Читать книгу Fragile Paradise - - Страница 4

Having chosen a place of residence, Olivia and her father purchased a chateau, which was not far from Lyon. The region was called the Gold Coast, it was located 25 km from Dijon. She lived there alone for a year, opened a wine store, her father visited her periodically, but she was not very happy about this and waited for her parents to finally move to Sicily. Louis never warned her about his arrival, and now he arrived unexpectedly once again. But he decided not to immediately go to his daughter, but to visit his old friend. His path passed through the place where her store was located, and as he passed by, he noticed that there were rose bushes near the entrance. He smiled and thought:

“Did Vanessa really manage to instill in her a love of flowers? Wow.”

Life flowed like a river, and time inexorably ran forward. Louis clearly felt how age was taking its toll and how his feelings towards his family were intensifying; tenderness for his daughters and warm feelings for his wife began to appear. Now, when the time had come to part with Olivia, he thought about how she would live here all alone. They were never close, and this is probably why the daughter endured separation from her parents so easily.

Having bought a bottle of red wine, Louis went to see his old friend. Daniel was originally from Düsseldorf, but left there at the age of seventeen. His parents were not rich people and were able to give him little; looking at how they lived, he decided to move to France. In the country of grapevines, he organized his own business and managed to make friends with influential people, including Louis. When they met, they discussed more than just business issues, since he was a member of the de Grasse family and knew a lot. Louis’s friend was aware of the family’s move to Sicily and the fact that Olivia was strongly against it. He was the eyes and ears of Louis, because his friend trusted him very much. When Louis approached the fence, Daniel was sitting in the gazebo and smoking a pipe.

– Daniel! “You will open the gates of your house to your old friend,” smiling, Louis called his friend

The friend, hearing his name, rose from the bench and walked towards the gate. Seeing Louis, he was happy, although he understood that his friend most likely came again on his daughter’s business.

– Louis! Glad to see you, come in,” he opened the gate and extended his hand to say hello.

Louis passed and they shook hands.

A lot of time had passed since they last saw each other, and he knew nothing about what was happening at Louis’s house. Daniel, seeing that his friend was tired after the journey, invited him to immediately sit down at the table and open a bottle of wine.

“Let’s sit down, you’re obviously tired, let’s open the wine, here’s some more cheese,” Daniel said, taking out several types of cheese from the refrigerator.

– Yes, perhaps we can drink some wine. I’m here for a short time, for a day or two, so I want to immediately ask how my girl is doing.

– Olivia is doing well, we sometimes meet on the street, and I go to her store. Why are you here for a day or two? – Daniel asked, pouring wine into glasses.

“Vanessa hasn’t been feeling well lately and I need to be with her.

– Something serious? If you need help, you can always count on me.

From Louis’s eyes, his friend realized that this was not just an illness, but something more serious. He was frightened by his own feelings towards his wife, because before he had not been interested in her condition. Attachment and sense of duty that appeared at the end of life. He was torn between Olivia and his wife, because they both needed his time and attention. Louis was silent, lost in his thoughts, Daniel broke the silence.

– Let’s talk about Olivia. The more I watch her and how she runs her store, the more I think that she should think about opening her own restaurant.

– Why such conclusions?

“People come to her store because they like the way they are served.” Good service, pleasant staff and of course the attention of the hostess. Talk to her about it.

– Okay, I’ll talk to her about this after we move. And I came this time to tell her exactly this news. You can congratulate me on purchasing a house in Sicily.

“Already,” Daniel became a little upset, “this means this is our last meeting here.”

– Yes, everything happened quickly, unexpectedly for many.

Hearing his friend’s sad tone, Louis felt a pang of conscience, because he and his friend had gone through a lot and he was one of his close people. He drove away his sentimental thoughts, but his resistance was not as strong as in his younger years, it seemed that the great Chinese wall in Louis’ soul had collapsed. The ice that had shackled his heart for many years was broken. The iceberg began to melt.

– I know I know. I’m sorry it turned out this way. But as I mentioned earlier, it’s about Vanessa. She asked for a quick solution to this issue.

– Did you ask for it yourself? – Daniel asked in surprise, “who would have thought.” After so many years of traveling, she still hasn’t lost her love for it. How are you doing with her?

“Something has happened to her since we’ve been living together.” Something strange, Daniel. She abandoned her roses and garden. She doesn’t care about Olivia at all. They sometimes talk to Inessa, but also less and less. She spends more and more time in her room, only letting Louise in, but when she leaves, she is always depressed, as if it were contagious. Her condition worries me, because this has been going on for three months now. I can’t leave her alone anymore, although I never thought about it before. She doesn’t always have dinner with me, sometimes she just comes to the table. And the strangest thing is that at these moments she puts on her diamond necklace.

Daniel did not have the patience to listen to the end, and he interrupted and said his thought regarding all this:

– Sorry Ludovic, but it seems to me that she is suffering from depression. Maybe she should see a psychotherapist? I can make inquiries about good specialists.

– Do you think? I doubt she’ll like it. She never liked doctors. And to be honest, I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do, for the first time in my life. When we have dinner, we talk about the theater, cinema, weather, wine, but not a single word about roses or daughters. I don’t understand what’s going on.

– Have you tried to talk about your daughters? But roses, what do they have to do with them? To be honest, I’m surprised by her behavior; I’ve known Vanessa for more than a day or even a year, and I can say that something has broken in her. I think it’s better for you and me not to guess, but to consult with people who know the human soul or who think they know. As you wish,” Daniel expressed his assumption with a knowing smile.

– How to say to you. Not that I tried. During one of these evenings, when we were having dinner together, they brought us a parcel. It was signed supposedly from Olivia, but I know my daughter’s handwriting and can say that it was not she who sent the parcel. The box was intended for Vanessa. I didn’t open it, I put it on the dresser, thinking that she would open it after dinner, but she got up from the table and went to this parcel. I offered to help, she refused, saying that she would open it herself. When she opened it, she immediately lost consciousness, I barely managed to catch her.

– What was in the box?

– Someone sent her dead roses of the variety that she once brought from Germany. These were her pearls. Well, that is, they were dried, but she always treated the flowers as if they were alive. I was surprised by their number. 113 roses, why they were sent and why in such quantities, I still don’t understand.

– Yes, it’s strange, I think she should still see a doctor if she’s so worried about the flowers. Although their number is really interesting.

It was already well after midnight when the conversation between the two friends ended. Daniel prepared a room for him.

– Thank you for the conversation, it’s late, I need to go to bed.

– Think about the doctors, good night to you.

– Yes, I’ll think about it, good night to you too, tomorrow I’ll go to Olivia.

The friends went to their rooms, and everyone was lost in their own thoughts. Louis was thinking about how to talk about his daughter’s move and whether it was worth talking about his mother’s condition, and Daniel was thinking about tomorrow, sinking more and more into sleep about his affairs.

Louis slept poorly, and this affected his mood, so in the morning he did not wait until he returned from the city of Daniel, but only left a note with kind words and sincere gratitude for the warm welcome. He decided to walk to his daughter’s store. His gait gave the impression that he was late for something, but he always walked quickly. Having reached the store, he stood indecisively, wondering whether he should talk about Vanessa’s condition. At that moment, Olivia left the store and, seeing her father, shouted to him, but he did not pay attention. Now he was absorbed in his thoughts. She came up and touched his shoulder, he flinched and turned around. Not expecting to see his daughter at all, he was at a loss.

“Olivia,” he said his daughter’s name in confusion.

– Dad! Are you here again? – the daughter’s tone was dissatisfied, and this was understandable. It seemed to her that her father did not trust her at all, and she did not fail to tell him about it.

“I get the impression that you don’t trust me at all.” By the way, I have already achieved some success.

Her father interrupted her:

– That’s not why I’m here. Another reason. And I know how you are doing.

– I wonder where this comes from?

– Not about that now. This is my last visit here, we are leaving very soon. And no one will stop you from living your rich and interesting life. And if you are still worried about your parents, then I decided to show your mother to a psychotherapist,” Ludovic suddenly blurted out, and then fell silent, realizing that he had said something that perhaps should not have been said.

– Mom? To a psychotherapist? – the daughter asked, not particularly alarmed. Louis was surprised by Olivia’s cold tone, because it was the first time he had seen such indifference on her part.

– I see you are not interested in this, I will not detain you. I understand that I was not the best example of how to treat her, however, I realized my mistakes and changed my attitude towards her. I know I can’t ask you this. But we are leaving soon, and I don’t know how soon you will visit us there. I ask you to come with me and spend time together. Inessa will arrive.

– Let Inessa say goodbye to her, I don’t want to see her, everything will be fine with her, especially if you’re so worried. But I have my own life and affairs that cannot wait.

Louis knew this would happen, but did not say anything. He could not blame her, knowing full well that it was her mother who was to blame for Olivia becoming like this. Vanessa, being married and having a child, did not give up her passion – traveling. Having barely given birth and having stayed at home with her husband and child for three months, she found a nanny for Olivia and flew away. Louis was not at home at that time, otherwise he would have stopped her, but he never imagined that Vanessa would do this to a little man who needed the love and care of his family. After some time, this began to bother her, but in the process of studying the history of a particular place, this quickly passed. Six months later, she returned home for a while, Olivia was already a year old then, and, seeing that she was not attracted to her, Vanessa, after just two months, flew off on a trip around the world, which lasted somewhat longer than planned. This was due to her irrepressible curiosity and excitement. It was they who led us into the impenetrable jungles of the dark continent. But family life and the presence of a child could not hold her back for long. A month later, a friend invited her to relax on the Cote d’Azur, and she decided that after an active holiday it was time to lie on the beaches.

Louis greeted his wife somewhat coolly, but was glad that she had returned. Little Olivia, seeing Vanessa, hid behind her father, and, hugging his legs, raised her head and asked in a shy whisper:

– Dad, who is this?

– Olivia, it’s your mom, go to your room. Louise, take her upstairs.

The housekeeper approached them and, taking the baby by the hand, led her upstairs. The girl looked around, as if trying to remember her mother.

– You were late that time.

– And it’s true, I’ve been gone for a long time, Olivia doesn’t even recognize me.

Louis responded to this with a question:

– Should she?

“I don’t think I should, I’m tired from the road, I need to take a bath and unpack my things.”

– How long will this last? Go, Louise has already prepared your room. Come down for dinner, I have to work.

– Okay, see you at dinner.

Vanessa went up to her room and lay down on the bed, she was in a state of absolute happiness that was difficult to hide, and even the cold reception of her family could not spoil it. After changing into a robe, she went to the bathroom. After taking a bath and drying her hair, she put on her cotton suit and went downstairs, grabbing her diary, which contained a tiny box decorated with roses. Having gone down, she asked Louise where her husband was.

– Monsieur left not so long ago.

– So the office is free, that’s good. I’ll be in the library.

With these words, she went into the library, and while she was alone, she decided to quickly do her job.

It was time for dinner and they gathered at the table. Louis asked Vanessa about her travels and what interesting things she saw.

– How were your travels? Which countries have you visited?

– We managed to visit many countries. It went well, how could it have been any other way? – she answered, smiling. Suddenly she felt a surge of tenderness and took Olivia’s small hand in hers.

– Mother! – the daughter was not delighted with this gesture and pulled out her palm, looked at her father, and he realized that she wanted to leave the table. Louis did not interfere with this, despite the fact that they did not even finish dinner. Olivia ran upstairs, followed by Louise, but the girl closed the door and the housekeeper realized that she should not disturb her. Having locked herself in the room from everyone, she began to cry, but she did not need to be calmed down, she was not accustomed to this. She was not accustomed to using pain and tears to attract the attention of adults. There was silence in the dining room at this time. And Louis decided that it was time for them to go to their rooms.

– I think it’s time for us to go to bed. Today was a hard day for me, I think it’s not easier for you. I’ll go to Olivia myself, and you go to your room and don’t even think about going to her.

The husband made it clear that he would sleep in his room, and Vanessa in hers. Louis had long distanced himself from his wife, but before he had not shown it so clearly, but now it was visible to the naked eye. He rose from the table, thanked Louise and headed towards the office to prepare documents for the transaction. Vanessa finished her favorite tea and followed Louis. Entering the office, she found him at his desk, deep in thought. He held a Rubik’s cube in his hands and spun it, thinking about something. Hearing the door open, he raised his brown eyes in surprise, clearly not expecting to see Vanessa at such a time.

– Is there something you wanted to discuss? Or do you need money? – he pointed to the sofa with his hand, “take a seat,” his tone betrayed dissatisfaction.

– No you are not right. Now I didn’t come to talk to you about the card at all, thanks to you there is so much money there that I can fly to Dubai or the North Pole every day, but there will be no less money there. I don’t want to delay this conversation because it’s very important,” her tone made it clear that she was serious.

“Okay, let’s get straight to the point,” he put the cube aside and looked attentively at his wife.

“I disturbed you at this time because,” she nervously twirled her wedding ring on her finger, “I came to tell you that I was expecting a child.”

There was silence in the room for several minutes; Vanessa could not understand her husband’s reaction to this, at first glance, unexpected news. After another minute, Louis spoke:

– I suspected this, judging by your behavior at the table today. From your affectionate glances at Olivia, it was as if you were trying to remember something you didn’t have. Have you ever imagined what it would be like to be a mother?

– You knew? – she thought, not realizing that it was so noticeable to others, and it was obvious to Louis, with his ability to unravel other people’s intentions and secrets, – but why didn’t he say it himself? You were waiting for me to give you this news, but why?

– Because I knew this even before you left for the Cote d’Azur. You wouldn’t have left if you knew that. I hoped that once you found out, you would come back, and that’s what happened. I hope this child will be happier and will not be abandoned by you as soon as he is born. Because you see how Olivia is growing. She is not attached to any of us. This worries me, but apparently you are not very worried. But no matter how much it pains me to look at my unhappy child, it’s beyond my strength to even talk to her about it. And I think that this will come back to haunt us in the future. Nothing just happens and goes unnoticed. Remember my words, when it gets hard, naturally, morally, because you have no other worries, and it’s unlikely that you will ever be puzzled by how to earn a piece of bread. I think our conversation is over, for me for sure, and it’s time for you to go to bed.

Vanessa was shocked by her husband’s words, and she didn’t even have the words to answer him. She wished him good night and left the office.

“Good night,” she said as kindly as possible as she left. Going up to her room, she drank the chamomile tea that Louise had carefully left on the bedside table. Then I took a warm bath and changed into a shirt. I turned off the light in the room and went to bed, but sleep did not come. She could not forget the words her husband said. Vanessa got out of bed and, throwing on a robe, went downstairs to the kitchen. There she found Louise preparing a curd mixture for a casserole. Seeing the hostess, she smiled and invited her to sit down.

– Can’t you sleep?

– Yes, I can’t sleep, please pour me a glass of water. The conversation with my husband was difficult.

“You can’t sleep because Monsieur said all sorts of things to you.” He is always busy with business, always goes to bed late, hardly communicates with anyone except his beloved Olivia. He loves her very much, although he doesn’t show it. It’s hard for a little girl alone, with only a nanny. If she had a brother or sister, she would probably have more fun.

– Do you really think so, Louise? – in Vanessa’s voice one could hear doubts and at the same time hope that Olivia would really be better off if there was another child in their family. She saw in her short visits home that her daughter was growing up unsociable and unsociable, almost alone all the time, not counting the nanny and Louise. Her heart should have squeezed in pain, but it was stubbornly silent. But at the thought that another child was living inside her, her heart began to beat joyfully, which made her soul feel warmer, because she was still able to feel maternal feelings.

– Yes, I think it will be so, it should be so. Although time will still pass until that moment, and during this time a completely different feeling may settle in her little heart,” Louise looked somewhere into the distance while saying this. Vanessa did not understand where the housekeeper was leading the conversation and decided to ask directly:

– What other feeling can she have? – She continued to look at Louise with an uncomprehending look.

– Feelings of hatred towards an unborn child.

This phrase pulled the rug out from under Vanessa’s feet.

– How is this possible? Louise, you’re talking about a little girl. She still knows nothing about life, about the world, about people. She can’t be that cruel.

Louise said a phrase that made Vanessa feel dizzy.

– Well, it can. And I’ll even say more, she has the right to this, although she does not understand everything that happens between adults. You yourself must understand this. You don’t know her. Children are sometimes very observant and become cruel because they feel more in their hearts than adults. As you know, everything that is laid down in childhood stays with a person for life.

– You’re right, I don’t know her at all. I’m not even trying to find out. And it’s probably too late to do this, she believes more in her father than in me,” Vanessa sadly concluded.

– It’s time for you to go to bed, you’ve had enough shocks for today. Come on, I’ll take you with you.

– You take such good care of me Louise, thank you.

– You forget that I have been living with you for quite a long time and am used to taking care of you and your family.

They went upstairs and Vanessa saw her husband coming out of Olivia’s room. She approached him to find out how she was. Louis was surprised that his wife was still awake.

– You need sleep and peace now, why aren’t you in bed yet?

– I couldn’t sleep, how was she?

– It’s already good, I fell asleep, and you go. I’ll be gone all day tomorrow, I have business in Paris.

– Okay, maybe I’ll take her for a walk if she wants it. I don’t even know what she likes.

“Good night,” Louis gently hugged his wife and went to his room, and Vanessa went to hers.

All the time she spent with her father as a child remains indelibly in her memory. Memories of her mother were etched into her memory by a fragment of a crystal vase, which, apart from pain and over the years of hatred, brought nothing, as soon as someone around her started talking about Vanessa, a picture appeared before her eyes, which she observed as a child suffering from lack of maternal love and affection. People often told Louis that when they looked into the eyes of little Olivia, they saw the suffering of an adult. Even when she laughed and was joyful, the look of green eyes bordered by thick and fluffy eyelashes evoked an awkward feeling in those around her that they could not experience their losses like this seemingly careless and needy child. That morning, after breakfast, Olivia went up to her room to read a new book that her father had brought her from Paris. Inessa and Olivia’s rooms were located on opposite sides of the house; the mother converted the guest room into a nursery, as long as Inessa was nearby. Having entered her room, she was about to sit down and read, but she heard voices in the garden, and she decided to see who was having such a joyful time there; Inessa’s laughter was heard, which was quite rare for Olivia. They played. It was not a surprise to her that her mother loved her second, and it was a shame that no one except Olivia herself saw this. Even the father did not know everything that was happening. Tears welled up in her eyes, making them look like lakes after rain, when she saw her mother take Inessa in her arms, press her and kiss her. So much tenderness, so much love and all to her. At that moment, a feeling arose in the heart of the little man, which is characteristic of adults rather than children. Resentment and hatred. She threw the book on the floor and opened the window to let in some air. She was choking with wild resentment, with a nagging pain in her chest that she was not needed and not important to her mother. Her father wasn’t even there to calm her down. She knew that if her father had been at home, her mother would not have behaved this way, at least not in the garden. They would lock themselves in Inessa’s room and read fairy tales. How she wished her father was with her now. She knew that her father was not a fan of violent manifestations of emotions, being himself stingy with feelings, he made Olivia the same cold person. Although she was not particularly close to her father, she knew and felt his love. And yet, the feeling of being useless to no one did not leave her. Since childhood, she understood that there was no spiritual connection between her father and mother, although they hid this from her. They lived in the same house, but they lived like strangers to each other. All the evenings that the three of them spent, when Inessa’s mother enrolled her in a private school in England, in front of the fireplace, at dinner, in the library or on a walk, they talked about architecture, art, poetry, their tone was falsely joyful. There was only pretense and masks, masks, masks. Countless masks, replaced as often as the orchids on the tables were changed. Among acquaintances and friends, the family of Louis and Vanessa was considered perhaps the happiest. Only behind the pretense of adults, people did not see or feel the falseness that Olivia felt. She did not understand with her mind everything that was happening, but she felt the lie hiding under the smiles of her parents.

Was it sad? Yes, that’s exactly what happened. At first, the unsuccessful relationship with her mother did not burden the young girl’s life; moreover, to some extent it made it easier for her, freeing her from the pangs of conscience that she did not visit her parents, that she did not call so often and was interested in their affairs. They missed that moment, that important moment when they explain to a little person what is good and what is bad. When he is taught the secret of family relationships, the value of family. They show how important it is to be one whole, how important it is to be in a family, to keep this hearth and see to it that the fire of love, care and mutual understanding does not go out from the indifference, heartless words and malicious intent of envious people. There was this moment, but they missed it. Everyone was busy with themselves, with their thoughts, affairs, and they did not care about the development of the little man. And before leaving for the big world, they suddenly showed concern, forgetting that the little man had grown up, he was not interested in how he “should think,” he began to think and reason independently, and now he thought and felt, as it was convenient for him, so as he liked. They raised an egoist and a spiritual one. Even though she had a mother, father and sister, Olivia had no family. There was only a feeling of bitterness, loneliness and pain. Unbearable pain from the fact that there were people related by blood and yet infinitely distant. There were no family traditions, there was no hearth. Wasn’t at home. There was a physical home, but there was no mental, spiritual home where she could find peace. There was no fortress that would save us from adversity, from disappointment. She couldn’t trust anyone. She was so lonely. To the point of stupor, to madness. She didn’t know where to place herself; she was a “spiritual orphan.” No one, not one living soul, could understand her, and did she even need this understanding? To turn into an invisible spirit, which, like the wind, moved wherever it wanted, flew up to strangers and whispered into their ears the truths of family relationships, the truth of life, the truth of every day they lived, the smiles of loved ones.

It was not at all surprising that she calmly endured the months alone, at home.