Читать книгу Seed - Lisa Heathfield - Страница 13

CHAPTER EIGHT

‘I have some good news,’ Papa S says.

He is standing at the head of our tables in the meadow. The grass around us is dry, as Mother Nature hasn’t sent rain for over two weeks. The morning is cold against my back.

‘We are to welcome three new members to Seed.’

No one moves, but surely they feel the same shock as I do. There is only us. This is our family. We are complete, safe from the Outside. But now Papa S wants someone else to come in.

‘Don’t be afraid.’ He smiles warmly at us. ‘I have asked Nature and she has agreed.’

I look at Kindred John. His face is still, but his eyes don’t seem happy. Elizabeth is smiling, but it doesn’t look right.

Papa S motions his hand towards Kindred Smith, who stands up. ‘Mother Nature guided me,’ Kindred Smith begins. He coughs slightly. ‘I have a good friend, Linda. I hadn’t seen her for many years, but then Nature led me to her. Linda needs me. She needs us. Her heart belongs at Seed.’ He is beginning to speak quickly as he spreads his arms wide. ‘She will live here with her two children.’

My mind is stuck. Strangers at Seed.

Elizabeth kisses her palm and faces it towards Kindred Smith. ‘We will welcome them,’ she says softly as she gets up.

Heather stands up next. ‘We will welcome them.’ Her voice is strong in the air.

We all rise. I kiss my palm and face it towards Kindred Smith. His smile is wide.

‘We will welcome them,’ I say with my family. I try to mean it and ignore the doubt that is creeping around me. I look to Papa S, but his mouth is closed and I don’t recognise the expression in his eyes.

*

We watch the car from the window, Kate, Ruby and I. From here it looks so small, like a ladybird crawling closer. Slowly, it creeps up our long drive. We never have visitors and Ruby has gone silent, standing on the chair beside me. Kate’s hands go still in the sink as we hear the rumble of the car’s engine. It comes to a stop outside the main door of our house.

A woman gets out. Her hair is pulled back from her face. Her trousers are blue, her top black, and she looks nervous. Even from here, I can see the bones through her skin. I have never seen anyone who looks so fragile, as though she could break. She bends to talk to someone in the back, just as the front door to Seed opens and Kindred Smith walks out. He is beaming, and the woman seems to relax slightly as he goes towards her. They kiss each other on the cheek.

‘I’m so glad you decided to come.’ Kindred Smith’s words are muffled through the glass.

‘So am I.’ The woman smiles nervously and hesitates, before she opens the back door of her car. A little girl steps out, about the same age as Ruby and Bobby. She doesn’t smile, but her eyes are wide as she looks around at the beauty of Seed.

‘This is Sophie,’ the woman says, and Kindred Smith smiles and bends down and says something so quietly to the girl that I cannot hear.

‘And this is Ellis,’ the woman says as a boy gets out of the car. A boy from the Outside. On the front of his T-shirt is a faded, wide-open mouth with a tongue sticking out. He must be Jack’s age, but he has already grown his hair and his curls fall into his eyes. He puts his hands into his back pockets as he looks at our home. His eyes move slowly across the bricks, the ivy, the windows. Then he’s looking at us. He makes me feel uneasy and I want to duck down under the sink, but I don’t move. He smiles a lazy smile and seems to nod before he looks away.

‘Well,’ Kate says. ‘Look at our new converts.’ She doesn’t seem to notice that her hands are still dunked in the water.

‘She looks nice,’ says Ruby. I think she means Sophie, who has silently taken the woman’s hand as Kindred Smith talks quietly to them all, sweeping his arms across the fields beyond.

‘I’ll show you around,’ I hear him say and they all follow him towards the front door.

The boy still has his hands in his back pockets as he turns to glance at us again. I don’t know why, but I wish I’d already looked away.

‘Ellis,’ says Kate, as she brushes a sponge around the inside of a mug.

‘It’s a nice name,’ says Ruby.

Kate looks at me, smiling. ‘It certainly is. And he looks like a nice boy, doesn’t he?’

‘Yes, he does,’ I say. ‘It’ll be nice for Jack to have another boy our age.’

‘Oh, Pearl, please,’ Kate says. And I can’t tell whether she’s angry or laughing.

‘Are they really coming to stay?’ Ruby asks.

Just then, the kitchen door opens and Kindred Smith comes in. The new family are behind him.

‘Ah, some family for you to meet,’ Kindred Smith says. ‘Kate, Pearl, Ruby, this is Linda, Ellis and Sophie. They are our new family members.’

‘I’m Kate. It’s nice to meet you,’ Kate says, looking at Ellis.

‘You too,’ he says. His voice is low and soft. Hearing it makes my skin tingle, like I’ve been out in the sun too long. He turns to look at me. ‘Hello,’ he says. It’s strange, because I don’t really know what to say. Maybe it’s because his hair is already longer, it makes me awkward, unsure of who he is.

‘So, are you Ruby, or Pearl?’ He has a funny smile on his lips.

‘Pearl,’ I manage. I suddenly wish I’d had just a few more months to let my hair grow as long as Kate’s.

‘Hi, Sophie,’ Ruby says. ‘Will you sleep in our room?’ I know that Ruby is staring at Sophie’s dress with butterflies all over it. I can’t tell whether she’s envious, or confused.

‘Do you want to show her your room?’ Kindred Smith asks.

‘Will she not be sharing with me?’ Linda looks unsure. From this close, I can see dry patches of skin on her face. They look sore.

‘The older women sleep in different rooms.’ Kindred Smith touches her arm, and it seems to melt her hesitation.

‘It will be fun to share with other children, won’t it?’ Linda asks Sophie. The little girl doesn’t say a word, doesn’t even nod her head. She just looks at her mother with those wide eyes.

‘I’ll show you,’ says Ruby, and she reaches for Sophie’s hand. Before the little girl has time to realise it, they’re walking out of the room. Her mother’s smile looks a bit forced, as though she’s trying too hard to relax. Mother. Sophie knows her true mother. There’s a rush of something in me, but I know it is dark, so I push it away.

‘So, Ellis,’ says Kate. ‘Where do you think you’ll sleep?’ There’s a crackle of unease in the air. Kindred Smith stares at Kate. If she notices the look he gives her, she doesn’t show it. Her smile remains and Ellis looks right at her.

‘I’ll go where I’m told,’ he says, his own smile twinkling.

‘Right then, I’d better tell you.’ Kindred Smith does a funny sort of laugh. ‘Pearl, you can show Linda where her room is.’ Then he turns to Linda. ‘When you’ve unpacked your car, Pearl can show you where to park it, round the back. Then you can give the key to me.’

‘Oh,’ she says.

Kindred Smith smiles at her. ‘We don’t want the key to get lost. It’s a big house.’

‘Of course,’ Linda says, but she twists her hair nervously in her fingers as she looks out of the window towards her car waiting in the drive.

‘And do you have telephones?’ Kindred Smith asks. ‘Obviously we don’t use them at Seed.’

Linda looks flustered. ‘It’s in here,’ she says, as she reaches into the small brown bag hanging by her hip. She pulls out a black telephone. I’ve seen people from the Outside use them at the market, but it feels wrong to have one in our home. Nature has said that they block out her voice.

‘Ellis?’ Kindred Smith holds out his empty hand towards him.

‘Are you serious?’ the boy asks. He’s looking at his mother.

‘We’ve talked about this,’ she says quietly.

Kindred Smith laughs lightly. ‘I’ll keep it safe.’

I watch as Ellis takes his telephone from his pocket and reluctantly puts it into Kindred Smith’s palm.

‘We could show you around when you’ve seen your room,’ Kate says to Ellis.

‘OK,’ he says.

I just stare at him. A stranger in our home. But he looks different from the boys I see at the market. And I don’t want to turn away from him like I do from them.

Kate is left in the kitchen as we go upstairs. Kindred Smith and Ellis continue up to the top of the house, where the boys and Kindreds sleep. I take Linda into the room next to ours. Heather is making up the spare bed in the corner.

‘I saw you come up the drive,’ she says, as she goes up to hug Linda. ‘Welcome.’

‘Thank you.’ Linda’s cheeks blush red. For a moment, I’m worried that she’ll let herself cry.

‘Shall I leave Linda here with you?’ I ask Heather as she turns back to the bed. ‘Kate and I are going to show Ellis around.’

‘Ellis?’

‘He’s my son,’ Linda says.

Heather shakes the bedsheet and it cracks in the air.

‘He’s about Jack’s age,’ I say.

Heather nods. ‘Well, you’d better go and help him settle in,’ she says, as she tucks the sheet under the heavy mattress. ‘I’ll stay with you, Linda. You can come with me to the cows and help me with the milking.’ But her words are almost lost to me, as I’m already out of the bedroom and running down the stairs, two at a time.

I stand by the back door, waiting. I’m holding my sandals in my hand, feeling the bristles of the doormat on my bare feet. There’s a bird, a wood pigeon I think, making shapes in the sky. It lifts and swoops, a smudge of brown against the blue.

‘You were quick.’ It’s Ellis.

‘Yes,’ I say. There’s something about his eyes, as though he’s seeing right into me. I touch the thin strap of my top. Does he notice that I’m wearing a skirt?

‘Where are you going to show me first?’ he asks.

I wonder if I should wait for Kate, but I’m not sure where she is. ‘Does Sophie want to come too?’ I ask.

‘I think she’s with the other little girl.’

‘Ruby.’

His eyelashes are a deep beetle-black, much darker than Jack’s.

‘Let’s go, then?’

It’s a question and the only reply I can give is to start walking. We go across the gravel of the drive, the stones wincing my feet. I don’t let it show, though. And anyway, the grass is only a few steps away.

‘I’ll show you the barn first,’ I finally say. ‘It’s where you’ll probably be working.’

‘Mum didn’t say anything about working,’ Ellis says.

‘Everyone works here.’ How can he expect otherwise? ‘It’s good work. Jack loves it.’

Ellis glances at me. ‘Who’s Jack?’

‘One of us.’ The grass is dry between my toes. ‘You’ll meet him now, I should think.’

I’m feeling a bit annoyed and I don’t know why. Suddenly, I’m not so sure I want these new people here. I know I shouldn’t feel like this, because Papa S says we must welcome them. And I should willingly let them share in the beauty of Seed. But just this second, I don’t feel like it. I want us all to be left alone.

So I don’t say another word and then we’re pushing through the big, rusting doors, into the banging and clattering of the work barn.

‘Impressive,’ Ellis says as he looks around him, and I warm to him once more.

Instantly, I see Jack. He’s looking at a green car’s engine with Kindred John, pointing something out to him. The bonnet of the car is hooked open above their heads.

‘Come on,’ I say to Ellis and he follows me, past the chaos and tables of oily springs and machine parts.

‘Hi, Jack,’ I have to say as he hasn’t even noticed us. His eyes are so focused on the ticking metal in front of him. He looks up and sees Ellis, and for a second he seems confused. ‘This is Ellis. The boy who’s come to live here.’

‘Oh, hello.’ Jack reaches out to shake Ellis’s hand, but must realise that his skin is dirty from the work and so he just shrugs lightly and smiles. ‘I’m glad you’re here.’ If he is unsure about this boy from the Outside, he doesn’t show it.

‘And this is Kindred John,’ I say.

Kindred John wipes his hands on an old cloth slung over his shoulder. ‘Welcome,’ he says, as he shakes hands with Ellis. ‘Do you want to join us?’

‘I’m showing him around,’ I say too quickly.

‘Yeah, I think I’ll put off working as long as possible.’ Ellis laughs. But none of us do. We know that laziness disintegrates the soul.

Who are these people who Kindred Smith has brought into our home? And why do I not want to walk away? I can feel the air of Outside trickling off Ellis and yet I stay, standing by him.

‘We won’t be long,’ I say to Kindred John, but he’s already turned back to the engine.

‘See you later,’ Jack says, and something passes between them that tells me they will be friends.

It’s quieter when we leave the barn. The whirr and knocking of the machines is behind us as we start to walk through the meadow. I glance at Ellis’s T-shirt, at his clothes from the Outside. They look so wrong. And they confuse me because somehow I want to touch them. They make me have questions I cannot ask.

‘It’s nice here,’ Ellis says.

The long grass brushes against my legs and I’m so proud to show him our home. ‘It’s the most beautiful place in the world,’ I say.

‘Have you travelled?’

‘No,’ I say. ‘I just know it is.’ He’s unsettled me again and I don’t know why.

‘Well, I’ve lived in enough places,’ Ellis says. ‘And here is definitely one of the most beautiful.’ He smiles at me and then looks up at the huge arc of sky above us. ‘It’s certainly better than where we’ve just come from.’

‘You’re lucky. Papa S rarely lets people from the Outside into Seed.’

‘Mum was desperate to come here after she bumped into that Smith guy, but he didn’t think we’d be allowed. It took him a while to persuade your leader.’ Ellis laughs lightly. ‘I think because my mum and Smith knew each other when they were young, you know, it kind of convinced him.’

The thought of Kindred Smith actually living on the Outside feels so wrong. I try to imagine him as a boy, but my mind won’t let me.

‘When she met him again, it was the first time I’d seen her happy in years.’ Ellis drifts his hand through the top of the long grass.

Kate is calling to us. We stop as she walks across the meadow. She doesn’t run.

‘You went without me,’ she says when she reaches us, but she’s smiling.

‘I didn’t know where you’d got to,’ I say.

‘Where are we going?’ she asks.

‘The lake?’ I suggest.

‘It’ll be perfect today.’

‘Lead the way then,’ Ellis says. So we do.

We walk through the strawberry field, rather than around it, carefully stepping in a line over the rows of squat plants. The straw is scratchy on my feet and I tread carefully, not wanting rotten strawberries to squelch between my toes.

Kate stops and touches Ellis’s elbow. ‘Here,’ she says, bending down and reaching under the soft leaves. She passes him a perfectly ripe strawberry. ‘Try this. I bet you’ve never tasted one like it.’

Ellis puts it whole into his mouth and we watch as his jaw moves. He’s smiling as he eats. He swallows and wipes the juice from his lips. ‘I think you might be right,’ he says.

We keep walking and take him through the vegetable garden. Elizabeth is picking some runner beans.

‘Elizabeth,’ I say, rushing over to her. ‘This is Ellis. He’s come to live with us.’ I’m speaking too quickly, dizzy in the sunny air.

She smiles at me, then kisses her palm and reaches out to touch Ellis’s chest. ‘You are very welcome,’ she says.

‘Thank you,’ Ellis replies. I wonder if he thinks she looks like me. Maybe I’ll ask him later.

‘We’re going to show him the lake,’ Kate says, picking a green bean and crunching it raw into her mouth.

‘Hey,’ Elizabeth laughs, gently slapping her hand away. ‘These are for evening meal. In fact, when you’ve shown Ellis the lake, you’d better come back and help me. The gooseberries need picking and sieving.’

‘It’s Pearl’s turn for that,’ Kate says. ‘I definitely did them the last time.’

It’s one of the tasks none of us likes. The gooseberry thorns are sharp and long. Then there’s the pushing them through the sieve to get rid of the skins. I try not to think badly of it, but it always seems a lot of work for very little to eat.

‘I could help you, Pearl,’ Ellis says. I hadn’t been expecting it and I feel my cheeks redden. ‘You’d have to teach me how to do it, though.’

‘You’ll be needed in the work barn,’ Kate says.

‘Talking here won’t get anything done,’ Elizabeth interrupts. She rubs the base of her back.

‘Come on,’ says Kate, and she pulls lightly on Ellis’s arm. I think I should stay and help Elizabeth, but there’s something about Ellis that makes me want to be close to him. Something I don’t understand. So the three of us walk out from the vegetable garden, over the field and into the shade of the trees that hide our lake.

We walk without speaking. There’s just the sound of dry leaves under our feet. When we get to the lake, I watch Ellis’s eyes and I know that he’s impressed. How could he not be? Surely there’s nowhere on the Outside like this. The water is still as ice, patterned with striking sky blue and deepest greens. Patches of bugs hover and swoop and fly.

Ellis nods his head slowly as he looks around him. Kate and I are watching him as he bends down and picks a thick, flat piece of grass. He puts his thumbs hard on either side of it and brings it to his lips. A high, raspy call fills the air and shoots through the forest.

I stare at him. Did I just hear Mother Nature?

‘How did you do that?’ Kate asks. She seems uncertain of him, suddenly.

‘You’ve never seen anyone blow grass before?’ He’s chuckling at us. And I realise now that it’s a trick. Mother Nature wasn’t working with him after all. And why would she? This strange boy with long hair has an edge that makes me mistrust him.

‘No,’ I say strongly. I bet there’s plenty at Seed he’s never seen before. Things much more magical than making grass sing.

Ellis’s expression changes slightly. ‘Have you lived here all your lives?’ he asks. I don’t think he’s mocking us now. He seems curious. The change in him confuses me.

‘Of course,’ I say.

‘Yes,’ says Kate, more quietly.

‘So you were born here?’

‘Yes.’

‘So, whose mum is whose?’

It’s only a few words, but they make my thoughts stumble. So it’s Kate who speaks. ‘Papa S says that Nature is our Mother.’

‘What, you grew out of the ground?’ Ellis laughs, but when he looks at me, his expression changes. ‘Do you not know who your real mum is?’

A knot of anger is building in me. ‘We don’t need to know,’ I say. But I know that’s not true. Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to know. It’s forbidden, but it pulls me, and almost every time I’m with Elizabeth, I long to really be hers.

‘Teach me how you do that,’ Kate interrupts, pointing to the grass in Ellis’s hand. He looks at me briefly. I think he’s worried that he’s upset me, so I hold my head high and smile at him.

‘Here.’ Ellis bends down and picks two more pieces of grass. His hand touches mine as he passes one to me. ‘Put your thumbs like this. Hold them down hard. Leave a little gap, though.’ He reaches over and separates Kate’s thumbs slightly. She doesn’t say a word. ‘Then bring them up to your mouth and blow gently.’

We do as he says. All I can hear is my breath, but straight away from Kate there is a high-pitched sound – faint, but definitely there.

‘I did it,’ she says, laughing.

‘Do it again,’ Ellis says, so she does. And this time it’s louder, a confident call to the birds. She doesn’t stop. Her head is tipped up to the treetops, her thumbs and lips making music.

‘You try again, Pearl.’ Ellis isn’t looking at Kate. He’s watching me. ‘It’s easy.’

So I do. I press my thumbs hard onto the flat strip of grass, and watch as the skin around my nails turns blotchy white and red. I want to be able to do it. I want to show Ellis that I can make the grass sing too.

‘Like this,’ he says, and I copy him as he puts his grass to his mouth. I blow gently against my skin, and the sound makes me jump. So sudden, so definite. A higher sound, it stretches up from my piece of grass and snakes off through the trees.

We stand like this, calling to Nature, trying to change the sounds we make. Our own, strange tune.

Eventually Kate throws her piece of grass down. She takes off her sandals, walks to the bank of the lake and sits to dangle her feet in the cool water.

‘Come and sit down, Ellis,’ she says. ‘I want to know about you.’ He seems a bit surprised, but he walks over to her and takes off his shoes and socks. I put my piece of grass in my pocket and follow them.

The water sends a bolt of cold through my feet.

‘It’s freezing!’ Ellis says, dipping his toes in and out.

‘You’ll get used to it,’ Kate laughs.

‘Wait until you swim in it,’ I say.

‘I don’t think I’ll ever do that.’

‘You will.’ I smile at him. But he’s staring at his feet in the water, keeping them down. It’s strange that it feels so right that he’s here.

‘So, where do you come from?’ Kate asks him. She pulls her hair back and drapes it over her shoulder, tips her head slightly to shield her eyes from the sun.

Ellis keeps looking at the water. ‘Near Southampton, most recently,’ he says.

‘Where’s that?’ It’s only a small question, but when he glances at me, his eyes have changed again.

‘You don’t know where Southampton is?’ He’s not laughing at me. It’s something more than that.

‘No,’ I reply, looking at Kate.

‘How are we meant to know if we’ve never left here?’ Her voice is strong as she glares at him.

‘What do you mean, you’ve never left here?’

‘What don’t you understand?’ She pulls her feet out from the water and starts to dry them with her hands.

‘We go to the market,’ I say. I don’t like the way he’s looking at us, a sort of mixture of disbelief and pity. ‘We don’t need anything else.’

‘How do you know what you need if you’ve never seen it?’ He’s taken his feet from the water too. He’s trying to pull his socks back on, but they’re sticking to his skin.

‘If it’s so great out there, how come you’re here?’ Kate’s leaning towards him, making him look straight into her eyes.

‘Fair point,’ he says and shrugs his shoulders. ‘I guess at least I don’t have to go to school.’

‘What’s school?’ Kate asks.

Ellis has got that look again. ‘Have you seriously never been to school?’ he asks.

Kate and I don’t answer him. He knows what we’d reply.

‘It’s a place you have to go to learn things.’

‘Then school is here,’ I tell him. ‘We learn everything we need.’

‘I don’t know whether to feel jealous or sorry for you,’ Ellis says. I can tell by his eyes that he’s not being cruel.

‘I know I’m happy for you that you’ve come to Seed,’ I say, summoning a smile for him.

We’re silent again. We watch Ellis tying the laces on his shoes.

‘So why are you here, then?’ I finally ask.

‘I told you. That Smith guy makes my mum happy.’

‘What do you mean?’ Kate asks.

Ellis clears his throat. ‘She says it all makes sense, now she’s met him again. That this is what will make her better.’

‘Better from what?’

‘She’s been in a bad way.’ He’s looking at the ground, scratching the dry mud with his fingers. ‘Smith said he’d help her.’

‘He will,’ I tell him. ‘We will.’

‘What was wrong with her?’ Kate asks.

I think that Ellis is uncomfortable. He picks up a piece of grass, rolls it tight between his fingers. ‘She’s been really down, that’s all.’

‘She’ll be happy here.’ I want to touch Ellis’s arm, to reassure him.

‘But why was she in a bad way?’ Kate won’t leave him alone. ‘Is that what happens on the Outside?’

‘It does to people who’ve got a dad like mine.’ Ellis seems to say it to himself.

‘Your dad?’

Ellis stands up, brushing leaves from his jeans. ‘Aren’t I meant to be in the work barn?’

I think Kate has finished her questions because she gets up, sandals in her hands. As she makes her way out of the woods, we follow.

I watched the red car as it drove up the long, winding drive. A woman got out, a girl, a young man. And I wanted to shout to them and break my window glass. Run! I wanted to scream. Run while you still can. But my dry mouth stayed clamped shut.

Flickers of memories reach me. They lick around my shadow and slip inside. My mother, my sister and me, driving up that drive. But before, before that. In a shop, where I had wanted the blue shoes with the rainbow strap. My weary mother and the stranger who came up.

‘Are you all right?’ he had asked her.

‘I’m fine,’ she answered. But she wasn’t, and somehow he knew.

‘You look unhappy,’ he said, and touched her arm. He was younger than my mother. His face was warm and handsome, but already I didn’t like him.

‘I’m fine,’ she said again.

‘Really?’ He persisted. ‘I can help you.’ And that was all it took.

The next day, we were driving up this same drive, with everything we owned in the back of our car.

The next day, everything changed.