Читать книгу Hatch, Leap, Soar - Latoyia Dennis - Страница 14

It was such an incredible experience to sit and listen to the wisdom First Lady Michelle Obama poured out as she spoke to a packed audience during her Becoming book tour. What was most impactful was the fact that this beautiful, accomplished, and respected woman (who is also a graduate of Princeton and Harvard) was so transparent about her journey that was far from perfection and forever evolving.

It was widely reported that Michelle’s superpower during her book tour was her ability to create intimacy at a large scale; specifically, at arenas, with seating capacities hovering around twenty thousand. She was not always able to share her feelings like that. In fact, she told reporters that, during her time as First Lady, she felt obligated not to let the country see her vulnerabilities. She felt that her job was not to nurture herself. But when she and Barack left the White House, she was ready to hatch, leap, and soar.

She was able to write and share her feelings in Becoming about her personal journey, including the fertility treatments she received, the miscarriages she endured, and the marriage counseling the couple went through after their children were born. It just goes to show that even the most highly regarded individuals are often going through the same feelings you have. Amazing, but true.

When she was First Lady, there was a tremendous amount of pressure that was unduly and often subconsciously placed on Michelle to arrive at a particular place or position in order to be validated. I agree wholeheartedly with her clear sentiment that the true measure of validity should be seen as the ability to keep arriving, arising, and evolving. The person who refuses to stay stagnant for too long and seeks to constantly become a better version of themselves is the one who will enjoy the most fulfilling life.

While I did not feel a stroke of lightning at the initial moment that I faced moving out of my comfort zone in order to hatch into a better version of me, I later realized that it was one of the highlights of my life. In becoming, you actually acknowledge that, to get to the best version of yourself, there will be fears to face, hurdles to overcome, and a perpetual process of starting again to evolve into the best that you can be.

After spending several seasons of my life securely fixed in what I thought was a safe place, I now enjoy a newfound freedom in the art of becoming. Like most things worth having, this process is beautiful in the end, but is most definitely a process. Becoming is also a personal commitment to taking the necessary steps to reach your place of awakening.

Over the span of my fundraising career, I raised more than fifty million dollars. I had become a prolific and sought-after fundraiser. But at the same time, a quiet disruption was happening inside me that seemed to be urging me to stop and examine “who was I created to be” versus “what I was good at doing.”

I distinctly remember the series of events that began to push and provoke me to dig deeper into those thoughts. I had accepted a volunteer role as children’s director for my church. It was an absolute dream. I loved helping children learn and develop a relationship with Jesus. I also enjoyed providing motivation and support to their parents. Once again, I felt that I was doing what I was created to do.

Even though I also had a full-time job, working as a volunteer was what centered me. I felt as if I was living a fulfilled life. With fulfillment comes fruitfulness, which was reflected in the community’s growth. I was not the only one who I could see what was happening in the children’s ministry. My pastor decided to offer me a full-time paid position as the children’s director. I was overjoyed! It felt so right! And, while it would turn out to be a huge pay cut, my husband and I discussed it and agreed that it was an opportunity that I should pursue.

I was convinced that this was the right path for me. I was willing to pare down our spending and go without the things that did not really matter to become who I was meant to be. There is something exhilarating about peeling back the layers of excess to reveal the number of objects holding you back. Without these encumbrances, you can get back to the core desires of your heart and become you again.

I submitted my resume and waited.

A few short days later, I received a call from the church’s human resources department to book my first interview, which would be over the phone. When I joined the call that day, I found that I was interviewing for an entirely different position. If this chain of events surprises you, consider how I felt!

While the interviewer assured me that I would remain as the volunteer children’s director, he then offered me a position as director of sponsorships and fund development, which came with a very healthy salary.

Even though this was a different outcome than what I had expected, at the time it seemed to make sense. After all, wasn’t I really good at raising money? So, it was a logical fit. Right? Wrong!

The problem was that I had planned an order of operations for myself, and this new state of affairs was not part of my strategy. In retrospect, I realized that, during this particular season of my life, I was beginning to hatch out of what I was good at and break into what I was created to do. Unfortunately, I did not take hatching into consideration when weighing the pros and cons of this offer. Needless to say, I took the job.

While it was an amazing opportunity and I excelled in my role, I once again found myself back in the same rut I had been trying to escape. I was feeling unfulfilled. As if that was not enough, because the position was extremely demanding, it was not long before I had to resign from my volunteer role with the children’s ministry. Even now, when I think about this turn of events, I sigh out loud. Because I was unable to invest the needed time and effort into what I believed the children and their parents deserved, I let it go.

This was such a conflicted time for me. Working with the children—motivating and inspiring them—was the place where I had felt the most joy. But I had to give it up for more time to work in a job that I was “good” at. I was right back where I had been before. This turned out to be a huge setback to my hatching process.

Once again, I began to feel the tightness of an invisible shell around me that I desperately needed to break through. Once again, I realized that my comfortable place was anything but. I just had to hatch.

Looking back at those feelings, I understand now that the process of breaking through your own personal shell can take the form of many obstacles. My fundraising abilities were just one thing keeping me from breaking free.

I am here to tell you that the process of breaking free is no picnic.

•It is scary.

•It is tiresome.

•It is difficult…but in the end, it is definitely worth it!

The primary reason that breaking through and breaking out takes so much effort is because finding out who you are created to be does not always feel good. It is not easy to reevaluate yourself. But, one of the most fascinating exercises that I have ever done is to look into my own psyche. I vividly remember the erratic emotions that erupted as I hit this unfamiliar place in my process. The feeling I remember most was vulnerability.

I had grown through the ranks to become a master at fundraising. Did breaking out of my shell mean that all the knowledge I had acquired over the years would be for nothing? An even greater concern was that I might have to make my way through the ranks of a completely new area of expertise.

The answer was yes and no. No, because my fundraising skills would become essential tools to help me build my personal brand. And yes, I would have to grow and learn additional skills while transitioning into my next role. Although I was intrigued about what I could become, I was much more uncertain of what that role might be.

“Your talent is bigger than a profession. Your talent was given for a purpose. Use your talent for the purpose for which you’ve been put on the planet.”

—Dr. Steve Perry

When you are in pursuit of your purpose, or if you are deciding whether you should follow your dreams, the pathway forward may seem questionable. Many questions will run through your head. Is it the right decision? What could go wrong? What will happen if everything goes right? I asked myself all of these questions, and sometimes I still do. These are the times when you should really dig deep, find your self-confidence, and take the advice of motivational speaker Lisa Nichols. I had the opportunity to attend the Disney Dreamer Academy as a member of the press and sit in on a session with Lisa. This was my third time hearing Lisa live at a Disney Dreamer Academy, but on Friday, March 9, 2018, she changed my life.

I am not sure if it was her pure genius, my thirst for knowledge and growth, or the timing of my life. I was ready to take a risk and believe in my own magic. Lisa’s amazing story begins when she was a single mom on public assistance with twelve dollars in her bank account and a baby wrapped in a towel (instead of a diaper). She had hit rock bottom. She struggled trying to care for herself and her son.

Then she had a shift and today, more than twenty years later, she is a millionaire entrepreneur, a best-selling author, a humanitarian, and a motivational speaker. It felt like she was speaking directly to me when she said, “Bet on You!” It was at that moment that she aroused a sleeping giant within me. As she stood there, bold, radical, powerful, and passionate, I could not help but hang on every word as tears streamed down my face. I finally felt that I deserved to give myself permission to Bet on Me!

You can have the same epiphany. You have to bet on yourself before anyone else does. Believe in the fact that all of the essential elements you need are already inside of you. Believe that you can and will succeed in accomplishing even more than you have ever dreamt about. This journey of living out your dreams is like relying on an internal GPS tracker. Trust that, even if you have to recalibrate, your navigational system will always safely guide you to your destination.

As you venture toward that passion, remember that, even if you take a wrong turn, you have what is needed inside you to get to your personal place of fulfillment. The most important action you will take is to engage yourself in this process.

As difficult as your journey may become, you cannot worry about what others think about your actions. Only you can decide if your decisions are right or wrong. Reserve that power for yourself. And trust yourself! Give yourself permission to change direction. If it is not what you originally planned, so what? Life is all about change, and taking a new route is your choice to make.

“You miss 100 percent of the shots you do not take.”

—Wayne Gretzky

When you begin to reevaluate and discover yourself on the pathway to purpose, expect a definite learning curve. This process is not always comfortable or uncomplicated. But there is a simple way to become more at ease with your possible missteps and new learnings. Open yourself up to the vulnerabilities of not knowing where you might land. This is especially true if you have been at an expert level for many years in a totally different area. If you learned how to excel once, you have the potential to learn again. Imagine how you will thrive and achieve that much more once you tap into who you were created to be!

I bet you want to reach out to ask me, “Is there one specific thing that I should do to become who I was created to be? If so, how do I find it?”

To be honest, there is no one, cookie-cutter answer to figuring out exactly what you will do or who you will be next. Remember that hatching is about removing restrictions. In this process, you can and should explore new opportunities as they come to you.

For example, I remember the first time my friend Vickisa invited me to a Bikram Yoga class. Initially, I did not know if I should be insulted or inspired. When someone is insecure, she (meaning me) might easily misinterpret an innocent remark. I took the high road and initially thought doing yoga seemed easy, but the heat factor gave me serious pause. I thought, You mean to tell me that we are in one room for 90 minutes, in 105-degree heat, at 40 percent humidity, and doing the same 26 postures in every class? The class did not sound like something I would voluntarily sign up for. “Oh, okay girl,” I said to Vickisa in my sarcastic voice.

A few days later, I walked into that same Bikram Yoga studio with a plastic water bottle, a rented mat, and no idea what I had gotten myself into. But surprises never cease! I used my thirty-nine-dollar trial pass several times over the next few weeks and, once my trial ended, I found myself subscribing to a monthly plan. I ended up attending classes four to five days a week. I still practice Bikram Yoga so many years later. I have made significant progress in my practice, even though I still cannot do some of the harder poses. I keep on trying. Who would have thought that I would become a yogi and that my journey would teach me so much about myself and the benefits that yoga added to my life? In this instance, I certainly hatched!

The most important lesson of hatching is to embrace the process. Break out mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for each new level of growth, development, and maturity that you reach. Then go ahead and do it all over again.

Let’s revisit the image of the unhatched baby bird. In the baby bird’s beginning stage, it is equipped for formation inside of the egg. However, once the baby bird reaches full term, it hatches from that same egg into a season where it learns to function outside its shell. The bird continues to evolve, one level at a time. Its purpose includes learning how to fly; at another level, it will become impregnated; and in yet another level, it will reproduce. If it stays within the shell’s confines, it will probably become inert.

The same is true for you as one of God’s greatest creations. There are inherent stages of development and markers of growth that you progressively met as you matured. For example, as a newborn infant, crying was the only form of communication that you had to share your needs with your parents. But there was a point at which you evolved and learned how to communicate with single words, then sentences. You forged ahead from kindergarten through higher education, so there is no reason to stop progressing to the next level now!

Every season will bring you new stages of development, new personal assignments to fulfill, and new seeds to nurture. Unless you continuously hatch into your next season, you will risk going bad in the last environment you have outgrown. Why is there such a risk attached to staying the same? And what does it really mean to go bad?

With the 20/20 vision of hindsight, I can clearly answer that question with some of the feelings that started going bad in me.

•The longer I remained inside my shell, the more frustrated I became.

•The more I realized that I should be doing something different with my life, the more I realized I was conforming to the expectations of others.

•I found myself becoming insecure where I had once been confident.

•I started seeing behaviors in myself that showed me I was becoming the type of person I had always despised.

•The longer I stayed comfortable within my shell, the more uncomfortable I became. I was “going bad.”

It is easy to miss the potential of your now by staying still in the comfort of the present with your pains of the past or your fears about the future. If you were to stop and honestly assess yourself and your life today, are there any instances that do not feel right emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically? Can you name what they are? Do you know where these feelings stem from? It could be just one strong, incessant issue or a multitude of contentions that you’ve hidden away in your shell.

Faith is the one essential element that you need to hatch. The answer is to find faith in yourself. Right now! Today! You do not have to be religious to have faith. The definition of spirituality, which is a “strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion,” need not apply when hatching. I am simply suggesting that you put your complete trust or confidence in something!

In the early 2000's, When I took the leap to join the staff at St. Philip’s, not only did I take a pay cut, I took the opportunity to take a chance. In the past I had raised money and resources for events, and I was even awarded for raising the most money for a Multiple Sclerosis Bike Ride while working a full-time job. But taking on a full-time development job, where I was responsible for raising $1.5 million a year, was indeed a leap and a true act of faith.

Your commitment to asking, seeking, and trusting the lead of your higher power will become the demonstration of your faith. You may not be a person of faith, so let me put it to you this way: when you have faith no matter what happens, you will not fail. Why? Because having faith means that you’ve still won. You trusted yourself enough to try, and, in that exercise, you learned something about who you are.

Hatching to flee from a redundant and mundane lifestyle is an innate desire. Deep down inside each of us is the overwhelming need to use our gifts, talents, and abilities to do something extraordinary. Just think—your actions may lead to personal profits or growth or add value to the world in which you live. A unique and full-circle sense of completeness may emerge when you use what is inside of you to uplift or help others who have not yet been able to hatch themselves.

Hatching with the hope of fulfillment is easier to understand than saying, “I broke through the ceiling” because I was unfulfilled in my previous environment, career, or life. Seeking fulfillment is a journey to reconcile your outer life with an inner understanding of how to reach your full potential. You should use your inner powers on purpose. It is like having a deep, internal itch that must be scratched! Fulfillment is experienced when you can look at your work and know that it mattered. It is encountered when you are able to observe the full and final process of what you strived for finally achieved.

The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?, a book written by Pastor Rick Warren, became a popular banner, leading individuals to seek out their own purpose in a deep and meaningful way. Rick is often called “America’s most influential spiritual leader.” This best-selling book in the Religion and Spirituality category has helped millions of readers examine how to achieve a place in life that was inspired and live according to what was purposeful.

How do you find and follow the clues to find purpose? Listen to your inner voice that is urging you to spread out and grow. Move toward the ideas that motivate and inspire you. Take a step beyond your comfy, complacent space, and hatch into a place that requires more of you. Flourish into the next and best version of yourself, again and again.

You will find that your journey is constant and ever-evolving, moving into varying levels of self-encouragement, such as saying to yourself, I should do this. I can do this! You will learn how to confidently do what you were created to do and fulfill your purpose. Sounds exciting, does it not?

The flip side of fulfillment is that it is never just about you. When you begin to fulfill your purpose, it also becomes an answer to the need of another. Your new business or nonprofit idea will provide a solution to a problem that you were most driven by and passionate about. The way you are evolving as a student, leader, spouse, parent, and more will ultimately benefit the lives of those who you are connected to. When you examine yourself and conclude that you have used your skills and abilities unselfishly for the benefit of others, you will experience what it means to be fulfilled!

Who were you created to be? How will you hatch and begin your process of becoming? I personally have decided that I will not walk in the shadow of what I do best. I will not abandon who I am purposed to become. I invite you to join me on this journey by reviewing the following:

•Review your current role in life and ask yourself the question, Is this who I was created to be?

•Using your new, fresh perspective, write down three actions that you will take to begin your process of becoming.

Relax and relieve yourself of the pressure and anxiety of perfection or having arrived, and allow yourself to simply hatch and become. I may make it sound easy, and, trust me, it truly is. Honestly speaking, for most of my life, I made things way too hard for myself. I hindered my own ability to fully become because I was way too busy trying, and most times, pretending to be perfect. But sooner or later you will realize, as I did, that becoming is an inward journey. This process of self-discovery entails learning new insights about yourself that will eventually help you define who you want to be. Becoming is a process of self-development: working and taking the steps to transform yourself. Finally, to become is a process of self-acceptance, which is loving the person you are right now, even if you never change. Only then will you gain the power to hatch and become.

By giving yourself permission to discover your true self and align your life’s journey around your core beliefs, values, and perspectives, you will uncover the things that will bring you total fulfillment.