Читать книгу A Home For Christmas - Linda Ford - Страница 11

Chapter Three

Wade’s heart had momentarily stalled when Missy’s hand pressed his shoulder. Perhaps she had come to understand the wisdom of his decision regarding the children and, seeing how difficult it was to think of saying perhaps a final goodbye to them, offered her sympathy. It would be nice to have someone stand by him through a wrenching farewell.

Then she’d removed her hand, leaving a cold spot on his shoulder and an empty hole in his heart as reason returned. No sense hoping she would change her opinion of him.

He brought his thoughts back to the here and now. “Annie, I’d love to hear your song.”

The child stood before the manger, her hands folded at her waist, and faced those gathered before her. She smiled widely, her eyes shone and she looked beyond them as if seeing something the rest couldn’t.

Wade guessed she was seeing her mama, perhaps thinking of the times they’d spent learning this song and so much more. Susan had always been a good teacher even when they were children together. His throat tightened with sweet memories.

Then Annie began to sing, her clear, sweet voice reaching to the rafters.

“O come, little children, come one and come all,

O come to the manger in Bethlehem’s stall,

And see what our Father in heaven above,

Has sent to us all on this earth with his love.”

Wade couldn’t stop the tears that stung his eyes nor the lump that swelled in his throat. He would not weep. Not in front of all these people. Joey grabbed his hand and squeezed hard. He dared not look at the boy, who was likely assaulted by memories every bit as much as Wade himself.

On his other side, he reached for Missy’s hand, not allowing himself time to consider his actions or forecast what her reaction would be. He only knew he needed to hang on to something—someone who wouldn’t let him go. When she gripped his hand and rubbed his arm, he drank in her comfort. There’d be time enough later to tell himself she could save her sympathy for the children.

He didn’t dare look at the other cowboys in the barn, but a muffled cough or two informed him there might be others struggling with sad memories and overwhelming emotions.

Annie finished and her audience clapped loudly. She curtsied, then hurried to Wade and pressed against his legs. He lifted her in his arms. She buried her face against his neck and he held on tight. He never wanted to let her or Joey go. But he’d promised to see they got a good home and he meant to keep his promise. He had nothing to offer them. Even if he did, they deserved far better.

One by one the men left. Daisy led her brothers and sister away. Grady had gone with Eddie. Only Wade, Missy and the children remained.

“I’ll leave you with the children,” she murmured, and slipped away from his side.

For some strange, inexplicable reason he wanted to call her back, but he had no cause. Yes, she’d agreed to help with the children, but how much help did he need to stand with them in a barn stall? So he shrugged and said nothing.

“Where you going?” Annie’s voice rose to a squeak.

Missy stopped and smiled at the child. “I think you and Joey need to be alone with your uncle.”

Annie’s bottom lip quivered and Joey, trying his best to be strong, squeezed Wade’s hand hard enough to send a thread of admiration through his unsettled thoughts. The boy had a good grip for one so young.

“Please don’t go,” Annie begged, and reached out for Missy’s hand.

She looked at Wade, seeking his decision. “No reason you have to run off,” he said, not realizing how unwelcoming his words sounded until they were uttered. “We aren’t staying much longer, anyway.” That didn’t sound much better. Best he just shut his mouth before he made things worse.

“Very well.” Missy straightened and faced him squarely. The flash in her blue-green eyes made him blink. Was she silently trying to tell him something? What? He searched through his scrambled thoughts but could find no clue.

“Is that the end of the Boxing Day event?” Annie asked, about the time the silence between them grew heavy.

He jerked his attention back to the scene before him. The manager lay as if prepared for the baby Jesus. The children watched him, waiting for him to answer, perhaps even to suggest how the day was to proceed. The light from the barn windows formed a glow about Missy’s head. Feathers of her blond hair captured the pale yellow light. Her bright eyes were like beacons in the sky.

“Uncle Wade?” Joey jerked on his arm. “Is that all there is?”

Faint expectation colored the boy’s words. Joey, he’d come to realize, did not allow himself to hope for things, fearing disappointment, or worse, pain, sorrow, loss. How well Wade understood the boy’s caution, but Joey was too young to let life’s uncertainties keep him from enjoying life’s joys.

“I’m sure there’s lots of good things ahead. Let’s go back to the house and see what’s next.” He led them down the alley and held the barn door for them to step out.

Annie grabbed Joey’s hand. “Let’s run.”

Wade followed Missy from the barn. “Wanna run?”

She laughed—a sweet pure sound like a morning bird. “Not today, thanks.”

They fell in step side by side. He matched his stride to hers, content to take his time reaching the house. The children ran and skipped and played tag with each other.

“It’s good to see them enjoying the day,” he offered, hoping she would see he gave them enough to make them happy for the present. If only he could offer them the future. He slammed a door on such thoughts. A man must do what was right. Not necessarily what suited him.

“Children know how to make the most of the moment,” she said, though he detected a hesitation in her voice, as if she didn’t quite believe it. Then she continued, “But I suppose even children can’t ignore the past or the future.”

She stopped, and he did also. He faced her, knowing from the expression on her face he wouldn’t care for what she had to say.

“Wade, why won’t you make a home for these children? It’s obvious they love you and you love them.”

Her words ripped a bleeding path through his heart. She would never understand and he wouldn’t try to explain his reasons, so he simply repeated the words he’d said to himself seconds before. “A man must do what is right. Not necessarily what suits him. I promised their mother I would see they got a good home and I intend to do just that.” Wade turned to stare ahead, seeing nothing but the agony of his own regrets and failures. If only he was a better man, one who could take care of those who depended on him.

His heart hurt so bad he thought it might bleed out through his pores.

Missy caught his arm, sending a jolt through him. “You could give them a good home.”

He shook his head and refused to look at her, instead focusing his attention on the spot where her hand touched his arm. He drew in a deep breath. “I can’t.” He would say no more. “But I promised them we’d celebrate Christmas.” That gave him an idea. “You must have done something special as a family the day after Christmas.”

Her fingers pressed into his arm as if a spasm had passed through them. She blinked and then her eyes widened. “We did but I’d forgotten. How could I?” Her gaze bored into him as if searching for the reason. “I was thirteen when my parents died. Old enough to remember all the things we’d done, yet somehow, I’ve forgotten much of it.” Her eyes fairly danced and pleasure filled her face. She laughed low in her throat. “Mama had us write down all the good things from the past and a prayer for the New Year.” Her expression flattened. “I don’t suppose that would be a good activity for Annie and Joey.”

Wanting to bring the joy back to her eyes, Wade said, “Why not? Might be fun.”

She nodded slowly. “I always enjoyed it. Sometimes we did a play, too.”

“Did you write them?” He could almost picture her enthusiasm as she made up a story and acted it out with her siblings. Then he remembered. “Did you only have the one sibling?”

She nodded. “Just Gordie.” Sorrow laced the words and somehow, without planning it, Wade had captured her hands and held them between his own, trying to warm them even though it was only moderately cold out.

“It hurts to lose a brother.”

The smile she gave him trembled. “Or a sister.”

Their gazes locked as they silently offered understanding and sympathy. And found comfort. At least he did. He could only wish he successfully gave it to her as well, but had he? He’d thought he gave Tomasina what she needed, but he’d failed.

He dropped Missy’s hands. “How about we follow your suggestion after lunch?”

“Okay.” She tucked her hands into her sleeves, hiding them completely.

They continued on their way up the hill, watching as the children scampered into the house. When they finally reached the threshold, Missy stepped across and Wade began to close the door.

“Aren’t you coming in?” she asked, stopping him.

“I’m going to help with the chores.” He shut the door between them and remained motionless as he tried to put his feelings into perspective.

He could deal with this upcoming goodbye better if Missy Porter didn’t continually suggest with words and looks that he was somehow failing the children.

She had no idea how badly a man could fail.

* * *

Missy stared at the door. Then she shrugged. He had every right to leave her to care for the children while he did other things. She fully intended he would not regret one penny he paid her. In fact, if she managed things right, she might even make him see that he could give the children the home they deserved. He’d have to remarry or hire a housekeeper, but surely providing the children with a home was reason enough to choose a woman who would put the children’s interests above her own.

I could marry him.

She snorted as the thought echoed in her mind. She had other plans. And even if she didn’t, she had no desire to be seen as a necessary nuisance again. If she ever married— She stopped before she could complete the thought. Knowing how fragile life was, how easily it could be snatched away, leaving the survivors floundering, she didn’t plan to marry.

But if she ever changed her mind, she would marry for love. A great, consuming, overwhelming love that made it impossible to think of any option other than marriage, other than being bound together until death parted them.

She would do her utmost to help Wade find a suitable woman. Her shoulders sagged. She was hundreds of miles from where she knew all the maiden ladies. The only women she knew at Eden Valley Ranch were happily married. Where would she find someone willing to marry Wade and become a parent to Joey and Annie? It was impossible.

With God, all things are possible.

Please, Father God, send someone to love the children and be willing to marry Wade to give them the home they deserve.

Dismissing her hesitation at uttering the prayer, she went to the kitchen to help prepare dinner. The children played nearby, their gazes often darting to her as she worked.

“There’s more butter in the pantry,” Linette said, as Missy set out the meal.

Missy went to get it. When she returned, Annie and Joey stood at the end of the table, eyes wide, expressions drawn tight. Oh, no, had they thought she’d dropped out of their lives just because she’d disappeared for a moment? Her heart twisted within her chest, making her head feel light from lack of air. She set the butter aside and pulled them both to her side. “I promised I would take care of you as long as you are here, and I will.” And lest they thought it was only because she felt she had to, she knelt to face them. “I cannot think of anything in the world I would sooner do than spend time with you two.”

Annie threw her arms about Missy’s neck and hung on, her breath rushing out in a hot gust.

Joey would have hung back, but Missy pulled him against her other shoulder and pressed his head close. She smiled with a heart full of joy that she could help this pair. She knew the pain she would feel when they were wrenched away to their new home, but this was one pain she would not regret.

The outer door opened and Wade stepped inside. He took in the two children cradled in Missy’s arms and his eyes narrowed. She had no way of knowing what he thought of the scene and at the moment she did not care. She was only following her heart.

A few minutes later, the others joined them around the dinner table. As soon as the meal ended, Missy jumped up before either Louise or Linette could get to their weary feet. “You two take your babies and have a rest while I clean up.”

With grateful nods, the new mothers left the room.

“Thank you,” Eddie said.

“Yes, thank you.” Nate gave her a sideways hug.

The three men lingered over coffee as Missy did the dishes and the children played nearby.

“Are you done?” She indicated the empty coffee cups.

“Done.” Eddie pushed back his chair as she scooped them up and washed them. “Nate, why don’t I take a look at that broken wheel on your wagon?”

“I’ll help.” Wade followed the men, reaching for his coat on the hook by the door.

Missy planted herself in front of him. “What about our plans?” Had he already forgotten? She could live with being so easily dismissed, but wouldn’t allow it for the children.

His eyebrows headed upward. “We have plans?”

Heat rushed up her neck and pooled in her cheeks. He’d misunderstood, thought she mean the two of them. “An activity for the children?” she managed to choke out.

“Oh, that.” He let out a gust of air.

She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. Was it so challenging to think of spending time with her? Would she always be a necessary nuisance to others?

Not if she learned to be a secretary and no longer depended on anyone else.

“I can do it myself if you have other things you need to do.” She would not be treated as a nuisance. And she saw no reason the children should be, either.

“We can get along without you,” Eddie told him.

Missy hadn’t realized the two men waited at the door. What must they think of her? First, asking for Wade to stay, then practically telling him to leave? She must sound silly.

She drew her chin in. She was not silly, though perhaps a little confused by her unusual reaction to the events in which she found herself. Caring so deeply about the children and their future, torn between her feelings of being unwanted and her desire to see Wade give the children a home.

Wade returned his coat to the hook by the door. “Let’s do it.”

The other men left without him.

Linette had told Missy where to find paper and pencils, and invited her to use what she needed. She got four sheets of paper and four pencils and laid them out at the table. Grady had gone upstairs with his mama, but Joey and Annie watched with interest.

“What are we going to do?” Annie asked.

“You showed me a tradition from your family. Now I’m going to show you a tradition from mine.” She explained what they’d done when Mama and Papa were alive.

Annie took up her pencil. “But I can’t write.”

“I’ll... We’ll help you.” The look she gave Wade informed him he was part of this.

His gaze captured hers. “We’ll work together.” His quiet response brought a rush of heat to her heart. She needed to stop judging him as if he was Gordie. She had to stop letting her feelings of rejection color her attitude toward him.

“Joey writes his name very well.” At Wade’s softly spoken words, she sucked in a deep breath.

“Fine, put your name on the top of your page.” She wrote her name on hers and helped Annie, who sat at her side.

Wade and Joey, sitting side by side, wrote their names.

“Now what?” Joey asked, sounding a bit uncertain.

“Now we start listing all the good things about the past year.”

The three of them stared at the blank page, no doubt thinking the death of two people they loved and missed could not be considered good. But her goal was to help them find good despite the tragedy of their lives.

Holding the pencil, her hand hovered over the paper as she realized she needed this exercise as much as they did. “There are things in life that make us unhappy and sad.” Her voice was low. She hoped they wouldn’t hear the strain that made her throat tight. “Those things are like clouds hiding the sun.” To illustrate, she drew a little sketch. “Some clouds are white and fluffy. Some are dark and heavy.” She added a dark one to her drawing. “But if we push them aside, the sun is still shining and it makes things bright.” She erased the clouds and drew a field of flowers and trees and birds.

Annie nodded. “That’s nice.”

Joey and Wade wore matching expressions of doubt.

Missy smiled at how alike they were. “Let’s see how many good things we can remember. I’ll go first.” She bent over the paper and wrote “Baby Chloe.” “I love my little niece and I am so happy she’s here.”

Joey’s expression relaxed a bit, but Wade’s was still tight.

Missy looked at the three who shared the table. “Who wants to go next?”

“Me.” Annie edged her paper toward Missy. “Write your name.”

“My name?” Missy wasn’t sure she understood the child’s intent.

“Yes. I’m glad we found you.”

Missy’s heart stalled. Her gaze slid toward Wade. He watched her unblinkingly, his blue eyes giving away nothing. She swallowed hard. Did he object to the child’s request? Perhaps he was concerned Missy would have a bad influence on the children, that she’d suggest they should bombard him with demands for him to keep them. No, she silently informed him. She’d be the one doing the bombarding.

Joey bent over his paper. “I want to write her name, too.”

Wade jerked his attention to the boy and Missy turned back to Annie. She wrote her name on Annie’s paper.

Wade spelled out her name for Joey to print on his paper and then, to Missy’s consternation, he wrote it on his own. She stared at the letters forming her name. Black. Thick. Solid. She tried to make sense of seeing them on his page, in what was supposed to be a list of good things. If she’d given it a bit of thought she might have predicted the children would count her as a good thing. But Wade? She fought to keep from looking at him.

“Is that bad?” Joey asked, misconstruing her silence.

She turned her attention back to the children. “Not at all. I’m so touched I can’t think of what to say.”

Annie patted Missy’s hand. “You’ll think of something.”

Missy chuckled. “I suppose I will.”

Satisfied that things were back to normal, Annie studied Missy’s page. “What else are you going to put on yours?”

“You two for sure.” She wrote their names.

“But what about Uncle Wade?” At the uncertainty in Joey’s voice, Missy held the pencil poised above the paper, wanting to satisfy the boy, but not wanting to give Wade cause to think her too forward.