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ОглавлениеFEBRUARY 1 • A Tricky Business
What should I do with my life? What is God’s will for me? Should I take that job or not? Read to the kids or do the laundry? No matter what personal phrases we use, the question of discernment frequently visits all of us—dressed in all sorts of clothes. Whether our decisions are trivial or weighty, making them is an ever-present endeavor.
Any thinking person embarks on a discussion of discernment with fear and trembling and, I hope, some genuine humility. All we have to do is check the history books or the daily newspaper to see some horrendous behaviors committed under the banner of “God told me to . . .” or “I just felt I should do it!” The territory of discernment is filled with uncertainty and devoid of easy formulas.
I’ve heard countless sermons telling me that the way to make good decisions is to find out God’s will and do it. The speaker would usually emphasize the amount of courage and self-sacrifice necessary to obey. As a young person, I believed that God’s will for my life would most likely be something terribly costly—that my life as I wanted it or presently knew it would be over. Obeying God carried all sorts of negative baggage. I recall many teachings about obedience and few suggestions about how to listen for the authentic voice of God.
So how do we open ourselves to the influence of the Holy Spirit? To move from merely making decisions to living in the divine flow involves the development of our listening skills. When we learn to listen with the ears of the heart, we can take the next small step forward. This month, we’ll open the door to deeper discernment.
Reflect: How do you presently listen for God’s still small voice? What seems to stand in the way of deeper listening? Today, pay attention to how you make decisions, asking God to enter your personal process of discernment.
FEBRUARY 2 • Some Measuring Sticks
Though no magic formula for discernment exists, the Christian tradition offers some time-tested tools to guide the process. The Wesleyan quadrilateral urges us to consider an issue or question in light of four areas: scripture, tradition, reason, and experience—and not to trust only one area as a single measuring stick. The truth often suffers when we don’t respect the balance offered by employing all four areas.
Scripture: Holy texts inspire and guide us, but verses taken out of context have often led us to poor judgment and violence. We can hold any number of positions on an issue and “prove” it with biblical texts, giving us reasons to exclude folks, wage wars, and spread all manner of divisiveness in the name of God. For this reason, reliable spiritual leaders encourage choices out of the spirit of the law, rather than the letter of the law. Is the action or position loving? Does it lead to wholeness? Does it expand the heart? Does it represent our highest values? Does it encourage community?
Tradition: We reap enormous benefits from the experience of those who have gone before us. Which traditions support the way of love? How does the wisdom of the faith community help us discern? We speak of the priesthood of believers. We attend church; we study the lives of the saints, all in an effort to discern the will of God in concert with others who can hold us accountable.
Reason: In discerning God’s will, we don’t have to check our brains at the door. We need intellectual scrutiny rather than naive thinking. The Spirit often guides us through thought processes.
Experience: Here the rubber meets the road. How does my experience compare with what I’ve learned from scripture, tradition, and reason? Because if my experience doesn’t resonate with these other approaches, then it remains merely a good idea, something that we ought to do, should do, talk incessantly about doing but never actually experience in our everyday lives. We can attend Bible classes, study the words of our elders, and think issues to death—all worthy pursuits—but unless we experience the divine voice at our own “center of consent,” we rarely live out our intentions in daily life.
Reflect: Take time today to consider your own measuring stick for discernment. In what ways do scripture, tradition, reason, and experience act as signposts in your search for truth? How might you include them in a way that leads to balance?
FEBRUARY 3 • Deprogramming
A woman gazed out her kitchen window one morning and remarked to her husband, “Look at that laundry on the neighbor’s clothesline. It isn’t clean—looks like she needs some new detergent!” She continued with the same commentary day after day. “Would you look at those dingy clothes on the line? Someone needs to teach her how to do the wash!” After a week or so, the woman was surprised to see a clothesline full of bright, clean garments and remarked, “Well, looks like she finally learned how to do her laundry properly!” Her husband smiled and replied, “I cleaned our windows this morning.”
The point is obvious—it matters which lens we look through as we make judgments. So, as we begin delving into our own process of discernment, we may need to “clean the window.” Some of our own distortions may come from faulty assumptions that cloud our vision.
Most of us have been both formed and de-formed by our religious traditions, making it wise to do a little deprogramming. Those who grew up with an image of God as punitive and demanding may have regarded divine guidance as counsel to dread. It’s difficult to trust someone you fear.
Do we dare to believe with the writer of Ephesians 3:20 that God’s will for us is “far more than all we can ask or imagine”? We yearn for the abundant life that the scriptures promise, but we usually want what we want! In other words, we’ll gladly sign on to the abundance, but we would like a photo of it before we do! We crave control.
Reflect: Breathe deeply, trusting that God’s definition of abundance is indeed more than you can imagine. Let go of preconceived notions so that you can be open to God’s grace.
FEBRUARY 4 • Trusting Your Feelings
Our feelings are a powerful creation—a kind of inner compass. Surely they are part of the avenue of guidance and a priceless gift from the One who formed us as human beings. However, if we were taught to ignore or diminish our feelings, then that teaching needs to be deprogrammed if we are to be open to divine leading.
Feelings themselves are neither bad nor good, but they point to an issue that requires our attention. Our response to our feelings marks the measure of our discernment. Look at the natural emotion of anger, for instance, which many of us were taught to treat with disdain. (Bury it, ignore it, get rid of it—good people don’t get angry.) However, anger can provide significant information for us in the discernment process, teaching us vital truths about ourselves. Rather than rushing to judgment and blaming others for the feeling, we can use our anger as a blinking stoplight, which prompts us to ask, “What in me is reacting so angrily? What wound in me is reopening?” The emotion itself bears no fault; our automatic acting out gets us in trouble. Sometimes, rather than act on the anger in a responsible and grace-filled way, we choose to feed the negativity.
Even the feeling of love can emerge from a variety of inner causes. It may be sexual attraction; it may be neediness. It can also be part of the greater love that dwells within us and longs for expression in the world.
Though people have warned us that trusting our feelings is foolish or selfish, our remarkable emotional system is part of the process of listening to God. So let’s remember that God speaks not in spite of our feelings but often through them.
Reflect: Be especially aware of the power of your emotions today. What might God be inviting you to learn through them? Allow divine guidance to speak through your feelings.
FEBRUARY 5 • God Is in Control?
Well, yes, . . . and no. Close examination of this glib assumption that “God is in control” leads any thinking person to some questions and caveats. Does this mean everything that happens is God’s will, so we accept it as holy decree? What about the gift of free will?
One signpost of spiritual maturity comes in our increasing capacity to embrace paradox and mystery. Consideration of God’s “control” offers one opportunity. As human beings, we want to know why events happen the way they do. We often rush to distorted answers to gain intellectual satisfaction. We want to make sense of it! Whether we’re considering triumph or tragedy, we tend to think in terms of reward or punishment from an all-powerful God. The question Why? can trigger spiritual paralysis. We want to hold something or someone accountable for life’s puzzling events. In our quest to find the cause or place the blame, some of us malign God’s nature by making God responsible for everything—in other words, in control.
Recently, while sitting with a young couple whose only child had been killed in a traffic accident, I met a friend who came by to offer comfort. This well-intentioned but misguided person told the hurting parents that the certainty that this tragedy was God’s will should offer reassurance. How could this hurting couple receive consolation from the Person who willed (supposedly) their daughter’s death?
Things don’t always happen according to our plans and desires. Because we feel that we lack control over our lives, we want someone to be in control. But complexity and uncertainty are part of life.
Still, God is not absent or uninvolved. The divine heart breaks along with ours in times of trouble and celebrates with us in times of joy. We stand on the solid rock of God’s loving presence, and God’s desire for relationship is nothing short of a miracle. True discernment then takes root in our relationship with the Divine. Attempting to figure it out by listing pros and cons may contribute to decision making, but spiritual discernment involves far more than that.
No matter how circumstances evolve, we receive the invitation to participate (free will) in our own recovery process by working with a God (divine Sovereign) whose very nature is healing and whose will for us is wholeness. Perhaps that is the ultimate “control” that God exercises as part of God’s loving nature.
Reflect: Explore your feelings about God’s control, affirming both divine sovereignty and free will—embracing both as true and life-giving.
FEBRUARY 6 • My Purpose
Another popular idea that begs for deprogramming is the belief that “God has one purpose for me, and it’s up to me to find it.” This sets up yet another distortion of God’s nature—that of One who plays hide-and-seek with us, requiring us to search for a destiny hidden in the clouds.
A wise friend confronted me years ago when I was pursuing that elusive blueprint called “my purpose.” His words turned my thinking and my theology around. He countered, “What kind of God do you worship—one who teases and hides things from you? What if your real purpose is to be loving and faithful and to make compassionate use of your God-given gifts? In many ways, God may leave it up to you whether that happens in Cincinnati or Seattle—or whether you become a social worker or a stay-at-home mom. God’s will for you to be a channel of love in the world can be lived out in any number of ways. Remember, we are not puppets!”
My friend’s words invited me to take responsibility for discovering and acknowledging the way I had been created by God and being available to the flow of divine love, whether I sold shoes or ran for the Senate. Once again, we encounter God’s omnipotence and the free will of human beings in a creative dance of cooperation. To step into the dance of grace, we must learn the meaning of trust and willingly embrace our freedom to choose.
Though God may not have a specific road map laid out for us, God does have hopes and desires for us—a divine dream for us. It doesn’t matter so much what we do to earn income; rather, it’s what we do to be ourselves, the persons God created us to be. When we focus only on finding a fixed purpose, we miss the many possibilities that await us.
Reflect: Consider your purpose as it relates to the great commandment to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and your neighbor as yourself. How are you fulfilling that purpose in your life?
FEBRUARY 7 • Incomplete Images of God
Faulty assumptions, which are reflected in our limited images of God’s nature, can lead to faulty discernment. We can be sure that the dynamic Water of Life (the Spirit of God) will overflow the edges of any container we construct. If we think we can fully define God or catch the sacred in a net of words, we deceive ourselves. A word simply points to something beyond itself. The word sugar is not sugar itself—we have to taste sugar to know its sweetness.
We experience God in countless ways—as comforter, as judge, as friend, as peacemaker, as creator, as source of all, as loving father, as nurturing mother—an inexhaustible host of spiritual “containers.” As human beings, we naturally tend to describe God with human characteristics because that’s our primary frame of reference. But we need never lose sight of the fact that God is more than the Bible, more than the church, more than any definition—no matter how grandiose—that we can devise. When we take one facet of God’s nature and make it the whole, we distort the image of the One who said, “I am who I am” (Exod. 3:14).
Our words and limited images will always fall short. A profound difference exists between our experience of God and the way we explain the experience, between knowing God and talking about God. Simply put, our words and images of the holy mystery are far less important than our relationship to it.
Reflect: Call to mind your favorite names and descriptions of God. Do they define your relationship with the Holy One in a limiting way? List as many images as you can, reflecting on the times you have experienced God in those ways. Experiment with new images in your prayer today, knowing that God is always more.
FEBRUARY 8 • Expanding the Divine Image
Though Sally had been on a serious, intentional spiritual journey for years, she kept snapping back to a distorted image of God she had formed in her early years: a strict heavenly Father who demanded obedience—the primary purpose of the relationship.
In an honest conversation, Sally sounded exasperated as she spoke of her many family duties: helping to care for her grandchild, church demands as chair of an important committee, and overseeing some home renovations—all of which had usurped her usual devotional time. “I guess I would describe myself as a backslider!” she said with an attempt at humor. Her words conveyed her belief that God was disappointed in her. Her old image of God had returned, one of God as a kind of school principal who would stand her in the corner to do penance for her sins of omission.
Old habits and images die hard. Time and again, we must return to the true experience of God not as one who condemns but one who invites us to grow—in whatever circumstances occur. Sally did this by committing to more “grace on the go” prayers for this busy time of her life, breathing a prayer of gratitude for the sweet smell of the baby’s skin and the blessing of this new life and escaping the noisy renovation for a brief walk in a quiet park. As she told me later, “I found that God can run as fast as I can!”
Reflect: As you go about your daily round today, formulate brief “grace on the go” prayers so you can experience the companionship of the Spirit everywhere you go and in everything you do.
FEBRUARY 9 • Feminine Aspects of God
A few years ago, some young seminarians—both men and women—expanded the container of my God image by urging me to pay attention to the feminine aspects of the divine nature as well as the familiar masculine images.
These young people pointed me to scripture citations like these: “I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother” (Ps. 131:2) and “‘How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings’” (Luke 13:34). Part of God’s nurturing nature surely resembles a mother caring tenderly for her offspring. By associating God with masculine images only—King, Conqueror, Prince, Lord, Judge, Sovereign, Father—we limit the wholeness and inclusiveness of divine presence.
Rather than having me give up my accustomed address to God (Heavenly Father), the seminarians encouraged me to add to it more and more aspects of the divine. In truth, honoring the feminine aspects didn’t change my God “container” so much as enlarge it. I began to appreciate the truth that God is neither male nor female; “God is spirit, and those who worship [God] must worship in spirit and truth” (John 4:24).
When we open our hearts to ongoing revelation, we claim mother-like attributes of God in addition to father-like qualities. Our relationship to God is enriched, and the avenues to spiritual experience become boundless.
Reflect: Recall times when you have experienced the nurturing, motherly aspects of God. Expand your notions of who and what God is, honoring more parts of the divine mystery as the boundaries blur.
FEBRUARY 10 • The Whole Shebang
Not only do we limit our images of God, we also limit our sense of God’s presence. No matter how we express it, we often posit the notion that God is present when things are going well and absent when things are not.
When we feel inspired or happy or fulfilled, we equate those feelings with being “close to God” or saying “God was with me.” By contrast, when we feel depressed, sad, angry, or defeated, we tend to feel abandoned, separated from divine presence.
Before we can discern God’s will for us, we must begin to see life as a whole—both the light and the dark, success and failure, illness or health. As Romans 8:38 affirms, “Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God.”
We can understand our human, knee-jerk reaction during hardship, “How could God let this happen? What did I do wrong? Where is God?” Our persistent questioning why often blocks us from the redemptive ongoing presence that shows us the next step, that heals our wounds, that weeps with us.
One function of faith is to ground us in a love that will not leave us or let us go, even if for a time we cannot feel that comforting companionship. In those dark times, we trust that God participates with us as we pick up the pieces of whatever is broken.
Reflect: Ponder times in your life when you have felt separated from God. How did God’s love reach you during those times? Did that love come to you through family, friends, neighbors, your own resilience? As you look at those times in retrospect, express gratitude for the grace that emerged in surprising ways.
FEBRUARY 11 • The Three-Storied Universe
Heaven is up there; hell is down there; and I’m right here in between.” So goes our traditional rendering of the structure of the spiritual cosmos. Our literal acceptance of this language may reflect a notion we need to reexamine and deprogram.
Jesus never offered only one definition of the kingdom of heaven. He expressed its many facets through a variety of rich metaphors, likening the kingdom to a mustard seed, a pearl of great price, a portion of yeast, and other images—all hidden treasures that, when honored, have a larger effect on the external world. While we see evidence of the kingdom at work in the visible world, its germination begins in the heart: “The kingdom of heaven is within you.” No amount of forced external “good behavior” makes up for the fact that the kingdom of heaven has its roots in the soul. It is an inside job.
In like manner, the Sermon on the Mount records Jesus’ response to specific sins like murder and adultery by pointing to the recesses of the heart where hatred and lust reside before they blossom into actions. (See Matthew 5:21-48.)
Jesus’ specificity about the importance of the inner world suggests that we need to take notice and allow the barriers of space and time to disintegrate. Let’s face it; we know when we experience heaven or hell in our daily lives; we use those words to describe an inner condition. As we come to realize that God’s omnipresence supersedes our childish image of “a white-bearded man on a faraway throne,” we make room for the power of mystery.
The poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning said it well: “Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God.” Rather than being tethered to physical descriptions and locations of heaven and hell, spiritual maturity invites us to see them as part of the human condition—right here, right now.
Reflect: Take a few moments to mull over your sense of heaven, hell, and earth. How have you experienced each of those places in your life?
FEBRUARY 12 • Disarming Our Defenses
The path to spiritual discernment involves some deprogramming and some disarming—letting down our defenses, taking off the armor of control, trusting that God’s Spirit can lead us in the direction of a wholeness we can scarcely imagine.
Prayerful discernment needs to be more than asking God to approve our agendas. Entering the decision-making process under the guidance of the Spirit means we make room for such guidance by letting go of our idea of what we need to happen or want to happen. Being sincerely open is a difficult matter; self-deception abounds in the unconscious. Being wide open allows the Spirit to shape what we want and leads us to love and growth. We surrender to a wisdom greater than our own.
The word surrender has gotten a bad rap. It conjures up images of a defeated soldier waving a white flag in utter helplessness. But surrender to a loving God involves saying “Yes!” rather than “I give up.”
Surrender to God need not mean we’ll board the next ship to the Congo or quit our jobs. Most likely we’ll stay in the same place and look the same; but instead of an agenda-driven life, we will move toward a soul-centered life guided by the Spirit.
Life is not a secret blueprint but a process of becoming all God created us to be, no matter where we are or what we do. As we disarm ourselves and become cloaked in genuine humility, we will gain the wisdom to discern the things that foster faithfulness.
Reflect: Fling open the door to your heart today, releasing preconceived notions, worn-out ideas, judgments, resentments . . . making a gracious space for divine guidance.
FEBRUARY 13 • Disarming the Ego
A minister-friend confessed recently, “When I pray for discernment as I write a sermon, the process can get contaminated pretty easily. Instead of listening to the Spirit’s leading, I can get derailed by unspoken questions like, ‘Will the congregation like this? Will so-and-so go ballistic if I say what I really believe to be true? If I use that commentary, will I sound more academic and intelligent?’ I have to get my ego out of the way, or I can’t really listen!” These are the words of an honest and self-aware person.
Praying for guidance requires that we let go of “What will they think?” as the major aspect of our attitude. The same goes for the shoulds and oughts and supposed-to-bes of our lives. And the pride. And the control. Being completely disarmed strips us of our defenses and barriers, making us vulnerable and alert for the still small Voice.
In terms of self-knowledge, the ego can be a wonderful servant. However, when it sits in the driver’s seat, it’s a dangerous master. Discernment on our part comes in sensing when the ego takes control of the wheel. God invites us to listen to the whisper of the soul rather than the shout of the ego.
Reflect: Notice any thoughts today that relate to the ego, such as How am I coming across? Do I look okay? Do they like me? Smile at your humanity as you assign the ego a lesser role in your decision-making process.
FEBRUARY 14 • Distinguishing among the Voices
It’s hard to distinguish the divine voice of discernment from the clamor of other compelling voices: “Mother and father expected me to . . . , the advice of my friends leads me to . . . , my doctor instructed me to . . . , the culture around me influences me to . . . , the preacher warned me about . . . , my counselor encourages me to. . . . ” Some of these external callings provide valid food for thought; some lead us to guilt, self-criticism, and anxiety.
Deep within each of us is a hidden place where the Holy Spirit communes with us. In our January reflections, we explored the necessity of visiting this inner soul space where we listen to the loving wisdom of the Holy One. In John 14:16-17, scripture tells us we are not alone in this cave of the heart: [The Father] will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. This is the Spirit of truth . . . , he abides with you, and he will be in you.
However, our own ego can block the door to discernment, shouting its own message, such as, “How can I get what I want?” If the projected action will polish our halo, we can be sure an ego investment is infusing the process. If we listen in an atmosphere of complete honesty and vulnerability, the Spirit will reveal the identity of this ego-dominated voice so we learn to recognize it. Though this ego-centeredness is a part of the human condition, it’s important that we can distinguish its interfering influence when that occurs. God’s voice leads to authentic behavior, fullness of life, love, compassion, and spiritual freedom.
Reflect: Get to know the voice of your ego with a sense of compassion for your humanness. Open your heart to God’s ongoing acceptance and forgiveness as you travel the path of self-knowledge.
FEBRUARY 15 • Through a Spiritual Lens
Discerning the Spirit’s movement in your life resembles donning a different pair of glasses as you consider where you are being led. For instance, you might be deciding whether or not to accept a particular job offer. One valid lens for discernment would include the following questions: Can I live on that salary? How does my family feel about moving to Cincinnati or Santa Fe? Do I possess the skills for this position?
The spiritual lens, however, would address such concerns as these: Do I feel invigorated when I consider doing this work? Is this job consistent with my highest values? Will this environment allow me and my family to grow into richer relationship? Will this vocation allow my heart to expand and my compassion for others to grow? Is there a feeling of peace and challenge when I imagine being in that position?
As mentioned before, seeing something that needs to be done is one thing; being called to do it is another. In order to sense a magnetic invitation to do something—whether it’s a paid job or a committee chairship or a volunteer activity—we must expand our ways of listening to the movement of the Spirit. We gather pertinent information; we notice the reactions of our body and emotions; we consider the opinions of those we love and trust. Then we bring all that assessment to the center of our souls in prayerful openness. We cannot allow money and prestige to overwhelm the voice of the Spirit.
Reflect: Mull over a decision—large or small—that you may be facing. Take some time to view it through the lens of the Spirit as you prayerfully consider all factors. Beware of an urgent feeling that you “ought” to do it.
FEBRUARY 16 • The Body Speaks
Part of distinguishing the voices that affect our discernment comes from honoring the guidance our bodies offer. The body, created by God, resembles a radar system that can detect divine nudges and invitations in profound ways.
The body constantly speaks to us, and part of the task of discernment comes in learning to hear and heed its messages. How does our body signal our stress levels: a tension headache, lower back pain, tight shoulders, queasy stomach, nervous fidgeting, a racing heartbeat? In my thirties, an intuitive physician helped me discover my own stress indicator. During a time of “burning the candle at both ends” and trying to do too much too fast, I developed a throbbing sore throat that sent me in search of antibiotics for what I assumed was a strep infection.
It wasn’t. Noting no inflammation or physical cause, the doctor explained the source of the pain as “esophageal spasms,” my body’s personal response to stress. “But it hurts!” I argued. He agreed that the spasms created pain, and he urged me to focus on the cause of the stress and act on it. “If you learn to recognize your own body’s stress signal—and honor it—it can make a difference in your entire life. Learn to take responsibility for it.”
My doctor’s wisdom came as a gift for me that day. From that moment to this, when that familiar aching in my throat gets my attention, I breathe deeply and relax. Then I summon the courage to face the stress and find ways to identify and address the actual cause of the condition. Your stress signals may be more subtle but still noticeable.
When the psalmist proclaimed that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps.139:14), he wasn’t kidding. The intricate web of connections among body, mind, and spirit form a reliable network for divine guidance—one that we ignore at our peril.
Reflect: How does your body speak to you in times of stress? Honor it as an avenue of guidance created by a loving God, and be thankful.
FEBRUARY 17 • The Brain Speaks
Medical science and spirituality are not enemies. Study after study unites the two disciplines or at least calls them into meaningful dialogue, inviting us to view the miraculous interactions of the body with awe and wonder. God created us in this interrelated way, so that our bodies, minds, and spirits provide vital information in the discernment process.
Research on the amazing aspects of the brain is coming out faster than we can digest the implications. A major finding focuses on the adaptability of the brain to changes in its environment (neuroplasticity), which indicates that we can play an active role in altering the brain by paying attention to what we “feed” it. Scans have revealed that prayer and worship engage particular neural pathways that affect the area of the brain that lodges empathy for others. We can enhance the neural structures that make us calmer and more compassionate, as well as improving memory and cognitive skills.
One of the findings reported in How God Changes Your Brain indicates that participation in fear-based religions that stress God’s anger and punitive nature can stimulate the part of the limbic brain that creates anxiety and dread. However, the authors suggest ways that help us collude and cooperate in positively affecting the brain:
• Faith: be hopeful and optimistic (affirming the unconditional love of God)
• Dialogue: communicate with others (especially your faith community)
• Aerobic exercise: use movement to improve cognition and reduce anxiety
• Meditate/Pray: still the body and mind
• Yawn: breathe in oxygen to affect relaxation and help in focusing1
Science can play an integral part in how we understand the intricacy of creation. Though science can never tell us who or what God is, many of its findings can plunge us further into the wonder of the Mystery that sustains us.
Reflect: Consider your own body as “a temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor. 6:19). In what ways can you honor the ongoing revelations offered by science?
FEBRUARY 18 • Resonance and Dissonance
In surprising ways, our bodies mirror the messages of the soul. Saints of old referred to this process as having feelings of “consolation” and “desolation,” which they regarded as reliable nudges from the “still small voice” of the Spirit. These days, we’re more likely to say, “That really rings true for me” or “That doesn’t feel right to me.”
We experience and describe the positive responses of resonance (consolation) personally—a feeling of aliveness, a lifting of the spirit, an expansion of the heart, being pulled upward toward the Light, an unusual peace, the felt presence of God, a sense of Yes. On the other hand, we experience dissonance (desolation) as darkness, constriction, resistance, narrowness of spirit, absence of energy, heaviness, a sense of No.
To use these feelings as one barometer of divine guidance, we must learn to identify them and also notice the ways our bodies and behavior register them. I learned that I was ignoring the signals one day during a memorable conversation with one of my sons.
During a time when I intentionally sought “God’s will for my life,” I was talking with my son about my day at Perkins Theological Seminary attending a conference. I launched into a lively account of what the professors said, even mentioning the wonderful “smell of old books” in the building. I gave a very long answer to his short question, “What did you do today?”
My son’s follow-up comment sparked a shift in perception that has stayed with me through the years. He said, “Mom, just listen to yourself! You’re wondering where God is leading you, and you assume it has to involve pain and sacrifice! Don’t you think God can speak through your joy, your love of learning, and the pleasing odor of books? For goodness sake, pay attention!”
God’s ways of speaking are much greater than our powers of listening!
Reflect: How does your body register feelings of resonance? dissonance? Begin to notice and name these feelings as you develop a greater capacity for hearing divine guidance.
FEBRUARY 19 • Skills and Passions
Mary, a retired accountant, wanted to invest some of her newly discovered extra time to be of service to her church. Because of her expertise with numbers, the pastor asked her to chair the finance committee. Mary described her feelings of dissonance: “My heart sank. I knew I had the skills to do it. I felt I should do it, but I just didn’t want to! I’ve always yearned to work with young children. I had to put my own kids in daycare when they were young because of my career, and I missed that playful experience of being with toddlers.”
In truth, the accountant side of Mary’s life had received plenty of room to grow, but her circumstances had buried her passion for children. It’s a useful illustration of the difference between skills (what we’re capable of doing) and passions (what we long to do). At that point in Mary’s life, one option carried feelings of dissonance and the other of resonance. Knowing the difference between those feelings helped her distinguish the difference between her skills and her passions. Most people in her position would do as they were asked. Instead, she told her pastor she wanted to volunteer in the nursery rather than chair the finance committee.
Often we can combine our skills and passions. But sometimes we mistake one for the other, assuming that we must pursue our vocational skills for a lifetime simply because they exist. Buried creative desires to paint, knit, do woodworking, teach, cook, plant a garden—you name it—go ignored as we focus on what we think we ought to do. The God whose very nature is abundance and wholeness invites us to discover all that we are.
Reflect: Make an honest list of your skills and a separate one of your passions. What steps, even small ones, can you take to honor your curiosity and yearning?
FEBRUARY 20 • Decision Drivers
We are shaped by the questions that sit, day after day, deep within us—often beneath our awareness. For instance, if we seek a life of more pleasure or greater comfort or more approval or dependable safety or financial security—even peace of mind—those inner desires will drive the decisions we make. Their silent influence will infuse the discernment process with their preferences.
Consider the revealing story of an elderly monk whom others admired for his keen spiritual wisdom. A young novice in the monastery, eager to discover the old man’s secret, hid outside his hermitage to spy on him. He heard a thump as the monk’s knees met the floor at prayer time. Then he heard these words: “Who are you, God, and who am I?” Moments later, there came the same question: “Who are you God, and who am I?” All day long, those were the only words the young novice heard.
If the prevailing question in our lives centers around our desire to know God and to know who we are in relation to God, that central yearning will color our decisions. Surely this intent of the heart reflects the words of Matthew 6:33: “Strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This kind of seeking is not a one-time intention; it’s a way of life.
Reflect: Think honestly about the factors that drive your decisions. In what ways does your desire for divine truth affect the way you approach discernment?
FEBRUARY 21 • Your Vocation
The word vocation shares the same root with the word “voice.” This shared connection implies a difference between our job and our vocation. How does our connection to the Spirit allow the divine voice to speak in and through us? On our path to deeper discernment, we’re invited to look at how God calls us to participate in the healing of the world.
Our job provides a way to pay the rent. Our unique voice, or vocation, focuses on how we live out our particular gifts and graces. An ongoing life of listening helps us to express the divine dream in any circumstances. A woman in my community spent her entire life teaching. She inspired students for decades, garnered countless awards, and was honored by her peers. She felt fortunate to have significant overlaps between her job and her vocation.
However, now well into her nineties, long retired from teaching, she continues to live out her vocation—that of inspiring others and spreading joy in the extended-care facility where she lives. I’ll never forget her response to my question about her life at this final stage. With a gleam in her eye, she described her first waking moments each morning: “When I see the light of dawn, I wonder what gift I can give today to someone who needs it—even if it’s as simple as a smile.”
We often think we must live out our purpose in neon lights or through some grand accomplishment. However, it’s less about what we do and more about who we are.
Reflect: Ponder the ways God invites you to be who you were created to be, to use those gifts to express love and healing in the world. What one specific action can you take today to live out your vocation?
FEBRUARY 22 • Taking the Next Step
Imagine that you’re standing at the edge of a dark forest. You want desperately to reach freedom on the other side (an answer to discernment), but you don’t know exactly how to navigate the tangle of trees. All you have in your jeans pocket is a tiny flashlight. The woods look daunting, scary, perhaps even impossible, but you’re committed to the journey. Then imagine a Voice giving you encouragement and instructions:
• Take out your flashlight and shine it on the path before you.
• Step into the small circle of light that you can see.
• Shine the flashlight forward again; step into the circle of light.
• If you stumble and fall, simply smile and breathe a forgiving “oops!” (No guilt or remorse allowed; it’s a waste of time).
• Dust yourself off and get back on the path.
• Repeat the process again and again and again.
• You will reach the other side of the forest, one point of light at a time.
In other words, act on the light you have now. It doesn’t have to be the final word, the clearest word, or the most profound word. You don’t have to wait until the situation improves or until you feel like it. The road to release doesn’t require a meticulous map. In fact, knowledge of the path is no substitute for placing one foot in front of the other. You simply proceed with the light you’ve been given. Take a risk and act.
Oddly enough, people usually think that taking action involves fixing a problem or finding a solution. In the process of discernment, that approach may be counterproductive. The procedure seems to be best served by opening yourself to divine direction then aligning with positive, life-giving energy and acting in cooperation with God’s guiding light. God is always inviting us beyond where we are—one small step at a time.
Reflect: Recall a situation of discernment that you’re presently considering. What one action would move you forward? a phone call? a contact to give you essential information? a time of reflection and prayer about the possibilities? Just take one step.
FEBRUARY 23 • Getting It Wrong
But what if I think I’m doing the will of God, and I get it wrong? What if it doesn’t turn out well?” she asked.
“Join the club,” I responded.
Sometimes we learn as much from getting it wrong as getting it right. Failure is a rich seedbed of personal growth. A noted Peanuts cartoon shows Sally sitting at a table with two pieces of paper—one large and one small—in front of her. As she writes diligently on the large piece, she says to Charlie Brown, “I’m making a list of all the lessons I’ve learned from life. Well, actually, I’m making two lists.” Charlie Brown asks, “Why is one list so much longer than the other?” Holding up the long list, Sally says, “Oh, these are the things I’ve learned the hard way!”
In the arena of human behavior, we learn from experience. And how do we get experience? Through trial and error, through failure as well as success. Even if we offer an act of kindness that is rebuffed or doesn’t produce the desired result, the action itself may not be misguided. When acting from a motivation of love and compassion, we learn to let go of the outcome.
One mark of spiritual maturity is a willingness to take risks, to get it wrong, to believe that God’s forgiving spirit will pick us up, dust us off, and set us on the path again. If we remain at the starting gate for fear of making a mistake, our souls will congeal into something lifeless and fearful. We move forward in faith with the light that we have. Second chances abound in the arena of divine grace.
Ask, pray, watch, act. Don’t allow fear to paralyze you!
Reflect: Think of times in your life when you have learned valuable lessons from your mistakes. Give thanks that God’s loving presence helped your soul grow from your choices.
FEBRUARY 24 • Judgment or Discernment?
There are contrasts between judgment and discernment, even though we often use the terms interchangeably. Judgment usually involves a sense of distance from the thing or person being judged that emphasizes it as “other.” It has an aura of put-down, condescension, or fear. Discernment, on the other hand, identifies “with,” seeing a behavior or situation as it truly is and choosing an appropriate course of engagement or disengagement accordingly.
For instance, judgment might label someone as an “incorrigible gambler,” while discernment would involve understanding that the person has a gambling problem and deciding not to go to a casino outing! I might judge my financial adviser as a thief because I lost money or, after considering his financial advice, my discernment might lead me to give him another chance or to find another consultant.
Here’s a checklist for determining the difference between judgment and discernment:
• Judgment is a reaction; discernment is a response.
• Judgment is unreflective; discernment is thoughtful.
• Judgment is hasty; discernment takes time.
• Judgment jumps to conclusions; discernment thinks it through.
• Judgment contains our own biases; discernment is open to the Spirit.
• Judgment carries a sense of superiority; discernment seeks equanimity.
• Judgment stems from emotion; discernment desires wisdom and insight.
• Judgment labels; discernment seeks understanding.
Before we take the familiar leap to judgment of a person, the law of love would have us affirm that person’s essential goodness before assuming the worst. After all, there’s some good in the worst of us and some bad in the best of us.
Reflect: Consider the difference between judgment and discernment in your own life. The next time you feel tempted to make a quick judgment, take time to respond with discernment rather than reaction.
FEBRUARY 25 • The Discernment Prayer
In the old days before processed milk, my grandmother would wait for the thick cream to slowly rise to the top of the container before skimming it off to enrich her cup of coffee. Discernment is like that; it takes patience and attention. You wait until the cream rises to the top. Or, to use another metaphor, it’s a bit like standing in a muddy puddle, waiting for it to clear up. If you stand still long enough, the dirt settles to the bottom as you watch. In like manner, good decisions require stillness and waiting.
In making decisions, the pertinent data can swirl into a mass of confusion. We receive external data in the form of advice from those we trust, factual aspects to consider, scriptural principles, and life values. Internal data comes from the body’s reactions and the soft voice of the soul where the Spirit speaks to us. As all this input merges, a decision will begin to form.
A familiar prayer facilitates this process of guidance, relying on our sensitivity to God’s interior influence. It assumes a belief that the Spirit speaks through our soul, body, feelings, intellect, and the yearning of the heart. Based on a verse from Psalm 37:4 (“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart”), it can point the way forward.
We clear our minds of cluttering thoughts and set aside our own preference regarding the answer. Then we pray the following prayer for discernment with patience and persistence for days or even months:
Loving God, if this course of action is for my highest good and those involved, I pray that you will increase my desire for it; if this is not for the highest good, I pray that you will decrease my desire for it. Amen.
Then we patiently pay attention.
Reflect: As you consider a question, a choice, or a decision, pray The Discernment Prayer faithfully, noting any changes in the desires of your own heart under the influence of the Spirit. Listen for the still small whisper of God.
FEBRUARY 26 • Deciding
There comes a moment when it’s time to make a choice and step forward in faith. If we wait for absolute certainty, we’ll wait forever! Prolonged hesitation and constant second-guessing can make it impossible to act.
An old saying states, “Leap and the net will appear!” Being overly cautious stunts our courage and corrals us in mediocrity. We take the next step, trusting that we’ll be shown the one after that and the one after that. We’re called to faithfulness, not perfection.
We can foster a deepening trust by praying the following prayer:
O Holy One, be with me in my uncertainty. Though I’m ready to move forward, my willingness sometimes feels weak and tentative. But somehow, I trust that you will honor my intention because that’s all I have right now. Even if I make a misstep and stumble, I trust your gracious Spirit to steer me back on the path to authentic discernment.
So accept my feeble effort, my availability, my desire to honor your words, “Do not be afraid.” I no longer ask for a vision of the whole journey, but simply for the next step. As you shine your holy light on my path forward, I will take that step with your loving, forgiving Spirit ever at my side. Amen.
Reflect: Meditate using one of the following verses: “‘Do not be afraid, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom’” (Luke 12:32) or “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid” (Heb. 13:6) or “O Most High, when I am afraid, I put my trust in you” (Ps. 56:3). Allow your fears to melt into life-giving trust.
FEBRUARY 27 • Litmus Test for Listening
In any process of discernment, the inevitable question arises: Am I on the right track? Am I moving in a healthy direction?
Even when a path forward seems clearly indicated, signposts that provide encouragement and confirmation of the decision exist:
• An interior sense of joy and peace (resonance) rather than feelings of heaviness and dread (dissonance)
• Something I deeply desire
• A sense that the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control—Galatians 5:22-23) can grow on this path
• A feeling of spiritual freedom rather than duty and obligation
• Energy and courage to move forward
• An awakening to heightened awareness and understanding
• A clarity of motives. Is my aim to gain approval, to “look successful” to others? Is this decision merely more comfortable and less challenging, therefore I’m assuming it’s “peaceful”?
• An assurance that the decision honors others and is compassionate.
• A strengthening of personal commitments
• An avenue that fosters love in the world
• Trust in the Spirit’s involvement in the process
A few final questions about our decision can jolt us into action: How will I feel about this on my deathbed? What path will I wish I had taken? This line of questioning diminishes the fear of taking a risk. Even if it’s a difficult path, the repeated encouragement of scripture is “Be not afraid.”
Reflect: Move through the signposts slowly and prayerfully, being as honest and vulnerable as possible. Trust that God’s will for you is wholeness and abundant life.
FEBRUARY 28 • The Dance of Discernment
The merging of divine guidance and our free will is like many mysterious concepts—best expressed through imagination and metaphor.
To me, it resembles a sacred dance. When we dance to music, we simply take the next step in the rhythm of the tune rather than knowing where we’re going to end up on the dance floor! The dance of discernment is no ordinary movement. It is intimate and instinctive—much like a tango, where the partners move in sync with each other and the dance is seamless. If we can imagine ourselves as a partner, with the Holy Spirit leading the dance, then each time the Spirit shifts, we automatically flow with the music. We do not stop to analyze (two steps forward, one move backward, now turn?).
Perhaps initially we sense this remarkable union for only an instant, but over time we learn to recognize the overwhelming resonance. We come to understand that it is rooted deeply in our soulful relationship with the One who created us for this intimate journey. The nudge from the Spirit usually leads only to the next move, not the entire dance!
I believe our dance with the Spirit can be just as instinctive as a tango if nourished and practiced for a lifetime. As our relationship with God grows stronger, we gradually begin to move as God moves, see as God sees, hear as God hears, love as God loves. Of course, like any dancer, we sometimes make a misstep. But when we stumble, we come to depend even more on the wisdom and wonder of the leading partner. And, like any skill, the more we practice, the easier it becomes.
Spiritual discernment is an art, an ongoing engagement with the Creator. It isn’t a list of dos and don’ts designed to lead us to the right answer. Over time, this holy partnership can become a way of life rather than a list of decisions.
So may we flow with the pace of guidance, and step onto the dance floor!
Reflect: Engage your imagination and allow yourself to dream about your own dance with the Divine. How would close partnership with the Holy Spirit affect your relationships, your thoughts and statements about others and your view of the world?
FEBRUARY 29 • A Bonus Day
Every four years, we receive the gift of an extra twenty-four hours. How will we use this bonus day?
We affirm that the Holy Spirit desires our wholeness as human beings so we can serve the world with love and compassion. We remind ourselves that the guiding love of God wants us to experience life in greater abundance—the divine measure of abundance, not the world’s measure. With that unconditional love as our foundation, we take time to recap our own process of discernment—not simply what we know about spiritual decision making but how the process operates in our particular lives.
As we listen for the Spirit’s gentle nudges, remember to notice the following:
• Flashes of emotional “electricity”—intense curiosity, sudden bursts of joy, sincere interest, deep desire
• Recurring thoughts that continue to visit, unbidden
• Persistent urges of fear and resistance that may cloud your vision.
• Messages from your environment—scripture, songs, advice of those you trust
• Moments of frustration, obligation, the burden of duty that stifle your peace
• Feelings of harmony with your values and beliefs
As you consider these movements in your own soul, listen for God’s invitation embedded within them. What is the still small Voice beckoning you to notice? to grow or learn from? How is God inviting you to take risks, to act on faith?
Another revealing exercise involves imagining other people in your situation—persons toward whom you feel love and goodwill—who seek counsel from you. What advice would you give? What wisdom would you share? What might God lead you to say? Allow the inspiration intended for them to wind its holy way to you.
No matter how difficult our dilemmas of discernment, no matter how many troubling aspects a decision may contain, we are never alone in the messiness. God is with us—guiding, inspiring, cajoling, forgiving, loving. What a glorious gift on this bonus day!
Reflect: Allow courage and gratitude to emerge from your heart. With a knowing smile, embrace the truth that God’s guidance is not simply a sweet idea but an abiding reality.
