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Fireworks

Do you like fireworks? I actually do like them. Not so much the noise, but the beautiful colors and all the glittering. It makes me feel like being in a fairy tale in which I can act like a princess, a magician or a queen and create all the glittering and the colors with my magic wand.

In Switzerland we celebrate the National Day on August 1st with lots of fireworks and a big bonfire up in the mountains. You see the Swiss flag hanging from balconies and windows. I remember this day as a nice and warm summer day, a special occasion that always happens during summer break. All the children love that day – so did I as a kid.

I was born and raised in Switzerland, a small country in the middle of Europe. I grew up in a privileged place, a beautiful small city, in an apartment that satisfied all my needs. A safe and solid country, where I have never experienced war or violence, where I have never been far away from any medical help. Just a cosy and friendly home with a lot of other children to play with. I played lots of games with my friends in nature. We climbed trees, built little houses in the forest, ran in the woods, played hide and seek and flew kites in the wind. I loved to feel the wind on my skin, to lay in the green grass and to observe the clouds, changing their shapes, telling me stories of animals, heroes, kings and queens. It seemed like the sky was presenting a fairy tale – just for me. In winter I lay in the snow – forming angels with my arms – wrapped in thick layers of clothes. I liked all the seasons in my childhood and I always found something to play with and something to create. Even the rain made me happy. I jumped in all the puddles and crowed every time. My favourite element has always been water, even though I love to feel all the elements – wind, water, sun, earth – directly on my skin. Walking barefoot made me feel so happy and free. Feeling the water on my feet or on my whole body has always been special for me. I am magically attracted by water, it is my best friend. I enjoy sitting by a lake, a river, a spring up in the mountains, listening to the sound of the water, watching it move and flow beautifully. I could play in the water forever. Most of all, I am attracted by the ocean and its waves. I don’t really know why, maybe because I could not experience it as a child. Switzerland has no access to the ocean. You can find beautiful clear lakes and rivers but no sea or ocean. My continuous request to my parents to spend some time near the ocean was finally heard when I was 15 years old. That’s when I swam in the Mediterranean Sea for the first time. My body was sparkling happy!

I was sitting by the sea watching the waves. Waves, they always move to the shore – towards me. The wind caresses the water and pushes it gently – to create a wave. What a simple beauty. The movement of the waves is like meditation. It makes me quiet and humble. Nature and its treasures – my biggest teachers.

The movement of fire has a completely different energy. It’s more uplifting and exciting. The cracking noise tells another story, the flames go up in the sky, they dance in the air, joyful and happy. Like the fireworks on the Swiss National Day on August 1st.

Just not in 2013, this year was completely different for me.

The fireworks exploded inside of me that day. I felt like I was dying from an exploding fire inside of me and no pain killer could ease my pain. I threw up everything that touched my mouth. The tremendous pain lasted for about 12 hours. I was so weak that even the smallest movements were too much for me. There was no doctor and no hospital nearby, I was too far away from any medical help. A real worst case scenario. I was laying on the wooden floor of a motor boat out in the Red Sea in Egypt.

Since my childhood, I have always wanted to be near the water. Now I was there and could not really enjoy it. The sounds of the sea and the waves – I can usually listen to them forever, they make me feel very relaxed and comfy. But just not that day.

The waves, which I loved so much, were moving in their gentle rhythm. I heard them and I was longing to sink into the sea to be free from this major pain inside my body. I was ready to die and to be in the beloved ocean forever – like my favourite animals, the whales and the dolphins.