Читать книгу Better Parents Ask Better Questions - Lindsay Boone's Tighe - Страница 10

Let’s look at another hat that we wear, and one I am sure we all relate to within our lives: being ‘the expert’. What I mean by this is that you are a person who considers yourself to have the best knowledge and advice about certain situations or things and believes that your role is to offer this knowledge or advice to help people. There is a sense that you do know best, and this doesn’t necessarily come from an egotistical place; it is likely to be a genuine belief that, given your age and experience, your opinion really is right. I can recall many people telling me that they are aware that they often converse wearing the expert hat in the absolute knowledge that they are right about things, and frequently they are! How often do you hear parents saying things like “As your Mum/Dad, I know what is best for you” – despite the often mature ages of their children!

Parents who wear the expert hat frequently will do so out of real concern and care for their children, often in the belief that if they don’t provide this knowledge or advice there will be adverse consequences for their child. In other words it is often done from a protective space. Very often a habit develops over the years that you will be the advice-giver and the expert, and your kids will approach you with an automatic expectation to wear this hat in your role as parent. I have had many people share with me that they readily recognise this role and, without realising it, have even become relied upon to be the provider of answers and advice. It is clear that whilst reliance is not a good thing, being available as an expert to your kids has to be another great way to enable their growth and development through sharing your wisdom and knowledge. Therefore the expert hat is again a valid one to wear, but I should emphasise at the right time and in the right way, which will be explored further very soon!