Читать книгу The Forest Ranger's Husband - Leigh Bale - Страница 9

“How old is Davie?”

Matt’s question shook Andie to the core. He sat in her office, his gaze burning into hers until she felt as though he could see inside her very soul. As though she’d done something wrong and had to bear the guilt, not the other way around.

“He’ll turn six in April.” She’d give anything if Davie were just one year younger. But that would mean she’d been unfaithful to her husband during his absence. And she hadn’t. Not once in all these long, lonely years.

Matt shifted his left leg. “He’s mine, isn’t he?”

Finally Andie looked away and swallowed. She’d planned to tell Matt about their son eventually. Preferably when Davie graduated from high school and she could be certain Matt wouldn’t try to take him from her. The way she saw it, Matt would either disregard Davie completely, the way he’d ignored her, or he would demand visitation rights. Worst-case scenario, Matt would fight her for custody. Andie didn’t want a battle over their son. Not when Davie could become collateral damage.

“He has my eyes and my middle name.” Matt’s voice held a sharp edge she couldn’t deny. His eyes looked guarded and hopeful.

No, surely she imagined that.

Andie exhaled a sharp breath. “How would you know? You never had the consideration to ask how I was for over five years.”

“Is he mine?” His voice raised an octave, betraying his urgency.

“Yes. Davie is your son.” She bit out the words, unwilling to lie. She hadn’t been as active in her faith as she would have liked, but she knew the Lord wouldn’t approve of lies.

“Imagine my surprise.” Hurt and anger filled his eyes.

It served him right.

“Why didn’t you tell me I have a son? Why didn’t you call?” he asked.

And that’s when Andie lost it. “The phone lines work both ways, Matt. When did you ever call me? I haven’t heard from you in years. Not once.”

“I called you twice, Andie. Three weeks after I left. I got your voicemail at home each time. When you didn’t return my calls, I figured you didn’t want to hear from me again.”

“I never got the messages.” Was he lying? Who did he think he was? He had no right to judge her. Not anymore. He’d lost that right when he’d walked out on her.

She faced him, her hands clenched as she tried to control her trembly voice. “The day we had our terrible fight, I went to the doctor, then came home expecting to share the joy of my news with my husband. But he was gone. He was too much of a coward to tell me goodbye in person. Instead, he left me a note. A single scrap of paper.”

The blood drained from his face, and he sat very still for several heartbeats. “You’re right, Andie. I should have called you again. Many times, until I got hold of you.”

His admission made her angrier. She wanted to hurt him the way he’d hurt her. To let him have it for all the pain and doubt he’d put her through.

“But didn’t I deserve to know I had a son? Why didn’t you at least tell me about Davie?” he asked again.

“Because I didn’t want you thinking I was using a baby to get you back.” The truth tasted bitter in her mouth. She remembered the joy of feeling life growing inside her and giving birth to their child. Alone. The last thing she wanted was a husband who stayed with her out of obligation. She wanted a marriage of love or nothing at all.

“I wish I’d known. I wish I’d been here,” he said.

Something hardened inside of Andie. Something cold and unforgiving. They couldn’t go back in time. They couldn’t change the past. Even with Davie, she had no intention of letting Matt back into her life. “Well, you weren’t.”

“So after I left you decided to start going by your maiden name.” Matt’s stomach clenched when he realized he had a child. He felt dazed and sick by the news. And yet strangely elated, too.

Davie was almost six years old. Matt couldn’t fathom all the years he’d missed with his child. His son. Years when he could have enjoyed being a father and husband. Years of happiness with his family. He’d missed it all because of his foolish pride.

“With you gone, it made things easier.” Andie didn’t smile, staring at him with disdain and—

Dread.

A deep aching loss filled Matt when he thought of all he’d missed. If she’d only told him he had a son, things might have been different. He might have—

What?

Would he have quit the job he loved and come running home? He couldn’t blame Andie for being upset. It was his fault. He wished more than anything that she’d told him about their baby, but he’d been the one to leave. He could have called her at work, written a letter or email, or even come home to see her during the holidays. But he hadn’t.

He held up a hand, hoping to reassure her. Wishing the fear and hatred would leave her eyes. “I won’t try to take him from you, Andie. But I do want to be a part of his life. I’d like to get to know my son.”

Her spine stiffened. “I … I’m not sure how that will work. I’d need to talk to him first. To tell him you’ve returned.”

“You mean you didn’t tell him I was dead or something like that?”

“Of course not. Maybe that would have hurt him less, but it wasn’t the truth. I knew he’d find out eventually that you were alive.”

So his son believed his father had abandoned him. Filled with shame, Matt licked his dry lips. He could only imagine how Davie felt, missing his father. Wondering why his daddy never came home, read him stories, bought him gifts, played ball with him or tucked him in at night.

Matt’s respect for Andie grew. She could have taken the easy way out and just told Davie his father was dead. But she hadn’t. And Matt couldn’t help wondering if Davie hated him. Maybe death would have been a better option. Matt should have been the one to die in that last wildfire, not one of his crewmen. At least death was something they all could understand. But not this aching abandonment.

“Thank you, Andie.”

“For what?” She bit out the words, her eyes narrowed with anger.

“For having our child. It couldn’t have been easy, raising him alone. I can see you’ve done a great job with him. He seems like a wonderful kid.”

“He is. The best.” Tears filled her eyes and she blinked.

“Is he a healthy child? Is he smart?”

“He’s perfect. What other kind of child would we make?”

“With you as his mother, I’m not surprised.” He wasn’t sure if he saw doubt or gratitude in her gaze.

“Were you ever going to tell me about our son?” He couldn’t help sounding a tad combative. He had to accept responsibility for his part in destroying his family, but he also felt angry that Andie had kept his son from him.

“I didn’t see a need.”

Ah, that hurt. But he supposed he deserved it. If he didn’t think she’d tear his head off, he would have stood and taken her into his arms. Now wasn’t the time. After surviving the wildfire, he’d reevaluated his priorities. If anything, Davie gave Matt a stronger reason to live and to rehabilitate his injured leg.

“When can I spend some time with him?” Matt clamped an iron will on his patience. He wanted to see Davie right now, to study the boy’s facial expressions and learn his mannerisms. Matt felt like he’d just become a father. As though the amazing event had occurred only moments ago.

For him, it had. He couldn’t believe it. He was a dad!

“I’ll give you a call.” The angry lines creasing her mouth eased a bit, but the wall of tension remained.

Instinctively he knew if he pushed too hard, she could make it very difficult for him to ever see Davie. Matt wasn’t stupid. One claim that he’d abandoned Andie over five years earlier and had never seen his own child wouldn’t go over too well with a family-court judge. He didn’t want attorneys and visitation battles. He wanted his family back.

Matt reached inside his shirt pocket and pulled out one of his new business cards. He handed it to her and she took it reluctantly, letting it dangle from her fingers like a dead mouse.

“My home and cell numbers are on the back. Call me anytime, night or day. I’ll come running.” He indicated the cane. “Or I should say I’ll come walking as fast as I can.”

She didn’t smile at his attempted humor.

Taking up his cane, he stood and took a step, hoping he didn’t fall flat on his face. His left thigh muscle quivered as he put weight on it, but he forced it to endure. He’d returned to work too soon after the fire, but he couldn’t wait to see Andie. He looked at her now, letting his gaze feast upon her pretty face. Her blond hair seemed a bit longer, flipped back in soft waves he longed to touch. She looked down at his business card and her hair swung forward, hiding her profile. He fought the urge to reach out and brush it back. To cup her face with his hands and look into her blue eyes as he kissed her lips.

Words clogged his throat. So many things he wanted to say. So many apologies. But she wouldn’t believe him. Not yet. There was just one thing he needed to get off his chest right now. One thing he must say to her over and over again.

“I never should have left you, Andie. I wish I had stayed.”

She gave a harsh, disbelieving laugh. Her eyes looked so cold. Devoid of the warmth and joy he’d seen there when they’d first married. “I find that hard to believe.”

“I mean it.” He met her gaze without flinching, trying to convey the truth of his words with every fiber of his being.

She dropped his card on top of her desk and stood a bit too abruptly before stepping away from her chair. The anguish on her face reminded him of all the pain he’d caused her. He didn’t want to see her cry right now. Not when she still hated him.

He opened the door and smiled over his shoulder at her. “You take care of yourself. We’ll be in touch soon.”

Andie left the office as soon as Matt pulled out of the parking lot. After her encounter with him, she wanted nothing more than to see Davie and hold her son close. To know he was safe at home where he belonged.

Alone in her car, she refused to cry. She’d shed enough tears over this man. Why had Matt returned? She’d moved on with her life and didn’t want to resurrect the past.

As she pulled into the driveway of the white forest service house where she lived, she gripped the steering wheel, trying to settle her nerves. She didn’t want Davie to see her upset like this.

Susan came outside to greet her. When this ranger district had opened up, Andie had jumped at the job. Sue and her husband lived in Enlo, and Andie thought being near family might be good for both her and Davie. She’d been right.

Andie’s younger sister stood on the front step, resting one hand on the porch railing. The grave expression on Sue’s face told Andie of her concern. And yet, Andie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t understand this situation herself.

Taking a deep breath, Andie unbuckled her seat belt and stepped out of her car. She dodged the snow shovel lying on the front lawn.

Bless Sue. She was now a stay-at-home mom and spent her time tending to Rose and Davie and helping Andie get settled here in Enlo. If not for Sue and her husband, Brett, Andie didn’t know how she would have made it through the past years alone.

As Andie reached the covered porch, Sue stepped forward and handed her a warm sweater. Sue curled into a wicker chair and indicated Andie should join her. “The kids are fine. Let’s talk before I take Rose home.”

Andie glanced at the front door, noticing it stood ajar so they could hear the children. “Thanks, sis.”

“You okay?” Sue asked as Andie sat down.

Andie draped the sweater over herself. Freezing cold in spite of the warm day, she tried to feel something besides deep, abiding hatred. “I’m fine.”

Sue peered at her. “You don’t look fine.”

“Well, how do I look?” A gentle breeze pulsed around them, and she brushed the hair back from her face. She felt chilled and irritated and longed to get out of her uniform and into some comfortable sweats.

“You look pale and distressed.”

Andie shook her head, filled with disbelief. “Why did he have to come back? Why couldn’t he have stayed away?”

“I don’t know. The guy is bad news. What does he want?”

“Right now? To see his son.”

Sue pressed the fingers of her right hand against her mouth. “Maybe you need to get a restraining order against Matt.”

Andie blinked, reluctant to let this situation get any uglier than it already was. “No, I can’t do that. Matt has never, ever threatened me. He’s not that kind of man.”

“Well, there’s no doubt Davie would love to meet his father. Besides Rocketman and baseball, his father is almost all he ever talks about. What about you?”

“I don’t know. I think I’d rather go on like before, forgetting I ever had a husband. But I have to think about Davie and what’s best for him.”

“And do you think getting to know his father is best?”

Andie turned her head, gazing at the drift of melting snow edging the sidewalk. The snow reminded Andie of a long-ago, happier time in her life when Matt had taken her skiing for the first time. “Matt always had his faults. You know he was egotistic and goal-oriented to the point of obsessive, but he was a good man, too. He worked hard, provided well and was always kind and generous to me. I have no reason to believe he’d hurt Davie on purpose.”

“You think he’s been faithful to you all these years the way you’ve been to him?”

The thought of Matt being with another woman tore Andie’s heart to shreds. If he’d been unfaithful, that was between him and God. “I have no idea. It’s not my business anymore.”

“Maybe you should ask him.”

Andie’s eyes widened, and a feeling of horror overcame her. “I’ll do no such thing.”

And yet she wanted to know. Had he missed her at all while he’d been gone? Or had he found someone else to share the long, lonely nights with?

Sue released a deep sigh. “What if he spends time with Davie and then disappears again? That would hurt Davie so much.”

Tears filled Andie’s eyes. She blinked to hold them back. “Then I’ll be here for my son. I’ll always be here for him, no matter what.”

“Maybe you need to talk to an attorney. Just to be safe.”

Andie took a deep breath, letting the fresh air clear her thoughts. “Not yet. Matt hasn’t asked for anything unreasonable, and I don’t want to create a fight over nothing.”

“You’re surely not going to let him be alone with Davie. What if he tries to kidnap your son?” Incredulity filled Sue’s voice, her face contorted in outrage at the mere possibility.

“Of course not. I have no intention of letting Matt have unsupervised visits. At least not until I know what he intends. He just barely found out he has a child.”

Sue’s shoulders stiffened. “I know. I greatly regret barging into your office like that. It kind of let the cat out of the bag a bit abruptly.”

Andie waved a hand in the air, resigned to the situation. “Don’t worry about it. It was just a matter of time before Matt found out about Davie. Enlo isn’t that big of a town.”

A regretful huff escaped Sue’s mouth. “I should have claimed Davie was my son.”

Andie gave a harsh chuckle. “You haven’t been married long enough. Besides, I won’t lie. I have nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Maybe I could take Davie away for a while. I could take the kids and go visit Brett’s mother in Ohio.” She shuddered, as if the thought repulsed her.

Andie laughed. “Your offer is very generous. I know how much you adore your mother-in-law. But no. Davie’s still in school. If Matt hadn’t found out on his own, I would have told him myself.”

“Why?”

“Because he has a right to know about his son.”

“Do you think Matt would try to steal Davie?”

Andie shook her head, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. “Matt has a job in the S.O.’s office. He’s not going to damage his career by kidnapping his own son.”

“Does he want a divorce?”

Andie didn’t know the answers to any of these questions, yet they kept rattling around inside her brain.

“I don’t think so. He apologized for leaving me. He said he wished he’d stayed.”

Sue snorted. “Can you believe that guy? What a loser. He always did have a lot of nerve.”

Which was one reason Andie fell in love with him. Matt had been so much fun, and intelligent, too. A true athlete, full of life and hopes and plans. And he worked hard to meet his goals. Definitely not a loser. He’d encouraged Andie to meet her goals, too. He’d taken on additional work assignments to earn her tuition, prepared dinner and helped with the laundry. Andie had adored him at first sight. They’d both enjoyed the outdoors, skiing together, hiking, camping, you name it. She’d never been much of a girlie-girl. She baited her own hooks and cleaned the fish she caught. But with Matt’s overt masculinity, she’d always felt feminine and protected by him. Loved. Until he betrayed her by leaving. Seeing him now limping around with a cane confused her, and she wondered again if his injury was permanent.

“No, Matt’s no loser,” she said. “He was always hardworking, in school and in his career. He’s a high achiever who just got his priorities messed up. But he has some very good qualities, too.”

Sue leaned forward, her eyes creased with concern. “Do you think he’ll take you to court, to try and take Davie from you?”

“No. I’m not sure what he wants, but I don’t think he would hurt Davie like that. And if he tried, I’d fight him tooth and nail. No one’s ever taking Davie from me. Of course, Matt’s probably still in shock, finding out he has a son.”

“Good. When I think about how badly he hurt you, I figure he deserves a nice shock.” A vindictive smile curved Sue’s lips.

Andie appreciated her sister’s loyalty, but in all fairness to Matt, he’d been a good, diligent husband when they’d been together. She couldn’t fault him there. He’d just forgotten what was really important. When she thought of the angst she’d seen in his eyes when he found out about Davie, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him under the circumstances. He’d missed almost six years of his son’s life, after all. But Matt had made a conscious decision to remove himself from her life … and any children she might have.

“What are you gonna do?” Sue asked.

“Wait and see.”

“Wait and see what?”

“What Matt does.”

Sue dangled one stockinged foot over the whicker footrest. “I don’t understand. You cried buckets of tears after he left, Andie. I won’t stand by and let him hurt you again.”

Andie waved Matt’s business card with his phone numbers in the air. She’d scooped it up the moment he’d left her office. She didn’t smile as she spoke. “Don’t worry, I’m over him. Matt didn’t contact me for over five years. He said he’d be in touch. Let’s wait and see how badly he wants to see his son.”

“I take it you’re not planning to call him.”

“Absolutely not. If he wants to see Davie, he’ll have to call me. I’m not going to pursue it.”

If Matt wasn’t serious about getting to know his son, Andie didn’t want Davie to get hurt. Above all else, she would protect her child. Even if it meant he never saw Matt again.

A satisfied smile curved Sue’s lips. “Good girl.”