Читать книгу Irresistible Greeks Collection - Кэрол Мортимер, Кэрол Мортимер - Страница 59

CHAPTER NINE

FOR A MOMENT Lexi wondered why she felt so strange.

There was warmth and weight and an odd, aching feeling.

And a sound.

Her eyes fluttered open to see Xenon fast asleep beside her. The bed was huge but he was managing to take up most of it with his long limbs sprawled languidly over the ruffled sheets. Against the pristine whiteness of Egyptian cotton, his hair was as black as night and his olive skin looked like burnished gold.

She realised that the sound she’d heard had been his breathing—steady and slow—and the weight was one hair-roughened thigh imprisoning her own pale leg beneath. And the aching? She felt the sudden rush of colour flooding into her cheeks as she remembered.

Xenon making love to her.

Xenon lifting her up as if she’d been weightless and thrusting into her.

Xenon pinning her against the wall on her way back from retrieving her glasses from the sitting-room floor. A kiss which had turned into something more. She remembered the cool wall pressing against her back and one very hot, aroused man at her front.

She turned her head to stare at the blurred outline of the ceiling light, knowing that if she reached out for her glasses she might wake him. And she didn’t want to wake him; she badly needed a moment to be alone with her thoughts.

She closed her eyes. It had been amazing. It always was. He’d made her feel as if she’d come alive—properly alive. As if her body had been designed for Xenon to make love to her. As if she’d been empty without him.

But nothing had changed, she reminded herself. She mustn’t make the classic female mistake of thinking that an afternoon of incredible sex was going to make any real difference to them.

‘Kiss me.’

His murmured entreaty broke into the silence and Lexi stilled, not knowing how to react to him after what had happened. Clearly unwilling to wait, he reached out a strong hand and imprisoned her, locking his arm tightly around her waist as he levered her close so that she was confronted by the gleam of a pair of bright blue eyes.

The eyes narrowed and his lips curved. ‘I said, kiss me.’

‘Is that an order?’

‘Would you like it to be?’

Reluctantly, Lexi felt her own smile tug back. How could you stop yourself from doing something you really wanted even though you knew it was probably wrong? She leaned forward and drifted her mouth over his. ‘You’re incorrigible.’

His hand moved from her waist to her bare bottom. ‘Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?’

‘I can’t decide.’ The temptation to continue flirting was close to irresistible, but Lexi forced herself to remember what was happening in the world outside this bedroom. The household would be gearing up for tomorrow’s christening and later today she was going to meet the baby who was still theoretically her niece. It wasn’t going to be an easy situation given her wobbly emotions around babies and especially now that she had complicated matters by having sex with Xenon.

But this wasn’t about her and what had happened in the past. It was about Kyra and her family and Xenon’s beloved grandmother.

She grabbed her glasses from the bedside table and turned to him. ‘Do you think I should offer to help with the christening preparations?’

‘I suspect that my mother probably has everything in hand. And since a lot of the tradespeople will be speaking Greek and your vocabulary is still in single figures, it’s probably best...’ he traced a finger from neck to breastbone, where he spread his hand out wide so that his fingers brushed against both her peaking nipples ‘...if you use your time more constructively by devoting it to me.’

This is what he does, she told herself as she felt her body responding to his touch. He fashions the world to suit his needs. And he does so by making you want him—even though you know you shouldn’t. She gave a half-hearted wriggle.

‘I need to shower and change before your sister arrives.’

He cupped her breast, and bent his head to kiss it. ‘Anyone would think you were running away.’

‘I need a shower,’ she repeated stubbornly, even though his tongue was cleaving a delectable path over the puckering nub.

He looked up from her breast. ‘You don’t think we need to talk about what’s just happened?’

‘And what has just happened? We had sex. It was good sex...’ She saw the look on his face. ‘No, amend that. It was great sex. It always is. You don’t need me to tell you that, Xenon. But it doesn’t change anything.’

‘On the contrary—I think it changes everything.’ He pushed a spill of hair away from her face. ‘And it’s not just “great sex”—if it were that simple then don’t you think I might have found it elsewhere?’

‘Oh, I see.’ She gave a short laugh. ‘So suddenly this has become a boastful testimony about your general irresistibility to women?’

‘I wouldn’t know about that.’ He coiled a strand of hair around his finger. ‘Because since the moment I met you, you’ve been the only woman I’ve ever wanted.’

She looked at him warily. ‘You mean...you haven’t been to bed with anyone else?’

‘No, I haven’t been to bed with anyone else,’ he growled. ‘I haven’t wanted to and I took my marriage vows seriously when I made them. I thought you did, too.’

‘I did,’ she said in a small voice, but now she was left wondering whether she had really believed in them. Hadn’t she felt a sense of disbelief that someone like Xenon should want someone like her?

Because beneath all the outward trappings of being a famous pop-star, she had always felt like the insecure outsider who nobody would really want. The girl in glasses who’d been laughed at whenever she’d actually made it into school. The girl with the shabby second-hand clothes and the promiscuous mother. Her view of life had been warped by her experience and she guessed that had been inevitable. She had never seen a relationship which worked and she had certainly never seen one which lasted. Was it any wonder that she’d had no idea about how to proceed with her own marriage?

She had tried to accept Xenon’s overwhelming control of their lives—her life—as something normal within a marriage. But she hadn’t really known what ‘normal’ was. She remembered how eager she’d been to please. How terrified she’d been of doing the wrong thing. Like a tightrope walker, she had stuck to the route he’d set out for her, never daring to deviate nor to look down in case she might fall.

And by doing that, hadn’t she made herself yet another responsibility to add to the load already pressing down on his shoulders?

‘I tried as hard as I could to make it work,’ she said. ‘But I can see now that I allowed myself to become completely dominated by the force of your personality and your power. And that wasn’t fair—not to either of us.’

‘We should have talked about it.’

‘But it’s impossible to communicate with somebody who’s never there.’

Their eyes met and when he spoke his voice was grave. ‘So what if I tell you that I recognise I wasn’t there for you? Not just when you lost the baby but afterwards. And maybe some time before that, too.’ He saw the way she flinched. ‘And what If I told you that I will ensure that never happens again? That I will learn to accept the things over which I have no control—what then, Lex? Are you really willing to just give up on all the good things which still exist between us? The compatibility and the chemistry and the...’ His blue eyes blazed a slow trail over her face. ‘The unbelievable fire.’

For a moment Lexi didn’t answer. Her mind was buzzing as she tried to find the right response. He was so clever with words and she was not. Years of negotiating at the top end of the business world had guaranteed him the slick gift of persuasion. He could probably sell hot chocolate on a baking hot beach and convince people it was the next best thing.

But how much of his declaration was about his wounded pride—about the fact that she had been the one who had walked out? For a man of Xenon’s standing, that would not have looked good. He’d told her that he’d never failed at anything. Wasn’t it possible that his suggestion they give their relationship another go was simply being driven by his ego?

Deep down she doubted whether he could ever be the kind of man who would just accept things. How would that work when for him control came as easily as breathing?

She shook her head. ‘It’s not a question of “giving up” but more a case of letting go. Too much has happened.’ Now she could feel the light trail of his thumb against her pulse. Could he tell how frantically it was beating? Did he know that she was having the fight of her life against her own desires? ‘I’m not the right kind of woman for you.’

‘You don’t think that I should be the one to decide that?’

‘Let’s just say I’m helping you out.’ She lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘You only want me because you can’t have me.’

‘No, Lex. I want you because I want you.’

Lexi met the unyielding expression in his eyes as a silent tussle of wills took place. But she had learnt plenty from her time living with him—and she knew that fighting him was no good. It never had been any good, because he always had to win. So why not meet him halfway? There was nothing wrong with indulging their physical needs while she was here, even if their other needs could never be met. Sooner or later it was inevitable that Xenon would come to the same conclusion as her and, until he did, why not just enjoy the chemistry he’d spoken of? She brushed her fingers over his lips.

‘Enough of the heavy stuff. Come on, Xenon—think about your sister and baby Ianthe’s special day. Isn’t that why we’re here? Hmm?’ She dodged the kiss he aimed at her lips. ‘So I am going to take a shower and I don’t care what you say—because you are not going to change my mind!’

He found himself laughing as he watched her get up from the bed with a grace which had once transfixed concert-goers the world over—himself included. Except that none of her fans would have recognised the woman who was heading for the bathroom. He thought how unselfconsciously beautiful she looked, naked but for that geeky pair of glasses, her strawberry-blonde hair cascading down to her waist.

He shook his head in bemusement because she was frustrating the hell out of him, but, when he stopped to think about it, hadn’t she always done that? She was unpredictable. As slippery as an eel. He had just made love to her but afterwards he had sensed those damned barriers going up again.

He headed for the second bathroom and turned the shower on cold, shivering as the icy rivulets coursed over his heated flesh. This was getting to be a habit, he thought grimly as he rubbed shampoo into his hair.

Afterwards, he went back into the bedroom to find Lexi already dressed. She was sitting at the dressing-table mirror and putting on mascara in front of some sort of magnifying mirror.

He pulled a fresh shirt from the wardrobe, wondering how she could she sit there looking so damned composed—as if nothing had happened. Dropping the towel, which was the only thing between him and nakedness, he saw her flickering glance reflected back at him in the mirror. He saw the faint flush which stained her cheeks and he smiled. Nice to know that she wasn’t completely immune to him.

‘Want to come over here and button up my shirt for me?’ he drawled.

‘You’re a big boy now, Xenon—I think you can probably manage on your own.’

But he noticed that the hand which replaced the mascara wand was trembling a little and he felt a disproportionate sense of triumph.

Kyra arrived soon afterwards, accompanied by her husband, Nikola, who was carrying their baby daughter, Ianthe. Lexi stared at Xenon’s pretty sister and her mouth broke into a wide smile.

‘Lexi!’ squealed Kyra, running across the courtyard and throwing her arms around her. ‘I can’t believe you’re actually here—or that you’ve stopped dyeing your hair!’

‘Nice to see you, too!’ laughed Lexi.

She hugged the younger woman tightly and was introduced to her rather serious-faced husband, Nikola. But Lexi knew she couldn’t keep putting off the inevitable and at last she turned her attention to Ianthe. The baby was plump and apple-cheeked, her features shaded beneath a silky bonnet designed to protect her delicate head from the sun.

Lexi could feel the stab of pain as she stared down at the button nose. She thought she could see a trace of Xenon’s mouth in the rosebud shape of her mouth—or was that just wishful thinking? She stroked one soft little cheek and felt a wave of longing washing over her as she looked down at the little girl.

‘Oh, Kyra, she’s beautiful.’

‘Isn’t she?’ Kyra beamed, her blue eyes glowing. ‘Well, I’m her mother so of course I’m biased, but Nikola agrees with me that she is the most beautiful baby in the world. And she sleeps. Oh, how she sleeps! Sometimes we can’t believe our luck, can we, darling? Oh look, here’s Mitera.’

Lexi looked across the courtyard to see Marina Kanellis walking towards them, unruffled and cool in a dress of pale linen. She kissed her daughter and son-in-law and then held out her arms for the baby, before raising her brows at Lexi.

‘That is unless you would like to hold her, Alexi?’

‘Yes, Lexi, hold her,’ urged Kyra.

Lexi held her breath and for one crazy moment it felt as if they were all looking at her and judging her. As if they were all conspiring in some secret experiment to see how much she would be affected by the presence of the baby. Xenon’s blue gaze seemed to be lancing through her and she wondered if her face was showing the irrational fear she felt inside.

But maybe this was what she needed to do. She couldn’t go through the rest of her life shying away from one of the most essential parts of it and babies were an essential part. Her brothers might go on to have families of their own—she certainly hoped so—and she would want to be a part of those families.

Tentatively, she nodded. ‘I’m not very good with babies.’

‘Oh, you’ll soon learn!’ said Kyra as Nikola put the little bundle in her arms.

Lexi held the baby close and breathed in her sweet, warm scent. She felt the weight of her small but surprisingly substantial body and hugged her closer.

‘See!’ said Kyra, with a note of triumph. ‘You’re a natural. You’ll make a great mother yourself one day, Lexi.’

Lexi couldn’t speak. For a moment she could scarcely breathe. Had they forgotten, or had they just chosen to forget? She wanted to say that she was a mother—and nobody could ever take that away from her. Just because her baby hadn’t lived, didn’t mean that she hadn’t once carried Xenon’s child, did it?

And then, to her horror, the infant turned her head, instinctively rooting around as her little mouth searched fruitlessly for Lexi’s breast. Despite the temperature, she stood frozen to the spot, hoping that the heat of the day hid her blush. ‘I think she may be hungry.’

Kyra was giggling as she plucked her daughter from Lexi’s arms. ‘She’s always hungry! Why don’t you and I go inside while I feed her? You can tell me all about your jewellery business and I might even commission a couple of pieces, since Xenon says they’re very good.’

Lexi looked up, to find Xenon’s gaze still on her, glad for the swift change of subject. ‘Did you?’ she asked, in surprise.

‘Well, the investor in me has always preferred gold to silver,’ he admitted, his gaze drifting to the amethyst-studded coils of silver which were dangling from her ears. ‘But I can see for myself that they are very beautiful.’

His unexpected compliment went a little way towards soothing Lexi’s ruffled nerves, but the prospect of watching his sister feed the baby was an ordeal she would rather have foregone. Nonetheless, she followed Kyra into the grand house and perched on the edge of one of the sofas. She watched as the baby was latched onto her mother’s breast and Kyra settled back with a contented little sigh, before turning a quizzical blue gaze on her.

‘So you’re back?’ she said, without preamble. ‘Back with my brother—my darling brother—and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. You know, even my mother is pleased?’

Lexi hesitated and for a moment she longed to slip into the role which seemed to have been created for her. Suddenly she wanted to be Xenon’s wife again, in every way that counted. But if she allowed herself to believe the fantasy—even for a second—it would make walking away all the harder. ‘I’m only here for the christening,’ she said.

Kyra’s eyes narrowed. ‘But no longer?’

‘I’m afraid not.’

There was a pause, a silence during which the only sound Lexi could hear was that of the baby glugging contentedly and as a background noise it couldn’t have been more poignant. If that had been me, then would it all have been different? she wondered. If I had carried Xenon’s baby to term, then might the split never have happened? But she still would have been lonely in the marriage, wouldn’t she? She would still be having to fight for every second of her husband’s time. She would still have been that insecure woman who was too scared to be herself.

‘Lexi?’

Lexi saw Kyra screw up her face in the way people did when they weren’t sure whether what they were about to say was wise.

‘What?’ Lexi asked softly, but she guessed what was coming next. Because she knew that Xenon’s little sister had always seen the world as one great big rose-tinted ball of romance. Hadn’t she gazed at her and Xenon with rapturous joy as they had taken their vows, her pink coronet of bridesmaid flowers contrasted against her gleaming dark hair?

‘Xenon has missed you, Lexi. He’s missed you a lot.’

‘I don’t want to talk about Xenon,’ said Lexi gently. ‘And I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about him with you—much as I adore you.’

‘You know, I’ve never seen him like that before,’ Kyra said, blithely continuing as if no objection had been raised.

‘Like what?’ asked Lexi, curious in spite of everything.

‘Like he was...lost.’ Kyra shrugged and the baby at her breast made a loud, sucking noise as if in protest. ‘Like nothing made sense any more.’

‘Describing Xenon as lost would be like describing Australia as a small island,’ observed Lexi wryly. ‘Xenon is strong. Stronger than anyone I’ve ever met. He doesn’t do “lost”.’

‘I wonder,’ said Kyra slowly, ‘if that isn’t just the reputation he’s acquired because all his life people have relied on him. Strong Xenon. Invulnerable Xenon. Xenon who goes around picking up the pieces of other people’s lives and putting them back together. Maybe it’s time that somebody looked out for him for a change.’

Lexi looked down at her hands. At the band of gold which was gleaming brightly on her finger. She heard what Kyra was saying and she felt a hopeless twist of longing.

Maybe somebody should look out for Xenon, but that person could never be her.