Читать книгу The Forest Ranger's Husband - Leigh Bale - Страница 10

“How’s the leg?” Cal Hinkle smiled at Matt as he limped down the hall leading to the reception area of the Forest Supervisor’s office.

Normally Matt worked late, preparing for the summer fire season. He paused as the receptionist locked the front door, the clock on the wall reading 5:17. Matt couldn’t wait to get home and put an ice pack on his thigh.

“Great,” Matt said. He leaned his shoulder against the wall, trying not to grit his teeth. Using the cane for balance, he refused to give in to the pain. He didn’t want his boss to know how bad his leg hurt.

Cal showed a concerned smile, talking low. “And you’re keeping up with your physical therapy?”

“Yeah, my new physical therapist is great. I’ve started walking on a treadmill and doing my exercises regularly.”

“And what about the post-traumatic stress?”

“I’m dealing with that, too.” In his own way. It didn’t sit well with Matt to meet with shrinks to discuss his survivor’s guilt. So far, he hadn’t told a single soul what happened the day he’d lost one of his crewmen and almost died himself. The horror of the wildfire plagued him, and he couldn’t put his thoughts into words. He couldn’t relive it a second time.

“Good. If you need to talk, my door is always open, Matt. It’ll take time, but I know you can heal both physically and mentally.”

“I appreciate that.” In the daytime, Matt had no problem coping. At night, his dreams haunted him. Jim should still be here, not him. Sometimes Matt woke up screaming, his body covered in sweat. He wondered if he’d ever feel normal again.

Cal paused before returning to his office. “Fire season will start early this year. I’ve scheduled a meeting in two weeks with all the rangers on our forest. Will that give you enough time to present your fire plan to them?”

Matt nodded, knowing Andie would be there. “I’ve already been working on one I think you’ll like. It should streamline communication between all of us, the BLM and local fire authorities, and offer better use of our resources. I’ve also been looking at the contracts each ranger will need in place for equipment and heavy machinery for the fire crews. Next week I’ll start visiting each ranger to solidify the contracts and find out if they have any special needs.”

“Good. I knew you were the right man for this job. Have a nice evening.” Cal clapped his hand on Matt’s shoulder.

Matt smiled, pleased to be doing something right. Funny how he always seemed to excel in his job performance, while his family relationships were a different matter.

Placing the cane in front of him, Matt headed outside to his truck. Clouds the color of gray slate filled the sky, and it had been raining. The drive home took less than ten minutes. You couldn’t get this kind of commute living in a big city.

Inside his dingy studio apartment, he opened the freezer and took out an ice pack. The dismal surroundings needed lamps and pictures on the walls, but Matt didn’t care. He only used his apartment to shower, sleep and perform his leg exercises. He slouched on the Hide-A-Bed sofa and laid the cool pack on his leg. He’d never get used to the chronic pain, although he could endure it. The emptiness in his heart was another issue.

Five days and still no word from Andie. He’d tried to give her some space. To give her time to talk to Davie and make visitation arrangements. Now Matt felt like a caged tiger, eager to see her and Davie again. Filled with fears and doubts. He wanted to take things slow, to give Andie time to adjust to him being back in her life, but he couldn’t help wondering if this was how she’d felt after he’d left and never called her. Now he wondered how he’d lived all that time without hearing her voice every day. He’d put her through so much. How could he have been so unfeeling to her needs? He hadn’t deserved her. But he’d changed so much since then. If only he could show her that he was a better man now. A man who loved her more than he loved life.

He picked up the remote and flipped on the TV, listening absentmindedly to the news. So far they’d had an extra-dry winter with a weak snowpack in the mountains. In the summer, they’d have a heavy fire season as a result. Already he’d started planning the fire school they were scheduled to host in early May to train summer wildfire fighters. He had no doubt they’d need many before summer ended.

After thirty minutes, Matt tossed the ice pack aside. He changed out of his forest service uniform into some sweats and climbed on the treadmill, hoping the exercise might ease the pain in his leg. It didn’t. Even with the special ointment the doctor had given him, the tight skin grafts on his left thigh throbbed unbearably.

“Come on, Cutter,” he spoke aloud to himself. “Just one more mile. You can do this. You don’t need to stop.”

As he forced himself to walk, he gripped the handrails. He briefly considered taking a pain pill, but tossed that idea aside. He didn’t need an addiction to deal with right now on top of everything else.

When he finished walking, Matt guzzled a glass of water. His body shook and he lay down on an exercise mat, going through the stretching exercises his physical therapist had taught him.

“One, two, three.” He counted off the repetitions, pushing himself to do an extra set of each exercise. The pain eased, but persisted. The hope of walking without a cane kept him from giving in.

When he finished, he sat on the couch and gave a mental shout of victory. It’d been agony, but he’d pushed himself through the pain. He was not going to be a cripple the rest of his life.

Before he could stop himself, he reached for the phone and dialed Andie’s number. He’d memorized it, even though he’d never called her yet. It was time they talked.

“Hello,” a man’s voice answered.

Matt tensed, his mind running rampant with confusion. It never occurred to him that Andie might have someone else in her life. Just because they were still married didn’t mean she couldn’t have met and fallen in love with someone else. The thought made him feel strangely territorial. Though he had no right, he didn’t like the idea of another man usurping his place with his wife and son.

“Is Andie there?” He didn’t know who this man was, but he was prepared to fight for his wife.

Oh, please. Please don’t let her have someone else in her life. Not now.

“Sorry, but she’s in the shower.”

Cold dread gripped Matt’s heart. Maybe he’d lost her for good. She deserved to be happy. No matter what, Matt intended to be there for her and Davie, in any way they needed him. But what if Andie wouldn’t forgive him? What if he could never make up for what he’d done?

“Is Davie there?”

A pause. “Yeah, one moment.”

Matt didn’t expect to speak to the boy. He just wanted to know if his son was there, in the same room with another man trying to take his place.

But he didn’t really have a place in Andie’s life anymore. He didn’t have a right to resent another man for loving her the way she deserved to be loved.

The stranger didn’t give Matt a chance to say anything else. An awkward moment ensued while the man called for Davie. Butterflies swarmed in Matt’s stomach as he waited for the sound of his son’s voice.

“Hello.”

Such a grown-up voice. Matt loved this boy already.

“Hi, Davie.”

“Who’s this?”

Matt didn’t expect the heavy breathing from the boy. He’d never been around kids much and wasn’t used to their ways.

“My name’s Matt. You and I met in your mom’s office about a week ago.”

“Yeah, you liked my new Rocketman.”

Matt felt the urge to laugh, the first time in months. “Yes I did. I was calling your mom to find out when I might come over and visit you.”

“You can come over now.”

“I can?”

“Sure. We’re not doing nothing special. Mom’s got lasagna in the oven.”

Homemade lasagna. Andie’s specialty. Nothing better in the world. Matt’s mouth watered at the thought of sitting down to eat dinner with his wife and son. But he wasn’t foolish enough to invite himself without Andie’s say-so.

“It sounds like you’ve already got company,” Matt said.

“Nah, Aunt Sue and Uncle Brett are leaving now. You can come over.”

Uncle Brett. Susan’s husband.

Matt’s skin prickled with relief. For a moment there, he’d been shaking with fear.

“You better check with your mom first.” Matt knew better than to get permission from a five-year-old.

“Okay.” The phone rattled as Davie set the receiver down.

Matt waited several tense moments, listening to the background noise of the TV set. The evening news, if he heard right. Finally Davie returned.

“Mom doesn’t mind.”

“Really? You’re sure she said it’s okay?” Matt couldn’t contain his surprise.

“Yeah, I asked her. Do you know where I live?”

“I do.” Matt had found that out even before he’d secured his own apartment. He’d driven down Andie’s street a couple of times, usually in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep. He longed to confide in her about the fire. To get the guilt off his chest. But he figured she’d just laugh at him. After the way he’d hurt her, she couldn’t possibly care about the demons haunting him.

Most nights, he noticed a light on in the front bedroom of her house. Matt wasn’t sure whose room it was. When they’d first married, Andie had suffered from insomnia and usually sat up reading when she couldn’t sleep. But Davie was a wild card. Maybe the boy was scared of the dark and needed a light on while he slept. Matt longed to get to know his little son. Was the boy shy or brave? Was he athletic or a bookworm? It didn’t matter one way or the other. Davie was his, and Matt loved the child unconditionally for no other reason.

“See ya.”

The boy hung up before Matt could say goodbye. He felt a buzz of excitement. He’d been invited to dinner at Andie’s house. Thank goodness she wasn’t going to fight his visitations of Davie. He’d take it slow and easy, trying to soften Andie’s heart. The last thing he wanted was to upset his wife and cause a scene in front of their son.

Matt cleaned up and dressed in faded jeans, a blue polo shirt and tennis shoes. He used to wear cutoffs or shorts when he worked out, but no more. The scars on his legs weren’t pretty.

After brushing his teeth, he combed his hair. It was getting longer than he liked. Time to find a good barber in town.

As an afterthought, he splashed a bit of cologne on his face, gritting until the sting passed. Before leaving his apartment, he reached for two packages he had sitting on the kitchen table. He’d bought and wrapped them two days ago, waiting for the right moment to present them to Andie and Davie. Then he drove to Andie’s house on the other side of town, feeling anxious and giddy at the same time.

“You must be crazy,” he murmured to himself as he put on the blinker, then turned the corner. Being around Andie was suicide, flooding him with regret. He could hardly believe she hadn’t told Davie negative things about him. Matt figured most women would bad-mouth their estranged husband. But not Andie.

He parked out front, his gaze taking in the house, white with green trim. A classic forest ranger’s house. Andie paid rent and maintained the home, but she didn’t own the house. That’s how it worked in the forest service.

The flower beds had been freshly raked of dead leaves. He knew Andie hadn’t been in town much longer than him, and he guessed she’d started bringing the yard back to life in preparation for spring planting. He expected nothing less. Andie had a green thumb; her academic training had been in plants and minerals. Which worked well with her ranger district, filled with mining and grazing permittees. She knew her job well, and he couldn’t help feeling proud of her accomplishment in becoming a forest ranger. A rare breed of only four hundred nationwide.

As he carried the packages up the front steps, Matt caught the tantalizing aroma of dinner cooking. His stomach rumbled and he rang the doorbell.

The sound of running feet came from inside, and then the door jerked open. Davie stood there wearing his Rocketman cape, pajamas and floppy-eared dog slippers. Matt couldn’t help wondering if the boy ever took off the cape.

“Hi!” Davie pushed open the screen door, but Matt didn’t step inside.

“Is your mom here?”

“Who is it, Davie?” Andie’s voice came from the kitchen.

“It’s Matt,” the boy yelled back.

Andie appeared in the doorway, wiping her hands on a dish towel. She looked casual in faded blue jeans and a T-shirt, her slender feet bare. That’s what he liked most about this woman. No fuss or muss, in spite of her penchant for neatness. Memories of their life together flashed through Matt’s mind and left him filled with such yearning that he longed to go back in time and undo his decision to walk away. Andie in their kitchen fixing dinner. Andie out in the garden, weeding her tomato plants. Andie with her hair curled and smelling divine as he took her out for a night on the town.

When she saw Matt, her eyes widened. “What are you doing here?”

“I—I—” Matt stammered in confusion.

“I invited him. You said I could.” The screen door creaked as Davie pushed it wide.

“I did?” Andie stared at her son, and her knuckles whitened around the dish towel.

“Yeah, I asked if I could invite a friend over for dinner and you said yes.” Two deep furrows creased Davie’s brow. He looked at his mother like she’d gone daft.

Oh, no. Obviously there’d been a misunderstanding. Matt had known the invitation to dinner was too good to be true.

He shifted the gifts in his left arm, leaning his weight on the cane with his right hand. “Looks like we’ve both been duped by a five-year-old. I didn’t mean to intrude. I can come back another time.”

Anger smoldered in her eyes, her gaze darting between the packages and his face. His pulse hitched into triple time. The last thing he wanted was to upset Andie. He took a step back, planning to bid her farewell and return later when she didn’t feel ambushed. Instead, he stumbled and almost fell down the steps. A wrenching cry broke from his lips as he dropped the gifts into the flower bed. His cane clattered to the porch and he staggered against the railing, panting hard.

“Matt!” Andie reached for him.

He bent his head so she wouldn’t see the agony in his eyes. The excruciating pain and humiliation.

“Are you okay?”

She hovered beside him, her hands clutching his arm. The warmth of her fingers sent electric shockwaves over his body. He liked the worried tone of her voice, but didn’t want her pity. It’d been a long time since someone had worried about him, but he wouldn’t use tricks to win her back. He hadn’t planned to be so clumsy or for his leg to hurt like lightning bolts hurtling through his thigh. He wanted to be strong. To be everything for his family.

“I’m f-fine. Just let—let me catch my breath.” He clenched his jaw, fighting off waves of pain.

She pulled a wicker chair over for him to sit down on the porch. He fell back into the chair, breathing hard as he massaged his thigh muscle with his hand. How he hated showing her this weakness. Hated for her to ever know how he’d gotten to this point.

“Davie, get a cup of water,” she said.

While the boy raced inside, she knelt beside Matt, her hands clasping the armrest. “Do you need me to call 9-1-1? What can I do?”

He looked at her anguished face and gritted a smile. “You’ve done it already. Just give me a moment.”

Davie returned, looking serious as he sloshed water over the brim of a red sippy cup minus the lid. Matt chuckled as he accepted the boy’s offering.

“Thanks, Davie.” Matt drained the small cup in two long swallows. The pain eased by small degrees and his breathing calmed. In spite of the chilly air, sweat dripped from his forehead and he brushed it aside. Andie must have noticed because she stood, her expression severe.

“Do you feel well enough to come inside? I have a recliner where you can elevate your leg.”

Davie retrieved Matt’s cane and handed it to him.

“Sure. I’m fine.” He smiled at the boy, doing his best to reassure them both.

Andie took Matt’s arm and helped him inside while Davie held the door wide.

At the threshold, Matt hesitated. “I don’t want to play on your sympathies, Andie. I won’t come in unless you really want me here. My injury has nothing to do with our marriage.”

She bit her bottom lip and looked away, a dead giveaway to her apprehension. He’d learned to read her body language long ago and figured she hadn’t changed that much in the years he’d been gone. She didn’t want him here.

“Come inside for now. Davie invited you.”

Okay, that set some limits. She would honor Davie’s invitation. At least for now.

“How did you hurt your leg?” she asked.

“Just an accident. I’ll be fine.” He wasn’t about to tell her the story of the wildfire and the death of his crewman. Not when the guilt still ripped him apart every time he thought about it.

Davie retrieved the packages Matt had dropped in the flower bed and set them on the coffee table. “Is one of these for me?”

Matt smiled. “Yep. The blue one. The pink one is for your mom.”

“Why don’t you two chat while I get dinner on?” Andie ignored the gifts as she opened the drapes wide. Then she disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him and Davie alone. Easily within earshot. Now and then she peered around the corner, making Matt self-conscious. Obviously she didn’t like leaving him alone with the boy. Matt was determined to win her trust.

Davie tore open his gift like a rabid wolf. Matt laughed, pleased by the child’s enthusiasm.

“What’s this for?” Davie asked as he shredded the delicate paper.

“Your birthday.”

“But my birthday isn’t for weeks. Mom said I can have a party and invite friends over for cake. You can come if you want to.”

Matt would love to be here, but he’d wait for an invitation from Andie first. “This gift is for your last birthday I missed.”

“A baseball glove. Thanks!” Davie dug the glove out of the box and put it on his right hand.

“You wear it like this, hotshot.” Matt pulled the glove off and put it on the boy’s left hand. “Now you can catch with your left hand and throw with your right. You are right-handed, aren’t you?”

Matt used his own hands to show the motions in the air.

“Yep. I’m a righty.” Davie sat on the sofa and scooted back, smacking his right fist against the palm of his new glove. He watched Matt with intense, wide eyes.

As Matt eased himself into the recliner, he couldn’t help wondering if Andie had told Davie who he really was. He eyed the wrapped gift he’d brought for her, wishing she’d open it now. He’d leave it here, and hopefully she’d open it after he left.

“My dad’s name is Matt. He’s a hotshot,” Davie said.

“Is that so?” A lump formed in Matt’s throat, and he tried to swallow.

“Yep. He plays baseball like me.”

“I love baseball.”

The child heaved a satisfied sigh, his big blue eyes unblinking. “You’re my daddy.”

Matt coughed, his throat dry as sandpaper.