Читать книгу Unbreakable: My life with Paul – a story of extraordinary courage and love - Lindsey Hunter - Страница 13
ОглавлениеI didn’t see Paul again before we left, so it was only when my dad dropped me off at the airport to meet the others that I had a chance to reflect on my decision. I may have decided that I wouldn’t let him affect me, but I hadn’t been prepared for how he seemed more good-looking every time I saw him. Paul wasn’t one to hold a grudge either. As soon as I walked into the terminal pulling my little case on wheels, he ran over, took it out of my hand and gave me a cuddle. ‘All right, Lindsey?’ he asked. ‘Ready to show Spain what having a good time looks like?’ I just laughed, glad that he had such an easy way about him. I never wanted us to fall out and, to be honest, we hadn’t (it would take a lot to make Paul fall out with anyone), but I had been worried that there might have been a bit of bad feeling between us after I’d brought up the subject of Gemma.
On the holiday, it was Nicky, Paul, her mum and me. We’d rented an apartment only a few minutes from the beach. It had three bedrooms, one for Nicky and me, one for her mum, and one for Paul. I think the arrangement was meant to give us some privacy but we didn’t need it – we all knew each other so well by now that we were happy to spend a whole week together. It wasn’t as if we needed separate bedrooms for bringing anyone back either – Nicky wasn’t exactly on the pull with her mum there, and I had no intention of letting Paul break down my defences.
The holiday was an absolute blast. We all knew that we only had seven days to enjoy ourselves and we were ready to make every minute count. From the first day, it was obvious that Paul and Gemma were back on again. He kept going off to call her every few hours, which I thought was a bit odd. It wasn’t like a lad to be so worried, and I felt that it was further proof that he just wasn’t interested in me any more. Nicky soon put another idea in my head, though. ‘It’s not him who’s worried about Gemma,’ she said. ‘It’s her who’s worried about you being here. She’ll be sitting at home thinking of you in a bikini and Paul seeing you every minute. I bet she’s asked him to check in every so often every day.’
We fell into a pattern straight away. Nicky’s mum got friendly with some other women in the apartment complex, so the three of us would all go clubbing until about 3am or 4am every night. We’d stagger back to our rooms, and fall out of bed quite early so that we could sleep off the hangovers on the beach the next day. Paul was still calling Gemma a lot but it didn’t really bother me. I felt I understood the situation better, that they were obviously quite solid together, so I concentrated on enjoying myself.
After a few days, we started chatting to another group of holidaymakers from Manchester who were staying near us. There were a few lads who weren’t attached to any of the girls in their group, and they were a good laugh. Paul didn’t make it down to the beach one day as he was so drunk from the night before, and, by the time he did, Nicky and I were mucking about with the Manchester boys. As Paul came down the steps to the beach, he looked furious. He sat beside all of us on a deckchair but he didn’t join in any of the laughs. After a while, he got up, went back to the apartment and didn’t come back.
Nicky went to check on him at one point. When she came back, she said, ‘He’s really pissed off that you’re talking to these boys, Linz. When I asked him to come back, he said he didn’t want to watch you flirting and flaunting yourself at strangers all day!’
‘Is he joking?’ I asked her. ‘He’s not my boyfriend – he’s the one mucking me about, so why should he get a say in how I behave?’ Nicky ran back to the apartment again to speak to Paul, and I shouted after her, ‘And tell him I am not flirting … or flaunting!’
When Nicky returned, she said that he was pretending to sleep but she reckoned he was probably watching us all from the apartment window. I cranked it up a notch then and laughed as loud as I could as one of the boys threw me into the little kiddie pool on the beach. If Paul was watching, that would give him something to think about – this was exactly the sort of mucking around we had done together before we started kissing and cuddling earlier in the year.
I wasn’t prepared for the effect it would have.
The next person to come down the steps to the beach was Nicky’s mum. She’d gone back to the apartment after doing a bit of shopping and when she saw him, she asked Paul why he was looking so miserable. He must have laid it on thick because she obviously felt sorry for him. ‘That poor boy!’ she said. ‘Do you know that our Paul is trying to get an early plane home, Lindsey, because he’s so upset at you looking to get another boyfriend right under his nose? He can’t stand seeing you with other boys, love.’
I was speechless! Almost.
‘What?’ I said, really offended that I was being portrayed as the villain here. ‘He’s the one with a girlfriend! He’s either seeing me or he’s not – and I thought he wasn’t.’
It turned out that Paul couldn’t get an early flight back to Leeds anyway, but he still acted as if there was a huge drama going on – he locked himself in his room for the rest of the day in a huff. I didn’t know what to make of all this. We hadn’t spoken about ‘us’ all holiday, we’d just had a laugh. Anyway – was there an ‘us’? I had no idea.
He didn’t come out clubbing with us that night but Nicky had told him where we were going. Paul showed up after an hour or so and we all danced and drank as if nothing had happened. On the way back to the apartment, he pulled me behind and took my hand without saying anything. We just walked together in silence for a while. My heart was fluttering even though I was still angry with him for putting the blame on me. We fell further and further behind Nicky, and then Paul stopped. He pulled me towards him, and I thought my heart was going to fly out of my chest.
‘Lindsey,’ he said softly into my ear, ‘I don’t know what’s going on. Do you?’
‘I’ve got even less of a clue than you, Paul,’ I told him. ‘I’m not attached to anyone else. I’m a free agent. You’re the one who has to make a decision.’
‘When I’m with you, everything else goes away. I can be myself. When it’s just us, it’s fantastic – but when I see Gemma, I get confused.’
‘It doesn’t have to be confusing, Paul,’ I told him. ‘It’s pretty straightforward. Just decide. Make your own mind up. Don’t be influenced by anybody else. Don’t …’ I had to stop because he was kissing me. He felt so open to me that night. He wasn’t putting on a show for anyone, he was being completely honest. The problem was that he was always trying to keep other people happy – and in the process ended up making himself unhappy.
That warm Mediterranean night, we kissed and held each other for what seemed like forever. Paul pressed himself against me and I knew what he wanted to happen next, but I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t sleep with him while everything was still uncertain. I’d only known him for about five months, and although that might be ages for some people, I’d had years with Dave and only Dave. I wasn’t going to fall into bed without some guarantee.
We walked back to the apartment. Even though we were going to sleep in the same apartment, it would be in different beds. ‘Lindsey,’ Paul said just as we opened the door. ‘It’s you, Lindsey, I want to be with you.’ I could feel all the hairs on my arms stand up as he said it. ‘I’m going to finish with Gemma once and for all. As soon as we get back to Leeds, that’s it. Then, you and me – we’re a couple.’ He kissed me again and poked me in the ribs, smiling. ‘You can’t hold out forever, Lindsey – look at me. I’m bloody irresistible!’
For the last bit of the holiday, everything was perfect. I told Nicky what had happened, and she acted as if we’d just announced that we’d won the lottery. Paul and I spent all our time together after that, but I still kept it to kissing and cuddling. He was right – to me, he was irresistible. I couldn’t help myself. It was as if I had turned a corner and noticed what was there all along – I was besotted. I wouldn’t let Paul know that though – not yet!
The flight back to Leeds was uneventful but, for me, there was a feeling that something important was about to happen. Paul and I smiled at each other a lot, and Nicky grinned like a Cheshire cat. I knew that the pattern with Gemma and Paul falling out and making up wasn’t going to be an easy one to break, and I might need patience. He’d tried to end it with her before, but now that he had definitely decided that he wanted me, he had a focus. I didn’t feel badly that he was breaking up with her because I’d asked him to. They didn’t seem to be making each other happy and hadn’t for a long time, so they were both going to be better off apart.
When we got off the plane, I told Paul that I would speak to him the following weekend. I didn’t want to be chasing him up every day asking if he had finished with Gemma yet. He’d said he would do it and that was good enough for me. I wanted to give him a bit of space and some time to think about his decision, and then the chance to carry it through the best way he saw fit.
I came out of the arrivals gate and saw Mum and Dad waiting for me with big smiles on their faces. I’d missed them just as much as they’d missed me. Paul had met them informally a few times when he’d picked me up from home, or when he was hanging around with Nicky, but he was just one of the gang then. Now, he was my boyfriend-to-be. As everyone greeted each other, I had an idea.
I wasn’t the kind of girl to have temporary boyfriends, and if Paul was to be my official boyfriend there was something he’d have to do for me. I’d been with Dave for years and part of the reason that worked was that he got on so well with my mum and dad. It was obvious: it was time for Paul to meet my parents properly.
