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CHAPTER THIRTEEN

EMMY LAY IN the dark, curled against Dylan.

Are we going to regret this in the morning? His words from earlier echoed in her head.

Would they?

Part of her regretted it already. Because she was scared that now everything could go really wrong. When had she ever managed to make a relationship last? When had she ever picked the right man? What if Dylan changed his mind about her?

‘I can almost hear you thinking,’ he said softly, stroking her hair.

‘Panicking,’ she admitted. ‘Dylan—I’m not good at this stuff. I’ve messed up every relationship I’ve ever had.’

‘You’re good at picking Mr Wrong,’ he said. ‘And you think I might be another.’ He shifted so he could brush his mouth against hers. ‘Maybe I’m not.’

She swallowed hard. ‘I swore I’d never risk anything like this again, not after the last time.’

‘What happened? He was another one who wanted you to change?’

‘No,’ she said miserably. ‘Far worse. I should’ve told you before. He was married.’ She grimaced. ‘Finding out that I was the other woman...I hated myself for that.’

‘You didn’t know?’

‘No. Especially after what happened to my mum, no way would I ever have tried to break up a family like that. I found out when I called his mobile phone and his wife answered.’ Her breath hitched. ‘I wasn’t the first. Far from it. But I felt so horrible that I’d done that to someone. My mum was devastated when my father had affairs; and I felt like the lowest of the low for making someone else feel like that.’

‘It’s not your fault if he lied to you,’ Dylan pointed out. He sighed. ‘Though I don’t have room to talk, do I? Technically, I’m married.’

‘You’ve been separated for months, and you’re just waiting for that last bit of paper to come through. That’s totally different. You’ve been honest with me. He wasn’t. Though I should’ve worked it out for myself,’ Emmy said. ‘Afterwards, when I thought about it, it was really obvious. We always went to my place rather than his, and he never stayed overnight. If we did go out, we only ever went to obscure places, and half the time we’d have to call it off—he said it was because of work, but it was obviously because he was doing family things. I should’ve seen it.’

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Dylan said again. ‘You wouldn’t have had anything to do with him if you’d known he was married. He was the cheat, not you.’ He sighed. ‘And his wife...maybe she loved him very much, but it’s still a shame that she’d let herself be treated like that. It sounds to me as if she deserved better. And so do you.’

‘I don’t know, Dylan. Sometimes my judgement is atrocious.’

‘Mine, too,’ he said. ‘But it’s late, we’ve had a long day, and now maybe isn’t the best time to talk. Go to sleep, Em.’ He drew her closer.

Well, at least he hadn’t walked away, she thought.

Yet.

* * *

The next morning, Emmy was dimly aware of crying. Loud crying, which was turning into screams.

She sat up, suddenly wide awake. Tyler. She hadn’t put the baby listener on last night. Because she’d...

Oh, no.

She looked at the other side of her bed.

Where Dylan was also sitting up. Completely naked. And looking shocked, embarrassed and awkward.

That made two of them. They’d complicated things hugely, last night. How were they ever going to fix this?

She glanced at the clock: half past nine. A good two and a half hours later than they were usually up. No wonder Tyler was crying. She’d missed her Pilates class. And Dylan would be lucky to get to the office on time for a meeting she knew he had this morning.

‘Oh, my God. We’re really late,’ she said. ‘And Tyler’s screaming.’

Dylan looked at her. ‘Emmy, we need to talk about this, but—’

‘You have a meeting, and I need to feed Tyler.’

‘I feel bad about leaving without...’ He grimaced.

‘We’ll talk about it later,’ she said. ‘Can you close your eyes for a moment?’ It was ridiculous, she knew, considering they’d both explored each other’s bodies in considerable detail the night before; but she felt shy and exposed.

He mumbled something, clearly feeling as embarrassed as she did, and closed his eyes; she fled to the door, grabbed her bathrobe, and put it on as she raced to the baby’s room.

And hopefully by the time she and Dylan talked, she would’ve rediscovered her common sense and worked out how they could deal with this with the minimum fallout for Tyler.

She scooped Tyler out of his cot and held him close. ‘OK, babe, Aunty Emmy and Uncle Dylan messed up. But we’ll fix things.’ And they would fix things, because they didn’t have any other option. ‘Come on, let’s get you some breakfast.’

The crying subsided, and Tyler was back to being all smiles and gurgled after she’d fed him his usual baby porridge and some puréed apple, and given him some milk.

Dylan was clearly as glad as she was of the respite, because she didn’t see him at all before he left the house.

She put Tyler back in his cot with some toys to keep him amused, while she had a shower and dressed. Then she scooped him back out of his cot, changed him, and took him downstairs to play.

‘I might’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life, Ty,’ she said. ‘Or it might’ve been the best idea ever. Right now, I just don’t know.’ And it terrified her. She’d already made too many mistakes. ‘I don’t know how Dylan really feels about me. But we both love you.’ She was sure about that. ‘And, whatever happens between us, we’ll make sure that your world stays safe and secure and happy.’

She still didn’t have any solutions by the time that Tyler had his morning nap.

And then a mobile phone shrilled. It wasn’t her ringtone, so the phone must be Dylan’s. He’d obviously left it behind and was probably ringing to find out where he’d left it.

She found the phone and picked it up, intending to answer and tell him yes, he’d left it here, and yes, she could drop it in to the office if he needed it. It wasn’t his name on the screen; but she recognised it immediately. Nadine.

What should she do?

This might be important. She ought to answer it. On the other hand, if she answered the phone and Nadine demanded to know who she was, or got the wrong idea, it could make everything much more complicated.

She grabbed the landline and rang Dylan. ‘You left your mobile behind.’

He groaned. ‘Sorry. Well, don’t think you have to bring it out to me or anything. I’ll manage without it for today.’

‘You might not be able to. Um, Nadine just rang.’

‘Why?’ He sounded shocked. ‘What did she say?’

‘I don’t know. When I saw her name, I was too much of a coward to answer. Sorry.’

‘It’s fine. Probably just as well.’ He sighed. ‘Did she leave a message?’

She glanced at the screen of his phone. ‘It looks like it.’

‘What does it say?’

‘How would I know? I don’t listen in to your messages, Dylan.’

‘It’s probably something to do with paperwork for the divorce,’ he said, and sighed. ‘I’ll sort it out. And I’ll see you later. Em...’

‘Yes?’

‘Never mind. We’ll talk when I get home.’

Emmy spent the morning playing with Tyler. But when the baby had a nap, she looked a few things up on the Internet. And then she really wished that she’d let it go. Now she’d seen a picture of Nadine, she could see that Dylan’s ex was perfect for him. Poised, sleekly groomed, very together—everything that Emmy wasn’t.

And the divorce was taking a very long time to come through. Assuming that they’d split up before Tyler was born...why hadn’t it been settled yet? Did Nadine want him back? Had she heard from a colleague that Dylan was guardian to the baby she’d wanted, and did she think that Dylan might be prepared to give their marriage another chance?

She blew out a breath. OK. Dylan wasn’t a liar and a cheat. He wouldn’t have slept with her if he’d still been in love with his ex. She knew that.

But...

Her relationships always went wrong. What was to say that this would be any different? And there had been that night where he’d pulled her close and murmured Nadine’s name...

The doubts flooded through her, and she just couldn’t shift them. What if Dylan had changed his mind about her? What if, when he came home tonight, he wanted them to go back to their old relationship—at arm’s length and only sharing the baby’s care? What if they got together and, once the first flush of desire had worn off, he started realising how many flaws she had, just as her exes always had? What if he started wanting her to change, and she couldn’t be who he wanted her to be?

Tyler woke; feeding him distracted her for a little bit, but still the thoughts whizzed round her head. And the doubts grew and grew and grew until she felt suffocated by them.

‘I need to think about this,’ she told the baby. ‘I need to work out what I want. Find out what Dylan wants. And I think we need to be apart while we work it out.’

She knew exactly where she could go. Where she’d be welcomed, where the baby would be fussed over, where she’d be able to walk for miles next to the sea. Where she could talk to someone clear-sighted who’d listen and let her work it out.

She rang her great-aunt to check that it was convenient for her to visit, then packed swiftly. ‘We’re going to the sea,’ she told the baby, who cooed at her and clapped his hands. ‘Where I used to go when I was tiny. You’ll like it.’

Then she picked up the phone again. It was only fair to tell Dylan what she planned. Except he was unavailable, in a meeting with a client. This wasn’t the kind of thing she wanted to leave in a message, and she could hardly text him because his mobile phone was still here.

But she could leave him a voicemail.

She dialled his mobile number swiftly and waited for the phone to click through to his voicemail. ‘Dylan, I need some space to think about things,’ she said. ‘To get my head straight. I’m staying at Great-Aunt Syb’s. I’ll text you when I get there so you know we’ve arrived safely.’ Given what had happened to Ally and Pete, she would’ve wanted him to text her if he’d been the one travelling. It was only fair.

* * *

Honestly, Dylan thought, if you were going to leave a message on someone’s voicemail, you could at least make sure you were around to accept the return call.

On the third attempt, he finally got through to Nadine. ‘You wanted to talk to me,’ he said.

‘Yes. I saw that article in the magazine.’

‘Uh-huh.’

‘And Jenny at the office said you were looking after Pete’s son since the accident.’

Where was she going with this? He had a nasty feeling about it. ‘My godson. Yes.’

She dragged in a breath. ‘So you’re a dad.’

Uh-oh. This was exactly what he’d thought she wanted to talk to him about. ‘A stand-in one.’

‘So we could—’

‘No,’ he cut in gently before she could finish her suggestion. ‘Nadine, you’re seeing someone else.’

‘On the rebound from you. I still love you, Dylan. We can stop the divorce going through. All you have to do is say yes. We can make a family together.’

‘It’s not quite the same thing, Nadine. You wanted a baby of your own,’ he reminded her.

‘And we still can. We can have a brother or sister for Tyler.’

‘No. Nadine, it’s over,’ he said, as gently as he could. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘So you’re really—’ she took a deep breath ‘—with that jeweller?’

‘I am,’ he confirmed. And it shocked him how good that made him feel. Tonight, he’d leave the office and go home to Emmy and Tyler. His partner and his child. His unexpected family.

Her voice wobbled. ‘What does she have that I don’t?’

‘That isn’t a fair conversation,’ he said. ‘You’re very different. Opposites, even. But she complements me. And it works.’ He paused. ‘Be happy, Nadine. And try to be happy for me. We’ve both got a chance to make a new life now, to get what we wanted.’

‘I wanted it with you.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, guilt flooding through him. ‘But there’s no going back for us. I know that now. We wouldn’t make each other happy.’

‘We could try.’ Hope flared in her voice.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘Goodbye, Nadine. And good luck.’ He cut the connection.

And now he could go home. See Emmy. Tell her that everything was going to be just fine.

Except, when he opened the front door, he realised that the house was empty.

Maybe she’d taken Tyler to the park or something. He tried calling her mobile phone from the house landline, but there was no answer. Maybe she was somewhere really noisy and hadn’t heard the phone, or maybe she was in the middle of a nappy change. ‘It’s me. I’m home,’ he said when the line clicked through to voicemail. ‘See you later.’

He went in search of his mobile phone. Emmy had left it in the middle of the kitchen table. He flicked into the first screen, intending to check his text messages, and noticed that he had two voicemail messages. The first was Nadine’s from earlier, asking him to call. He sighed and deleted it.

The second was probably work. He’d sneak some in until Emmy got home, and then—well. Then he could kiss her stupid, for starters.

He smiled at the thought, and listened to the message.

And then his smile faded.

I need some space.

Uh-oh. That wasn’t good. Did that mean she’d changed her mind about what had happened between them? That she didn’t want to be with him?

Or had he been right about her all along and she was like his mother, unable to stick to any decisions and dropping everything at a moment’s notice to go off and ‘find herself’?

Feeling sick, he listened to the rest of the message.

So she was going up north. To the sea. That figured. And she’d left the message two hours ago, so right now she was probably in the car. Of course she wouldn’t answer while she was driving. She’d never put Tyler at risk like that.

OK. He’d talk to her when she got there. And in the meantime he’d get on with some work.

Though it was almost impossible to concentrate. The house just didn’t feel right without her and Tyler. Going for a run didn’t take his mind off things, either, and nor did his shower afterwards. And he was even crosser with himself when he saw the text from Emmy when he got out of the shower. Here safely. E.

Just his luck that she’d texted when he wouldn’t hear it. He called her back immediately, but a recorded voice informed him that the phone was unavailable. Switched off? Or was she in an area with a poor signal?

‘Leave a message, or send a text,’ the recorded voice told him.

Right.

‘Emmy, call me. Please. We need to talk.’ They really had to sort this out. Did she want him, or didn’t she?

Except she didn’t call him.

And Dylan was shocked to find out how much he missed them both. How much he wanted them home safely with him.

Maybe she wanted space because she wasn’t sure of him. Maybe he hadn’t made her realise exactly how he felt about her. Maybe she needed something from him that he wasn’t good at—emotional stuff. The right words.

Maybe his mother went to find herself because she had nobody to find her. But Emmy had someone to find her. She had him. And he needed to tell her that.

It was too late to drive to Whitby now. It’d be stupid o’clock in the morning before he got there. But he could go and find her tomorrow. Tell her how he felt. And hope that she’d agree to come back with him.

First, though, where did Syb live? He had a feeling that if he did manage to get through to Emmy’s phone to ask for the address, she’d come up with an excuse. And this was too important to put off. He needed to see her now.

Knowing Emmy, all her contacts would be on her phone rather than written down somewhere. But he knew she was savvy enough to keep a backup. If she had a password on her computer at all, he reasoned, it would be an easy one to crack. He switched on the machine, waited for the programs to load, and typed in Tyler’s birthdate when the computer prompted him for a password.

Bingo.

It was a matter of seconds to find Syb’s address in Emmy’s contacts file. He made a note of the address for his GPS system and shut down the computer.

Tomorrow—he just hoped that tomorrow would see his life getting back on track. Back where he belonged.