Читать книгу Fragile Paradise - - Страница 3

In France, Madame Saint-Etienne de Grasse had a magnificent chateau with vineyards in the Côte d’Or region, which produced the best and most expensive wines of Burgundy. Olivia lived in France all her life and, unlike her father, had no plans to move anywhere. She was born on the outskirts of Beaune, but spent her childhood and youth in Lyon. When there was talk about her parents moving to Sicily, Olivia decided to move to Dijon. At first, Louis thought that she would move with them, but he did not take into account the fact that by that moment she had grown up and was ready to make important decisions herself and bear responsibility for them. However, Louis was a man who was difficult to convince of anything, and he decided to set a condition under which Olivia could remain in France and live independently. Since his communication with her was limited in time throughout his life, he could not even imagine that his daughter would be against moving with them. He thought that she would take it as something inevitable, but it turned out that he was wrong. One autumn evening he decided to talk to her seriously about the future. Olivia sat near the fireplace and read another book; she also loved to watch the firewood crackle and the flames dance in the air.

“Olivia,” Louis addressed her softly, “let’s go and talk in my office before dinner.”

She realized that the conversation would be serious, since her father called her into the office. It was always like this with them: they discussed everything related to business or any changes in life in a strictly closed office, lined with collections of weapons from different times. From the office there was a door to the rich library that Louis collected throughout his life. Not only Olivia loved to spend time there, but also Vanessa. Louis and his daughter entered the office, and he looked at her and pointed to a chair for her to sit down. He stood near the window, looked out of it for about two minutes, then sat down at his luxurious work desk. It was custom made from solid oak with an original tabletop decorated with handmade inlay, and the drawers in the cabinets were lined with velvet. Louis loved beautiful things very much and spared no expense on them. He also taught his children and grandchildren a love of beauty and careful handling of things.

“Olivia,” he looked carefully at his daughter and continued his speech, “you understand that this is a serious decision and I need to make sure that you are ready for an independent life.”

– Yes, dad, I understand everything.

Louis raised his palm, signaling to his daughter that she should listen to him without interrupting. Olivia fell silent.

“I know that you are a free-thinking person, convinced of the success of any of your business, but as a father, I worry about you. As a person with life experience, I must warn you about the difficulties that may arise when you are left here alone. You know that I have always supported people who have aspirations and desires. I will help you, but I want you to know that at any moment you can move to Sicily with your mother and me.

Olivia liked the course of the conversation less and less, but she listened to her father without interrupting. Realizing that he says all this with the best intentions. When her father finished speaking, Olivia decided that she could express her opinion on all this.

She looked at her father, and he realized that he would listen to her now:

– I see you want to tell me something.

– Yes, dad, you’re right. I’d like to speak up.

– Okay, I’m listening.

– You know my love for the country in which I was born and raised, and I never allowed the thought that I would need to leave it. I love Lyon, Paris is sometimes pleasant to me, but not so much that I visit it more often than necessary. Everything here is dear to me, everything breathes my childhood. The fact that you chose Italy to move to, I think, is no coincidence. You’ve been preparing for this move for quite some time. You built your life your own way, achieved everything you wanted, you are an example of a person that many people want to emulate. And I am among them, I want to be like you so that you are proud of me. And I want to build my life myself. So please leave me here.

Louis was silent and thought at that time that his daughter had somehow unexpectedly grown up. He was overcome by disturbing thoughts about life in Sicily without his daughter. It always seemed to him that this time would never come. But he understood that every person has a chance to live their life the way a person wants, and it would be a colossal mistake to deprive his daughter of such an opportunity. He was interrupted from his thoughts by a knock on the door.

– Come in!

Louise came in and said:

– Dinner is ready, will you come to the table soon? Madame asks.

– Yes, we’ll be leaving soon. Five minutes.

“Okay,” and she left.

Louis stood up and went to the window.

“Okay,” he turned to his daughter, “I’ll buy you a chateau and give you money to open a business.” We will draw up a business plan together, and you will have a year to develop your business.

Hearing this, Olivia could hardly restrain herself from expressing wild joy. She knew that her father had never particularly liked displays of emotion. He was a reserved and cold person, stingy in showing any emotions, be it a joyful or sad event, his face remained invariably calm, and not a single muscle moved.

“Okay, dad,” Olivia calmly responded to her father’s proposal, “I’m sure you won’t be disappointed in your decision and in me.”

“God willing,” Louis answered, “and now we can go to the table.”

– Yes, you can.

They went into the dining room, but there was no one at the table.

– Louise! – Louis called loudly, the housekeeper came out of the kitchen.

– Did you call?

– Yes, where is Vanessa?

– Madame was waiting for you, and then she asked for a shawl and went out into the garden.

“At a time like this,” the owner of the house said thoughtfully.

Olivia looked at her father and politely suggested:

– Maybe you and I will go out into the garden and find mom? We need to tell her the news.

Louis glanced at her quickly and nodded. They left the house.

Vanessa hated waiting for something or someone for a long time. This depressed her, and she, left alone, often went to her favorite roses. When Louis flew away on his business, she died of melancholy and spent a lot of time in her room, sitting in a chair and looking out the window, no one knew what she saw there or wanted to see. At such moments, she did not even go out to eat and Louise brought food to her room, otherwise one day Louis would have risked finding his wife who had died of hunger. She loved to go out into the garden and sit in the gazebo, which was surrounded by bushes of antique Gerda roses Nissen, their color was carmine pink, and they smelled of a sweet fruity aroma. She saw these roses in an old garden when she flew on a trip to Germany. She was told that this variety was created during the time of Victor Hugo and she was very impressed. It was these roses that Vanessa planted herself, despite the fact that they had a gardener who kept order.

That evening she sat in the dining room and waited for her husband and daughter, when some time passed, tired of waiting, she decided to go to her favorite gazebo, to the roses.

“Louise,” she called her faithful maid in a velvety voice.

– Did you call Madam? – Louise smiled and approached the mistress of the house.

– You could go upstairs and bring me a shawl, I want to go to the garden.

“But dinner is coming soon,” the housekeeper noted.

– They are still in the office, I have time, and I’m not comfortable sitting at the table alone.

“Okay, I’ll bring it now,” – having said this, Louise left.

Vanessa threw the shawl over her shoulders and went out into the garden. By the time Louis and his daughter left the office, she was circumcising her favorites.

Olivia and Louis walked along the path paved with stones, birds chirped and dusk slowly descended. They heard the pruning shears working and realized Vanessa was busy. When she was busy with her roses, she became so lost in herself that the world around her ceased to exist, there were only roses and her. And time passed very unnoticed. This time she was again in her thoughts and did not hear her husband and daughter approach her.

“Mom,” she looked back at the call and met Louis’ gaze, and for the first time in many years of their married life she did not look away under the weight of her husband’s gaze. The strained relationship between the parents did not in any way affect their attitude towards their daughter.

“You were late in the office,” Vanessa said displeasedly to both of them. Louis could not stand it when she showed displeasure.

“We were discussing business, and Olivia has news that she wants to tell herself.”

The daughter stood impatiently and shifted from foot to foot. Louis, seeing this, said:

– Speak already.

– Mother! – Olivia’s tone was joyful, but Vanessa was not happy about it, “Dad decided to help me, I will have my own business and my own home, can you imagine?!

However, seeing her mother’s sad look, Olivia stopped her fiery speech. Vanessa’s look was a reproach for her husband, who made it clear that she was not enthusiastic about this idea. There was a silent question in her eyes: “How could you? How could you do this to me?”

“Vanessa,” Louis wanted to explain to her the reason for this decision.

He took her hand, which he rarely did in ordinary life and often at receptions and celebrations.

– Let’s go to the gazebo and talk there. Olivia go inside, we need to talk in private.

Olivia nodded obediently and walked down the path towards the house. Having reached the house, she wrapped herself in a blanket and climbed onto a chair with her feet up, looking at the fire blazing in the fireplace and reading a book. She knew that her parents’ conversation would be long.

Left alone, Louis and Vanessa went into the gazebo and sat on a bench. Olivia’s father understood the seriousness of the situation and nevertheless his face remained calm and impartial, but in his soul the devils lit a fire that blazed with emotions. They were silent for a long time, looking straight ahead, and no one dared to start speaking. Louis perfectly understood Vanessa’s condition; he himself was a little uncomfortable because he supported his daughter in such a bold desire to start her own independent life away from her parents. He knew that accepting their decision would be a difficult ordeal for Olivia’s mother. Although she was never particularly close to her daughter, she did not know her experiences and desires. The feeling of motherhood awakened in her only after the birth of the second child in their family. She didn’t know how to behave with her first child, didn’t understand what to do with him. She gave all her love to her second daughter. Olivia had a sister she preferred not to talk about. Even my sister’s name was similar to her mother’s name, Inessa.

Finally the wife spoke.

“Louis,” she began this difficult conversation in a trembling whisper, which made her husband sad, “you understand how hard it is for me to realize that our daughter decided to start an independent life, and you decided to help her in this desire.”

– Apparently I should have refused her? – Louis answered in a cold tone and looked at his wife with anger. Not understanding why she is so reluctant to let her eldest daughter live an independent life, while the youngest has been in another country for a long time.

– I understand her desire to live separately from us, but she is still a child.

– You know her character very well, she is stubborn beyond belief and if I refuse to help her, it will be a tragedy, and besides, Inessa has been living in England for a long time.

– Okay, let it be your way, but I ask you, find a way to watch her.

– I’ll find it. Now let’s go have dinner, everyone is already hungry,” the husband got up from the bench to go home, but Vanessa grabbed his hand and said:

– Wait!

Louis looked back and realized that this was not the end of the conversation.

– Do you want to add anything to our conversation about Olivia’s move? – he looked at Vanessa and saw in her eyes the deep pain of despair and tears that flowed down her cheeks.

– No, I want to talk about you and me. How will we live now? After all, since our wedding, our relationship has changed a lot and not for the better. I’ve been worried about this for a very long time, but I couldn’t find the moment to talk about it with you. You act like we’re fine, everything’s fine. But obviously this is not the case. We should have talked about this earlier, I don’t understand why I was silent for so long. I think you should think about this. Perhaps what I say will seem stupid and insignificant to you.

Louis looked at his wife in surprise, expecting that the conversation would end there, but he was mistaken. Vanessa continued her monologue.

– You don’t think I’m the smartest woman, I know, don’t deny the obvious. You never once reproached me for not working a day, and I wasn’t involved in raising Olivia either; I was constantly traveling after her birth. In these travels, I didn’t notice how one day was like another, I didn’t know what routine was in marriage, I didn’t understand women who said that marriage was strangling them. No one was holding me back, I was free to do whatever I wanted. Even after Olivia was born, I couldn’t stand three months at home with the baby and flew off on another trip. And when I returned, my daughter didn’t even want to come into my arms. Would a normal loving mother do this to her child? I think no. It’s hard for me to say this, but it’s like she’s a stranger to me, as if she’s not my child. I still don’t understand her, I don’t know what she is like. “I’m a bad mother for her,” Vanessa concluded her monologue with these words.

Louis was shocked by such words and thoughts, which she had obviously been carrying within herself for a long time. He did not understand how all these years he could not notice such different attitudes towards Olivia and Inessa. And it’s true that there was coldness towards the first from her very birth, while she practically never parted with the second until the moment Inessa left for England.

– Vanessa! Stop! Stop saying such terrible words. I know that you are not on the closest and best terms with Olivia, but I have never heard her complain about the lack of attention on your part,” saying this, he hoped that his wife’s confession would end there. At her husband’s words, Vanessa only smiled a bitter smile.

“She doesn’t say anything only because she doesn’t know a good mother, better than me.” But I think that with the appearance of Inessa, she felt the difference,” she continued her monologue, looking into the twilight approaching night, and not only in nature. It was as if she had not heard what Louis had told her before. This angered him and he stopped her speech in a rather rude manner.

– Vanessa! Shut up! – he almost shouted to silence her. But her reaction was rather strange, she looked at him with an incomprehensible gaze, as if she had not heard his scream.

“You’re not listening to me,” she continued in an offended tone. This completely drove him crazy, probably for the first time in his life he had to raise the tone of his voice to make a person hear him.

– Shut up! “I don’t intend to listen to your nonsense anymore,” his cry echoed throughout the garden, after which he got up and left, leaving his wife alone. Vanessa knew that he could not stand her tears, and therefore did not even hope that he would return to comfort her. She also left the gazebo and went to the fountain, which was in the depths of the garden. Louis walked along the path towards the house and hoped that Vanessa would follow him, but almost reaching the house, he looked back and did not hear his wife’s steps. He had to walk back to the gazebo, but when he got there and looked inside, Vanessa was not there. He listened to sounds in the garden, but there was no hint of anyone’s presence other than himself. There was a feeling that she simply evaporated like stardust, dissolved in the air. Only the crowns of the trees rustled softly and reminded him of that soft and warm autumn when Vanessa agreed to become his wife. It was the happiest autumn for both.

“We had a fight again,” Ludovic thought to himself with annoyance, “but before that didn’t bother me, it’s strange. All this talk about our imminent separation from Olivia revealed so many problems that existed before, but for some reason we didn’t talk about them. Do I… have a soul?” – the question asked to himself surprised him. Of course he had a soul, but his heart was stone ice. All people are accustomed to considering it something living, but for him it was just a piece of meat, a muscle that only distilled blood in the body and nourished other organs. The indifference with which he lived towards people admired and horrified at the same time. Neither screams, nor tears, nor pleas had any effect on him. He always made decisions and acted exclusively on conditions favorable to him. People who interacted with him on business matters were amazed at the predatory grace with which he managed his affairs and the gentle way he treated his wife and daughters at receptions and celebrations. His favorite expression was the words: “Just because you exist, this does not mean that you live.”

Olivia found him in such deep thought in the gazebo.

– Where is mom?

Louis was silent, and then calmly answered:

– I do not know where she is. We had a little fight, and I thought that she would follow me, but when I got home, I realized that she was not there. I returned here, but she was no longer here.

– What do you mean she was no longer there? And where is she?

– I don’t know, I think somewhere nearby, at least she definitely hasn’t disappeared.

Olivia was upset by her father’s attitude towards her mother and wanted them to find her.

– Dad! – Olivia looked sternly at her father, “Aren’t you worried about what’s wrong with your mother?”

“She’s safe and sound, and you’re being too dramatic.” Let’s go into the house, she’s probably already at home and waiting for us.

– Are you sure? – the daughter asked her father in a suspicious tone.

– Yes, I’m sure she was overtired, the conversation was not easy for her. The news is very unexpected.

All these words from her father and his obvious indifference hurt Olivia. There were tears in her eyes, and she repeated the same phrase in a whisper:

– How can you be so indifferent?

A minute later she was overcome with rage, mixed with pity for her mother, and she began to yell:

– How can you be so indifferent?! – the air shook under her scream, tearing her father’s soul, touching him to the quick that lived in the depths of his cold heart. He made an effort and hugged his daughter. She didn’t even try to escape.

– Well, don’t cry, mom will be found, let’s go into the house.

Olivia removed his hands from her and, looking at him, said:

– As always, yes, everything will be fine? You don’t have it any other way.

“Yes, you’re right,” Louis left his daughter in the gazebo, and he quickly walked towards the house. His temples were pounding with anger; he was angry that Olivia, who had not known her mother’s love for many years, defended her so fiercely. A swarm of thoughts swirled in his head.

“What ‘s going on this evening? The two of them decided to finish me off. Is it really not obvious to Olivia that there is such a different attitude towards her and Inessa? If she had disappeared, Vanessa would hardly have been so worried, but while looking for Inessa, she would have made the planet spin in the opposite direction, so long as nothing happened to precious Inessa. Devil”.

When he entered the house, his voice echoed through the hall like thunder as he called to the housekeeper:

– Louise! – from his cry the crystal glasses shook and began to sing.

The housekeeper immediately left the kitchen:

– Did you call, monsieur?

– Where is your mistress? She came home? – Instead of answering, he bombarded the servants with questions.

– Yes, she came ten minutes ago and immediately went up to her room and said that she wouldn’t have dinner.

“Very good,” with these words Louis ran up the stairs, and Louise heard the door slam in Vanessa’s room. She remembered this evening for a long time, because it was the first time she saw the owner of the house like this. A conversation in a raised voice could be heard upstairs.

Louis burst into the room and began to say :

– What are you allowing yourself to do?

Vanessa was sitting in a chair at that time and raised her head to look at her husband. Her gaze was completely calm, and her voice was as if nothing had happened:

– Something happened?

Louis was taken aback for a second and did not know how to react to such behavior. These were the first signs of mental illness in his wife, but then he did not pay attention. Louis calmed down and said:

– Let’s go have dinner.

“Okay, let’s go,” Vanessa rose from her chair, and together they went down to the dining room. By this time Olivia had already returned to the house and they sat down to dinner.