Читать книгу The Double Heart Ranch - Leanna Wilson, Leanna Wilson - Страница 11

If a rabbit had hopped out of his Stetson, Cole wouldn’t have been more surprised. He blinked once, twice, letting Elise’s statement sink in. Then he slid his gaze over her slim figure as she sat at his kitchen table. He noticed her full breasts beneath the lightweight cotton top, her flat stomach and her narrow, almost boyish, hips beneath the full, flowing skirt.

She didn’t look pregnant. But then he wasn’t an expert on women. Especially pregnant ones. He certainly didn’t relish the idea of having another pregnant woman in his house. His ex-wife had been a nightmare to live with while she’d carried Haley. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—go through that again.

But Elise’s confession piqued his curiosity and made him wonder what she truly wanted. Was it to marry him, have her baby, and then leave him with another burden, another responsibility, like his ex-wife had? The memory twisted his insides.

“How far along are you?” he asked, his shoulders hunched forward as kinks formed along the tightening ridge of his spine.

“Three and a half months.” She pressed her hand against her lower abdomen and a soft smile curled her lips, making his insides tighten with an interest he didn’t want or need. “I haven’t started to show much yet. But I can’t wait to be big and round and start wearing maternity clothes.”

His eyebrows arched with disbelief. His ex-wife certainly hadn’t been thrilled with the prospect of gaining weight, having swollen feet or accumulating stretch marks. He’d taken the brunt of her anger as her body had changed over the long nine—actually nine and a half—months.

He stared at Elise for a full minute, pondering her statement, questioning whether he believed her or not. “You don’t mind being pregnant?”

A smile bloomed across her face, transforming her ordinary freckled features into a work of art, worthy of a museum. It made her even more beautiful, more radiant than before. He had a hard time concentrating on his need to give her a resounding “no.”

A tightness twisted his chest, and a lump formed in his throat. Damn. He could picture her in his mind’s eye with a softly rounded belly, her auburn hair teasing her shoulders and that same heart-warming smile that reached her eyes and his heart. He imagined what it would be like to hold her, to feel her soft curves melt against him and taste her full lips.

Whoa! What the hell am I doing? Putting the cart way ahead of the horse. She’s pregnant, for God’s sake! He reminded himself again and again until the appealing image vanished beneath an onslaught of painful memories.

It didn’t matter if he was attracted to her. When she’d first admitted her reason for coming to his ranch today, he’d felt a quickening of his pulse. He’d thought his luck was turning. He had hoped the woman who volunteered to be his mail-order bride would be attractive. But it wasn’t a requirement. It was a bonus. And he’d felt damn lucky all of a sudden.

Then she’d hit him with news that was like a donkey kick to the gut. He felt the impact shattering his hope like glass. It did matter that Elise was pregnant. It mattered a lot.

Now what the hell was he going to do about her proposal?

“Oh, yes!” she exclaimed. “I love being pregnant. I don’t even mind the nausea.” She smoothed her hand over her abdomen in a protective gesture, as if guarding the baby growing inside her. Paula had never acted maternal during or after her pregnancy. Nothing could have prepared Cole for the remarkable difference he saw in Elise. And the response it provoked inside him.

“But I never thought,” she added, “I’d be single and pregnant. That wasn’t in my plans.”

He knew all about failed plans. Watching Elise, he had an urge to move closer to her, to wrap a protective arm around her, to…He stopped himself again. His mind spun with questions, not only aimed at Elise but also at himself. If he were to marry her, and that was a big if, then he’d have more than the added responsibility of a wife. He’d have another child. Another mouth to feed. A truckload of new responsibilities.

My God, what am I doing? Was he actually contemplating the possibility of marrying this unwed mother-to-be?

Drawing in a steadying breath, he asked, “Do you know who the father is?”

Her shoulders jerked, and a spark ignited in her hazel eyes, making them blaze with defiance. “Of course! What kind of a woman do you think I am?”

He shrugged. Hell, he didn’t know her past, her character, morals or even her plans for the future. He certainly didn’t know if she was the type of woman he wanted influencing his impressionable daughter. Why, the father of her baby might be any one of a dozen men! “I don’t know.”

Her mouth opened and then closed abruptly into a thin, disapproving line. She lowered her eyes and smoothed her palms over her skirt. Her hands trembled.

“I suppose that’s true.” An inner strength fortified her voice, making it stronger and steadier than she looked. “I had an opportunity to question you the other day. I guess it’s your turn. You have a right to know what you’re getting yourself into. So go ahead. Ask any question you’d like.”

Given the okay to pry into her personal life, he asked, “Where is the father?”

“I’m not sure at the moment. Rusty wasn’t interested in being a father or in settling down so he moved on.” She shook her head slightly, dismayed by her own circumstances. “He’s on the rodeo circuit.” She gave a soft, disbelieving chuckle. “I thought that sounded romantic once. I thought it was a traditional kind of profession. You know, handed down from father to son, cowboy to cowboy, through the generations.”

She sucked in a harsh breath. “Boy, was I wrong.” Her hands twisted in her lap, her fingers tightening on each other. “I also thought I was in love.” Her voice softened, but the tension in her coiled like a steel spring, making her features look stark and pale. “Maybe I was in love with the idea of love. I naively followed him to a few rodeos. We were headed to Amarillo when I discovered I was pregnant. That’s how I ended up in Desert Springs.”

“He just left you here?” Cole asked, his blood pressure spiking with disbelief.

Elise nodded. “Without a cent or a way to—”

She stopped herself and her lashes shuttered her eyes, hiding her emotions from Cole. A bright red hue stole up her neck and deepened the color on her cheeks.

His hands curled into fists. How could a man do that? How could a man live with himself after walking away from the woman who carried his child?

He remembered the day Paula had told him they were going to have a baby. It seemed so long ago and yet it was as clear to him as the west Texas sky. Paula had been furious, angry…at him. But he’d been ecstatic, elated, joyous. He’d never known such euphoria. He’d wanted to shout from the nearest mountain top…er, plateau. He’d felt like the king of the world. Wanting to share the special moment with his wife, he’d tried to wrap his arms around her in a celebratory hug, but Paula had jerked away and thrown a vase at him.

Suddenly he felt a bond with Elise, one he’d never felt with his ex-wife. Elise had been rejected, as he had, as his daughter had. For some strange reason, he wanted to reassure her, to promise everything would be all right for her and her unborn child. But he resisted. He didn’t know the whole story. Frankly, he didn’t know what to do.

Still stunned that a man would behave in such a manner, he asked, “This Rusty fellow left you after you told him you were going to have his baby?”

“Yes. It became painfully apparent that he wasn’t the man I’d thought he was.” The quaver in her voice made Cole’s gut clench with anger. “When he started to pack his bags, I didn’t argue with him or try to stop him.” She combed her fingers through her hair and sniffed daintily as if trying to forget the pain and the rejection she’d suffered. Then she lifted her chin, and her eyes burned with an inner fire of strength. “I let him go. I didn’t want a man who didn’t want me or my child. I wasn’t going to grovel and beg.”

He admired her convictions, her pride. But why was she turning to him? To a stranger for a husband? He sensed there was more to her story, more that she was leaving out.

“Don’t you have family to turn to? Who can help you out?” he asked. Maybe her parents wouldn’t approve of her being an unwed mother. Or maybe she was simply too embarrassed to return home.

Her chin jutted out once again. “I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m perfectly capable of caring for myself and my baby.”

“But, then, why marry me?” he prodded. “Why would you want a loveless marriage?”

Her solid stare gave him a glimpse into her soul, a glimpse into dark and troubled waters. Part of him wanted to turn away. But another part of him, a nobler part, wanted to go to her.

“I wasn’t out husband-hunting. In fact, I’d accepted the fact that I was going to be a single mom. Then I met you. Your reasons for wanting a wife made me start thinking. I want a family for my baby,” she said, honesty ringing clearly in her voice. “I don’t want my baby to grow up like—”

She broke off and glanced away. Her throat worked up and down for a moment as she wrestled with an inner demon. Cole had an urge to touch her, to comfort and console, but he resisted, not understanding the sudden need inside himself, and definitely not wanting any part of it.

When Elise had suppressed her out-of-control emotions, she added, “I want my baby to have both a mother and a father. A real home. Much like yourself, the way you want two parents for Haley.”

Her gaze shifted away from Cole, from his intense stare that seemed to see right through her. She looked out the window. The peaceful quality she’d felt while driving onto his ranch had long since disappeared. Her nerves stretched tight as if they might snap at any moment. She knew Cole was the reason. She sensed his disapproval, his resistance. More than that, she realized she wanted this—his family, this home and Cole—more than anything. For her baby, of course.

She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “I want my child to have a place to call his or her own. Roots that will help him or her to grow strong, confident and secure.”

Her insides quaked. Had she said too much, revealed too much? She felt as vulnerable as if she stood before Cole naked, bare to his inspection, for him to see her flaws, mistakes, regrets and all. For him to judge her worthy or not.

“I see,” he said after a lengthy, awkward pause.

“And you think I’d be a good father?”

“Yes,” she said, meeting his gaze directly. Of that she felt certain. Her voice remained solid, without wavering, without doubts. Not that it made any sense, but she’d seen that special glow in his eyes when he’d spoken of his daughter. She’d heard his friends and neighbors talk about him with respect. But mostly because he’d do anything for his daughter’s sake, including marrying a woman he didn’t love. She understood that kind of sacrificial love. It was rare. And precious.

“How do you know? You haven’t seen me with Haley.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I might be a horrible father. For her. For your baby.”

Her breath caught in her throat. She knew what he was really saying. She felt as if she was on a roller coaster zooming down the last steep decline. “A horrible father wouldn’t worry if his daughter was happy or not. Wouldn’t set aside his ego, pride and desire to stay single when he realized his daughter needed a mother, too.” She took a shaky breath. “If you were a horrible father, then you wouldn’t have beamed when you spoke of your daughter.”

A tremor started in her chest and spread to her limbs. She understood the doubts he’d expressed weren’t about his ability to father, but about her ability to mother. She couldn’t prove herself to him. Just like she hadn’t been able to prove to the couples looking to adopt that she’d be a perfect match for their family. Feeling a sudden weight press against her chest, she grabbed her purse and stood, making the chair clatter behind her.

“Obviously you’re not interested in marrying me.” Anger and humiliation warred inside her. “I understand. Adding another child to the equation wasn’t in your plans. So I thank you for your time, Cole. I’ll be seeing you around town.”

Forcing herself to walk and not run, she headed out of his house…away from the life she’d always dreamed of.

Dumbfounded, Cole watched her leave, unable to sort through his jumbled thoughts and form a response. Her words punched a hole through his doubts. He hoped he was a good father. He wanted to be. For Haley’s sake. God, he’d tried. But he feared he would fail, as he’d failed in his marriage.

Elise had misunderstood him. He’d never thought of himself as a candidate for Father of the Year. He simply did what was necessary for his daughter, what he thought was best. Sometimes he’d been wrong. But in this case, in deciding to find Haley a mother, he knew as sure as lightning followed thunder that he’d made the right decision.

But was Elise the right woman for their family?

One thing he knew for certain—he wasn’t ready for her to go. He hadn’t made a decision. He didn’t know what to do. Hell, he wasn’t sure about every aspect of this crazy scheme he’d concocted. But he couldn’t let her walk out, not like this. Racing to beat her to the front door, he called her name.

She faced him once more. “Good luck with your search for the perfect wife and mother.”

With red-rimmed eyes and a determined jaw, she yanked open the front door.

“Wait, Elise!” Cole reached out and put a hand on her elbow. A frisson of electricity shocked him, scolded him for touching her again. But he realized in that instant that he wanted to draw her close and pull her against him. It made no sense, and he ignored the strange need. Carefully, he turned her to face him.

Tears brimmed in her eyes, unnerving him. Her wide, expectant gaze turned him inside out. Not knowing how to repair the damage he’d caused, he asked, “What did I say?”

She shook her head and sidestepped him, breaking the contact between them. She wrapped her arms across her middle. “It’s what you didn’t say. I threw a wrench into your well-thought-out plans. If you want to say no, then say it. Don’t make excuses. I can take it.”

“I didn’t mean it as a rejection of you.” He cupped both her elbows in his hands, pulled her closer. So close that he could smell her light perfume that seemed both to fog his head and sharpen his senses at once. “The thought of being a father again, to another baby, is scary.”

“Or is it that you don’t want to become a father to a baby who isn’t yours?”

“It’s definitely a consideration. It’s a huge commitment.”

“And marriage isn’t?”

A wisp of a smile softened his stiff lips. “You’re right. Maybe I thought it would be easier. I don’t know.”

Her gaze softened, and her features relaxed. “Where did you get the idea?”

He ran his fingers roughly through his hair and sucked in a breath. “My great-great-grandfather had a mail-order bride. Of course, I know it was during the eighteen hundreds. But they built the Double Heart Ranch together, had a huge family.” He shrugged. “I figured love had failed for me during my first marriage, maybe something else might work better.”

He stepped away, needing breathing room. Elise’s understanding gaze unnerved him. He drew a thin stream of air into his tight lungs.

“Then, what is…” she asked, “…what’s making your decision so difficult?”

He cursed beneath his breath, owning up to the fear that threatened to overwhelm him. “My wife left me and my daughter. I don’t want that to happen again.” He swung around and confronted Elise, anger pumping through his veins like oil through a rig. “Okay? How do I know that in three months’ time you won’t grow bored with this arrangement, with the ranch, with us? How do I know that you won’t have the baby and leave your kid here while you go off to pursue…whatever?”

She met him toe-to-toe, propping her hands on her hips. In a quiet, almost-still voice, she said, “Because I give you my word. Which is all I have to give.

“I’m not going to walk out on you, Cole Dalton. When I make a commitment, it’s forever. I realize there are two little lives at stake here. I wouldn’t do anything to harm your daughter or my baby. I certainly wouldn’t desert my child.” Her voice sounded strong and sure, in spite of the slight tremor.

Could he believe her? After all, Paula had promised to love, honor and cherish him, for better or worse. Worse had come sooner than better.

“This isn’t an easy decision for me, either, Cole. I’m just as scared of being…I didn’t make a rash decision before I came out this afternoon. Just as you didn’t make a spur-of-the-moment decision to find yourself a wife. I’ve thought this through.” She put her hand on his arm. Her warmth broke through the chill surrounding his heart, but his nerves cinched tight.

“But, Cole,” she said, her gaze steady, her voice dipping low, “you still have questions. Take some time and think about it. Check out your other options. I’m sure there will be other women who’ll jump at the chance to answer your advertisement.”

“I don’t know about that. As I said before, it’s not you precisely that I’m questioning.” It was his ability to trust versus his need to find a wife—and a mother for his daughter. He sucked in a breath and steadied his nerves. He felt a definite pull toward this intriguing woman who seemed to understand him better than he did himself. “Before we can decide anything, we need to conduct a test.” His gaze settled on her inviting mouth.

She withdrew her hand from his arm. Her eyes widened. Her lips parted. “A test?”

He wanted to lean forward and kiss her, test the simmer he felt each time they touched to see if it would boil. But that wasn’t what was important now. Or was it?

Tension pulled at the corners of Elise’s mouth. Her throat went bone dry. What did he mean?

She’d seen that look in a man’s eyes. Desire. Plain and simple. The way it made Cole’s eyes darken like a cloud bank of sin unnerved her. She felt his gaze move over her like a slow caress. The hair at the back of her neck prickled and a shimmy of anticipation—no, wariness—rippled down her spine. She stared at his wide, generous mouth, unsure if he made her nervous or if it was the scintillating thoughts churning inside her mind. “What kind of a test?”

“You need to meet Haley,” he said, as cool and controlled as she was hot and uneasy. “If you get along, then maybe we can work something out.”

It wasn’t exactly a proposal to write home about. But then she didn’t have a home. Or anyone to write to. What more could a woman like her ask for? “And if we don’t…” she offered, squaring her shoulders, preparing herself for the inevitable rejection, “then I guess all bets are off.”

He nodded. “I guess so.”

An hour later, tension twisted her insides into constricting knots as she waited for Cole to return home with his daughter from school. Elise had never been good at taking tests or giving auditions. She was suffering from an acute case of performance anxiety.

How many times had she “performed” for wanna-be adoptive parents and failed? How many times had she been lacking whatever it was the adoptive couples wanted in their child. A boy? Blue eyes? Blond hair? The perfect smile? Top grades? She knew she’d set herself up for failure this time. After all, Haley probably didn’t want just any mommy. She wanted her own. How could Elise compete?

Or maybe Cole had set her up for failure. Maybe he still wanted a way out of this deal without feeling like a bad guy. She couldn’t blame him really. It was asking a lot for a stranger to take on the extra responsibility of a wife and new baby. Then again, it wasn’t asking any more than he was requiring for his mail-order bride.

As she waited in Cole’s living room, Elise sat on the edge of the sofa as if it might swallow her if she were to lean back and relax. She wondered if he’d been honest about his precious darling. Maybe Haley was a little tyrant. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t been able to keep even a nanny.

Worrying her lower lip, she tried to remember how she’d worked with the younger kids at the orphanage. The nuns had said she was a natural. Placing her hand over her abdomen, she hoped and prayed that was true. She wanted to be a wonderful mother for her baby. Trouble was, she had nobody to compare herself to, no role model, except for Mrs. Brady and Mrs. Cleaver on television.

The front door of Cole’s house swung open and banged against a wall. Elise heard the patter of tiny feet and guessed little Haley was running or skipping, like most five year olds. She plastered on her best smile, straightened her shoulders and prepared to meet Cole’s daughter. But she only caught a blur of bouncing blond curls as the little girl raced through the den and up the stairs.

The slamming of a distant door had Elise’s spine stiffening. Something wasn’t right. And she had to be the reason. The little girl had asked for a mommy in a weak moment, but when faced with the real possibility, Haley must have had visions of an evil stepmom, like in “Hansel and Gretel.”

“Sorry about that.” A weathered and weary-looking Cole stepped into the room and leaned against the door-jamb. The lines in his face looked deeper, starker, like cracks in granite. His eyes deepened to a dark, troubled blue.

“Guess she didn’t like the idea of a stepmother.” Elise clutched her purse in her lap and knew she’d met her match. There was no fighting a five year old who had her father wrapped around her little finger. She wouldn’t blame Cole for wanting to back out now. Not when his daughter was obviously so upset by the idea.

He shook his head and combed his fingers through his short-cropped hair, about the hundredth time to do so in the last hour. “That’s not it. She’s upset at me.”

Tension in her shoulders pinched her nerve endings. “Why?”

“I forgot about today.”

Elise sank back against the sofa cushions and expelled a breath. She remembered crying herself to sleep when no one had remembered her sixteenth birthday. No square birthday cake with frosting flowers and candles. No presents. No nothing. She’d gotten over it eventually. Now it never bothered her that no one cared. It wasn’t such a special day. “It’s her birthday, isn’t it?”

“No. I could never forget that date. But it was fairy tale day in her kindergarten class.” He walked across the room, his motions stiff, as if with each step he punished himself. “I forgot all about it. Haley was the only one who didn’t dress up like her favorite fairy-tale character.”

“Oh, I see.” Elise studied the distraught father and sensed his self-loathing.

“I have no idea how to make it better.” He cursed beneath his breath, the words aimed like a rifle at himself. “If she’d skinned her knee, I’d know how to treat that.”

“You’ve learned how to kiss boo-boos, eh?” Elise asked, trying to lighten the situation and her own somber mood. This wasn’t as big a travesty as Cole thought.

“Dammit, I’ve broken her heart. How do I fix that?” The pain in his voice slapped at Elise.

A crack opened in her heart. No one had ever worried about her feelings. Yet this father acted like he’d committed a grievous sin against his little daughter. His reaction moved Elise in ways she’d never anticipated.

“Believe me,” she said, sympathizing with Cole, “she’ll get over this.” She had a strange urge to go to him and wrap her arms around him. Instead, she crossed her arms over her middle. “All little girls have disappointments. And they survive. It’s part of growing up. She’ll forget all about this in time.”

“I don’t know. She’s pretty upset. She cried all the way home.” His ragged face told Elise how those childish tears had flooded his own heart.

His pain touched her soul, made her yearn for someone to care as much about her child—and her. “Maybe I can help,” she offered, putting her purse on the sofa and rising. “I’ll go talk to her.”

He shifted, as if coming to attention. “I didn’t tell her about you yet. I didn’t have a chance.”

“It’s okay. I’ll introduce myself and tell her I’m your new friend. Okay?”

“But what will you say? How can you fix things?” His brow bunched into a frown of despair.

She gave him a soft smile and put a hand on his warm, sturdy shoulder. A spark of electricity rippled up her arm and she jerked her hand away, unwilling and unable to consider anything other than friendship with him. But she did feel a bond forming, an understanding that only two parents could truly experience. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

Cole paced back and forth, along an imaginary worry line in the carpet. With each step he cursed himself for his stupidity. How could he have forgotten Haley’s special day at school? How could he ever make it up to her?

As the minutes ticked slowly by he began to doubt the wisdom of sending Elise to clean up his mess. He was responsible. He should fix it. But how?

If Haley didn’t take to Elise, then it could easily make matters worse. But he’d wanted to believe Elise could help. He’d been grateful that she’d offered. But should he have let her take charge? Maybe he should check on his daughter. He started to climb the stairs but stopped at the strange noise coming from Haley’s bedroom. It sounded like…