn from them. Mental growth is all about having that continuous thirst for more knowledge; whether it be about women, art, science, or cars, we could all use a new lesson every now and then.

3 3. Punctuality and promptness are key when arriving somewhere important, like work, a date, or a dinner engagement. Always try and make time to be somewhere early, being early looks a lot better than being late. When you are prompt and on time, people see that as an indicator of caring and wanting to be there. And as the old saying goes, the early bird gets the worm!!

4 4. Do your part to maintain a healthy conversation when talking to others. More goes into holding a great conversation than people think. Giving someone your undivided attention while conversing is one of the most respectful things you can do, and it doesn’t involve much effort at all. Be a good listener and responder, make sure you are paying attention to what they are saying. In conversation, there is nothing worse than asking someone a question, then seconds later having to repeat it again. Being responsive to what someone says not only shows that you’re listening but that you care about what they are saying. Always remember to make eye contact, listen, and respond – this will maintain great conversations for people to remember you by and build relationships.

5 5. Smile more, especially when out and about. Nothing is more heartwarming than seeing a genuine smile on someone’s face. Also, try to make others smile by being nice and courteous. Positivity radiates through people and inspires us all to be better. Making someone smile can bring joy to your heart and make you smile as well. Many say I have a smile that could brighten up the darkest valleys, and a compliment like that makes me smile even more!

6 6. Being well-mannered is one of the most important traits of being a gentleman. Opening the door for someone, waiting to eat until your other guests have been served, walking to your date’s door, and speaking politely are all different ways you can show your manners. Dressing well is also a form of good manners. When you dress well for something like a date or a work or family function, you are showing those in attendance that you not only care about yourself, but that you have enough manners to dress for the occasion. Be the guy that everyone looks forward to seeing when you show up!

7 7. Be non-judgmental, non-racist, non-homophobic, and non-misogynistic. To me there is nothing worse than someone who views themselves as superior because of their financial status, race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. This is unacceptable and inexcusable. This does not even need to be drawn out in detail for you. If you have a problem with people because of their race, financial status, religion, gender, or sexual orientation, then you are NOT a GENTLEMAN! In order to be a gentleman, you need to accept everyone. I didn’t say AGREE with everyone, I said ACCEPT everyone. We are all different, but we are all human beings and should be treated as such. Having love for humanity is the most important trait to have as a gentleman.

8 8. Be confident but humble. Confidence is beautiful and always helps in conquering the obstacles in life, but cockiness will get you in a place where no one wants to be. It’s okay to have confidence in your ability to do something, but always be humble enough to know that someone out there is always better. Be the best you can be and don’t worry about others. My dad used to tell me, “Nothing is more humbling than life itself.” It’s true, we are never promised our health, life, or current situation, so always be thankful. Staying humble is a way of being thankful for what you have accomplished in life. Continue to be confidently humble and the path to success will be yours, with some hard work along the way.

9 9. Decisiveness is a great trait to have as well. Take control of your life, body, and career! Think about it this way, it’s either one day or day one. We all have those “one day” moments, like one day I’m going to open that coffee shop, one day I’m going to wear this outfit, one day I’m going to start a fashion blog, or one day I’m going to love myself. Instead of saying one day, say day one. Today is day one of loving myself, day one of my coffee shop opening, day one of my fashion blog, and this is day one of me wearing this outfit! Day one means you have made a decision to go ahead and follow that passion and take control. Be decisive and own who you are.

10 10. Practice good grooming habits. Some men view grooming as being something feminine, and that’s not true at all. Grooming is life. Being well-groomed will help you feel more confident while also taking care of yourself. We only get one body so it’s important to cherish it and treat it well. Getting haircuts and shaving or trimming your beard can help you develop your facial presence. I’m known for having a clean-shaven head and an impeccable beard. I groom my beard thoroughly, I use beard shampoo, beard conditioner, beard balm, and a beard serum. Trimming, brushing, and combing also help maintain the shape I want. Don’t be afraid to invest in some quality products to up your grooming game; grooming is good, trust me.

11 11. Last but not least, have passion and ambition. As a gentleman in the modern world, you should always have the ambition to improve and the passion to balance it. A wise man once said, “If a man stands for nothing, then he will fall for anything.” Have ambition, stand for something, and have passion to back it up. It’s okay to believe that black lives matter and in equality for all and women’s rights. Be passionate and have ambition to change the world for our future generations – doing so doesn’t make you any less of a man. It makes you a gentleman. The kind of gentleman the world needs right now, more than ever!