Читать книгу Defiant. Tome 1. Defiant - - Страница 4

Lindon looked at the garden of his estate and felt a painful aching appearing in his heart.

While helping the Empress finishing off the Company resistance he was focused, collected and managed to keep his thoughts and feelings at bay. Now… he couldn’t help himself thinking about Serena.

He knew that everyone in his estate saw him freezing from time to time and falling into thoughts. No one had said anything, but the fact they all noticed him being so distracted, weighed on him. He wasn’t supposed to show so much emotion – even within grounds of his own home. And yet he did.

«You’re thinking about her again.» he heard Wolfin approaching from behind.

Wolfin was the only one who visited him constantly. He was the only one who really understood what it was like for him. A Veluthian knows…

«I am.» Lindon admitted, nodding.

«If she were to come back today, she would have seen you being less of a man you were, Lindon. Do you think she would approve?» Wolfin sighed.

«Approve? Probably not. Support me in my grief – definitely.»

Wolfin slapped his back with a smirk:

«See? You know how she’d act seeing you right now. So why not change something?»

«Because I feel helpless, Wolfin. I can’t…»

«You can.» Wolfin twitched his brow, unapprovingly. «You just don’t want to.»

Lindon couldn’t hold in a scowl:

«Maybe you’re right.» he said. «I don’t want to. Because I want something else.»

«You want her, and I can understand that.»

«I miss her too much, Wolfin. I can’t bring myself not to miss her.»

«We all do. We all cope in our own ways, but…» Wolfin sighed heavily. «When was the last time you meditated? You have such a beautiful place to do that, and I think you’d feel better if you did.»

«The last time…» Lindon shook his head. «It was before Garmfrig.»

«Come on… I want to show you something.»

Lindon didn’t allow his dark thoughts to decline Wolfin’s invitation to walk deeper into the gardens, where they sat on a bench and Serena’s mentor gestured to the various flowers growing before their eyes.

«Look at these. Do you know how many times Serena told me that she enjoyed this very sight? She would remember them when we were somewhere deep in space, reminiscing on the times she spent here, with you.» Wolfin said.

«She never said anything to me.» Lindon shook his head. «I thought our walks here always meant more to her in terms of our conversations…»

«That too. But she always found time to enjoy the sights here as well. She told me that it gave her a sense of calm, some way to keep her thoughts clear from the dark and heavy ones that crept in all the time.»

«I can’t blame her. She’s been through so much.» Lindon sighed, and a smile crept onto his face. «She was always so fierce, and yet found ways to stay collected. Even in the darkest of times… I love that about her.»

«Well, if we won’t be taking into account how many times she actually fallen prey to her inner darkness…»

«That’s what I mean, Wolfin. She did fall prey to it so many times, and every time she freed herself from it. I can’t imagine what kind of strength that takes. I can’t even seem to drag myself out of the dark, and I always thought I was strong.»

«Strength has its ways, Lindon. Sometimes we need to fall to get up again. You don’t even know how many times I saw her fall and get up when she was a child. I looked at her then, seeing her becoming angry, not hurt, and the very same trait I saw when we reconnected.»

«She never really told me much about her childhood. What was she really like?»

A warm smile appeared on Wolfin’s lips and he looked down, remembering:

«Stubborn. Strong-willed. Determined.» he replied. «I saw so many children her age crying after a fall. But she never did. No matter how hurt she was, how hard of a fall she experienced, she just grunted, got up and ran off again. And unlike her peers she was a daredevil and a prankster.»

The man sighed heavily, closing his eyes.

«She did mention she used to play tricks on you.» Lindon smirked.

«The only child that could sneak up on me unnoticed.» Wolfin agreed with a wide smile. «She jumped me every opportunity she had. One time she landed on my shoulders, jumping off one of the tallest trees in her family estate. I almost fell, even though she was so little. Imagine my surprise finding a stick that represented a sword at my throat.»

Lindon cackled, picturing the tall Veluthian caught off-guard by a little girl.

«She was always aiming to be better than her peers.» Lindon chuckled. «I loved that about her ever since we’ve met for the first time.»

«I never got a chance to ask…» Wolfin glanced at the man. «How… exactly did you two meet?»

«In the Academy I got transferred to another regiment, because I was top of my class.» Lindon smiled, glancing at the flowerbeds. «Serena… she was there, a little distant from others. And my new classmates decided to pull a prank on me. They offered me a bet I won’t be able to get her attention.»

«As in…» Wolfin twitched his brow.

«Yes. They all said that she’s a hard one to get. I didn’t know at the time that she declined every offer to share a bed.» Lindon touched his cheek. «I approached her, trying to figure out why a young woman so beautiful would be so distant, and found her reading one of the history books about Artemis Serdana. She outright blew me off, denying me any attention at all, but I didn’t back down.»

«Let me guess, she challenged you to a duel to make you stop your advances?»

«No. I was the one who challenged her.» Lindon chuckled. «She defeated me so quickly that I realised there is no other woman like her. I guess, that very moment was the point I fell in love with her. She left me a scar, and I kept it, making a tattoo of it after it faded. I wanted to keep hold of that memory…»

«But you did have a relationship with her while in the Academy… what changed?»

«After my defeat we were sent out to a battle… Serena found me after we got back and told me she was impressed.» Lindon shook his head. «Both by the fact that I challenged her and by the sight she saw on the battle field. We got some drinks, and I… expected to spend the night talking, but she was the one to approach me. That was our first night together.»

«I think she saw you for who you really are, Lindon.»

«I’m not sure what she saw in me then. But she did make me want to be stronger and worthy of her attention. Life might have pulled us away for a time, but I never lost hope. Though, I must admit it was extremely hard not to think that someone as low as the likes of me would ever be good enough for the heir of the Thara-Lyss family.»

«And yet here you are. The man who offered her marriage, and the one she accepted into her life and crew without a single thought.» Wolfin slapped Lindon on his shoulder. «Remember this. And try to think how well she influenced you. I never heard her say anything about accepting any marriage proposals, Lindon. She wanted to be yours… eventually. I think she thought you being the only Veluthian worthy of being her husband, if it were ever to come to that…»

Lindon didn’t reply, falling deep into his thoughts and Wolfin pat his back, standing up. Leaving Lindon alone, Serena’s mentor knew he helped the man get his thoughts together. Perhaps, Lindon will spend a couple of hours meditating by the flowers Serena loved so much.

He wasn’t wrong.