Читать книгу What happens after No. Why boundaries don’t end participation - Группа авторов - Страница 5

In many social settings, explanation is not just normal. It is expected. From early on, we learn that stopping without words looks rude, while stopping with reasons looks mature.

A short refusal can feel unfinished to the other person. An explanation fills the space and signals good intention. It shows that you care about the connection, not only about the outcome.

Because of this, explanation becomes a social tool. It protects the relationship on the surface. It smooths the moment and avoids visible tension.

Silence, on the other hand, carries weight. When words stop too early, people often read meaning into it. Distance, rejection, or even punishment. The absence of explanation feels louder than the explanation itself.

This is why many people do not fully stop when they need to. They slow down instead. They soften. They stay present just enough to look reasonable.

Social norms reward this behavior. A person who explains is seen as cooperative and emotionally aware. A person who simply stops can be labeled cold, difficult, or selfish.

The problem is not bad intention. The problem is confusion. Politeness is mistaken for closure. Kind language is treated as a substitute for a real ending.

So people learn to stay involved in small ways. Not because they want to, but because the culture around them treats explanation as proof of respect.

And this is where the gap begins. What looks correct socially does not always end participation internally.