Читать книгу The Friday Night Debrief - Kylie Jane Asmus - Страница 15
ОглавлениеTaking The Plunge
Kylie went to head office to pick up the Port mail on Tuesday, the day after yet another rigorous training session with Shooters working them all hard. It had been a few months since she had last invited Mila to try Outrigging and she was yet to receive a positive response. But she had not let Mila’s lack of interest stop her from going out to meet new people on her own. Even after the belly laughs she had enjoyed the day she met the Port crew, Mila had not seen Kylie very often since. In the meanwhile, Mila had been busy going on regular overnight mine site visits and settling into her new role. When Kylie was in the mailroom, her boss walked up to her and asked her to come and see him back at his desk.
“Hi Mila,” Kylie said as she entered their section.
“Hey Kylie,” she replied pleasantly. “How are you?”
“Man, I’m sore! Since joining outrigging I think I’ve found new bones in my body!”
“Oh okay, are you enjoying it, besides the pain?”
“Yeah, it’s really different and the girls seem nice. Not that I really get a chance to talk to many of them during training, but I remain optimistic.”
“Oh right.”
“They are still looking for one more girl to join if you want to come and have a go after work Monday, Wednesday, and then 5.30 am on Sunday?”
“What? That’s early. I don’t know. I broke up with my man so I have more time, Ahhhh, I’ll have a think about it,” she said.
Kylie wasn’t a psychic but she had known Mila would finish her sentence with those very words. Despite being friendless and newly single, apparently Mila would still not commit to having a go.
“Sorry to hear you broke up with your man,” Kylie said sincerely.
“I’m okay, but thank you,” Mila said not going into it.
“So Kylie, I have something for you,” her boss said rubbing his hands together.
“Oh yeah, what is it? More work?” Kylie replied sarcastically.
“No, it’s something after work,” he said.
“Overtime?” Kylie asked.
“No, I have a ticket for you to go to the football this Friday night, in the Cannington corporate box.”
“Really? One ticket. That’s lucky, I don’t have any mates. I hope I don’t have to sit next to a dead shit. I’ve never been to the footy before. I hear the box is awesome!” Kylie said excited to be given free shit and talking without thinking.
“Oh that’s nice!” Mila replied.
“What’s that?” Kylie asked.
“Your seats are together, I thought it might be a chance for you to get to know each other better,” the boss said.
“What? Are we going on a date?” Kylie said winking at Mila and completely forgetting she had just called her a dead shit.
“Just remember, I don’t put out on a first date,” Mila replied sternly.
“That’s okay baby, I’ll go out with you twice if I’m on a promise!”
“Ladies. I just thought you would like to go and that you might enjoy the footy,” the boss said.
“Righto. I’ll go. What about you Mila? Are you keen?”
“Yeah, I’ll go. Thanks Boss,” Mila said professionally.
“No worries,” he replied. “Have fun.”
And go to the football they did. Kylie arranged for Shonky to give them a lift out to Dairy Farmers Stadium after he finished work on Friday night and the car came alive with laughter and chatter on the twenty-minute journey. By the time the girls found their seats at the Cowboys football match they were not even interested in the game anymore let alone know who the Cowboys were playing against. As they drank and continued to laugh and talk, they realised how much they had in common. They loved the same music, they watched the same shows, and they bonded something fierce, so they swapped mobile phone numbers. By the end of the night they were arm in arm, giggling and swaying as they walked out, reliving the fun they’d had at Mila’s welcome morning tea, in between fits of laughter.
“I can’t believe you called Shonky a Hamrod! To his Face!” Mila laughed.
“I can’t believe his folks actually NAMED him Hamrod so I could!”
“You work with some funny people,” Mila said.
“Yeah, funny looking,” Kylie said.
“Pffft. That’s funny too!”
When the football was over they headed to the bar in the Western Stand and when that closed they caught the bus into town. Neither of them had been nightclubbing since they arrived in Townsville. Kylie rediscovered the Mad Cow and a love affair was born.
“Oh this place is tops! Listen! All the music they’ve played in the last twenty minutes was all country number one hits! On normal radio! And they play it here!” Kylie was starting to slur and over pronounce her words.
“Yeah, I really like Shania Train,” Mila said.
“Toot Toot!” Kylie said laughing at Mila’s mistake.
“What?”
Kylie had to shout over the loud music, “You’re on the right track mate but you said Shania Train, so I said Toot-Toot, because it’s actually Shania Twain!”
“Ha ha ha, that’s funny.”
“You think everything is funny right now ‘cause you’re smashed,” Kylie said.
“Yep!”
The girls danced and drank and were so interested in chatting to each other they didn’t even scope the room for men, other than to point and laugh at a few for their style sense or bad shirt selections. Many men looked at Mila but she didn’t even notice their ogling.
Four hours and a piece of overpriced pizza later and the girls moseyed over to the taxi rank.
“Where do you live again Mate?” Kylie asked Mila.
“Hermit Crab.”
“I think you mean Hermit Park?”
Mila burst out laughing with a full bite of pizza in her mouth. It was the first time Kylie found her unattractive.
“You are so smashed. Do you actually know your address?”
“Um.....” Mila stopped chewing for a moment and looked like she was trying to stand still and focus but she was still swaying and her right index finger floated in the air as her alcohol-soaked brain searched for an answer. “I don’t remember. I think, oh yeah, I’m at um, Queens Street. Or maybe I live in the Ross River or The Tarters Chowers Road?”
“You’re unbelievable. Come home with me, I have a spare bed and I promise I won’t take pictures of you while you’re sleeping. I don’t feel like taxiing around for hours with you to find your house. I can give you a lift home tomorrow.”
“Oh really? That’d be really great. Coz I have no idea where I am hey. But wherever it is, I wish it would stop spinning coz it’s making me feel crook!”
The girls climbed in the next cab and Kylie wound down the window and got some fresh air into Mila. It was a quick drive to Kylie’s apartment and they were up the stairs in no time. Kylie got a bucket, a towel, some spare jim jams, a spare tooth brush and a large bottle of water ready for Mila so that she was comfortable. After a quick tour of the flat so Mila knew where the toilet and shower was, Kylie turned the lights out on the only and best night she had had in twelve long weeks.
Before heading off to bed herself, Kylie left a note near the front door for Mila, letting her know that she was at Kylie’s house and telling her to make herself comfortable and to wake Kylie when she got up. Mila had shown no signs of knowing what was going on when they arrived at her apartment and she didn’t want her to freak out if she woke up alone in a strange place.
It was early afternoon before Kylie and Mila dragged themselves from their beds the next day. They both freshened up and Kylie went and bought takeaway to assist with their hangovers. They spent the rest of the afternoon talking and watching movies from Kylie’s movie collection and just before dark Kylie dropped Mila home. Before getting out of the car, Mila turned to Kylie and thanked her for a great weekend and said she would really like to try Outrigging the next time they trained during the week. It was great news for Kylie and for the beginner’s team of girls she was paddling with. They now had a team that they could rely on each week. Kylie didn’t have Shooters’ phone number so she advised her at Sunday training that a new girl would be joining them on Monday.
Mila and Kylie met at the Strand on Monday afternoon and were greeted by Jenna and Jess. Kylie saw Shooters and said, “I’ve got another paddler for our team.”
Shooters yelled to Ella, “Ella, you’re off the hook. You’re back in Team 1. I’ll take it from here.”
“Woohoo! I mean, see ya later ladies!” Ella yelled.
Shooters smiled at Mila and asked, “What’s your name mate?”
“Mila.”
“What a lovely name. I’m Shooters, I’m the coach of the team you’ll be paddling in. You can sit in the forth seat from the front of the canoe which we call Number Four. Everyone else, move a seat up from where you normally are. Jess, you are calling the Huts from now on.”
Mila asked Kylie, “What number are you?”
“Five,” Kylie answered. “But don’t worry, hang out with me long enough and I’ll give you the number twos!”
“I don’t doubt it,” Mila replied.
There was little more time for banter before warm up stretches started and then they were following behind the others and lifting that ridiculously heavy canoe twenty metres down the beach into the shallows.
“Rocks! Rocks!” Mila and Kylie chanted trying to run away from what was underneath them.
Shooters yelled, “You need some of these!” lifting up her pull-on slipper shoes made from wet suit material.
“Oh that’s attractive,” Kylie yelled, holding Shooters’ foot in her hand.
“Do you want pretty looking or pretty feet?” Shooters asked. “They sell them at Woolies. Do yourselves a favour, you can wear them all the way into the water then into the canoe, unlike those thongs and reefs you left up at the beach.”
Everyone climbed into the canoe and the instructions began as Shooters pushed off the beach.
“Okay, lightly paddling ladies, give it ten easy sets of eight strokes. Jess you’re calling them. Mila take note of what stroke Jenna is doing in Number Two. You need to put your paddle in the water at the same time as hers so that the canoe glides in the water and doesn’t drag!”
Mila was under the pump, her eyes moved busily from left to right as she tried to keep tabs on Jenna’s paddle. It completely threw her when the Hut was called by Jess and they swapped sides but it was funny for Kylie to watch.
At the end of the ten sets, Shooters said, “Paddles up.” The girls withdrew their paddles from the water and took a moment to relax. “Everyone, it looks like Mila is the final instalment in our team, say hello to Mila.”
“Oh, I thought I was just trying it out to see if I liked it,” Mila said.
“Nope, we need you, and you need us. Besides you’ll love it. It’s win win. Everybody, get a look at your new team, positions may change but at this stage I’m happy with how they are.”
“Do we have a team name?” Mila asked.
“Ahhhh, nup, but you do get to be part of the club and pay registration and order a uniform, and paddle under my direction,” Shooters said.
“Shooters Team?” Kylie offered.
“Oh, well technically, I guess it is. I am the Captain of this rig,” Shooters said not wanting any naming rights.
“Oh ladies, we could put our paddles up like we’re taking aim at the water when we’re getting ready to start, like this?” Kylie was portraying a visual joke and needed all eyes on her for them to get it.
Everyone turned around to their right and leant on the right hand side of the canoe to see what Kylie was up to in seat number five. This created a shift in the balance of the canoe and it took less than five seconds for the armor to come up and tip everybody out.
“Arghhhhhhhhh!” was the last audible word from Shooters.
Squeals came from everybody else. They weren’t in very deep water but they couldn’t touch the bottom.
“Bailers, grab the bailers girls,” Shooters said as everyone’s head popped up from the water. The ten litre bailers were made from old water cooler bottles and they were heavy before water was in them due to the reinforced plastic. Kylie grabbed two lighter four-litre versions as they floated past and handed one to Jenna.
“Is everyone alright, can we see six heads?” Shooters asked, dog paddling.
“Yes,” everyone answered.
Shooters did a count to confirm that there were indeed five other heads above the water, apart from hers. “Righto. Everybody but Kylie broke the first rule when in the Canoe – never shift your weight to the right hand side of the canoe or it will TIP OVER.”
Kylie looked pleased with herself because she hadn’t shifted her weight.
Seeing that Kylie was smiling, Shooters bellowed, “Why are you smiling Kylie? We tipped over because you asked everyone to turn around and look at you!”
“Oh, sorry.” Kylie’s smile vanished and she felt like someone had rolled up a wet newspaper and thwacked her on the nose with it.
“We need to right the canoe. I need Mila and Ashley on the top side of the arcoos please. Jess, Jenna, you’re on the other arcoo. The arcoos are the wooden arms that secure the fibreglass armor. Kylie, come here so I can keep an eye on you. We’ll push the Armor back over. On my go, I want you to lift ladies. Ready. Set. Go.”
“Ughgh.” It sounded like a female tennis match.
“And it’s over,” Shooters said as the armor went 180 degrees on top of the water.
“Mila and Kylie, can you get back in the left side of the canoe please and start bailing, once it gets half empty the rest of you will be able to get back in.”
“Rogerhhhhh,” Kylie replied but she delayed her attempt at entry into the canoe for a moment. She dog paddled and waited to see how Mila was going to achieve re-entry, to give her something to work with.
Mila lined herself up beside the empty canoe then descended under the water for a brief moment to get all of her long hair out of her face. Then she rose from the water, hair slicked back, and flicked her head to her right to get rid of some of the water from her long thick locks. Her beautiful light bronze skin shimmered in the afternoon light, water slowly beaded and dripped off her face, and her mouth gently opened to take in her first breath of air since surfacing. She looked like a Bond girl in a 007 film, every part of her body toned to perfection, her feminine strength defined in her upper back and arm muscles as she seamlessly transitioned from water to water craft. Once above sea level, she slowly opened her eyes and stretched out her arms to grab the top edge of the canoe and pull herself effortlessly out of the water. For a split second she sat on the edge of the canoe then glided onto the number two seat and swiftly but gracefully swung her gorgeous runway-ready legs into the canoe.
“Well done Mila, excellent job. What’s keeping you Kylie?” Shooters yelled from the water.
“I didn’t want to collide with Mila so thought I’d wait until she was safe inside the canoe,” Kylie said taking the safety angle out aloud but thinking to herself, “Geez, she made that look bloody easy. I should be right to copy that.”
Kylie took a very similar approach to Mila. After lining up alongside seat Number Five, away from any obstruction of the wooden arcoos, she quickly bobbed under the water to try and brush the hair from her face. But her hair was not as lush or well behaved as Mila’s and did not react in the same way she had witnessed Mila’s hair doing only moments ago. Instead, she rose from the water with her hair completely covering her eyes as if she had been dunked in a splash-o pool at a school fete. With her arms already outstretched reaching towards the lip of the canoe, she had nothing to sweep the locks away from her eyes and came out of the water blind, resorting to blowing it away with huge whale-like spurts of air from her facial blowhole, huffing and puffing and in a very unproductive manner. Her arms shot up out of the water and seemed to emulate the actions of someone who had been told to stick ‘em up by an armed gunman. But, with her sight infringed – or literally her fringe in her eyes – and unable to see her target, her fingers failed to grip anything in time and her arms and body slammed against the hull.
Comparing Kylie to Mila was like comparing the grace and agility of Elle Macpherson to Jabba the Hut. It was not a fair comparison, in any sense. Kylie was, by her own admission, Not Very Bendy and an Unnatural Sportswoman. So any crack she had at being graceful and co-ordinated was cringe worthy to watch. After a failed first attempt, Kylie didn’t give up. She was shit at a lot of things but she wasn’t a quitter. Often she would suck for ages at things before she succeeded. She figured that by the time she achieved this particular goal, she would be absolutely knackered, in need of an ambulance and possibly a defibrillator, and maybe a beer soon after that, but she was not going to give up.
Before slipping back under the water, she placed her hands on the side of the canoe so that this time she could feel where it was and not have to search for it blind should her hair and her sight fail her again. On the second attempt to get back into that long white, high-sided floating fibreglass bastard of a canoe, Kylie leant her head back in the water so that her neck touched the top of her back, thinking this would keep her hair away from her eyeballs as she exited the water thus reducing the chance of failure.
Up she went, out of the water, her hands miming up the side of the canoe, her neck arched back in a very uncomfortable position, and her mouth gasping for breath after only being submerged for less than five seconds. Finding the edge of the canoe, her fingers gripped it in a white knuckle demonstration that she usually only saved for her visits to the dentist. Her left leg took on a mind of its own and swung left, also trying to find the top side edge of the canoe. At the same time, she pulled herself up but, alas, she didn’t have the upper body strength to finish the job and instead slid her entire upper body from belly button to breast then neck and face, along the side of the canoe, pushing her Lycra exercise top up to shadow her Lycra sports bikini top. After two failed attempts she was already tired and, even worse, her tummy flesh was now exposed.
Kylie was very shy when it came to nudity and basic exposure of her body. Even though she paddled with an all girl team, she didn’t know them very well and she was very insecure about how her body could react to certain conditions. Her main fear was that her nipples would stiffen up when she got cold or water logged and would fight their way through the lack of padding in her Lycra exercise top and Lycra sports bikini. Prepared for this possibility, she was wearing adhesive nipple covers on her nipples. Not one, but two sets. On each nipple. Even an Icelandic wind wouldn’t be able to catch Kylie off guard with that sort of areola armour. Yes, she was on top of her game when it came to ensuring her nipples would not turn into five eight bolts after being affected by a cool breeze, but she wasn’t up against a breeze in her current situation. She was literally sliding up and down the side of the canoe. One thing Kylie did not plan on when preparing her nipples for combat, was friction.
“Are you right Kylie?” Shooters asked from the water.
“Yep. No worries!” she replied trying to convince herself and the others that she would succeed.
Taking a few deep breaths before her third attempt, she again placed her hands on the side of the canoe as a guide for herself. She shot out of the water and got her fingers curled over the lip of the canoe and she looked like she had it in the bag. Until the girls started cheering her on. Then Kylie got excited, started to laugh, lost her focus and her strength and slid back down the side of the canoe like a cracked egg on a wall.
“Ahhhhhh.” Her team-mates sounded like a bunch of crows as they watched her fail.
“One more time I promise. But don’t make me laugh,” Kylie said to everyone.
“Righto,” Shooters said wanting her to succeed but sick of dog paddling to stay afloat.
“Come on mate. You can do it. You had it last time but you laughed. Failure isn’t funny. Failure sucks. You need to focus on not failing. Righto! Up, up and away. Got it? Good! Up you go champion! Up you go!” she said to herself, psyching herself up.
Whoosh, out of the water as if Flipper was giving her a bottle nosed nudge, her hands shimmying up the side of the hull and curling over the top in a grip like that of a rock climber. Her left leg swung left and her arms pulled her torso over the edge of the canoe. She rested her ribs on the ledge taking a quick breather, hooked by her own bones from falling back into the drink. Her leg fell into the canoe and her body followed. With her hair all over her face, she blindly felt around for the seat and then clawed her way to it, manoeuvring her entire wilted pasty-white body into the canoe. Her Lycra tops were definitely in need of re-adjustment but thankfully her breasts were still covered with fabric. After a quick downward inspection to check on her dignity and a hasty realignment of material to cover up her tummy, she raised her arms up high with glee.
“Yay!” the other five girls cheered.
“Thank goodness for that!” Kylie said taking a deep breath. “My poor little Grover arms and jelly legs nearly broke in half trying to pull myself up and cock a leg over this big long bastard.”
Unlike her new friend Mila, Kylie did not reflect the image of a Bond girl. Her hair was a mess and shouting out for a comb and a major conditioning treatment to untangle the knots, her cheeks were red from intense exertion and her biceps and stomach were aching and scratched from multiple unlubricated descents down the side of the canoe. In spite of all of that, her spirits were high. She had succeeded. She had not given up. While the girls cheered, she kept her arms raised in a victory salute and then she brushed as much of her hair away from her face as she could and looked at Mila who was now staring at Kylie, but not at her face.
“Far out, that was harder than it looks!” Kylie said to Mila.
“Yeah!” Mila said slowly. “Mate, what’s that on your neck?”
“What do you mean? Is it a red mark? I collided with the canoe with multiple parts of my body.”
“Yeah, what is that?” Jenna asked swimming closer to Kylie.
“Shooters, come here and check this out. You too Jess and Ash!” Jenna said.
Kylie was feeling the cold and wondered if she was in shock from being stung by a jellyfish. “What, What? What can you see?” Kylie asked Mila.
“I dunno? Looks weird. Like, a, a…”
“Legless starfish!” Shooters said.
“Or some kind of sucker sea urchin?” Ashley said.
“Nah, it’s seaweed,” Jess said.
“The bottom bit is seaweed but it looks like a smiley face don’t you reckon?” Shooters said.
“Yeah. How funny is that!” Mila agreed.
Shooters was right, the two adhesive nipple covers that Kylie had used on her left breast had slid up from her chest to her neck and were now positioned side by side, with a short strand of green seaweed in a semi circle underneath. It truly looked like a smiley face on her neck.
“Get it off Mila, help me!” Kylie said starting to shake from the cold.
“I’m coming, it’s okay,” she said climbing through the seats of the canoe from Number 2 to Number four, keeping her centre of gravity very low. “Don’t move Kylie or this thing will tip over again. Okay!” Mila said.
“Righto, hurry, hurry!” Kylie was starting to flap her arms like a penguin flapping its wings.
“It’s definitely a smiley face, and the seaweed is the smile, but what’s this bit?” Mila said peeling the pink sticky adhesive disc from Kylie’s throat. Her fingers played with the sticky side as she held it in front of Kylie’s face trying to figure out what the hell it was.
Then Kylie caught sight of it and instantly recognised it. “Oh no! Shame!” she said.
“What? What is it?” Shooters asked, seeing the penny had dropped for Kylie.
“It’s my flamin’ nipple protector okay? So you don’t see my areola’s when it’s cold, I feel the cold very easily and didn’t want to be embarrassed!” Kylie said gritting her teeth.
“Well I think it’s from your left side coz that blinker is definitely out loud and proud,” Shooters announced, alerting everyone to take a close look at Kylie’s left breast.
“Oh Shooters!” Kylie said quickly putting her left hand over her left breast mortified. “Don’t flamin’ look.”
“What are you on about? We’re all women, we all have nipples!” Shooters said stating the obvious.
“Yeah but what if I’ve got like six of the bastards like a puppy and I didn’t want anyone to know?”
“Well, have you got six nipples Kylie?” Jenna asked. “I’m a nurse, you can tell me.”
“No. I’ve got a left and a right one so I put two of these sticky puppies on each, one of them must have dislodged during my battle to conquer the canoe.”
“Two dislodged mate,” Shooters advised. “The other one is still on your neck, it was the second eyeball to the Smiley seaweed face.”
“Oh man!” Kylie said clutching at her throat and peeling it off with her right hand then diving into her bikini from the top and repositioning it, along with the one that Mila had been playing with.
“Oh that’s way less embarrassing than just showing us your nipple,” Jess said.
“Don’t give me any shit for trying to conceal parts of my breasticles,” Kylie said now finished with readjusting herself. “Now are we going to bail this sucker out or what?”
“Yes please,” Shooters yelled.
“Mila and Kylie – you two start bailing and don’t stop. Ladies, we’re closer to the shore than I thought, so everyone else, swim the canoe in, we’ll sort it out there.”
“Thank goodness for that,” Jess yelled out thinking she would have had just as much trouble as Kylie trying to get back in the canoe from the water.
After five minutes of pushing and swimming the canoe towards the shore, they were back in a position where they could stand up and they pushed the canoe half onto the beach.
“Ashley and Jess, I need you to hold the canoe while you are standing in the water so that the water drains to one end and we can bail it from there. The waves will make the end you are holding bounce up and down so be careful it doesn’t hit you in the head, face or chin. Kylie, continue to bail from the water end where I normally sit, I’ll help you, Mila if you can remain in the canoe and bail from another area that would help too. Jenna hold the armor down, the smaller white part of the canoe,” Shooters said pointing to it.
“Yep,” Mila said jumping out over the side into the knee-deep water.
Kylie was smiling but she knew she was in the shit.
“What are you smiling at Kylie?” Shooters asked playfully.
“Oh, I was just wondering, you know how everyone turned around to see what I was up to then the canoe tipped over...”
Shooters butted in, “Does everyone remember how the canoe just tipped over?”
“Yesssss!” they yelled in unison.
Kylie continued, “Well, did you see what I was trying to show you? I thought it would make us bond, you know? But I guess this experience is making us bond too, right?” She was eternally optimistic and could always see the positive side to any situation.
“Did everyone see what Kylie was banging on about before she made us tip the canoe over?” Shooters yelled, pausing as she bailed.
“Noooooooo,” a choir of voices yelled back.
“I just saw my life flash in front of me,” Jess said.
“I just saw myself being shark shit,” Ashley said.
“I just saw my throat being attacked by jellyfish,” Jenna said.
“I saw ya. I thought it was funny!” Mila said.
Kylie stopped bailing and looked up and smiled at her. “I think I love you baby!”
Mila blew her a kiss with her free hand, the other kept a firm grip on the bailer in the canoe.
“Really?” Shooters said surprised. “Well you can show the rest of us when the canoe is empty, now get stuck into it. Use some elbow grease!”
Kylie laughed and gave it her all. By the time the water was out of the canoe they had little over fifteen minutes left of their one-hour training session.
“Okay, before we get into the canoe – Kylie, what were you trying to tell us before Operation Dunk?” Shooters asked.
“So when you say paddlers ready, we put our paddle up like this with the blade end under our armpit and our right hand at the top of the paddle like we’re aiming it Shooters, you know, aiming to win! Like this.” Kylie grabbed a paddle and demonstrated. “It’ll help us all bond and shit! Like bailing out this canoe has.” Kylie started laughing.
Shooters couldn’t help herself. “Ladies, the last time a crew tipped a canoe over by mistake, in training, when no other canoe was in sight, was over two years ago. But, this has been a good learning experience for us all. Everyone back in the canoe but Jess and Jenna, swap over until the end of the session. Jess, you still call the huts from number Two. Jenna just watch the technique from Ashley and you’ll know for next time what I need you to do in Two okay?”
‘Ah, my arse is NOT going to fit in the number two seat,” Jess stated.
“Seriously?” Shooters asked.
“I’ll give it a try but we might need a can opener to get me outta there,” Jess replied.
“Have a go, I’ll think you’ll be alright. Have you got bike pants on under those shorts?”
“Oh yeah,” said Jess stepping in to Number two. “Yeah nup. I think I’ll get in but I won’t be getting out without shaving the skin off my thighs.”
“Righto, Jenna, you’re in Number two and Mila you’re in Four. Jess you are back to Three and calling the huts.”
“So everyone is where they already were?” Kylie asked confused.
“Yeah but everyone knows how big my arse is now!” said Jess.
“Sorry ladies, we weren’t in the canoe long enough for me to remember, everybody in!”
The girls walked around both sides of the canoe so that they could step in.
“Left side in, left side out remember ladies. We don’t want to bail this puppy out twice today,” she reminded them.
The girls laughed. They had nearly forgotten again.
“Okay, paddles ready,” Shooters said as she pushed off the beach.
All the girls put their paddles in the position Kylie had just demonstrated, Kylie made a loaded sound “tcht tcht” with her mouth and the girls laughed.
“Okay, paddles up. Ready. Set. GO!” Shooters said shaking her head.
They hugged the shoreline for the remainder of the session and learnt how to turn the canoe when cornering using a shark bait marker buoy as their turning point. Luckily for the girls, they didn’t flip the canoe again. Ashley grasped the “J” Turn quickly and with Shooters steering behind her they got better and better at it in no time.
Pulling into the shore Shooters closed off the session with a few words, “Ladies, what turned out to be a wet session was a great opportunity for us to learn about how the canoe can be tipped over quite easily and what we need to do to right it. We also learnt how to “J”, so today was a good day of learning for us all. Kylie, you are not allowed to crack sight gags anymore, spoken jokes only from now on. Now I’ve noticed that some of you haven’t been wearing protection and I’ve let it slide but not anymore. The reality is that it’s stinger season and we were all in the water unexpectedly today so I need everyone who hasn’t got a pair of leggings to buy some. If you want to wear a pair of stockings instead you can, just make sure you have something protecting your legs, anything but fishnet stockings! You should also protect your arms, so full arm length rashies are advised, otherwise, stockings with the crotch cut out of them can suffice.”
“Are you shitting me?” Mila asked.
“No I am not. The Irukandji jellyfish is a deadly little bastard that can kill you. And his mate the Box jellyfish can also be fatal or leave you with horrific scarring let alone his cousin the Blue Bottle who can leave a nasty sting on your skin. I’m not your mother and can’t force you to wear it but this is not something you want to be a rebel about. Everybody will look as dodgy as everybody else but at least you will live to take the piss out of each other. The uniform has a set of stinger pants and assorted rashies for you to purchase, please see me for registration forms, a uniform list and paddle order forms after we pack up the canoe.”
As the girls climbed out of the canoe and into the shallows, Shooters added, “And lastly, habits and occasions such as today provide us with the opportunity to give someone a nickname. For someone who has not been here long but has made us laugh a lot, and after today’s seaweed and adhesive effort, I have no choice but to bestow on Kylie the nickname of Smiley. If you agree please yell out yes.”
“YES,” Jess, Ashley, Jenna and Mila cheered. Kylie had her lips pressed together in a smile but no teeth showing and slowly shook her head.
“Smiley it is. Now let’s lift this canoe up the beach,” Shooters yelled.
The girls lifted the canoe up the beach and walked across the road to a close by residence to wash down the bailers, paddles and their feet. They then stowed away the equipment in a shed and returned to Shooters who was now at her car pulling out some papers for the girls to sign. She asked them to fill out the forms and return them in a week and to have payment ready within a month for their registration for the new season, insurance and uniforms and also basic quotes for ordering their own paddles.
Kylie looked at the costs for each item and tallied them up, “Crikey, all this is a bit steep!” she said.
“It is a big outlay Kylie but most of it is a one off as your paddle and your uniform will last you years, so I guess it’s a similar story to any sport. When did you play sport last?” Shooters asked.
“Back when Mum paid for everything!” Kylie replied.
“Oh, then this is going to hurt!” Shooters laughed. “Well you have a week to think about it and another two training sessions in between that to make your decision. How’s that grab you?”
“Yeah, righto. What do you reckon Mila?” Kylie, said hoping that she wouldn’t let the cost affect her decision.
“Well, when we did actually get to paddle I thought it was fun. I’m in!”
“Yeah, I was always going to be in, one in all in!” Kylie said happy with her decision.
Jess, Jenna and Ashley stood silently perusing their paperwork with mouths wide open from cost shock as they added up the figures.
“C’mon ladies, this looks like the start of a bee-yooo-di-full friendship. Me, you, a capsized canoe? Wasn’t that ore-some?” Kylie laughed.
“They are paddles not oars you smart arse,” Jess noted. “Stuff it, I’m in. I haven’t had that much fun in ages.”
“Yep, me too. And I heard there’s a men’s team, I’m looking forward to training with them!” Ashley said.
“Bit of sexercise Ash? Team bondage? You gonna let ‘em do a few naked push ups on top of you mate?” Kylie said, making her blush.
“Sounds like a plan!” Ashley answered with a giggle.
“Righto. That’s that then,” Shooters said. “We really do have a new team! Oh, one last form here ladies. We need everyone’s contact details and addresses for the bible, in case we need to reach you regarding training time sessions, should they change for whatever reason. Please write down your details before you go.”
Everyone filled out their details and then headed off after saying goodbye to each other. Kylie walked Mila to her car.
“I’m excited!” Kylie said.
“Yeah! That was great. I’m really glad I came down. I’m not really into team sports so thanks for getting me into it.”
“Not a team player Mila?” Kylie said surprised.
“Nooooooo, not really. I mean I think I am at work but I’ve always just relied on myself for keeping fit, you know. Jogging alone, swimming alone, going to the gym alone. I don’t like to use other people as an excuse if they don’t commit to something and pull out so I just tend to go on my own.”
“What about friends? You must have a lot of mates?”
“Um, I have a few close friends but not a group, you know what I mean? I have a friend from university, and a close friend from high school. I keep it pretty simple and generally only have one friend at a time wherever I live. That’s just the way it’s worked out and it’s worked out alright.”
Kylie was noticeably taken aback. “One mate? At a time? For such a long period? What?”
“What do you mean?” Mila asked.
“Well, high school is like five years, uni is four years, and you only hang out with that one person pretty much for all that time?”
“Yeah.”
“Talk about hedging your bets. Don’t you get energy from people? And the more you hang out with the more energy you get?”
“I don’t think I know what you mean.”
“Oh okay. Might be just me. I’m not having a go, I’m just used to knowing everyone. So, going out alone is okay because you know that everyone you know is going to be out, and that there will be at least fifty people where you are headed that you can catch up with, and of course your girlfriends are out too.”
“Fifty people? How do you know fifty people to chat to? What do you talk about to fifty people?”
“Flamin’ anything, everything? Tell you what, people LOVE talking about themselves. You could walk up to anyone and ask them about themselves, they’ll flamin talk and talk and talk. I thought everyone did that?”
“Sounds like you have no shame, I bet you even talk to strangers.”
“Shit yeah! I don’t care. I was so lonely when I moved to Townsville I just got on a Sunbus and went for a mystery tour for about three hours every weekend, and I was so lonely from living alone and sick of talking to myself I just got on that bus and chatted to whoever would sit next to me!”
Mila started laughing. “Who does that?”
“Me baby! Tell ya what, there’s some flamin’ weirdo’s that ride the Sunbus!”
“Yeah YOU! You are the reason why I don’t ride the bus!”
“Hey, don’t be mean. The bus drivers were really nice. But I had to get off when they started to realise I was heading nowhere and just pestering them as they were trying to drive.”
“You’re a riot!”
“Nah, I’m harmless. It was an experience. Anyway, looks like I’ll be leaving the buses alone and hanging out with our new team now!” Kylie started hand clapping to herself. She could no longer contain her excitement.
“Yeah, you look pretty happy with yourself. The bus mob will be able to take your photo off their suspicious characters watch list too.”
“Don’t worry, there’s plenty more photos on that board that’ll keep ‘em busy!”
“I’m gonna head off. I’ll catch you at work Smiley,” Mila said getting into her car smiling.
“Rogerhhhhhh,” Kylie said waving her goodbye, then she smiled as she skipped all the way home. She had a new energy, one fuelled by the people she had just spent the last hour and a half with. “Wow, time flies when you’re having fun,” she thought. As soon as she got home she filled out the forms and left a note to remind herself how much money she needed to get out of the bank. “This is my stepping stone to my Townsville friends base,” she thought. She was about to work the canoe club, in a similar fashion to how she had always worked the room. Those girls had no idea how much fun they were about to have with Kylie at the helm!
