Читать книгу Butterflies - Ксана Гильгенберг - Страница 7

Lika did not notice how she had got home. Deep in her thoughts about Rita’s fate and the way she could help her, she automatically greeted her aunt and answered all the questions the relative asked her, but if asked to repeat their conversation, she would definitely fail to remember a single word from it. When she got into her room, she fell down onto her bed facing the wall and shut her eyes. It immediately brought the memories about Vlad into her mind; as bright flashes she could see the yesterday photo on which he was so happy, and then the touch of his lips. In a moment, pleasant warmth spread all over her body making her heart flutter in her chest. She could feel both joy and pain. “I love you,” she whispered hotly, mentally addressing him. “How will I go on without you?” she was not going to cry, but tears ran down her cheeks.

“Are you all right?” suddenly there was a concerned Aunt’s voice from behind the door, which slightly opened.

“Yes,” she hurriedly began to wipe the tears away, but it was too late – Aunt Ann had entered the room.

“Well, I see you’re crying,” she flung up her hands, “Common, tell me what’s happened.”

“Nothing special,” Lika answered quickly searching the way she could avoid questions.

“That won’t do,” Aunt Ann folded her arms and made it clear with her facial expression that she was not going to move until she knew the whole truth.

“Okay,” Lika sighed sitting cross-legged on the bed “I’ve seen Rita. You remember she wouldn’t answer my calls… Well, she’s in trouble and it troubles me. I can’t tell you the details, I have no right,” she hastened to add foreseeing Aunt’s next question.

Aunt Ann looked closely at Lika for a while as if she wanted to get any confirmation of her words in her look and then, apparently, not seeing anything contradictory inside them, she said:

“Well, the thing that it’s not you who’s got a problem makes me happy. I thought you might be suffering because of him. Thanks God he’s left! I hope it’ll make you calm, and you’ll get a lungful of fresh air!”

“I guess, you’re speaking about yourself now,” smiled Lika.

“Right,” Aunt Ann was not going to deny anything. “I’ve breathed a sigh of relief and now I want you to do the same.”

Lika deeply breathed in and then breathed out. Aunt Ann laughed and kissed Lika on the forehead. In fact, the girl felt a bit better. “I’m so happy to have such a great aunt!” She thought staring after her aunt leaving the room.

Lika had another sigh, and slumping back onto her pillow, she again deepened into her thoughts. This time they were all about Rita. What had happened to her friend was awful and her heart ached from the inability to help with something essential in the current situation. Every time she thought about it, she imagined herself in Rita’s shoes and every time it made her feel an attack of despair moving up her throat. “Poor Rita!” she whispered, “What’s going to be with her now?”

“She’ll have an abortion and will live on. Or… she might not…”

Lika shook her whole body at those words that had run through her head and turned her head in search of the cat. Coco was not in the room.

“Don’t look for me. I’m in the kitchen,” it flashed in her mind.

“Coco, why are you saying this?” The girl outraged loudly.

“Because it’s true – I am in the kitchen!” the answer came.

“I’m asking about Rita,”

“That’s true as well, by the way! I always tell the truth!” Coco declared with pride.

“Is it really going to be this way?” Lika pondered, “Will she do this?”

“Yes, she will,” Coco affirmed, “Wouldn’t you do the same if you were her?” the cat insinuatingly asked in a while.

Lika shuddered, and goose bumps ran down her spine. She made an effort to prevent a single thought at that moment. “Keeping silent? That’s very reasonable. People tend to think how they would act in a given situation. They always look as if they know the right way. They always know the way others should behave under such circumstances, and with all their might they convince themselves that they would certainly go the right way, that they wouldn’t backslide.

Lika felt the colour high in her cheeks; her heart beating against her ribs.

“There’s also another type of people. Those avoid such reasoning, because they understand that they themselves would act in such a situation no better than the object being condemned or discussed, but they are quite sure nothing of the kind would ever happen to them.”

Uneasiness filled Lika’s heart. She understood that she had both of these, and it was painful because it all seemed to be true.

“What is more interesting about it is that both types sincerely believe,” it went on inside her head, “that the events have nothing to do with them. It’s just a mere chatter over an evening cup of tea, something like “Guess what? She’s had an abortion! I wouldn’t have done that!”

Lika flinched again, because somehow Coco’s voice became very similar to the voice of Marie, a young woman living in a neighboring flat.

“You could change ‘she had an abortion’ to anything else. She resigned, broke up with somebody, bought or didn’t buy, did this or did that. That’s not the point!” It seems that Coco was captured by its own monologue. Its words swept faster and faster in Lika’s head, and it became more difficult for the girl to catch the meaning of all the lot.

“The point is that they separate themselves from reality, they don’t want to see that what is happening around belongs to them to the same extend as to the one they are talking about! They don’t want to feel integrity! But it’s obvious! We’re all one! We’re all interrelated!” the last two phrases sounded fervently with awe, “Do you feel this?” Coco asked in the same tone.

Lika had already calmed down and tried to listen to herself, to what was inside her.

“Dunno,” she answered feeling nothing special.

“Common, let’s try again,” the voice affectionately insisted, “you can do it.”

“No, I can’t,” the girl sighed. She was not up to it now. “Look, why are you so sure Rita will do it?”

“Oh, it’s rather simple. Arithmetic alone. It’s like two plus two. It doesn’t equal three or ten, at least, under ordinary conditions.

“Didn’t get it. What does arithmetic to do with it?”

“Let us see what we’ve got. Rita. A beautiful gold haired young girl with a face of an angel,” Coco sang in a lilac voice, as if looking at Rita’s portrait, “She’s cheerful and open hearted. You could not help but fall in love with her!”

“That’s true!” Lika agreed at once, “Rita is wonderful! She’s very nice and kind!”

“Nobody in their right mind would ever say a word against it. But… with all her kindness and beauty, she hasn’t been taught to overcome difficulties of life.”

“She could learn how to fight difficulties,” Lika began to defend her friend.

“Of course, she could. If only she was able to find a reason why she would have to do this. Is there such a reason in her life?”

Lika did not reply. She was trying to demonstrate a straw Rita could possibly catch at to give birth to the child. “What could possibly motivate her? What does she love most of all? She likes going out and meeting her friends. She loves her parents and her friends. She’s mad about travelling. By the age of seventeen she’s visited lots of countries.” Lika recalled the photos of beautiful sceneries and souvenirs that Rita always brought to her from the trips. “She’s also fond of nice and expensive clothes she brings from Europe.” And in fact, Rita always presented much of the clothes to Lika because she has never worn a thing for more than three times, except for those that she fancied a lot. “No, that’s not what I need!” Lika thought sadly. “She’s very kind… there must be something… Oh, how could I forget?! Rita is very fond of animals. She’s been a member of a society protecting the environment. Last year, she managed to set an abandoned kitten up. She was so happy! And at home she’s got a lot of different indoor flowers and plants, she takes care of them with great care and love. She talks to them while watering them and wiping their leaves. And they respond to it with rapid growth, the splendor of their greenery, and the brightness of their flowers. But this, too, does not seem to help,” sighed Lika.

“What about her ambitions?” Coco prompted.

“Ambitions? I don’t know… She wants to get higher education, get a good job, get married…”

“Have you got it now?”

“Not really.”

“So what we have is a nice and beautiful girl who loves animals and the world around her. She got used to living in comfort and welfare and takes admiration of her friends and people around her for granted. The only problem is that she isn’t able to overcome hardships of life because she hasn’t had any till now. Taking into consideration her life goals, which are only obstructed by an unexpected pregnancy, makes the final result obvious, for me, at least,” the cat concluded.

“No!” Lika declared, “I do not agree! I’ll persuade her! I believe she can change. There’s nothing fatal about it!”

“That’s your right, dearie!” Coco said in the end, and they did not recur to the subject that day.