Читать книгу Leaving the OCD Circus - Kirsten Pagacz - Страница 8

When I first met Kirsten Pagacz, we were both attending the International OCD Foundation's annual conference. She had just purchased a copy of my memoir and asked me to sign it. While I can't honestly say I remember our conversation that day, I do know what I wrote just above my signature: “All things are possible when we dare to believe.”

It dawns on me today, so many years later, that Kirsten's story and the very book you're now holding are powerful proof of that scribbled declaration.

There's a reason obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is known as the Doubting Disease. At its core are intrusive what-if questions that can become so overwhelming sufferers will do almost anything—including performing all kinds of nonsensical rituals—in desperate attempts to relieve their anxiety. Consumed by these relentless obsessions and the compulsions they spawn, individuals with OCD find themselves doubting virtually everything, including their own abilities and judgment.

I know this from experience, having nearly lost everything to OCD many years ago, but I also know that recovery is possible—if, and only if, one dares to believe. Belief, after all, is the true antidote to doubt, and those with the courage to cultivate it can, in fact, do anything, including take back their lives from the grips of this debilitating disorder. Kirsten gets this, and by sharing her inspiring story in these pages she offers us not only great hope but also a reminder of the mechanics of believing—in ourselves, in others, and in life itself.

It's often said that good writing shows rather than tells, and Kirsten has done a masterful job demonstrating through her stories just what it's like to live with OCD. When she describes the agony she's in while battling an especially horrific obsession and notes that she “could no longer tell the difference between an actual situation and a thought,” we are right there inside her head; and when she recounts an exposure challenge she undertakes in a grocery store, we can feel the pain and exhaustion she's fighting. Especially for those who have not experienced OCD, this kind of peek behind the curtains is truly invaluable.

As someone who stumbled through the mental health treatment world for far too long before getting into proper therapy, I find myself ever vigilant for well-intentioned but misguided information about OCD and its treatment. I can assure you that there's none of that in this book. From Kirsten's intimate depictions of obsessions and compulsions and their dysfunctional interplay (which she creatively calls “OCD math”) to her detailed descriptions of exposure and response prevention treatment, the information is spot-on. That Kirsten adds to all this her insightful Key Points to Remember sections is a big bonus for readers looking for practical tools they can apply in following her path to recovery.

While there are many wonderful accounts of what it's like to live with OCD, there is something especially powerful about the message Kirsten aims to leave her readers with—a message very near and dear to me. For years I have been writing and speaking about the value of what I call Greater Good motivation. Through my own journey, and those of so many other OCD survivors I've met, I've become convinced that purpose and service are the most powerful motivators available to us when battling fear and doubt. Time and again in these pages, Kirsten makes clear that she too has discovered this, explaining, for example, why she decided to tell her story: “Helping OCD sufferers and those loved ones who are trying to understand them was my burning motivation.”

When I wrote my inscription for Kirsten all those years ago, I never could have known that I'd be privileged to write those same words again at the beginning of her wonderful book. I think we can now both say with great certainty that truly all things are possible when we dare to believe.

JEFF BELL

Author of Rewind, Replay, Repeat and When in Doubt, Make Belief