Читать книгу Unbreakable: My life with Paul – a story of extraordinary courage and love - Lindsey Hunter - Страница 12

When Paul and I started seeing each other at Nicky’s house, I didn’t think of him as drop-dead gorgeous – I liked him purely based on how cheeky and funny he was. He was tall and wore his blond hair in what I called ‘curtains’ – short at the back and floppy over each side of his forehead. It was very much a young boy’s style – a bit of a state really. He wasn’t bothered about clothes or fashion, and usually just wore a jumper and jeans.

The other part of his life took place in snooker halls and exhibition centres up and down the country, and often abroad. Most snooker players take a long break during the summer, but they often do exhibition matches or corporate events to boost their income even when there aren’t any actual tournaments going on. Nicky showed me lots of photographs of Paul in his snooker gear, standing beside tables, or shaking hands with dignitaries presenting prizes, and I found it hard to reconcile that image with the daft teenager who would push me onto the sofa and tickle me until I cried tears of laughter. Sometimes I would read his name in the sports pages of papers and he seemed like a different person in a different world. He was playing snooker all the time in those early days. As soon as he had turned professional at the age of 16, he had caused a sensation at the UK Championships by beating Alan McManus, the world number six, in the first round by 9–4. That was an amazing achievement and really put Paul on the map. He had followed it up by becoming the youngest player to reach the semi-finals of a ranking event in the 1996 Regal Welsh Open, when he was just 17. In that same year, he also reached the last eight of the UK Championships, where he beat some big names including Willie Thorne; in fact, he played a great game, but lost to Stephen Hendry who eventually won the whole tournament.

It was as if Paul had two lives at the time I met him – the professional international snooker player and the 18-year-old boy. In fact, because he was locked away in the snooker world when he was playing, he was really immature on a lot of levels. When he and Nicky and I mucked about, it allowed him to let off steam and be a kid again. Maybe he needed to do that since his actual childhood had been spent in a man’s world; maybe he wanted to stay a child just a bit longer.

Still, when all was said and done, he was a lad – and lads are only happy tickling girls for so long before they start to think of other things! One night we were at Paul’s mum and dad’s house where he still stayed, and his cousin Anthony had come along as well. I’d been there a couple of times before, as a friend of Nicky’s more than anything, and I’d met Alan and Kris briefly. Paul got us all a drink from the cabinet – he was knocking back a huge amount of vodka as usual – and we settled down to watch a video. It was a boring film, and everyone started to get a bit restless.

Paul suggested, ‘Let’s have a game of truth or dare.’ Well, I wasn’t that naive; in my experience truth or dare was usually an excuse for a good snog. I have to admit that I was hoping we’d get a chance, so I didn’t mind at all. By the time it was my turn, Paul made it clear that he’d be asking the questions. ‘Truth or dare, Linz?’ he said, with a smile. I went for truth, no doubt as everybody expected me to – I wasn’t going to risk a dare because it could have been anything! ‘Right,’ said Paul, with a twinkle in his eye. ‘Is it true that you’re absolutely dying to kiss me?’

Anthony and Nicky both burst out laughing as my cheeks reddened. ‘Absolutely not!’ I said. Paul waggled his finger in my face. ‘Lindsey Fell,’ he mocked, ‘I think you’re lying. You have not told the truth, so it is within my powers to make you do a dare.’ I made a face that was meant to look completely unconcerned as he continued: ‘As you lied so disgracefully about the fact that you are desperate to get your hands on me, I have to make the punishment fit the crime.’ He was really getting into this now. ‘So – I dare you to give Paul Hunter the best snog he has ever had in his life, and ignore Anthony and Nicky if they try to stop you.’

I was sitting beside Paul on the sofa while he made his announcement, so I wiggled a bit closer. I knew that I was going to do it, and I was looking forward to the look on everyone’s faces afterwards. As I moved closer to him, Paul took my hand and leaned in towards me, kissing me first. Given that it was my dare, he was putting in a lot of the work. We both got into it pretty quickly, while Nicky and Anthony shouted in the background: ‘You two can stop any minute, you know. Don’t feel obliged to keep going. Give your tongues a rest!’ It was all a laugh and nothing serious, but it did change things to the extent that we both knew there hadn’t been any hardship in kissing each other; in fact, it was just wonderful.

The rest of the night was pretty unremarkable. Paul and Anthony gave each other drinking dares while Nicky and I giggled about what had just happened. Nicky and Anthony were staying over at Paul’s that night, so I ordered a taxi to pick me up. As I left, Nicky gave me a cuddle but I was a bit disappointed that Paul didn’t say anything else. However, just as I got into the cab he flew out of his front door. I rolled my window down. ‘Here, Lindsey,’ he said, ‘I just wanted to let you know if you ever fancy another game of truth or dare, well – I’m your man.’ He gave me a wink and went back inside, leaving me thinking nice thoughts about him all the way home.

I didn’t see Paul for about a week or so after that, and it gave me time to think. I realized that I did find him cheeky but so lovely with it that I couldn’t help but like him. I kept asking Nicky what was going on between Paul and Gemma, but it obviously made her a bit uncomfortable. ‘Look, Lindsey,’ she said one day, ‘I know that you and Paul get on really well, and I know you like each other, but he’s still with Gemma. They’ve been together for so long that they’re pretty much an established couple. There’s nothing I’d like better than for you two to start going out together, but I don’t think it’ll happen, not while Gemma’s around.’

While the penny dropped for me and I had to admit that I was interested in him, Paul was still committed to another girl. Every now and again, when he was on a break from her, we’d go for a meal, or into a club in town, usually with other people, and we almost always ended up having a kiss at the end of the night. After about six weeks of this, I felt as though we were getting closer, but I realized that he was still seeing Gemma. I’d never even spoken to the girl, other than to say ‘hiya’ if she was in our crowd, but I did spend a lot of time thinking about her.

My relationship with Dave had been very straightforward: we liked each other, we went out with each other, and we were nice to each other. I knew that I was naive and a bit old-fashioned, but I thought that partners should be faithful to each other. Every time Paul and I kissed, I felt a twinge of discomfort because I knew he would probably soon be going back to Gemma.

One night, we were in his car after a meal out. I’d taken my car too, so it was quite clear that I wasn’t angling to get a lift home; we were there for a bit of a kiss and cuddle as usual. After he’d been kissing me for what seemed like hours, and I’d been warding off his wandering hands for just about the same amount of time, Paul suddenly pulled away from me. ‘Lindsey Fell,’ he said, looking into my eyes, ‘I can’t decide whether to think of you as the world’s biggest tease, or as a challenge.’ In the life he led on the snooker circuit, he was used to women just falling into bed with him straight away. There were always girls hanging around the tournaments and snooker halls – snooker groupies really – and Paul wasn’t shy about the fact that he had an eye for the ladies.

He always met a girl, slept with her on the first night, and that was it. Meanwhile, I’d only ever slept with Dave and we’d been together for six years! ‘Well, Paul,’ I told him, ‘maybe you shouldn’t think of me as either of those. Maybe you should just get it into your head that not all girls throw their knickers away on the first date!’

‘First date? First date?’ he screeched, with the usual twinkle in his eyes. ‘It’s been going on a lot bloody longer than a first date, Linz!’ I don’t think that Paul ever understood that for me to consider sleeping with a second person was a big deal. I’d always thought I’d be with Dave forever. It was actually quite unsettling for me to think I’d ever have to have sex with someone else. ‘You are kidding, Lindsey,’ he said. ‘You’re actually saying “no”? And meaning it?’ He seemed shocked that I wouldn’t have sex with him, but I was just as shocked that some girls would sleep with boys who weren’t even their proper boyfriends. We were complete opposites there.

‘Yes, I mean it,’ I told him. ‘And there’s something else I want to talk about.’ He got that uncomfortable look in his eye that blokes always seem to get when girls say they want to talk about things. ‘Gemma. What’s going on there, Paul? I want to know where I stand. Is she your girlfriend or am I?’

Paul actually looked a bit flustered for a moment. I’d assumed that he was almost doing it deliberately – stringing two girls along at the same time – but he claimed otherwise. ‘It’s not as clear cut as you think, Lindsey,’ he said. ‘I don’t think it’s clear cut at all, Paul,’ I told him. ‘I think it’s very messy and I’m not happy with it.’

He pulled away from me and sat back in the driver’s seat. ‘I wouldn’t choose for things to be like this,’ he answered. ‘It’s just that Gemma and I, we have a history together. She’s been my girlfriend since school – you know I left at 14, Lindsey; she was my only bit of reality sometimes when I came back from tournaments. She was just a girl who’d been to school with me and, if I’d been here all the time and having a normal life, we probably would have had a normal relationship. But something’s gone odd – we spend all our time rowing.’

‘So? Make a decision, Paul,’ I said. ‘This hasn’t really got anything to do with snooker, has it? You just need to decide whether you want her or me, and then act on it.’

‘There’s more to it than that,’ he replied. ‘She really loves me. We go back a long way. I don’t like to hurt her.’

‘But you’re happy to hurt me instead?’

‘Of course not. But you’re so different. You’re independent and you don’t run after me.’ He moved over to give me another kiss. ‘If we fell out, you’d just drive off on your own, wouldn’t you?’

‘Too right I would,’ I said. ‘And don’t think your little speech is going to get me into bed either,’ I joked, although secretly I was falling for him big time and was considering whether to take it a stage further. That night ended like lots of other nights – we had a bit more kissing and cuddling, Paul tried to move it on, and I eventually left to drive home alone to my mum and dad’s house.

This went on for another few weeks until one day in the late summer of 1997 Nicky asked if I would like to go on a last-minute holiday with her and her mum. I jumped at the chance – a week on a Spanish beach sounded perfect to me. We could sunbathe all day and enjoy ourselves all night. I told her I’d love to go and she set about making the arrangements.

Only a couple of days after she’d first discussed it, Nicky had the holiday booked. She never wasted any time once she got something into her head. I went round to her house one night after work so we could start packing and get ourselves organized.

‘Here,’ said Nicky, as we wrote out our lists, ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’ She had her back to me as she said it so I couldn’t read her face. ‘Our Paul’s decided that he’s coming too – maybe you’ll finally decide that you’re right for each other.’ I hadn’t seen that one coming. ‘He’s coming on holiday with us?’ I paused to think about this. ‘Well, it doesn’t really matter – I don’t think Paul feels that way, Nicky,’ I told her. ‘He doesn’t seem to be able to make up his mind about Gemma. I don’t even know when they’re on and when they’re off these days.’

Nicky went quiet, and I had to ask: ‘He’s back on with Gemma again, isn’t he?’ She nodded. ‘Yeah, he is; he was on the phone to her last night when he was round here. Think about it though, Linz – if he was crazy about her why would he want to go on holiday with you?’

‘He’s going on holiday with you, Nicky; you’re his family. I’m just someone who happens to be there. I’m all right for a kiss and a cuddle, but not good enough for him to dump Gemma properly.’ I sounded a bit bitter, which was exactly how I felt. The cheek of him, I thought. He’d been trying to get me to sleep with him and yet he was back again with his girlfriend.

‘I think he has tried to break it off with her, but he’s finding it really hard. Gemma isn’t one to give up easily. If it’s any consolation, babes, we think he’s mad and he should go for you,’ she said, supportively.

It seemed to me that even though Paul and I kissed every now and again, and although I did think he was interested, that was that. I felt a bit angry with him. Did he think I was going to be some little holiday fling? Did he think we would sleep together out there and then he would come back to Gemma? If he did, he didn’t know me very well at all. When I went home that night, I made a decision.

I was sure that I would have a great time with Nicky.

I was even more sure that I wouldn’t let Paul Hunter ruin my holiday.